EPISODE THIRTEENIt’s the strangest thing ‘cos even though I’ve been on the Linz’s side throughout the race I never expected I’d feel as oddly out of sorts as I do after the finale and their win.
My tear-fest began when them and the Bransens read that final “This is it. Go, go, go!” clue. It’s just such a groovy phrase that captures the moment they’re in and absolutely everything they’ve been through to get to it so perfectly that hearing it made me cry.
Then as the Linz’s raced in as a victorious family there was something about it that seemed deeper than some of the couple teams we’ve seen win previously. I think I was a bit envious that brothers and sisters could feel as united as they did and that I’ve never experienced anything like it.
Then, in came the Bransens in their second position and I was much more disappointed that they didn't win than I imagined I would be. As things heated up I was rooting for them big time and was convinced they could do it right up until the very end of the Linz’s finishing the map first. While they were doing it I kept thinking the Bransens were ahead - I thought a big blue space on the Linz’s map was a gap instead of a state.
The way the Bransens have pulled together over the course of the race and the fact that Wally’s proved himself to be such a stand-up Harrison Ford type dad moved me deeply ‘cos I can just imagine it must be super having that kind of relationship with one, which I also have never had.
As a result of all this by the time the Weavers straggled in in third place and got the crappy, unenthusiastic hand-clap from the rest of racers I was verry ready to get hysterical in delight and enjoyed every moment of their loserdom and pain.
What I want to know is if they’ve been praying as madly as they have and they didn’t win - surely, surely this proves Jesus doesn’t exist??
I mean logically, looking at it like that - how do you possibly reconcile things without reaching this conclusion? Unless of course he does and knows just how evil they really are and let the Linz’s win because they’re better people.
Or it could be that Jesus decided on the Linz’s as winners because out of all the teams they’re the biggest and strongest and have the heaftiest guy to girl ratio. This was a big reason I was upset for the Bransens because they really did amazingly with their slight boned wisps and huffy father battling the power machines that are the McConaughey's.
Also, seeing the kid losers welcoming them in – argh, sorry, just quickly, but I remembered why the Ghaghan gremlins needed such a slap seeing them again! - seeing the kids at the finish line like that highlighted just how impossible it was for any of those family teams to have won.
You could split the Linz’s into two teams and partner any of them up in any combo and they’d each be a TAR couple powerhouse in a regular TAR season. You could never do that with teams like the Gaghans or Blacks or Schroeders though, which made the playing field uneven and ultimately unfair.
All of it left me feeling that there should have been an age limit - like a family had to have a certain number of kids under a certain age or none of them should have had them at all.
As much I can’t stand saying it, it’s also partly responsible for how the Weavers ended up. Even though Rolly seemed to grow up by at least two or three years he was no match for the Linz boys ever. In fact seeing that rough and tumble that happened between him and one of the Linz’s in the clips from last week freaked me - even though Rolly needs to man-up he’s essentially still a youngster which none of the Linz’s are.
That said, I had nooo sympathy for the Weavers when they came in last, espesh when they made it all a sob story about their father again. They need such a huge slap for how they've milked their personal tragedy and at the end I defs thought they weren’t being honest at all and were crying purely out of disappointment at how things ended.
Speaking of not being honest - how was the Linz dude (I still don’t know them apart properly) when he said he wished they could share the million bucks with the Bransens? Hehe - it was soo blind because of course they could have if they wished it. The way the Bransens handled it was cool though, espesh Wally, when he said he was proud of them as a parent.
The way the Bransen girls responded to the one’s muttered announcement that she was moving out of home or something was sweet too and highlighted the huge diffs between them and the clapping, whooping Godboobies who seemed slightly happier having spent time apart.
Seeing all the other teams waiting for them was very funny and cringeworthy as per and the only ones I was genuinely happy to see where the Paolo’s. I also very much enjoyed seeing the clips of them in the beginning bit where Phil went through the race and of course had no clue who some of the teams were.
The things they got up to in the finale leg were cool too - particularly that humdinging rapid ride and the map. How did they possibly, possibly know where all the pieces go? I know it must be different for American’s but still, I’d have no clue how to do that if it was for every state of South Africa.
Their acing it was very impressive and I reckon the Bransens could have won if they’d just not chosen that stupid shoe Detour. The moment they chose it I knew it was a mistake. It’s incredible how those Detours are so similar to driving in traffic - like do you rather take the quicker route and sit in gridlock or do you take the longest one, keep moving and feel as if you’re actually doing something constructive? I always prefer the latter, even if it doesn’t help.
I don’t know if it definitely would have helped them choosing the yacht-flag thing instead, but maybe. At least they won that car earlier which is what I kept thinking as they all balled their eyes out.
Being so firmly on their side didn’t mean I wasn’t pleased for the Linz’s though. They’ve raced a fierce, strong and consistent race and had lots of entertaining and funny moments. I suppose the thing of it is that, except for Megan, the guys weren't changed by the experience at all and when teams are it always makes me want to see them being fully rewarded for it.
While many have said that this family season hasn’t been as good as previous seasons I’ve realized that there has been one very different thing to it which is that it’s defs changed me in certain ways. It’s really made me understand the concept of family - especially bigger ones - and why they’re so important to people generally.