Oh CRAP! FUCKITY *bleep!* IN A CRAP SANDWICH!
Bastards voted off Misty!
Stupid La Mina are officially off my Christmas list. I was planning on sending them a nice gift-wrapped sling (as opposed to Casaya to whom I was planning on sending nicotine patches and pepper spray) but now they’re getting coal. No, not even coal because they’d be able to use that in the fire. They get nothing.
The reason for my sudden turn-around on La Mina, who was my favourite tribe last week, was because they decided to vote off the lovely Miss Misty instead of silent, useless-seeming Ruth Marie.
Why did you do that to my girl Misty, La Mina? Whhhhyyyy?
I have decided shift over all my support to Casaya who may suck mostly but they still have Bruce and Cirie.
Bruce especially is a really cool guy. When he came back from Exile Island at the start of this episode, he did not immediately roll his eyes and mock the hippies mercilessly as I would have done. No, instead he nicely referred to them as having “good hearts” before broaching the subject of their utter uselessness.
He immediately showed them a way to purify water without having to use fire – get Shane to stare at it and the parasites will jump out and run away in fear. Courtney was unfamiliar with this method of water purification which is odd seeing as she is a literal trailblazer who has done everything on earth but she gave it her approval when Bruce did not keel over in front of her.
It looked like all Bruce did was filter the water through a buff or something. It doesn’t strike me as a particularly safe way to do things but hey, it’s Bruce. Dude survived as snake bite. And who cares if everyone else on his tribe gets dysentery?
Instead of appreciating Bruce’s survival know-how, Shane called Bruce neurotic. The man who wanted to quit last week, walks as if he’s got something shoved up his ass and comes across as a crack addict looking for his next fix (which may not be that far off from the truth) thinks
Bruce is neurotic? Excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor from all that irony hitting me square in the face.
At La Mina, the tribe was trying to fish after their disastrous loss of a sling. All they could catch was those blower fish which are like super poisonous except for one tiny part. Oh, for a few less rocket experts and a few more sushi chefs on that team.
Terry eventually caught a tiny little fish and the La Minans feasted like kings. Exiled kings imprisoned in London Tower perhaps, but kings nevertheless. With a whole 0.0003 mgs of protein in their system, they went into the Reward Challenge a formidable team to beat indeed.
The RC was for a tarp and some other goodies and had half the members of the team trying to catch a ball slung at them by the other half. Terry and Shane, surprisingly, were the best catchers. I’m thinking he may have misunderstood ‘balls’ as ‘Pall Malls’ with his eagerness to catch them. In the interests of showing La Mina how much they suck for voting her out, I must point out that Misty’s slinging was easily the best.
La Mina won and chose to send Casaya’s godsend Bruce back to Exile Island. Aw man, I know it’s strategy but poor Bruce has suffered there enough. He’s going to have to buy a timeshare if he spends any more time there.
Bruce faced a miserable night as a torrential thunderstorm crashed down around him. Back at Casaya, Courtney referred to his exile as the most evil thing she had ever seen/ Seriously? Miss “I’ve been everywhere and done everything” thinks
that’s the most evil thing ever. Has she never switched on the news? Hell, Bruce’s exile isn’t even the most evil thing this season. That honour belongs to Shane.
Speaking of Shane, he enjoyed yet another trip to Crazytown when he claimed a bit of rock as his “thinking seat”. When his tribemates joked about it with him, he lost it and started screaming at them. “IT’S MINE AND YOU CAN’THAVEIT THIS IS WHERE SHANE THINKS!! GET YOUR OWN THINKINGSEAT THIS IS WHERE I DREAM OF MY SWEET CRACK PIPE, HOW I MISS HER SO!!!”
"Oh, rock. You are my only friend. Whatever would I do without you?"Crack Is Whack then went on a tirade against Courtney calling her a lunatic. Yeah, Courtney’s the one who just got territorial and psycho-eyed over a rock. Beware, Casaya! He calls it his thinking seat because that’s where he thinks up ways to KILL YOU!
Even Aras, he of the hovering hands of fire-starting, realised what an asylum his tribe is. “I am in an alliance with three nutballs,” he complained. Oh, excuse me, Aras. Danielle seems perfectly sane thus far so I think the name you’re looking for of the other nutball rhymes with Carass.
Cirie merely cackled at the thought of her crazy tribemates making their alliance partners miserable. It is rather entertaining in a One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest way.
Things were saner at La Mina as Misty and Sally tried to get the boys on their side using their feminine charms. Sally informed us that with Misty’s Southern flirtatiousness and her boyish charms, they would have Austin and Nick wrapped around their little fingers.
Yeah, I hope they’re wrapped around your little finger tighter than that fishing spear was, Sally. And Misty may have Southern charm but she spent the entire episode looking as if she’d slept in a wasp nest. She’s like an all-you-can-eat insect buffet.
Still, the girls’ plan looked pretty good. After all, Austin was the guy who claimed his strategy would be to flirt with the girls and Nick actually said in his bio he came on the show to meet women. Perfect dupes, right?
We soon learned that Misty’s Southern charms were compelling indeed as even Sally found herself falling for them at one point. “When you talk all girly, you are the cutest thing ever,” Sally said as she gazed into Misty’s giant blue eyes dreamily.
"Gosh, I'm so nervous about asking Misty to the Prom."Damn, whatever Misty’s secret is, I want some bottled and sent to me because that is potent.
Incidentally, it struck me who Misty reminded me of this scene. She looks like Fred from Angel, aka Amy Acker who also appeared in Alias. Observe:
The Immunity Challenge saw the teams wrestling for a pillow. It was way more exciting than it sounds.
I’m surprised Mark Burnett restrained himself from going all the way and making it a mud-wrestling contest so he could gets loads of shots of Misty, Sally and Danielle all wrasslin’ each other. As it stands, he had to be satisfied with the contestants rolling around on top of each other in the sand.
It was a seriously awesome challenge and featured copious amounts of violence, partial nudity, near-choking, tackling and Cirie sitting on people. What more could a TV addict ask for? Everyone put up a good effort but shock of shocks, Casays just won it. Three cheers for Cirie’s sitting ability, hey?
"They'll never get my precious bag, preciousss. It's mine, preciousss. Mine!"The two factions of La Mina mulled over who to send home. Is there even a question? Ruth Marie’s the obvious one, right? Sally and Misty certainly thought so but Dan and Terry weren’t so certain.
“If we’re talking about who should go based on the challenge, I think it should be Misty,” Terry said. Wait, what?! Misty did great at the challenge! She was all tackling and choking people! Did you not see the choking? Ruth Marie’s the one who didn’t run fast enough to escape Bobby and lost them the challenge.
Is everyone here taking crazy pills?!
But no, Terry and Dan continued to plot Misty’s ouster. But…but…why? Ruth Marie’s non existent! Sally lost the spear! Austin wrote a self-published book! Dan is so pale! Aren’t those far better reasons to get rid of someone than being an engineer and all smart and stuff?
Austin and Nick were torn between alliances. Would they choose to get rid of the invisible woman or sweet Misty? Well, considering Ruth Marie didn’t have any airtime even in this episode, the answer was obvious. Misty was done for.
Turning to strategy for a second, I don’t get why Terry thought getting rid of Misty was a better move than voting off Ruth Marie. Yes, Misty’s smart and really nice and thus likely to be a big threat post-merge but at this point he should be playing a pre-merge game and voting off the weakest link on his team. I can’t see Ruth Marie as possibly being better than Misty either physically or mentally.
Was it perhaps because he was aware of Misty and Sally’s attempts to sway Nick and Austin? That’s the only thing that makes sense but I wish then the show had shown this instead of leaving it ambiguous.
Back to the inevitable, terrible vote. Jeff grilled them a bit over the lost sling and sent them off to vote. Nick and Austin chose to vote with Terry and Dan (NO! But how could Misty’s sexy Southern smile fail to entice them?) and poor Misty was voted off for being too smart and sweet or whatever stupid excuse they gave.
She was classy in her exit interview, congratulating them on blindsiding her and wished them luck. Aw, that’s nice of her. Luckily I have enough sour grapes for the both of us.