Oh hell yeah! Finally, someone nasty gets the boot at TC. The contestants got as fed up with that disgusting troglodyte, Jamie, as the audience and booted his no doubt foul-smelling ass to bump chests with BJ in the comfort of Loser Lodge.
It was just as satisfying as I'd hoped it would be. Not only was Jamie the architect of his own demise, but as an added bonus, both he and Judd were completely blindsided. Hopefully next week will see Judd join his troglodyte companion and their touching love (the love of Savage Man and ape, like Tarzan only vomit-inducing) will be allowed to continue.
Was there anything more delicious than watching Jeff read out all those votes for Jamie and watching his and Judd's faces as what was happening sank in? Judd probably crapped himself in horror (and then lied about it, claiming he'd never do something like that, no way, man, what do you think he is anyway? Swear to God, man, somebody else must've done it, not him, no sirree). Sucks to learn that you're not quite the king of the roost that you thought you were, hey Judd?
Jamie showed a brief moment of being a good sport(smanship) when he congratulated the others on blindsiding him so beautifully but then reverted to giant ass Jamie again in his final words where he berated Lydia of all people for lying to him. "It hurts to see good people go bad," the idiot proclaimed as if he was Jesus himself and Lydia Judas. It also hurts when you speak such *bleep!*, Jamie, so shut that gaping maw of yours for once in your life.
This lamebrained statement was just one of many fool things to come out of his mouth that sealed his fate. It was his unending obsession with knowing whether he was going to be voted out is exactly what caused the others to vote him out. Ah, I love the smell of irony in the morning.
At the beginning of the episode when he returned from a TC where he got to see his rival voted off, Jamie nevertheless found something to crow about. He got on Gary's case about voting for Cindy despite the fact that Cindy herself didn't give much of a crap that Gary had voted for her. Paranoia setting in, he proclaimed Gary shady. The fact that Jamie doesn't like Gary is yet another endorsement of Gary in my book.
When Gary failed to get even a little worked up over Jamie's accusations, Jamie took this as a vicious personal attack calling him a liar. Even Judd thought this was the craziest thing he'd ever heard and decalred Jamie to be losing his mind.
I know Gary suggested that Jamie might be hard of hearing, but is there maybe a possibility that Jamie hears a little too much? I mean like voices in his head. Because it's the best explanation that I have for him hearing things that just aren't said. It's one thing to mishear something and get confused, it's quite another to hear an entirely different conversation than what actually takes place.
Jamie's jungle fever continued to worsen as the voices told him to do even more bizarre things. Take the RC where the tribe was split up in teams. Team Ewww (Jamie, Cindy, Lydia and Rafe) lost to Team Slightly Less Ewwww (Gary, Danni, Steph and Judd) because Lydia sucked really badly. You know why she's such a good fishmonger? Because she's an albatross. As Lydia and Cindy stood, panting and defeated in the mud, Jamie shouted that they should finish the course anyway.
Oh not again, Jamie. I thought we went through this that time you stood for five hours trying to cut a rope while the other team sped by you and won the challenge. When you lose a challenge, it's not only not honourable to complete it, it's plain stupid as it's a waste of time and effort. But why would Jamie listen to me? I exist outside the confines of his chaotic mind after all.
Team SLE were helicoptered off to a mansion to be treated to a pool, shower and product-placed coffee. For the girl-lovers among us, the pervy cameramen provided many lingering shots of Danni and Steph's curves (well, Steph's curves and Danni's angles at any rate) as they swam and cavorted in their bikinis. You'd think they had gotten their T&A quota from all those long lingering shots of Danni, Steph and Cindy's twisting through the mud during the RC. Danni described it as "two hot girls taking a shower together," determined to help the pervy cameramen turn this episode into an e-tv late night movie. I like Danni so much, I won't even make fun of her for that "hot girls" comment that's reminiscent of Heidi and Jenna.
What did the pervy cameramen provide for all the boy-lovers among us? Judd skinny-dipping.
AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!!!! THE HORROR, THE HORROR!!!!
I spent the next few minutes recovering from hysterical blindness (though I did recover the use of my eyes to see them drink their morning coffee, and note that Danni looked all kinds of cute having just woken up and wearing a robe to cover her terrifying skinniness) but I heard some intriguing things taking place. Like Steph calling the owner of the mansion they were staying in her "little buddy". For God's sake, he's not Gilligan. Show the dude who's letting you trail mud and body odour all over his mansion some respect.
Even more intriguing was how Gary and Danni tried to convince Steph and Judd to break from the Axis of Evil and join the Axis of Only Partial Evil with them, and how Steph legitimately seemed to consider it. Ooh, I like the sound of this. If Steph does join with Danni and Gary, it might regain some of my long-lost affection for her. Strategically though, I think it's a dumb move because going to the final two with someone like Judd, Jamie or Leechy Lydia would net her that million far easier than going up against Danni or Gary, who everyone seem to like and who play hard.
Still, I was not going to allow this sneaky show to give me false hope again, and I filed this new potential alliance under 'Yeah right, I wish'. It was abundantly clear that Gary was going home unless he won immunity.
Strategy talk over, the next part of the four's reward was videos from home. Awww, daughters. Awww, nephews. Awww, doggies. Awww, wives. So sweet. I am as powerless to resist the cheesy family episodes of Survivor as Judd is to resist booze. Even the worst contestants are made slightly more bearable when I get to see their families. How did a man-ape like Judd beget such an adorable little girl anyway?
This moment of heart-warming mushiness over, the four were sent back to the snakepit. The show continued to try and trick me, lull me into a false sense of hopefullness like it had with Brandon and BJ's exits. Jamie's voices continued to drive him to extreme paranoia. He was worried that Rafe in particular was about to turn on him and spent every waking minute trying to get Rafe's assurance of loyalty.
Rafe, who I believe was planning on sticking with Jamie, got so annoyed that he decided to send a metaphorical "Screw you and your questions. If you really believe so much that I'm planning on voting against you that you can't shut up about it for two seconds, then don't let me disappoint your expectations". He approached Cindy who could find no reason to turn on the Nukem Six at all. How about the reason where you're first on the chopping block once you get down to only six players, dumbass?
Rafe then approached Lydia, who wanted to know whether Steph was in on this because she is Steph's trained monkey who cannot breathe without her master's approval. Shockingly, when Steph was approached, she was very interested. The possibility that Jamie might be voted out increased but I remained stonefaced, the memories of BJ and Brandon's painful eliminations achingly fresh in my mind. Gary was still screwed, and no amount of clever editing was going to change that.
Gary's doom went from probability to utter certainty when he blew a big lead at the IC to lose immunity to Rafe.
Rafe? Spaghetti legs won immunity? The guy who gets lost in the woods and chased by angry hornets has won two challenges and come second in another? Huh. Who knew that Rafe of all people was going to be the one most likely to become an immunity monster?
TC, otherwise known as Gary's doom, came and Jeff asked Judd about said sitting duck. "He's a man's man, man" said Judd of Gary. I think I'm all manned out. Then it was time to vote and a beautiful thing happened and Jamie was voted out. Woohoo!
In an instant, I forgave the show all these cruel weeks of people I like being voted out. Jamie is gone! As an added bonus, Judd's delusions that he is Mr Bigshot on control of the game have been deflated by the crushing reality that Steph owns that tribe and he is merely her goonish flunkie who's so out of the loop that he was the only one besides Jamie not to know how the votes were going to go.
Next week looks good as Judd confronts Steph. Careful, Judd. You may be a musclehead but Steph's the one with all the power and she will crush you like a dung beetle if you cross her.