Austin Carty Official Bio
Don’t be fooled by Austin Carty’s shiny white teeth and carefully tousled hair. He is not an actor, model or most eligible anything, shockingly enough. OK, I lie, he is a model but he’s also an author.
Ooh, that’s a new one. Does this mean he won’t mangle the English language like every other castaway ever? Because if I hear him misuse ‘literally’ when he’s supposed to be a writer, there will be hell to pay.
His first novel Somewhere Beyond Here was published in 2003. Or should I say “published” because I went a-googling and discovered the publisher is one of those self-publishing companies that will print any rubbishy book for a fee.
And really, isn’t it obvious from the crappy cover? Just look at the cheesy cover art and fonts. I do love the tagline: “There is no love deeper than the love between a boy and his mother”. I’ve always wanted to read a novelisation of Psycho though I do hope Austin doesn’t write Norman Bates out of character.
Hold on, turns out Somewhere Beyond Here is actually about some guy called Gray (no doubt gray in characterisation as well as name) who regresses into childhood when his mother contracts cancer. The blurb claims it’s an “inspiring tale” which is code for sappy, sentimental dreck.
There are extracts available if you want to read some of the book’s dull, maudlin prose.But this is beginning to sound like a book review. I’ll step away from mocking Austin’s book and get back to mocking Austin proper. He’s shopping around his two follow-up novels called Storm Of Fireflies (an inspiring tale of an X-Man who uses weather to defeat the crew of a small salvage spaceship called Serenity) and Grays’ Sacrifice (an inspiring tale of a Seattle intern who sacrifices her friend George to the devil in order to get the wavy-haired doctor she loves to kill his wife and be with her).
Austin believes his athleticism, intelligence and strength will help him become sole survivor. If he does, I’m sure he’ll write a semi-autobiographical account of it entitled The Island Of Dreams. His hero is his grandfather because of his faith and integrity (awww) and he is extremely proud of his sister because she is Miss USA Teen (er…yeah).