The castaways could barely believe that Mook was gone instead of Alex. Earl berated his allies for choosing to split the vote between Alex and Mook, because now they had to deal with a slippery weasel of the lawyer-liest variety as opposed to a plain old mook. Alex himself could barely believe he was still in the game and had to grope himself just to make sure he was still all there.
After a few experimental bum squeezes, Alex accepted he was still around and got to plotting his next move. He decided it was time to go into Ninja mode. Would he end up stalking everyone else and killing them with a few well-placed Ninja stars? Nothing nearly so dramatic. Ninja mode was basically stealth mode: lay low and pray someone screws up badly enough that you can take advantage.
The Four Horsemen may be no more, but in case you’re missing alliance nicknames, Earl christened his alliance with Yau-Man, Cassandra and Dreamz the Core Four. I like that better than the Four Horsemen. It’s not nearly as self-important plus I’m a sucker for a good rhyme. Note how I said a good rhyme. Treemail doesn’t count.
While Cassandra and Earl were all on board with the fourth member of the Core Four being Dreamz, Yau had reservations. He pointed out that Dreamz and Cassandra were really close and would probably team up and vote him out. He wanted to take Stacy instead.
I agree it’s a much better move for him. Stacy’s just as goaty as Dreamz but she’s less physical and doesn’t have a friend in the world to help her to the final three. Of course, I wouldn’t have mentioned this to Cassandra but rather taken my concerns to Earl himself. As it stands, Cassandra noted Yau’s long-term strategic thinking and knew she had to be wary of him because he was “in it to win it.” As opposed to everyone else who’s there just to lose weight and get Jeff’s autograph.
The Reward Challenge was meatier than a Black Steer burger. The castaways were tied up and had to collect giant clumps of pork using only their mouths. The scenes that followed were like something out of some zombie cannibal movie or a Mike Tyson bout: people frenziedly tearing into flesh like ravenous piranhas. When it was over, the contestants were covered in grease and bits of meat. Boo’s pile of meat was found to be the heaviest of the bunch so he won not only the usual kind of reward, but something to help him in the Immunity Challenge.
Boo, who had long since lost most of his brain function in a freak lawnmower accident, sent Earl to Exile Island. Yes, do send the person most likely to find the new hidden immunity idol and with the best grasp of strategy to Exile Island. That won’t backfire on you at all.
Boo, along with second- and third-placers Yau-Man and Dreamz, were soon off on a helicopter ride around the islands. They even passed over Exile Island, although no-one took the opportunity to yell, “Suck it, Earl. We’re in a helicopter and you’re on Crap Island.”
On landing, the three of them did a bit of white-water rafting before settling down for a nice meal. I would have liked Jeff to pop out at this point and say, “Oh by the way, hope you enjoy those sandwiches – we made them from the pork you collected.”
Dreamz did not get to enjoy the trip fully because he was so annoyed by Boo’s constant talking. Sure, but does he mention lipgloss at all? That’s how we can truly determine just how bad he is. Dreamz just wanted to go up to him and say, “Will you shut up and stop saying stupid stuff.” Yeah, stop saying stupid stuff, Boo. That’s Dreamz’s job.
Alex caught wind of the animosity towards Boo and soon stepped in to fan the flames. He tried his best to be subtle but it came across more as “Like OMG, you guys, I totally know what you mean about Boo and how annoying he is and how we should just vote him out instead of me. Seriously.”
Alex’s plans to get Boo voted out were scarpered by the Immunity Challenge. Alex almost managed to scoop a win but could not shimmy up a pole fast enough. Boo took the immunity idol instead.
Despite this big setback, Alex was not put off. He did not want to approach anyone to save him because he was sure someone would make the first move for him. Playing hard to get? Someone’s been reading The Rules.
Sure enough, Cassandra popped by for a schmoozing session. Alex suggested she vote out Yau-Man because he would never allow both her and Dreamz to get to the final four. Cassandra was intrigued by his idea. Alex then went to Earl and Dreamz and outlined the same thing.
Earl, as was to be expected, did not entertain any of this for one moment. He pretended to listen, all the while drifting off and occasionally winking at Dreamz. Earl? I know you’re really getting into this all-knowing mastermind thing but cartoonish winking is not the way to go about things. Especially when the person you’re winking at is Dreamz who might as well function as the town crier.
Dreamz immediately went to Alex and Cassandra and was all, “Hear ye, hear ye, Earl winked at me and is having none of your crap.” The three of them considered bringing in Stacy instead, who happily proclaimed her lemming credentials and promised she would follow anyone who asked.
Cassandra and Dreamz seriously considered the Yau vote, and by extension an Earl blindsiding, much to my stomach-churning horror. To make matters worse, Yau was feeling very confident he wouldn’t have to use his immunity idol at Tribal Council.
My nerves were further frayed during TC itself. Earl was getting an awful lot of smug-face-time, which is exactly the kind of thing the editors like to emphasise just before a good blindside. I’m usually a sucker for good blindsides but not this time. Dreamz and Cassandra’s comments did seem to suggest they’d vote Yau.
Finally, they voted. Much to my infinite relief, Dreamz and Cassandra decided to toe the party line. Alex said goodbye and I have to give him props for his nearly-successful attempts at weaseling out of his fate. In his final words, he was all, “Don’t stop believing, kids.” You too can stumble a few steps shy of a million dollars if you don’t stop believing in yourself.
Next week: Yau-Man is in trouble. It follows him around like paramedics follow Boo. A surprise deal is made during some sort of axe-challenge.