Dear Desperate Readers,
I can imagine how Desperate you desperate readers must be, since DH3 Recaps has gone on a recent unannounced hiatus. Well I’m back for now- I just had to say something, before someone thought Orson killed me- when in fact I was just ‘away’ and pulling an ala-Alma. Well now I’m back, from cyber space… and now I’ll bring to you this Desperate recap!
Okay well before I start the recap, just to let you know, since the huge, I made big noise about 3x07 BANG episode, Desperate Housewives has been playing it slow with me- and I have not been impressed! So since this last episode was a good episode, I thought it would be great to recap for you guys!
Just to let you know, 3x07 Bang; 3x08 Children and Art; 3x09 Beautiful Little Girls; 3x10 Miracle Song, will all be out soon so you won’t miss a thing.
Oh and by the way- M-Net Series is now screening the 3rd Season of Desperate Housewives on Mondays 19:00. It’s a re-run for those who missed the beginning of the season.
Regards,
You Under Appreciated Voice Over Recapper,
MAVO [Mary Alice Voice Over]
(in real life Charmed_Dude- let’s get real people!)
3x11 No Fits, No Fights, No FeudsOriginal Airdate: 24 May, 2007, 20h30
Due to Marcia Cross’s pregnancy, this season’s storyline got resolved quite early in the season- and I’m not so sure as if I’m happy about it or not. But anyways finally the show is getting somewhere- let’s talk Desperate Housewives.
To understand the beginning of this episode, you must know, that due to Marcia Cross’s now
‘it’s very apparent their hiding her stomach’ pregnancy, (keep an eye out for how they cleverly disguise it), this season’s storyline got resolved quite early in the season, so the writers decided to wrap this season’s storyline up early- and 3x11 No Fights, No Feuds, marks the beginning of this! After last week’s shocking Christmas return- Alma Hodge, the previously presumed ex-wife of Orson returned to the living and is on Wisteria Lane. To understand the journey of Alma Hodge we first need to know how it started. Through flashbacks and MAVO who seems to know Alma quite well, and there I thought they’d made friends in the afterlife, but seems like MAVO just knows too much! Anyways it is revealed that Alma tricked Orson into marriage by getting pregnant and she hoped as they baby grew, so would his feelings for her grow as well. But then she had a miscarriage and the baby she had planned on didn’t arrive. So Alma stayed in an unhappy marriage with Orson, and tried to force love, but it didn’t work and Orson resented Alma.
It was until one day (the flashbacks and intro given in 3x01 when we first learn about Alma) Alma learns that Orson is having an affair when she sees a lipstick stain on his shirt and she ‘broke’ and realised it was time to fly away. We then see Alma leave and a repeat of what we first see when the season started, except now we finally get to see what happened after Orson closes the door. And how anticlimactic it was.
Alma was preparing to leave Orson, and now MAVO decides to share with us, because she wanted Orson to do something like stop her, so she could be affirmed of his love for her, however Orson just wished her luck and went upstairs. Infact Orson was relieved that Alma was leaving him, and even confessed his love for Monique and doesn’t deny the affair and tells her that he deserves to be happy and so does she. He leaves for the work and Alma shouts after him: "Orson, no." Which is why the parrot ended up mimicking the “Orson, no.” phrase which made us believe Orson had killed Alma. So Alma realised Orson had to be punished.
It’s back to the present and Alma Hodge is standing on the road outside Bree’s house and goes to knock on Bree’s door, “Hello Bree, I’m Alma Hodge, and we have something in common, besides Red hair. Orson” Okay It wasn’t what she said- but along the lines.
What aggravates me about this intro, is that MAVO manipulated us to believing with her cryptic commentary and selected shots and scenes that Alma was killed, now basically her intro into Alma is contradicting the Intro given in 3x01.
What really irritated me the most about this week’s episode was Susan and her betrayal of friendship- even gossiping about her own friends behind their back. Susan, Gabrielle and Lynette are having coffee in front of Lynette’s house when Susan tells them that Orson moved back into Bree’s house and about her discovery about the mental institution he was in which is a piece of the puzzle to the fact that Orson murdered Monique and Mike is innocent.
Over at the Van De Hodges, Bree is entertaining Alma with snacks while Alma tells Bree that she was in Winnipeg in Canada this whole time- hiding. She left Orson because he hurt her very badly and she wanted his mistress to think that Orson had killed her so she could punish Orson. She then decided to return because her therapist had suggested that she let go the hate, and in turn was only punishing herself and she wants to come clean. Finally Orson then arrives home to see his ex-wife back from the dead.
Alma: (to Orson) So, what is it with you and redheads?
Gabrielle is still blooming with her relationship and thank goodness the writer have decided to get her out of that damned Children’s Pagent they had her in- which was horrible watching Eva Longoria reduced to that crap. Anyway Gabrielle is having a picnic with Bill at the park in Wisteria Lane, fighting bee’s and dressed to impress, it’s clear Gabby’s not a outside girl, and Carols (who also is being underused on the show) calls her and mocks her. After Carlos moving in on the street a few episodes back (in 3x09 Beautiful Girls) Gabrielle only now, figures out that he moved in across the street where he has been staying with Mike- which is now like Carlos’ house since Mike is in jail and Edie’s ditched him.
The writers also had a Gabby moment of stupidity when they forgot about Kayla, Nora’s daughter- since Lynette did agree to get full custody of Kayla from Nora in 3x07 Bang, since Nora died, there has been no mention or speak of Kayla. Finally she’s here, well her return is now despised. Also the Scavo’s Paedophile storyline against Art seems to have vanished just like Art has, so now Kayla is their new focus. Tom is bringing Kayla home and Lynette tells the boys to behave and make her feel as comfortable as possible, they even go as far as to get her gifts. Hello, did they not forget they had the Heir of Snora for almost 9 months before Nora took a shot to the chest. The little Scavo kids, who I think I am finally warming up to because of their recent slightly less hyperactiveness, give Kayla presents and Lynette gives Kayla her grandmother's doll Nelly. Kayla goes into her room then goes to her room- which was Parker’s. Is it me, or since 3x07 when we last saw Kayla has she grown and become too big for her damn shoes?!
Lord knows how Bree does it, is she all there? But Bree is now serving Alma lunch, I suppose next she’ll insist she move in like she did with Gloria, who is now fled from the scene- it certainly is quiet in the Van De Hodge household without psycho granny Gloria, however Bree, Orson and Alma are eating together and Alma asks him about her bird. Orson tells her that he set it free. He also explains to her what she put him through and she tells him that she forgave him and asks him if they can put this behind them.
Scary-Hatcher Susan borrows Julie’s lipstick because she wants to go down to the jail to tell Mike about the new lawyer. Julie asks her why is she putting all that make up if she is going to a prison- isn’t it obviously Julie dear, Mommy Susan is going to turn the Prison mates straight, or scare them from a possible Prison Breakage
Alma is about to leave and Bree invites her to dinner because she wants her to meet some of her friends. Bree seriously is using any excuse these days to host a dinner party- and only Bree can host a, “My husband’s ex-wife is back, I told you he didn’t kill her” dinner party.
Susan tells lifeless now in jail Mike about the lawyer that Ian has set up for him, and only now Mike regrets trusting Edie and ignoring Susan. He tells her that she is a good friend and they have a brief moment- a small moment, a little too late. Susan then remembers that Ian has forbidden her to see Mike, and she tells him that they can’t see each other anymore. They say a final goodbye to each other.
At dinner time in the Scavo household, Lynette has prepared dinner for the family, sans Tom who is working so hard on that, we don’t see or hear about any more- restaurant Pizza business. Everybody is sitting down but Kayla wants to watch TV because her favourite show is on. This little 6 or 7 year old girl has a favourite primetime show- must be America’s Next Top Model, because Kayla is certainly acting like a diva of the household. She tells Lynette that her- now sixhundred feet under-in hell mommy-- would let her watch TV during dinner- which really isn’t a sin is it? Lynette feels sorry for Kayla and allows it just this once. Her now cured ADD boys see this and follow, but Lynette doesn’t allow this- they are now angry at her for favouring her over them.
Gabrielle and Bill are back from dinner when they arrive at Gaby’s and they see there are flowers waiting for her outside the house. Gaby thinks that its from Bill, but he tells her it isn’t. She immediately suspects its from Carlos when there’s no name and goes to confront him and accuse him of trying to sabotage her relationship with Bill. He mocks her again and she throws flowers at him and leaves.
Carlos: Why would I send you flowers?
Gabrielle: To sabotage my new relationship!
(nods to Bill)
Carlos: Oh, picnic boy? What do I care if you go out with him?
Lynette is upset when she finds her grandmother’s doll Nelly in a trash can all broken and dirty. She tells Tom about it and how she doesn’t listen, when he tells her to treat Kayla like all her other kids.
Tom: I don't want you to be afraid to take a firm hand with Kayla. She is part of our family now and...you know what that means.
Lynette: Yea! I should treat her as badly as I treat my own children.
Just when you thought they forgot about them, they creep back into the episode! Julie and Austin are kissing and he wants to have sex but she is not ready yet and Austin says he understands. But Julie gets the feeling he really did.
Finally the Van De Kamp children speak and have some life again. Julie tells Danielle that and she tells her that she is so lucky because the guy should respect her wishes. Andrew walks in and tells them that guys need sex and throws in Austin is not gay...not even after three beers. He tells Julie that if he is not getting sex from her he will end up getting it from somebody else- which turns out to be true when his getting it from Little Ms. Van De Tramp Danielle.
Danielle: You hold on to your virginity. If Austin won't wait then he doesn't deserve you.
Julie: I just don't want to lose him.
Danielle: It's better than losing your self respect. Take it from a girl who's known at school as 'Little Miss Van De Tramp'...
Julie: I thought you made that up?
Danielle: Only because it was nicer than the other names they were calling me.
Some divine intervention took place on Wisteria Lane and Gabrielle is donating all her old stuff to charity- I think Gaby’s started doing drugs on the side, as this is not Gaby to give all her designer stuff to charity! However Bill is very happy about that. Gaby sees Carlos jogging past and is determined to get to the bottom of who sent the flowers, so she lies to Bill that today is her mother’s birthday so they can stop by the flower shop.
Two Horse Face, Susan calls detective Ridley to be a snitch and tip him off about Orson so Mike can get off the hook, and she tells him about Orson and his affair with Monique. However at the same time, Bree calls Susan to bridge the rift and invites her to dinner where she expects Susan to apologise. Two face cow Susan who really is irritating me now with her betrayal, tells Bree how much her friendship means to her, while two seconds later selling Orson to detective Ridley.
Gabrielle is at the flower shop and asks the florist lady who sent the flowers to the name Solis. She tells her that sender wants to remain anonymous. Gabrielle locks her in the next room and starts going through the order slips to find the name. Bill comes in and asks her what she is doing. When he finds out he breaks up with her and she tells him that she wasn’t even ready for dating anyway...The florist, however, is.
Florist: (to Gabrielle) What’s to explain? A pretty girl gets flowers… do you know many girls never get flowers. I work in a flower shop, I’ve never got any freaking flowers, so stop your whining about who sent them and just be glad… he did
Lynette is at the restaurant with the kids and they are preparing to leave but Kayla didn’t finish her ice cream. Lynette tells her to hurry up but she deliberately eats it very slowly. At this point if I was Lynette I would have shoved the ice cream down her throat and smashed the glass at her face. Sigh. Who knew Kayla, that sweet innocent girl we knew could be such a bitch! Then when Lynette grabs her Kayla starts screaming and tells her that she is not her mommy. She goes to the car with the boys and tells them to get Kayla in the car. They get her out of the restaurant by force and Lynette will award them with one week dinner in front of TV. It’s no officially The War At Home!
Outside in the park, in public, in the open, Julie and Austin are doing rude kissing so then Julie tells Austin she is ready for sex. Firstly, Julie was such a young girl the other day now look at her- secondly, on the damn ground in the park they want to get it on! I really am shocked how Julie’s character has done a complete 360.
Mike is eating lunch in jail and he is talking with his inmates. He tells them that he doesn’t know what he had done and GASP! Paul Young is behind him and tells him that he for one believes him.
Kayla is going to bed and Tom tells her that he heard about the restaurant incident. He asks her why she is so hard on Lynette. Kayla tells him that it is Lynette's fault that Nora died. Tom tells her that that is not true. He tells her that he knows that Nora loved her but Lynette loves her too. Kayla tells him that she will be good but she will never love Lynette, and poor Lynette overhears her.
Gabrielle goes to visit Carlos and tells him that he has won, she and Bill broke up and now she would like Carlos to admit that he had sent the flowers. He tells her that he really didn’t. Carlos pulls a romantic moment out and I just realise that they need to get back together because they make such a good couple in their own little weird way.
Carlos: (to Gabrielle) Gaby if I was gonna send you flowers I wouldn’t send pink roses, I’d send you white orchids, because I know they’re your favourite, and if I wanted to cheer you up… sunflowers, and for the flu, blue irises.
She tells him that it sucks to starts over with someone new and she thinks that she will never find that passion with anyone else again because he is a hard act to follow.
Alma is preparing herself for the dinner and Bree tells her that she doesn’t have to go into all those details about Orson and Monique. Bree goes downstairs to open the door for Susan and Alma injects something into her thigh, which I suspect to be Botox, but some argue drugs.
Bree: Now that we’re all assembled I’d like to introduce the guest of honour. I hope you’ll all be as delighted to meet her as I was. You can come in now.
Alma enters. Bree: Everyone, this is Alma Hodge, Orson’s first wife.
The ladies stare at Bree, then at Alma. Bree: (to Susan) Oh, about that apology, anytime you’re ready.
Everyone is gathered around the dining table and Bree introduces her surprise guest - Alma. Everyone is shocked. Alma tells them her story, and Bree expects her apology from Susan.
Lynette: Well, gotta hand it to her. Just when you think Bree's thrown every conceivable theme party she hosts a Shame on you for thinking my husband killed someone dinner.
Later, they are all preparing for desert. Susan is still suspicious about the Monique story and Gabrielle tells her to let it go. It’s however too late when Detective Ridley is at door and he wants to speak with Orson. Bree finds out that Susan called him and told him about Monique and Orson's affair and Bree tells Susan that their friendship is over. Susan believes that Mike is innocent and tells her that if she just saw the look on his face the other day...Ian hears that and he leaves mad at Susan that she disobeyed him and went to see Mike. Bree points out to Susan that when it comes to Mike there isn't anyone she wouldn't betray. I’m so glad they all confronted Susan! Gabby goes running after Susan while Lynette goes after Bree. Tom and Alma are left at the table, and hilariously, Tom asks Alma about Canada.
Ian is mad at Susan and she tells him that she had to go to tell him about the lawyer. She blurts out that she loves Ian. Ian is happy because Susan said that she loves him for the first time. Ian starts kissing her. Damn the two for making up and Ian still being in the picture and Susan going unpunished!
Austin is in bed and tells his partner that they should stop doing this...having sex. It turns out that his partner is Danielle- the little skanky trash cow. She tells him that Julie doesn’t have to know.
Edie is showing the Applewhite house to the potential buyer. The customer is Alma and she decides to buy the house. Edie asks her why she asked for this particular street. Alma tells her that she wants (all of which is so not true in Wisteria Lane) a place where children know how to behave (we see Kayla standing outside the Scavo house), where people still have some sense of moral value (we see Ms. Van De Tramp Danielle leave Austin’s house looking slutty) and where friendships are good and strong (we see Bree taking out the trash ignoring Susan). Edie tells her that Wisteria Lane is the place for her. Alma says that more than anything, she just wants to fit in. Mary Alice narrates: "Oh, you will, Alma. You absolutely will."