The first season of Desperate Housewives comes to an end on SABC3 tonight and coming up in the episode:
Episode 23: One Wonderful Day
Mary Alice's reason for suicide will be revealed.
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To get into the mood for the action that's gonna go down I thought it would be a trip to jot down quotes from across the season. Here are some classics:
Mary Alice (talking about her body being found): For a moment Mrs Huber stood motionless in her kitchen grief stricken by this senseless tragedy ... but only for a moment. If there was one thing Mrs Huber was known for it was her ability to look on the bright side.
Lynette: The man's gotten me pregnant three times in three years, I wish he was having sex with someone else.
Mary Alice (when introducing Edie): Susan had met the enemy, and she was a slut.
Julie: When was the last time you had sex?
[Susan stops what she's doing]
Julie: Are you mad that I asked?
Susan: No, I'm just trying to remember.
Susan: I'm adorable crazy - he's rampage crazy. (talking about Zach to Julie)
Bree: Rex cries after he ejaculates. (Bree at the dinner party)
Gabrielle (to John) Love isn't enough. Where would we live? Here? With your roommates? The only decoration in the bathroom is a bong!
Bree (to Rex): If you think I'm going to discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labelled chicks and dudes, you're out of your mind.
Martha Huber: Susan, have you been able to find old clothes for Edie? She has nothing to wear.
Susan: I thought that was the look she was going for.
Martha Huber: Edie may be trash but she's still a human being.
Susan: I've lived with this bitterness so long I think I'd be lonely without it.
Edie: I hate Susan Meyer. Everytime I see those big doe eyes of hers I swear I just want to go out and shoot a deer.
Bree: (To Andrew in the strip club): Andrew, I'm curious. When you fantasise about this woman, do you ever stop to think how she came to be on this runway? That's someone's little girl. And that someone probably had a lot of dreams for her. Dreams that did not include a thong ... and a pole.
Carlos: It's business. Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives.
Gabrielle: Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my ass.
Carlos: I made over $200,000 with him last week. If he wants to grab your ass, you let him.
Rex (to Bree): I hate the bizarre way your hair doesn't move.
Mama Solis: Family should always hug, regardless of how they feel about each other.
Bree: Rex? What is it?
Rex: I think I’m having a heart attack.
Bree: No, you’re not.
Susan: That's how it is with me, a guy just smiles at me three times and I'm picking out wedding china. I'm a mess.
Lynette: But to be fair that's part of your charm.
Bree: I love sex. I love everything about it: the sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then when you add friction. Mmm. The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently. And then there's the act itself; two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum. I mean obviously it has its practical applications but I'm just not a fan.
Paul (wanting to sell his house): Will I have to tell them about my wife's death in the house?
Edie: Yeah. Legal crap. People get really freaked out by suicides. Hell, I get the willies just standing here.
Paul: Is there any other option?
Edie: Well, you could say that she shot herself in the house, then crawled out back to die.
Susan: Hey, Edie!
Edie: Wow, get a load of you. You look so pretty. I hardly recognise you.
Lynette: I love my kids so much. I'm so sorry they have me as a mother.
Carlos: We're shallow people. Can our lives have any meaning if all we do is buy stuff?
Gabrielle: That depends on what we buy.
Bree (to Rex): Why don't you just call up your mystery woman and invite her over. I'll just pull out the sofa bed and you can take her right there. (Yelling) Andrew, Danielle, Daddy's going to fornicate for us.
Mary Alice: Edie didn't like worrying, she felt it gave her wrinkles, so out of concern for her face and Mrs Huber, Edie decided to find out what was going on.
Bree: You shouldn't listen to a woman who's just had her heart broken. We tend to lie.
Bree (to John): My daughter is planning on giving you her virginity and I would consider it a personal favour if you wouldn't take it.
Edie ("consoling" Susan after her break-up with Mike): I still have every intention of sleeping with him. Some mountains are meant to be climbed.
Bree: Good friends offer to help in a crisis, great friends don't take no for an answer.
Bree: You have to hand it to the Catholics, they do grief better than anyone.
Lynette: Am I a bad person?
Tom: No, why do you say that?
Lynette: I just have it in my head that only bad people break up marriages and offend the handicapped.
Gabrielle: Some people kiss their friends, it's like a high-five on the lips!
Gabrielle: How was school?
John: I got an A minus in biology
Gabrielle: Show me what you you learned.
Tom: The boys are getting older and smarter and eventually they're gonna figure out that they outnumber us, and then...
Lynette: We're screwed.
Gabrielle: I'm married to him and unable to shop, which is probably the worst of all possible worlds.
Susan: Okay. Look, uh, I, I just haven't always treated you well, and I want to make amends.
Edie: Hm. I still think you're full of crap.
Lynette (to Edie): You're basically a predator and I need some advice.
Gabrielle: Yeah, I’ve seen who you’ve been busy with.
John: Danielle? Come on, I mean, she’s just a friend.
Gabrielle: Well, before you get any friendlier, let me remind you, I can do things to you she can’t even pronounce.
Bree: This is the most impoverished neighbourhood in the city. Trust me, someone will steal the car.
Rex: How can you be so sure?
Bree: Because I have faith in the poor.
Rex: Look at you... going out?
Bree: Not that it's any of your business, but I have a date.
Rex: A date... what kind of date?
Bree: Rex, I don't want to say anything that might upset you. The doctor said any more stress could cause another heart attack.
[pause]
Bree: It's a romantic date with a single, attractive man and I intend to french the hell out of him.
Bree: George, do you have an erection?
George: I’m sorry.
Bree: What on earth?
George: You were blowing on my ear.
Bree: I was teasing you.
George: Exactly.
Bree: You have got to get rid of it. There are children present.
George: How?
Bree: I don’t know. Um, um think of something unpleasant.
George: Like what?
Bree: Like famine, or disease, or hobos. Whatever. Just hurry.
Edie (responding to being asked out on a date): Oh honey, you are so far out of your league that you're playing a completely different sport.
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If you hear any humdingers in tonights episode or have any from the season please spill them. As for what's what next week: Las Vegas makes a comeback for a fourth season.
My fave quote:
Carlos: We're shallow people. Can our lives have any meaning if all we do is buy stuff?
Gabrielle: That depends on what we buy.