EPISODE FIVESeeing La Mina get back some of their strength was fab and was made extra-better by the fact that Cirie’s under no threat at Casaya whatsoever. Clearly there’s no need to stress about her ‘cos everyone loathes everyone else so much they’ve forgotten their previous promises to whack her.
As she sat sweetly listening to them discussing whether to vote out Bobby or Bruce I was chortling away happily - not only is she immune from their ruthless radar but she’s also managed to wangle being regarded as a crucial part of their alliance without them even knowing it.
As for Bobby being eliminated, I didn’t feel anything one way or the other as far as he was concerned. I got that why he wanted to hurl on them all for being such Pigs but the fact that he drank their wine and coerced Bruce into doing the same was the most pathetic thing he ever could have done.
If he really wanted to fight to be there until the merge so he could flop and give us some juicy action he’d never have done what he did, which means that Danielle was right when she said he was selfish.
The action that led to Bob Dog’s demise began with La Mina returning from Tribal Council pretending they were all sorry they’d suffocated Ruth-Marie while Sally Socks gloated about them choosing her to stay instead.
Over at Casaya Aras patronisingly chided Bruce as if he were a two-year old when Bruce decided he needed a zen rock garden instead of helping to build a fire.
On one hand Aras was right about them needing to focus on doing stuff together for the benefit of everybody but on the other the way he handled it was too appalling. He didn’t begin to acknowledge that the reason Bruce so desperately wanted to escape into his Buddha was because of how smackworthy they all smell, which was the very reason Bruce and Bobby preferred getting comatose in the toilet.
Things have to be seriously disgusting for Casa del Charmin to be the best place going and that Aras doesn’t realize this and do something about it makes the leadership he’s currently trying to secure very misguided.
One thing he did accurately realise though was that Bobby’s a fierce competitor and super-strong ally when he’s on your side - he kicked some serious butt in that Reward Challenge. He was directly responsible for them winning it by annihilating those fish heads without terrifying me into thinking he was gonna chop off his fingers. I was freaking for them as they chopped, except for him as confidently aced it for them.
My bestest moment of the challenge was Jeff mentioning that someone was in a snaffu. I’ve never heard the word in my life and reckon it’s a most brilliant way of describing a mega dilemma faced when trying to survive. Try using it in all sorts of survivey sentences and you’ll see what I mean.
It’s not a word that Terry will ever need to use obviously. How’s his mind for being so unbelievably super-sorted and invincible? He really, really inspires such a sense of confidence that he knows exactly what he’s doing in every single moment that it freaks my brain. How do you possibly get to be that bionic when you’re just a regular person like everyone else?
The intriguing thing is that in everything he does you can fully see why he’s not only a pilot, but a jetting, fighting one. Also, the way he turns every obstacle into an advantage is excellent. The hysterical thing is that Casaya are so pathetic that they think they’re being clever by sending him to Exile Island when all they’re doing is giving him major extra ammo, status and opportunity.
Not once have any of them begun to think about the consequences of what would happen if he found the idol. They’d have been much wiser to send bean-sicko’s Austen and Nick to the island over the past two weeks - they’d have returned way more exhausted which would hinder Terry much more.
While Terry enjoyed Exile Island by lighting fires and getting sustenance from the fruits he discovered, La Mina got the runs from their rice and beans and Casaya ate their reward fish as rubbery sushi rubbish. I honestly don’t understand what the appeal of sushi is. I’ll eat when it’s around to look fancy and pretend I’m hip but the only way I manage it is if I smother it in that hot green stuff so I can’t taste it.
Next it was off to their Immunity Challenge where they had to dive for skull puzzle pieces which looked so exhausting I almost collapsed watching. I really do have a very hectic pycho-phobic response to watching people do such terrible things in water.
It’s not that I can’t swim or don’t enjoy it, it’s just the thought of doing anything but a slow casual freestyle across a heated swimming pool suffocates me into uncontrollable gasping.
As a result, I have big respect for the way both tribes attacked the task and despite Casaya being such a bunch of tossers, Shane was annoyingly right when he said that they pull together when they need to. Luckily it wasn’t enough for them to beat La Mina though and the tables were turned, which hopefully marks a turning point against Casaya’s domination.
They’ve got so many issues amongst them that I don’t see how it can’t. There was also the trailer showing Danielle and Courtney turning against Shane, which means they’re going lose further concentration. Of course the trailers always lie to set us up for what’s not going to happen so if Shane’s comeuppance does happen next it’ll be a surprise.
The trouble is, as much as I want Shane’s creepy Gollumnesque body to suffer a painful stabbing, I can’t stand Danielle or Courtney either so in a battle of wills between them I don’t care who kills who. The only way to resolve who’s side I’m going to be on is to stick with Cirie and do what she does.
It’s such a kooky thing that you could get to know a bunch of people and yet there’s one amongst them that you can relate to so much better than everyone else. Like you know if you were with them you’d feel so comfy you could trust it’s fine to just be you.
How does that happen and why isn’t it like this with everybody?