It is always interesting to get to know people and I am always fascinated by their stories. The Observer presents the fifth interview in a series on love and the stupid things we do in its name.
Toxic refuses to give advice to others but reckons experience, is a good enough teacher. The story in interesting to say the least but one can notice the strength and empowered personality of Toxic in the interview.
----- THE INTERVIEW -----
"The Observer interviews Toxic"
For The Observer's Love Story Series
How long were you involved with him?Almost 4 years
Where you really in love or was it the sexual revolution?I was really in love and thought he was as well.
How did the conversation for the car loan start? Was it a series of discussions or was it just an abrupt discussion which resulted in your decision?I can’t pinpoint the exact moment he mentioned it, but when he took me to the car dealership I know I had my payslip and ID with me. I did feel uncomfortable about doing this but I guess I just wanted to make him happy. He had tried to get me to apply for a “garage” card as well and I don’t remember why I never did.
What was going through your mind when you realized that you were getting another person a loan for a car, yet they have two others and you on the other hand don’t even have a ride? Not to mention unable to afford such a purchase?I can tell you that I wasn’t enthusiastic about it but we had reached that stage where he was having affairs and I just wanted to prove to him that I could be the one I suppose. When we got to the dealership the sales guy asked him if I was XXX, his other girlfriend and I just got irritated that he had brought her there as well. Anyway my salary wasn’t big enough to pay for the car so my application was declined eventually.
I know this is under the influence of stupid love, but had you never thought of asking him to sell one of his cars as an alternative to going into debt at the time of your discussions?Nope. You know I’d sometimes give HIM petrol money
Toxic you must havebeen in some serious love juice to even take taxis when this person had two cars and yet you still risked your finances by getting him car number3? Tell me how did you feel when you were with him?I felt complete. Like I had met my soul mate. No one ever made me feel like he did.
Didn’t you feel used when he would only drive you on dates?No
Can you imagine what would have happened if your salary was sufficient?Thank gaad! I’ll never have to find out. Getting ladled with someone else’s debt is not something I want to ever experience.
Was he worth going into debt for?I didn’t get into debt. I almost did. At the time I felt he was worth going into debt for.
What have you learned about either dating or being with someone from this?I learned that I should put myself and my needs first. If I’m happy within myself then I’m better able to take care of someone else to a limit.
If you had to teach anything to young girls about this experience what would you tell or teach them?I wouldn’t. Experience is a mother of a teacher, so young girls should go out there and make their own mistakes and learn from them.
Do you think this experience shaped you in any way and if so how?I think I still need trauma counseling for this.
Are you now in a relationship and do you do the same thing only different or are you more experienced and careful now?I have just come out of a relationship that wasn’t working because of the emotional baggage I brought into it. I didn’t break up with the car guy; I just moved on with the current ex.
How would you want your ideal love encounter to be like?Fireworks, sparks, chemistry, nothing less
How do you measure love in your relationship? Do you obsess over it or do you take it slow?I do not measure love. If none of the ingredients in point 14 exist, I don’t pursue the relationship.
What defines love for you?I’m skipping this because I don’t think there’s one answer for this. I do know though that when it’s real you FEEL it.
What advice would you give someone in a similar situation?Don’t carry someone else’s financial burden for them. The only person you’re responsible for is yourself, your family, your children - if you have any.
Lastly if you had the money do you reckon you would have bought the car?I effin would
Did you ever find “normal” love? If yes do tell, if not - tell us whyIn the beginning I felt safe and that I was with someone who was reliable and faithful, like a puppy I suppose. But as the years went by I realized I had a lot of emotional baggage that I had not dealt with, so all of this spilled over into how I related with current ex. It was never normal, we tried to make it work but instinctively we both knew we weren’t a perfect couple and probably never would be. So I got out because I got tired of fighting the same battles and trying to assert my power.
It is encouraging to know that although the relationship was not what Toxic really wanted to begin with, recognition of what it truly was resonates clearly and makes her to be an interesting person. "Assert my power" is perhaps the best way to end the interview as it reveals the type of person Toxic is.
Does this mean, parents should no longer be worried about their children dating but rather they need to be more concerned about that relationship that is going to define that poor little girl?
Good luck because when stupid love hits, it hits hard and you just need to hunker down and hold on tight and hope to the creator that when its over you are left with enough of yourself to continue with life. Because some people kill themselves over this stuff..
----- THE END -----
This interview was conducted and published with the consent of Toxic, a tvsa.co.za member.
Related Links:
The Observer: Interview with PitchThe Observer: Interview with RenegadeThe Observer: Interview with The Lady The Observer: Interview with Let Baby The Observer: Are You SafeBy The Observer
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