3x06 Sweetheart, I Have to Confess
Original Airdate: Thursday 19 April, 20h30.
It is said that confession is good for the soul. So coming from acts of sabotage last week, Wisteria Lane decides to bare its soul for more cleansing than Bree’s kitchen can handle. Not before I do myself, and might I confess, I’m loving this season!
Right, Edie goes to church? Marc Cherry- you are going to hell. Of course this is not news to my ears, there has been various religious ideals tied to Edie over the course of the series, but to actually see Edie attending church- and once a week- since she was a child- confessing her sins, well that’s down right Blaspheme.
We come from the extreme of sabotage last week, to the extreme of confession this week and Edie is busy asking for forgiveness and from Father O’Malley for her atrocious sins. While most lie and deceive (those are the most common sins on Wisteria Lane), Edie’s busy confessing the kind of themes saved for late night e.TV;
“I seduced the cable guy… Again”
“I’m having an affair with a folk singing duo”
“Last week I let Rabbi Lipton get to third base” We all knew Edie was Wisteria Lane’s resident Slut, but these confessions just assure that theory further. I’m quite surprised the priest hasn’t suffered a heart attack from Edie’s raunchy confessions.
Once Edie was done with her confession, Father O’Malley would tell Edie Brit to go out into the world and sin no more, why he didn’t change that to
“Go out into the world, and don’t remove your Bra no more!”, I don’t know!?! Anyways, you’d think after all these years, week after week, when Edie came back with more raunchier confessions, he’d kind of think; “screw that line”, seeing how Edie doesn’t listen. In fact, Edie didn’t get far from her Confession session before she landed up in Mike’s Hospital Room and sinned once again- yes heterosexual kissing on a homosexual is a sin might I add (in case your wondering what her sin was!)
At least Edie managed this seduction with some art, class and dignity, and some good soft soundtrack to woo the audience towards her… and it worked. We all felt sorry for Edie, because it turns out, while Men are viciously attracted to her (even Rabbi’s too), Mike is the only guy (we’ve heard of) that hasn’t fallen for Ms. Brit and her breasts. So it’s clear, Mike is a homosexual. Well it’s not such a far fetched theory- he did date Susan, didn’t he!
Anyways Edie manages to get Mike to feel sorry for her and plays the ‘Just looks at me and my $2,000 boob job next time I’m getting the mail for Slutty’s Anon. That’s all I ask’ line. And Mike, whose starting to act like a Down syndrome patient with lifeless emotion, Hell he could give the new Belle (Charity Ramer) from Days of our Lives a run for her money- Oh what am I saying-
DOOLA will kill me for this!
Seems like his lifeless acting blinded him to Edie doing a soft and it wasn’t porn, scene where she displays some emotion, and Mike is allured, pulls her in and they make out. Edie, charmed more than ever runs off to tell the world. This is part where, when you have friends, you run off to tell them. But Edie doesn’t- so she runs off to make another same day Confession. I can imagine what the priest must have been thinking he saw her enter again. “Good God, who did she do now?!” Anyways, turns out Edie goes to brag, rather to confess that she made out with Mike, and don’t forget- “And it was great!!”. You’d swear she just had a session with the Orgason-Hodge (
See 3x01). So Edie, how many Hail Many Hoe’s did that land you?
There was nothing Bree Hodge hated more then an unexpected visitor, this was probably because of the fact, that this didn’t allow her to prepare a cuisine lunch or buffet snack, or make sure the house was cleaner that God had intended Domestos to be used! Yes, Bree Hodge hated unexpected visitors, and nothing shocked her more that a knock on her door that day. Some how I get the feeling Bree’s the social misfit of her girlfriends and she’s not allowed to be visited spontaneously and bookings must be done 72 hours in advance.
Can you imagine this phone conversation going on:
SUSAN: Hey Bree, It’s Susan… From across the road.
BREE: Oh Hi Susan. What can I do for you today, better hurry up- I hate hogdging, err hogging the phone line- you never know when the school might be calling to tell me if my daughter’s sleeping with another one of her teachers.
SUSAN: Oh yes, I’m sorry that’s right. Look Bree I won’t be long, but I really need some girlfriend advice, you know, you have been through more marriages, attempts, failures and murderous ones than any of us.
BREE: How charming of you to bring that up while speaking on my phone line. Yes, how may I be off assistance, Susan?
SUSAN: Well you see, Mike. Ummm, I’m afraid Mike is going to break up with me soon, and I really could use some advice and some of your famous Peach Pie.
BREE: Why, of course. But why would you think that?
SUSAN: Well, I’m starting to pick up weight now, so my breasts are getting slightly bigger too- I’m just so afraid Mike find out I am a women and dump me!
BREE: Oh Susan, that’s horrible!
SUSAN: Yea I know…
BREE: Oh no, I mean Lynette thought you were pregnant and we were planning a baby shower- do you know all the work I put into the lunch?!
SUSAN: O, (Speechless) I’m so sorry.
BREE: Not to worry, I’ll save it for when Danielle falls pregnant from sleeping with one of her teachers. I do hope he has strong genes.
SUSAN: Alright Bree, so when can I come over, Is this afternoon a good time?
BREE: Oh no Susan, you know the rule! Hold on… Thursday sounds good.
SUSAN: Tomorrow?
BREE: Oh no, Lynette’s coming over tomorrow. Next Thursday! It’s PTA this afternoon- I’ve got a bottle of Chardonnay opened- both Lynette and I have the feeling we’ll need it!
SUSAN: Alright then, I guess… It’s just that by then, Mike would have discovered his true roots and left me for Tranny Edie.. and I just can’t handle that.
BREE: 2 Minutes Susan, you’ve been hogging the line for two minutes. See you on Thursday. Good day.
Okay back to the episode now;
Bree opens the door to no one other than Carolyn Bigsby. And in case you’ve forgotten- she’s Alma and Orson’s old neighbour who warns Bree against marrying Orson and that his a cold blooded killer. But relax, this is not Days of our Lives where they photocopy the same lines for 3 months, Carolyn comes bearing new lines – and a husband! Turns our Carolyn is forced by her husband to give up this neurotic theory of her about Orson killing Alma and apologies to Bree, however not before Bree resists and doesn’t want to allow Carolyn and her husband Harvey in- probally because she didn’t polish the furniture and if she did let them in, she’d have to give them lunch and the day she polishes the China is tomorrow. Yes, that’s why Bree van de Hodge hates unexpected visitors, so they arrange to do dinner some time.
It appears that while the water is under the bridge, it’s still quite flooding for Bree at least:
Orson: Darling, you are amazing you know that. To rise above all that unpleasantness, to such dignity.
Bree: Thank you Darling. But if you think for one second, that I’m going to break bread with that malicious pill popping shrew- your out of your mind.
Did I mention how much I love Bree and her witty remarks? And on another TV note, cast your minds back to the days of the fat lady on TV- no not Kirsty Alley’s attempt at Television with “Fat Actress” but back to the days of “Roseanne”, you will remember that Laurie Metcalf (Carolyn Bigsby) and Brian Kerwin (Harvey Bigsby) also starred together in “Roseanne” as a couple so their stint together on Desperate Housewives is a mini reunion for the two!
Damn, just when last week I was rejoicing with to the fact that Dougray Scott got the axe off the show, now I see his back! Damn you Marc Cherry, this is the 8th Cardinal Sin of Primetime TV!
Now Ian comes to Susan house looking for her, and Susan probably did the smartest thing she’s done all season- she hid. Then Karen McClusky- gotta love this women- I am really enjoying her, anyways then Mrs. McCluskey comes and does the stupidest thing all season long, and greets Susan aloud, forcing Susan to come out of hiding from the Englishman behind the car!
At least Susan was honest when Ian asks whether she was hiding from him. Seems like Ian came over and has his best intention at heart and is inviting Susan to a party his throwing and that some Publishing Editors will be there- yes I forgot, Susan is currently employed- how else is she paying for all that botox!
Susan isn’t keen on the idea of attending the party, even though Ian allows her to bring a date. Anyways he jumps spectrums and asks about Mike- yes I knew it aswel- Ian is too a homosexual. Yes you heard it, Susan’s exes are turning gay! Yes it’s possible, they all thought she was a man.
So now that Ian is trying to get the low-down and Mike and if that’s really a Tranny or big boned women visit Mike, Susan comments that’s Edie’s just a neighbour who visits Mike after hepatitis C treatments. Susan tells Ian that coming to the party won’t be a very good idea and he leaves and tells her that he at least got to see her and see for himself that she is infact a women!
The Gablos Solis’ are at Lawyers deciding on who gets what with the property, I don’t know if Carlos couldn’t take seeing Gaby in that awful Purple top or slurping up that Red Bull like there’s no tomorrow or what. Anyways Carlos is tried of all it and decides that he doesn’t want to do it no more, gets up and tell the Lawyers to give Gaby whatever she wants, just like that. But Gaby’s too smart and smells something’s up.
Seems like old man Tommy Scavo is really hyped up about this Pizza Parlour idea and it’s not just a storyline of the week. Tom goes out and signs the lease on an old restaurant type place, which is very run down. He does this however without Lynette’s permission or notification- wrong move buddy! Now your in for it. Anyways he brings Lynette over, who looks like she’s come from work, but again, this season we don’t see her at work! Anyways Tom tells Lynette to close her eyes and when she opens it, looks with her imagination not eyes. Which is basically what every human being should do if life when looking at the state of things around us. However it doesn’t work for Lynette who opens her eyes to seeing disaster and a kangaroo-rat rabbit itself across the floor, jumping for dear life. And I assure you, that’s not
Rassie or Raxie who’ve escaped from DOOLA.
Lynette shoots down Tom’s creative ideas for the place and ‘fragile as porcelain’ Tom take is personally as Lynette shooting down his dream and gets very offended. He tells Lynette that he is going to spend the night at the restaurant which looks no better than a homeless shelter, without the homeless people. But anyways, Lynette’s like whatever had leaves, but not before the Door handle breaks. Just showing Tom how dilapidated the place actually is, and then leaves.
Bree is superwomen- she doest sport too? Wow, well Bree has just finish a tennis match with her tennis friend and they order lemonade. Kudos to Desperate Housewives to honouring continuity, unlike the writers or Days of our Lives, remember last week at the dinner table before Andrew came down to tell Bree about Danielle attempting suicide? Remember she was talking about Tish? Yep, nice intro to Tish, anyways Tish walks by and Bree says greets her, but she completely ignores her, but she greets Bree’s tennis friend Rebecca. Bree asks Rebecca what is wrong with everybody and she tells her that Tish is mad at her because she married Orson even after Carolyn warned her about Alma, and that Tish and Carolyn are close friends. If there’s one thing that Bree hates, is her reputation shot down, her image is what she lives for. So Bree goes to the dining area and makes a reservation for The Hodge/Bigsbys in the middle of the room- no doubt for all of the Country Club to see.
Oh my, look, Lynette has children again! In the Scavo’s kitchen, Lynette is packing Toms stuff because he will spend the night in his pizza place with “Jumpy The Kangaroo Rat” which jumps like a Rabbit. Her clan of children except the Toddler, Penny who only comes out on special occasions from the box she was brought in- ask her why is she mad and she tells them that adults can take time out sometimes. Lynette is either the nicest thing ever, or the meanest, as she packs Tom’s suitcase for him then fills it with Fruit Loops- no doubt for Jumpy’s dinner! Snora has trained mini-Snora spy Kayla, who we all believed to be sweet and innocent, to secretly use other people’s phones, run up the bill and fill Snora in with what’s happening at the Scavo’s residents. Kayla tells Nora about Tom sleeping at the restaurant and Nora thanks her. Gosh so young, and she’s already addicted to the phone! Judas!
Still very suspicious of her husband, soon to be ex, Gaby takes special note of a large envelope for Carlos that comes in the mail for him, which he appears to be very secretive about. Carlos locks the envelope out, and to distract him she makes him go take a shower. Gaby is very smart, witty and conniving- so you gotta love her double agent tactics. She steals the key from Carlos’ pocket while his in the shower and runs downstairs to play Moronic Mars and investigate what’s the big envelope about. She faxes it to her lawyer who later tells her that it’s a job contract which is offering $2 Million. Gaby’s little eyes light up with Dollars but her lawyer tells her that she won’t get a cent if she signs the divorce papers before the deal is signed with Carlos. Never fear, and don’t underestimate the power of a desperate housewife, especially is she’s short, latino and hotter than the rest.
However first Gaby has to put everything back when she hears Carlos is done in the shower and get the key back into his pocket. This is a mission because she arrives upstairs Carlos is already changed- back into the same shorts! So Gaby tells him to take it off, telling him that she is going to do laundry- haha, yes I laughed too- Gaby do laundry? Does she even know what a washing machine looks like? I can’t believe Carlos fell for it and stripped down and gave her the pants, while she quickly put the key back, but he then remembered the key and took it from her pocket- Just her luck! Great Gaby, see what you got yourself into- you gotta learn how to do laundry, and you can’t even run over to Bree’s- because she hates unexpected visitors!
Susan very distressed that people are discovering that she is infact a female, so she decides to visit life less Mike with no emotion or acting abilities this season and maybe his ignorance will help her feel better- Yes Susan is in denial about things between her and Mike are History and she walks into Mikes room- opens the curtain to see Edie and Mike doing the nasty on a hospital bed. Okay, which
Gays Anatomy writer joined Desperate Housewives? First Mike goes gay in he hospital and then there’s sex scenes in the hospital?! Anyways at least Susan can see Edie’s all natural and no tranny, Susan runs off in shock, horror and disgust- because she’ll never be able to wear that underwear Edie was wearing. While at the same time Pollenating the hospital with the flowers she brought dropping it everywhere!
Susan returns home with the same depollenated flowers she was freely dispensing in the hospital corridor and she sees Lynette bonding with her old friend Margarita, she managed to sucker McClusky to looking after her clan- ah remember the days when McClusky hated Lynette and her wretched children of the damned? Ah she has come along way and she definitely is getting heaps of screen time this season too! Selfish Susan, after asked by Lynette whether she wants to join her, decides to abandon the cooking for Julie and let her starve and puts her own needs before hers and goes next door to Lynette’s to make friends with Margarita too! If you ask me, Julie is damn lucky Susan didn’t come home to cook- that pack of 2 Min Noodles must have tasted better than any meal Susan could have made! While the two are drinking, this is starting to look like they’re forming their own
DOOLA- Desperate Old Obnoxious Ladies Anon here in Wisteria Lane, Gaby jogs past, sees the two drinking and asks for a Nikki K’s Morning Blue’s Cocktail- oh famous it’s become since its conception at the
Original DOOLA!
The Blow Up Charity case Mike Doll is resurrected in the hospital room, when the Police Detectives manage to track him down after last week, being dumber than the Salem P.D and dialing Mike’s number after some tribal markings were found on the dead women’s hand- Monique- the Police Commander decided it was a number, dialled 1-800-MURDER and whose voicemail did they reach- none other than Murderous Mike O’Amnesia. Seems like Mike is linked to 9/10 murderous relations in Fairview, it might have been a better choice to just assume Mike did it. Anyways the worse acting cops ever come over to the Hospital Room, interrogate Mike- okay I’m lying, I’m just trying to make this scene more interesting. They asked Mike a few questions, showed him a picture- but alas, Mike can’t remember the last two seasons on Desperate Housewives and loving shemale Susan, how will he remember Monique. “No memory, huh? That’s convenient!” More like convenient to the writers who write this storyline in the dark, and so the mystery continues.
The detective who bares some resemblance to Abe Carver from Days, reminds Mike that he has murdered before- and maybe that it was beginners luck. This manages to erect some emotion in Mike who tries to display Anger and tells him to get out of his room. Mike was just jealous because the other cop was checking out Edie’s rack trying to suss out whether it’s real or not.
So dear old Tom is spending the night with ‘Jumpy The Rabbit Jumping Rat’ in his new Pizza Parlour and in walks Snora because she has nothing better to do with her life! Nora decides to woo Tom over and rambles about some mumbo jumbo about how she believes in him etc, etc and brings him some food and wine. Snora may be thick, but she’s thicker that Season 2’s Writers Block! Is she trying to get Tom drunk? Oldest trick in the book. Now cast your mind back to last weeks episode when Snora openly admitted sabotage towards Tom and trying to get him back, Anyways Tom plays the perfect husband, defends Lynette’s motives, Snora sees warning bells, doesn’t wait for the alcohol to pass through his system properly before making a move, camouflaged with some “I believe in you” mumbo jumbo. She then kisses him. Tom freaks out because Snora can’t kiss and he loves Lynette yada yada yada and tells her to leave and that he loves his wife and she shouldn’t of done that- not before Snora did the unspeakable—and drop over a perfectly good bottle of matured wine- yes this horribly would upset
DOOLA. All I can suggest is Snora attend
DOOLA and get some drinking tips and seduction tips from Maxi and Brown Shuga who seems to think love, alcohol and bad lines are married together!
This episode is screaming a million and a half
DOOLA references, but this scene mimicked it the most correctly- drunks sitting around and talking about rubbish. Yes tonight, we will see the ladies of Desperate Housewives get drunk and form their own
DOOLA- Desperate Old Obnoxious Ladies Anon. So outside Lynette’s porch Gaby, Susan and Lynette are sipping away on Irish Whiskey, Nikki K’s Morning Blue’s Cocktail, and Crystal Galore’s Margarita’s like there’s no tomorrow. Of course all actresses are horrible at playing drunk- trust professionals like myself who belong to the original
DOOLA to pick this up!
Then suddenly Wisteria Lane’s oldest couple who broke out from the Old Age Home walk past- at this hour? Shouldn’t they be in bed reading Danielle Steel lusting on the younger days when they had their real teeth? Nope they decide their life is desperate enough, so they’ll walk down Crime Lane, hoping to get run over, murdered, shot, beaten with a blender, held hostage in a basement or shot by SWAT- all of which Wisteria Lane is famous for. However the Old People are unlucky and just witness some brutal effects of alcohol on stup-burban housewives who don’t know the art of alcohol. Gabrielle confesses that Tequila makes her happy, can we hear an Amen for that?! We feel the same Gaby! Lynette points out that the couple have just recently celebrates their 53th Anniversary- hang on old people, anyone together that long needs to down the
special bottle of Absolut DOOLA Vodka or a litre of Nikki K’s Morning Blue Cocktail!
Being drunk, this scene was random so everything was all over the show, including SkeleHatcher’s Manlyness. Gaby confesses that she still loves Carlos and Lynette goes and comments about Carlos being hot, then comments that she is awful about not supporting Tom properly and she will. Thus highlighting the joys of alcohol- it makes everything better- trust the people at
DOOLA to sell you that angle. Susan, now thinks the world, and all storylines revolve around her comes to an epiphany about herself- that she is not only a manly person, but [gasp]Old as well[gasp]. This mortifies Susan especially after she discovers that she will never celebrate her 53th Wedding Anniversary- yup Susan you need a husband before you can think about that- and not only that- but Susan will be in her wee 90s when and if some old blind man should ever marry her!
Susan then goes on to comparing Lifeless Homosexual Mike with Annoying Englishman Homosexual Ian and decides that she can see herself settling down with Ian rather than Mike because Ian is the kind of man she can see herself settling down with- yea and with some duck tape over his mouth maybe. However Susan still wants to kill Edie first- jealousy makes you nasty kids- don’t try this at home. By some divine intervention, God who special Guest Starred in this episode, sends a cab to save not only Lynette and Gaby’s sanity, but the viewers too. The cab is looking for Ida Greenberg, but Susan decides to be Jennifer Garner for a night and assume this alias, and confesses herself to being Ida Greenberg- yup you guys are about the same age, should work for a pension’s discount Susan! Susan take the cab goes over to Ian’s to announce her undying love for Englishman who should be muted and censored! Meanwhile poor Ida is waiting on the side of the road with her 500 bags hoping to make a quick getaway from Wisteria Lane before she becomes the next victim of crime or have to endure listening to Susan drunk- it’s bad enough when she’s sober- could you blame Ida for trying to leave!
Some random funny lines from the Desperate Alcoholics Anon Meeting on Lynette’s Porch to keep your breathing through the next Englishman Boring Paragraph:
Susan: (drunk) Oh my god! I just thought of something. I'm never gonna celebrate a 53rd wedding anniversary. I'd have to live into my nineties. Oh My God! I'm gonna die!
Susan: Ah! That's nice! So, where were we?
Lynette: You were trying to figure out how to kill Edie without doing time.
Susan: Oh, I wish Paul Young was still around. He'd know what to do.
(Gaby, Lynette and Susan are drinking.)
Gabrielle: I'm just gonna say it. Tequila...makes me happy!
(Elderly couple walks by) Gabrielle: Yeah, were drinking on the porch! You got a problem with that?
Lynette: I know them, they live on Cypress. They've just celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary.
Susan: Show-offs!
Lynette: I'm a bitch.. with a capital C.
(As the cab pulls up) Lynette: Look Susan, God called you a cab...
Gabrielle: Can I tell you guys something? Something I can only tell you guys?
Susan: Oh god, here she goes again! What grade is he in?
Susan some how lands up at Ian’s place, totally oblivious to the fact that it’s the party an she’s ‘sloshed’ worse than
Cloud9 was at her first ‘Open Bar’ session at DOOLA. Scary thing is you can’t tell when Susan’s drunk or sober- both is horrible in fact, but Susan was slightly extra bad acting tonight and ran off into the bathroom before speaking to Ian- turns out she threw up in the presence of one of the Publishing Editors she was supposed to meet- someone call this women Dr. Marlena Evan’s she’s going to need all the therapy she can get after that!
Its dinner with Hodges and the Bigsbys in the middle of the Country Club. Tish walks past- very convenient- and Bree calls her, Tish is shocked to see Carolyn and Bree together (husbands are there too) so she greets Bree. Bree plays stupid and acts like she didn’t know that Tish and Carloyn know each other, when meanwhile they are pals. Bree’s social status at the club just took an up and now she’s going to organise some Christmas function or something. Carloyn decides she wants to powder her nose and Bree goes to join her. Now seriously, when I heard women saying that- I thought that was the polite way of saying we need to discharge the excess liquid, turns out Bree and Carolyn did go to powder their very pale noses. So there Carolyn shows Bree a picture of Alma also for the viewers to remember who Alma is incase they forgot about Alma from the Premiere episode. Anyways Carolyn shows Bree some pictures of Alma from the police report she filed when Orson hit her, and she is bruised. Carolyn tells Bree she’d hate for that to happen to her and she wouldn’t be able to live with herself- don’t worry Carolyn neither would we, Bree’s face is way to pale for those kind of bruises! Needless to say, Bree is shocked, maybe she did really marry a wife beater/killer/psycho dentist. Ah well so much for my liking towards Orson! Damn them writers, because from the wise words from Carolyn- Photo’s don’t lie. Well unless you’re Cloud9 with expert Photoshop skills!
While the ladies are powdering their noses and gossiping, the guys are doing their own gossiping. At first I thought the writers were bored so they decided to give Harvey some background story- but his story is very important. Turns out Harvey had an affair with an air stewardess named; Monique Polier, he shows Orson the picture and guess what- it’s none other than dead girl at the morgue that Orson and Mike know! So now Harvey knows her too- the plot thickens- I must say- she must have died from a heart attack after sleeping with ‘That!’
(
Note: To keep with up to date discussions on Season 3’s Mystery, visit
The Official Season 3 Mystery Thread to keep up-to-date with all the discussions)
Tom comes back home- he must of gotten sick of ‘Jumpy’ and realised that there is no bed in the Pizza Parlour. He and Lynette briefly make up where Lynette agrees to support him and his dream and she is sorry and he is sorry to because of what Snora did and tells Lynette! Next thing we see Lynette kicking down Snora’s front door and confronting Snora! Ah brilliant was done so amazingly seeing Felicity Huffman fume with rage that she kicked down the door! Snora nearly died herself from shock and like a little pipsqueak tries to avoid Lynette. Then Kayla comes into the room and Snora tries to get Kayla to stay. Reminded me from a scene in “Kill Bill Vol. 1” where Uma and some other women are fighting viciously, then the daughter comes home from school- and they stop because she’s there. Anyways this is what Snora did. Lynette gives up and decides to go, but just before she gives Snora this spine chilling message;
Lynette: Your association with my family is over. When Kayla comes to visit, you will drop her at the end of the block. You will never again see my husband- and if you try to, I will do to your spine- what I just did to your front door. Nod if you understand.
Geez you gotta love Felicity Huffman, her delivery was brilliant- especially for a drunk women and her scene was excellent! Snora of course was fuelled with fear and can you blame her? Is this really the end of Snora? Celebrate, bring out those Te-Kill-Hers!!
Susan woke up and she has a hangover from hell and guess what, Ian is in the living room- did they? Well we don’t wanna think about that. Ian clears things up that he was there the whole night and that he misses her etc etc. She confesses to him that she didn’t want to break up with him and missed him. They kiss and make up. I am officially not a Susan fan no more! Dougray Scott just kissed his way to more episodes on this show- oh crap!
Orson thanks Special Guest Star, God in this episode, for his miraculous intervention which came in the form of a confession from Harvey about Monique so he tips the police off about this, and doffer than the Salem P.D. they accept this quick, abrupt and very suspicious anonymous phone call. Orson tells them that the Jane Doe’s name is Monique Polier and that she had an affair Harvey Bigsby. The Abe Carver looking Police Commander buys and believes this.
Gabrielle does what she does best- looking sexy and seduction! She manages to tease Carlos after asking for his help with a zipper, but when it’s stuck she undresses, and then gets Carlos to put some pantyhose on her, which leads to her seduction and it isn’t long between the two smack-bang-have sex!
Detective Ridley (Abe Carver’s brother) comes to Bigsbys house and asks Harvey about Monique. The stupid Harvery confesses that he is afraid that Carolyn will find out and they will talk somewhere else and tells the Detective that he did infact sleep with Monique- what an idiot- never tell another guy anything- the cops come knocking on your door the next day!
The thin line between love and war, just got blurred further in Gablos Solis’ home. Gaby is sleeping with Carlos to prolong the divorce so that she gets a piece of the pie with Carlos new job and Carlos secretly set Gaby up believing that there was a job when infact- there was nothing- but a set up. Gaby’s mortified at Carlos for doing that and some foul words are exchanged between the two and when Carlos calls her a whore, Gaby jumps her little body over the bed and pushes Carlos- who flies right out the window. Yes I was shocked when I saw it too!
Gabrielle: (To Carlos) You are a bastard.
(She runs over the bed) Carlos: (To Gaby) Better a bastard, than a whore.
Gabrielle: (Outraged- she pushes him- right out the window) Oh, God!
(She runs to the phone to dial 911)
Gabrielle: Hello, there’s been an accident. My husband, emm he…
(She looks out the window to see Carlos is no longer there). I’m going to have to call you back.
Gaby hears Carlos come inside, she, in her timid tone of voice lets out a little “Honnney” and rushes off downstairs to see a full of cuts and glasses Carlos enter inside the house and tell her that “It’s on”. Oh yes, Gaby you just started a full out war and we can’t wait to see the first battle!
Back to God we go, and back to confess our sins. I realise watching this episode alone is a sin in itself. We see what looks like an old women come out the confessional booth- Edie in 2 years after the Botox ends? And change to Mary Alice’s Theme of the Week as she plays God.
MAVO: "There is a place in St. Timothy’s church, where Sinners go to confess their sins. And once their done, they expect absolution. But the truth is, not all confessions are worthy of such forgiveness...” “Most who unveil hidden agendas deserve the condemnation they receive…” We see Snora laying with a towel behind the couch of her home.
“Most who disclose vengeful motives, merit the punishment that follows…” We see Carlos sitting on this bed all bruised and cut from his fall.
“Only the truly repentant, have any right at all to expect a second chance…” We see Wisteria Lane’s two non-religious people bask in Confession- Susan and Ian snuggle.
We then see Mike at the hospital, Edie’s dressed up as Meredith from
Grey’s Anatomy in her slutty nurse outfit. And Mike actually displays some emotion- shock mixed with horror mixed with some pleasantness. When he then has a flashback of Monique opening the door in lingire herself saying, “I thought you’d never get here” .
“Which is why it’s best to think twice before you confess…” Mike realises he knows Monique
“… especially if you don’t know what it is you’re confessing too!”
Go ahead, go confess your moments of Desperation...
Previous Recaps:
3x01 Listen to the Rain on the Roof
3x02 It Takes Two3x03 A Weekend in the Country
3x04 Like It Was3x05 Nice She Ain't