Original Episode Airdate: 29 March 2007
It is a holiday weekend on Wisteria Lane. Bree and Orson are going on their honeymoon. Gabrielle and Lynette are going a spa vacation. Tom is going on a camping trip with the kids. And Susan is going on a quiet romantic getaway with Ian. But things don't go as planned. Tom calls with an emergency, and Lynette has to go help him. While at the airport, Bree sees Andrew on television featured as a homeless teenager which cuts short her honeymoon. Gabrielle runs into John. And Susan is still insecure about if she's cheating on Mike.
Orson is planning the perfect honeymoon with Bree. Their flight is about to leave so Bree rushed Orson off to go get the coffee, while his gone on the Airports Plasma, a news story about Homeless Teens comes up- and who’s the star for tonight’s show- Andrew van de Kamp; Bree’s son who she kicked out and left at a gas station 7 months ago. A passenger makes a comment about whoever’s that boys mother shouldn’t be a parent, when Orson comes back, Bree cancels the Honeymoon plan, however Orson insists that a honeymoon away would be the best thing now so she can think calmly.
Orson: Bree, what's the matter?
Bree: A reporter just did a story on homeless teens, and my son was one of them.
Orson: Oh, my God. Well, we'll call child welfare the minute we get to the resort.
Bree: Orson, you can't imagine that we're still going!
Orson: Darling, the tickets are non-refundable.
Bree: My son is eating out of dumpsters!
Orson: Yes, but think how much better you'll be able to deal with this crisis after a nice, relaxing...
Bree: Orson! My child is in trouble. Don't make me choose between the two of you, because believe me, you will lose
Irrational Bree tells Orson no and that if he’s going to make her choose between her children and him, his going to loose. Bree cancels the Honeymoon to go and find Andrew and Orson realizes that ‘The Honeymoon’s Over’.
Suddenly everyone hates Wisteria Lane (gee even the cast is getting bored of it) and decide to go away on holiday, it’s a Holiday Weekend. Everyone is packing up and hoping to get away from it all. Can you blame them- Wisteria Lane: Where Drama, Murder, Affairs, Black Babies With Chinese Mommies, Love Children, Coma Vicitms, Divorcees, and Sluts live. Now everyone is packing hoping to get away from it all.
Lynette is running away from growing tension in her marriage and she is mad at Tom because they are slowly running out of money and he barely looks for a job with the added stress of Nora.
Gabrielle was getting away from bitter divorce. And Lynette is going with her.
Susan is calling the hospital and giving them her number in case Mike wakes up. She is going away with Ian. She is running away from guilt as she still feels like she is cheating on Mike with Ian but still makes the comment:
Susan: Oh and incase your wondering the weekend away is platonic.
Julie: They weren’t wondering.
Bree is trying to find where Andrew is. Danielle (gasp she has a daughter again!!) is mad at Bree because it is all her fault.
Bree: Some reporter. All she could tell me was what neighborhood they found him in. They don't have any contact information, no phone number, no address.
Orson: If he had an address, he would not be homeless
I don’t think Orson knew what kind of family her was marrying into now he gets a taste about their hidden secret. It suddenly makes alleged wife killer Orson look like a goody good Teletubbie. Bree confesses to Orson that she left him on the side of the road because he was destroying her life. Bree and Orson go together to find Andrew and Danielle says that her boyfriend got shot right in front of her. Bree promises to Orson that she will tell him everything in the car. Can you imagine the regret Orson must have been thinking about why the hell he must of married into a whack family!
Danielle: You know, Andrew is not the only one having a rough year. I'm the one whose boyfriend got shot right in front of her.
(Orson looks at Bree stunned) Bree: (to Orson) We'll... talk in the car.
Lynette is with Gabby on a spa vacation and they are having a massage. Gabby can’t seem to shut up and rambles on before Lynette tells her to shut it. Tom calls Gabrielle on her cell phone to contact Lynette. Tom says that he has a back problem and he can’t control the kids and now he can’t even move.
Tom: I can barely sit up. The kids are running wild. I need you to come up here.
Lynette: Why don't you take a muscle relaxer?
Tom: I've already taken two, they're not working.
Lynette: Well, why don't you give them to the kids?
Tom: Lynette! ... Parker! For the last time, put DOWN the DAMN AXE!
Lynette: Oh... alright, I'll be there as soon as I can.
….. ….. …..
Lynette: God, I hate my life
Gabby: I know, I wouldn't trade with you for anything
Susan is with Ian- they going on a weekend away to Ian’s very large mountain cabin up in the country. Susan goes upstairs to unpack but she mistakenly takes Ian’s suitcase and it is full of condoms (how much sex can you expect to have one weekend- rhetorical question!) while he got hers and it is full of sexy lingerie. They exchange the suitcases and hide pathetically in their rooms because of their embarrassment.
Lynette returned home for a car so she can pick up Tom but Nora is there waiting for her and she wants to go with Lynette too. Lynette needs to drive now with her because her car got impounded.
Due to Lynette sudden departure Gabby is forced to spend the last night of her spa vacation having dinner alone. She is completely calm but gets nervous when she sees everybody happy around her and she’s the only one alone. There seems to be only couples around her, even a pair of rabbits together- so sweet.
(After seeing everyone in pairs) Gabby: What is this freakin' Noah's Ark?
On her way out she runs into John Roland (the garden boy from Season 1).
Bree is looking for her son in of the downtown areas of the city were all the prostitutes are. She asks a horribly looking transvestite Pearly Gates for help and he/she point out to kitchen on the corner where everybody gets food for low prices.
Bree: Thank you Miss…
Transvestite: Miss Gates. Pearly Gates. Because no one can get to heaven without going through me.
Susan and Ian are having a romantic chat by the fire and they exchange details. They kiss. Ian confesses that Jane was the only woman he was ever with. Susan finds it hilarious and when Ian asks her how many guys has she been with, Susan confesses to being with 9 guys. Ian is a bit shocked and judges her. She admits she was shocked because it was 11and she lowered the number to 9 and his shocked. She then tells him that that number is not so bad for a women her age. Ian then asks how old she is and she rushes off to her room angry. Now Ian you should know better than to ask a Desperate Housewife her age!
Ian: Well you know my number, it's only fair. Is it more than three?
Susan: Nine
Ian: Please tell me you're answering in German...
Susan: Nine lovers is not a lot! Nine lovers does not make me a slut!
Ian: Why are you getting upset?
Susan: Because it was really 11 and I knocked off 2 and you're still judging me!
Ian: I'm not judging you it's just... Did you work in the recording industry?
(She leaves) Ian: Where are you going?
Susan: To bed! Alone! You know, it's always something I wanted to try, but I've never got around.
John is with Gabby and it turns out that he has a company of his own and he is pretty rich- My how John Roland the 16 Year Old Gardner who was obsessed with Love has changed so much. His looking so much more mature. John calls her Gabrielle for the first time and she seduces him. Guess it just took that to get Gabby turn on!
Its Road Trip with Lynette and Nora. Gee infact Lynette’s in a car 90% of this episode. Lynette is driving with Nora. Nora is eating some crackers and the cracking sound goes on her nerves and she messes Lynette’s car.
Lynette: My favorite game is counting all the things I'm dying to say to you, but I don't...like...pipe down you annoying nutjob. I'd never say that.
Lynette finally says all the things to Nora and Nora punches the wheel and they almost go into oncoming traffic. Gosh Nora is really irritating me. She’s worse than the damn outfit she was sacked in this week! Lynette is pissed off and says to Nora if she wants to kill herself that is fine but she wants Nora to leave her alone. Nora is angry and demands to jump out of the car. Lynette finally stops and she hitch-hikes and goes with a truck driver.
Julie, who has grown up quite nicely. New hairstyle and possible love interest with Edie’s nephew… okay anyways Julie is doing her science project which looks like it’s a model of Wisteria Lane and is driven by wind power, anyways she some how manages to trip the light. But fails to check the switch so stops by, by Edie’s house- like Edie knows anything about electricity. However Austin’s home and offers a helping hand to fix the problem.
Ian: (Knocking on her bedroom door) Susan, can I come in?
Susan: I'm with a client. Take a number
Susan is still mad at Ian and he knocks on the door. He comes in and he seduces her with his horrible English accent which seems to turn Susan on. They start kissing again. Then they start to talk again and he again started to pick her on eleven of her lovers and she gets mad at him again.
Bree is at the kitchen looking for Andrew and she finds him there. He is still mad at her and runs away from her.
Lynette is driving alone and enjoying herself when she see Whora on the side of the road. She says that the guy grabbed her boobs so she hit him and got out. Lynette then allows her to come into car and Nora wants to hit home.
Nora: You think I'm crazy.
Lynette: No! You're colourful... Colourful in a way that might respond to medication !
Nora says to Lynette that she is too strict and though. And tells her that Tom hates advertising and he wouldn’t tell her because he is afraid of her.
Austin is fixing a fuse box and he calls Julie to see what he is doing. He fixes it and they start flirting but then Edie comes in, god knows how she knew Austin was there or how she got in. Edit then tells Austin to go home and fix her a drink. She wants a CD player she loaned Susan before they got bitchy, which was when? Julie says that she took it to hospital for Mike. Edie tells Julie to stay away from her nephew, but Julie tells her she has no interest in Austin, but Edie tells her that’s what all good girls say before they go bad- she did the same.
John and Gaby have just had sex and are in the bed. John’s phone rings and he answers it and freaks out. After he hangs up he tells Gabby that she has to leave because his fiancé is on her way to here. He explains to her that his fiancé’s father is an owner of Sinclair hotels and if she catches them both his career is over. Gabby wants to meet her thought.
Gabby: How could you do this to me? I never would've let you seduce me if I knew you were getting married!
John: Well you didn't have any problems sleeping with me when you were married.
Gabby: You knew about Carlos, my cheating was upfront and honest!
And then she is already at the door. He opens and lets her in. First we don’t see Gabby and he wants to get her out the room, she looks in the closet for space for her stuff, and complains its not enough. Then goes and lays on the bed and admits that she’s horny and wants to have sex but he needs to get rid of the suitcase. When she asks why he tells her that the zipper stuck. He takes it to elevator but then his fiancé comes with Gabrielle’s watch and asks whose it is. He lies and tells her that he bought it but he didn’t have a time to wrap it. She kisses him and the elevator with the suitcase goes down alone.
The 2nd Wonder of
Desperate Housewives, the first being why Dougray Scott is still on the show, It turns out that Gabrielle is in the suitcase. And after elevator stops a couple walks in and she starts to whisper if John is there. Finally she releases herself free and comes out still looking gorgeous, how Eva Longoria fitted in there is beneath me.
(Gabby gets out of the suitcase she's been hiding in.)
Gabby: (leaving the elevator) Don't laugh. I saved a bundle on airfare.
Susan is sleeping but she hears the piano. She goes downstairs and sits next to Ian. She presses her finger on his lips because she doesn’t want him to say anything because the music is wonderful and his horrid British accent and the trash that comes from his mouth just ruins everything. They kiss again.
Bree is working in her garden. Orson tries to tell her that Andrew will return but she is certain that he won’t. She thinks that she failed them as a mother. Marcia Cross really perfects the scene. How anyone get away looking lovely in green is beneath me. Oh and her acting abilities were superb in this scene aswell as she cries softly to herself as Orson gets inside and sees through the window that Bree is crying.
At the very exclusive spa Gabby is having breakfast alone, and John walks by and returns the watch. Gabby tells him that she is single now and wants to pursue something with John, but John tells her that it has to end…everything between them. He finally tells her goodbye and Gabby comes to the realisation that she will be alone.
Orson goes to find Andrew. He finds him and gives him $50,00 and he says that he will give him fifty more if he will go with him to have lunch. They start to talk and Andrew figures out that he is Bree’s new husband when he knows Andrew’s name. He confesses that he had done things for money that he isn’t proud of. Orson tells him to return home … he is just hurting himself and Bree even more. Orson tells Andrew that I [Orson] know about rage. I know how it eats you up. But rage goes away, and when it does, you're just left with the mess you've made. Could Orson be secretly revealing his rage to Alma and what happened? Speaking of which its touch and go with this Alma story. Seems to have take a backseat in tonight’s episode. Andrew leaves after he takes his lunch. Orson tells him that if he changes his mind he will know where to return.
Lynette finally picked Tom. He is still having a back problem. Lynette tells him that he can find something besides advertising. Lynette plays good wife and tells him that whatever he does he will support him in it.
Edie came to the hospital to take her CD player back from Mike’s room and steal some chocolates. She starts to talk with Mike and can’t resist but has to look under his sheet. If I had any doubts that Edie Brit was a slut, it just got confirmed right now. She then says: “Damn that is with the coma.” She starts to leave but turns again and sees something…
My favorite part of the episode; MAVO comes on to give us a lesson in this week’s theme.
We all carry something with us. Of course, it's nice if we travel with someone who can help lighten the load. We see Lynette returning home with Tom and helps carrying his stuff.
But usually, it's easier to just drop what we've been carrying, so we can get home that much sooner... We see Andrew dropping his stuff outside his home coming home to a shocked Bree.
Assuming, of course, there will be someone there to greet us when we arrive. We see Gabby coming home to an empty house.
Why do we clutch at this baggage, even when we're desperate to move on? We see Susan and Ian together after they’ve just had sex.
Because we all know there's a chance... we might let go too soon. We see Edie at the hospital and Mike just woke up from his coma.
So what did you think about our first desperate holiday?
Read Previous Recaps:3x01 Listen to the Rain on the Roof3x02 It Takes Two