It’s getting into the home stretch now and the million dollar prize is so close, you can almost smell it. At least, I think that’s the million dollars I smell. It might be the Hippies.
Despite the closeness of the end of the race, this week’s episode was strangely tension-free. Was it because the show tried to pretend that there was actually a chance that one of the teams would be eliminated this late in the game? Pretty much, yeah.
You’ll recall that last week Yolanda and Ray won themselves the “trip of a lifetime” and a night’s stay in a fancy schmancy hotel courtesy of Travelocity™. Even if you didn’t recall, the show was more than happy to repeat this happy news again and again until I had the strangest desire to pick up a Travelocity™ gnome and stab myself through the ear.
Would Ray and Yolanda be refreshed enough from their night’s hotel stay not to succumb to stupid fights about cussing? Would BJ and Tyler be able to use their language skills to maintain their lead? Would Eric and Jeremy be able to stop scratching themselves long enough to come in first again?
We would soon find out as the Hippies ripped open their clue and found out they had to go get a T-Mobile Sidekick™ from an elephant. That’s a T-Mobile Sidekick™ in case you didn’t catch it the first time. When the product placement actually dwarfs the elephants, you know you have a problem.
Yolanda's reaction when she steps in elephant crap.Thankfully, someone must’ve shot the Hippies full of animal sedatives at the elephant park because they were at minimum levels of obnoxiousness. Eric and Jeremy followed closely behind in a taxi full of Winnie the Pooh dolls sponsored by Disney™ and YoRay were last to get there in a hot pink taxi sponsored by Vanish™.
After feeding the elephants and receiving their T-Mobile Sidekick™, the teams found that they had to go to Shibuya Square, which is basically like the Japanese version of Times Square. Giant screens everywhere and sparkly neon things and heavy traffic and a slight possibility of chubby Japanese office workers shouting “Yatta”.
BJ and Tyler were ecstatic because they could speak the language. According to Tyler, he has a Japanese girlfriend (i.e. he watches a lot of anime featuring schoolgirls battling giant robots) who taught him the lingo.
Completely gratuitous product placement. Please buy this.But when they got to the airport, they found they would have to wait a little longer before they could put their Japanese skills to the test. The Frat Girls (nickname courtesy of Ray, theme song courtesy of Yolanda) and YoRay managed to get early flights but the Hippies had to watch from the pink Barbie™ counter as the flight got fully booked and they were left behind.
In Tokyo, The Frats quickly found their way to the square while YoRay floundered in their tiny car (“It’s not Mercedes™ but it’ll do,” Yolanda commented), confused by the signs and the language. “Driving Miss Crazy,” Ray said as he circled around aimlessly with Yolanda in the back trying to get the right directions. Careful, Ray. You don’t want to get Yolanda angry again, do you? I think the Hippies stole her stash so she’s not as mellow as she’s been the last few episodes after all.
The Hippies landed soon after, having enjoyed an enjoyable in-flight movie like the Da Vinci Code™. Their language skills did prove to be an immense benefit and they quickly passed the still lost YoRay. The Samsung™ screens told teams to find Hachiko, which turned out to be a statue of a dog. They do love their cute animal sidekicks in Japan, don’t they?
Next up was a Detour. Teams had to choose between lugging a maiden in a litter to a tea house and delivering a couple of packages on bikes like trainee members of DHL™. The Frats chose the maiden (was there ever any doubt they would?) while the Hippies went for the messenger bikes.
"Hey, you guys think Phil will give me a call once this leg is done?"Eric, of course, made a comment about the maiden being like something out of his naughty fantasies when she popped out of the litter. Eric, we don’t want to hear about your
Hentai fetish. Besides, we all know you and Jeremy are more into
Yaoi.
YoRay finally managed to find the square and the dog, and also did the maiden-carrying. “It’s heavy, I got a Chevy™,” Ray sang as he carried the one end of the litter. Mercedes Benz™ is not amused at your disloyal singing, Ray.
"Do you know which way it is to the Gwen Stefani video shoot?"The teams went to a hotel where they had to sleep in capsules that looked rather like LG™ microwaves. As they got in, Eric and Jeremy hoped they wouldn’t suddenly wake up in 1972.
They didn’t, and neither did the Hippies wake up in 1969 where real hippies could kick their ass for being posers. Not that that would happen since hippies are like pacifists and all but still. Instead, the teams woke up in 2005 (or whenever this season was filmed) and went to find the Fujikiyu amusement park.
"We're so broke, we have to sleep in washing machines."Each team had a departure time separated by fifteen minutes but the Hippies soon managed to catch up to the Frats who originally had fifteen minutes on them. They passed Mount Fuji, the famous mountain overlooking Tokyo and sponsored by Fujifilm™.
YoRay, who were already in last place, merely fell further behind when they got lost and had to stop at a Denny’s™ for some directions. Even worse, they lost their ticket for the toll and wasted even more time looking for it. Luckily, a friendly, balding guy stopped to sell them his ticket and pat Ray on the bum. Looks like it’s not just the Frats and the Australians who are oversexed.
The Roadblock was a real doozy. As Phil put it, the chosen contestant would have to brave the strain and adrenaline rush of three rides, all the while keeping their composure enough to spot a sign that said where they had to go next. Boy, going on a couple of carnival rides; what an intense and difficult experience. So many obstacles. What if someone drops their cotton candy on the rollercoaster? Or isn’t tall enough to clear the “You must be this high to ride” barrier? Oh, the drama!
As Tyler and Jeremy got on the first ride, the former worried that he was suddenly regurgitating his crickets. There’s a pleasant image, cricket vomit raining down below. Jeremy muttered that Tyler was an idiot. Not the wittiest remark but I can’t say I disapprove. On the second ride, Tyler decided to pull an oh-so-clever gambit and try and confuse Jeremy by convincing him that he had spotted the sign.
"My god, Tyler! Did you just throw up crickets on that poor woman?"If you remember the Hippies’ brilliantly inept attempts at sowing the seeds of discord between MoJo and the Frats, you should have a pretty good idea of how Tyler’s plan turned out. The Hippies aren’t exactly cut out for Machiavellian puppet mastery. Jeremy spotted the sign on the third ride, and Tyler’s scheme imploded. And here’s me thinking the overly cutesy wink would’ve sealed the deal.
A little while later, YoRay arrived there with Yolanda all pissy about his driving. Lord, Ray, you didn’t give anyone the finger when they overtook you, did you? Watch the cussing! A few carnival rides was just what Yolanda needed to smile again and remove any potential stick-like objects which may have been finding their way up her buttocks.
This is what Yolanda thinks about Ray's driving.The Frats and the Hippies raced to the Yamanaka lake (sponsored by Valpre™) where they got on a swan boat and paddled to the giant duck boat (sponsored by Toilet Duck™) which was the Pit Stop for the leg. It was a close contest but against all expectations, the Hippies just managed to beat the Frats to win a…something. A cruise courtesy of Travelocity™? A lifetime’s supply of Duracell™ batteries? I can’t even remember anymore, I’m all sponsored out.
The thrilling swan boat race. Wait, no. I do remember. It was our old friend T-Mobile Sidekick™. Meh, unless they’re delivered by the elephants, I’m really not interested.
YoRay arrived last but since when is any team eliminated when there are only three of them left? Phil relieved them of their money and possessions. It’s not as bad as it looks. Going through the final leg without the burden of backpacks may actually be an advantage.
Next week: The Big One. One of these teams will win a million bucks. More importantly, it’s the last time I ever have to see the Hippies ever.