EPISODE SEVEN
The inevitability of every evil thing that's happening is all Bruce's fault. After being so annoyed with him last week during the recap I never thought I'd want to slap him more than I did - but I do!
How he could possibly choose to side with such a bunch of patronising, scum-fest, cruel Pigs is beyond me.
My worst was when Shane herded them all together to gloat about who they were voting out and Bruce so appallingly said: "Thank you for including me," Urgh. This, just after he'd been so transparently lied to by Shane and Aras telling him he's the leader and "senior member of the tribe."
The smirky shine of their faces as they said it was stabbing it was so horrible. It just re-emphasises what a load of rubbish all that karate Bruce does is - if he were a real warrior like Uma Thurman is in Kill Bill he'd never put up with their twisted nastiness and would
need revenge pronto.
The grim Casaya onslaught started when the two tribes merged into Gitanos after La Mina received a boat and letter telling them to leave their camp. Just before this Courtney and Shane had a rumble about Shane elbowing her out of bed, after which they officially ended their alliance.
As soon as they spotted Terry, Austin and Nick arriving their broken tryst was quickly forgotten as they stuffed down as much rice as they could stomach so they didn't have share it with La Mina.
Yet again, the only one in Casaya who handled things with class was Cirie, who manages to make everything she does with them seem totally fine.
Meanwhile over at Exile Island Sally Socks had a half-hearted look for the hidden Idol before returning to the merged tribe to exaggerated welcomes and cheers.
They got food, drink, paints and a flag to celebrate the merge which everyone tucked into while pretending they were one big happy family. Bruce painted the flag, Aras bemoaned greeding-out on the rice and he and Austen shared a homo-erotic hug.
From there Terry made various attempts to get Bruce on La Mina's side and everyone spent the rest of the time stroking as many egos as possible.
Casaya then got La Mina to build them a shelter and while they were busy building it Nick almost saved the day by machete-ing Bruce. Hehe - Nick's such a goodie two-shoes that the torture he went through was clearly very heartfelt - which yet again highlighted how annoying Bruce is.
Yes it could have been lethal and much worse than what it was, but it wasn't.
When Bruce spoke about it and said it was fine, he just
had to mention that his head could have been chopped off so that Nick would feel extra guilty, as if he wasn't feeling it enough already.
Luckily he couldn't big it up more 'cos shortly afterwards a long poem arrived calling them to the Immunity Challenge. Hanging upside down on a pole sucks a lot so I don't blame the Casaya bunch for copping out of it as soon as possible.
True to form Shane behaved like an arsehole when he tried to convince Jeff that he had enough energy to win the challenge but would give it up if there were promises of food. Jeffsipoo fiercely having none of it was worth the irritation though.
The showdown between Nick and Terry was fun too, espesh feeling the degree of confidence Terry inspires. The moment he shut the world out by closing his eyes you could see him making up his mind to win no matter what and just knew he would.
Seeing him turn into a cheesy salesman trying to convince Cirie and Shane to join La Mina was cringeworthily terrible. He did exactly what he needed to do though and by the time he'd finished I felt fully satisfied that he'd tried every possible thing to try to save his side.
The way both Cirie and Shane responded was fair I thought. Cirie had a laugh about it but it wasn't mean and Shane saying what Terry was up to was his only his choice was very surprising - I really thought he was gonna make fun of him.
As for Austen's scene about deliberately dropping out to make as if he's weaker than he is - I reckon it was a convenient story to spin. He wasn't in the mood to try harder, he knew Terry would hang on as long as he needed to and decided the most impressive way of getting out of it was to deliver the script he did.
Him telling them what he'd done at Tribal Council was so unbelievably thick I just can't believe he'd have done it if he wasn't after some credit as a fiction writer. If it's all true then his telling them the truth has to go down as one of the densest Survivor deathwishes ever.
And so it was Casaya's alliance stayed shatterproof, they stuck with whacking Nick and the rest of La Mina now face a very vulnerable and predictably doomed future.
There is juicy hope in the hidden Idol though. There was something about the next week's promo and the idea of the Idol coming into play that gave me goosebumps it was so thrilling in the sneakiness it suggests.
Bring on next week and let it work some kickbutt magic!