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The Observer: Are You Safe?

Written by TheObserver from the blog TheTVObserver on 14 Nov 2008
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WARNING
THIS BLOG CONTAINS PICTURES WHICH MAY UPSET SENSITIVE READERS. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

You fell in love and believed so much that this other person is going to complete you but after a long and what you might rightly consider a loving union. Three letters are utters which change your life forever! You are H.I.V positive, which means you eventually have AIDS.

The past week I was watching a show on SABC2 which was more like a filler that addressed the growing rate of HIV/AIDS infections amidst the so called “knowledge savvy communities” of our country. I was so alarmed, I begun thinking about how families cope with this problem, only to find that the families are also the ones more affected by this problem.

Imagine this, you get married to your lovely wife or husband and weeks later or years even, you go to the doctor only to find out that you are now HIV+ or you have AIDS. You come back home like most women would, to try and come-up with some rationale explanation of how this could have happened. The husband being the last person to think of, but later you realize that the only person you could have got this from is the same person you share your bed with. As most women I talked to said, when they tell the men, they will be prosecuted by their families for being the ones who infected the husband because they are the first ones to discover the disease in the relationship. Granted most men have been reported to take the blame and funny enough some women continue with those relationships or should I say marriage.

I then thought to myself, we go through our dating phase knowing that the condom will eventually stop being used once we are wed. Now the new rate of marital infections begs the question, how do we deal with this possible risk of marriage placing our lives on the line? Let’s not be naïve, most women who say their husbands or boyfriends will never cheat, are the ones taking antiretral viral drugs and live with a painful regret.

If you saw Yesterday (the movie) you know how honest people could fall victim to this virus. It does not have a do over. Once you have it, that’s it. Unfortunately for married couples, it’s not a mistake you want to find yourself in. Everyone who saw the movie knew the stigma Yesterday faced including the heroic act of building a house for her dying husband. Why, by the way, came back home when he was dying. The question is where is the heifer that gave him the virus? The movie showed to well the burden that was faced by Yesterday with her primary driving force being her child “Beauty”, who was a year away from starting school.

Just to throw another spanner in this blog, often men will be locked up for unpaid car tickets and they would be held over for the weekend. Wives or girlfriends don’t even know that the cell was full of violent criminals who took advantage of the husband or men in a sexual way by raping him. He then comes back home after posting bail with a virus. He tries to assert his masculinity by having sex with his wife or girl only to infect her as well. It has happened to J Arthur Brown (as reported on ENEWS) and many other men.

Trust has become foreign to love and sex has won the court battle to be emancipated from relationships. This leaves us with a problem which has influenced our lives to a point where denial and traditionalists are contributing to the spread with their ideals. Nothing makes a person to really follow what works for them as being faced with your own death. I always say, if you don’t pay my bills, pay my bond, pay may taxes, pay for my cars, pay for my tastes, pay for my insurance and pay for investments…. You have no right to tell me how I should live my life. As sad as it is, our lives revolve around money and we can’t do anything without this paper-based currency. Thus, the women and men end up taking decisions which benefit them but society find weird and not part of their culture or tradition. Hence women will stay with men even after he infects her with the disease. Why, I don’t care, its their business.

(The AIDS Virus)

Let’s take a moment to reflect on HIV and AIDS estimates for South Africa:

Number of people living with HIV: 5 700 000 [4 900 000 - 6 600 000]
Adults aged 15 to 49 prevalence rate: 18.1% [15.4% - 20.9%]
Adults aged 15 and up living with HIV: 5 400 000 [4 700 000 - 6 200 000]
Women aged 15 and up living with HIV: 3 200 000 [2 800 000 - 3 700 000]
Children aged 0 to 14 living with HIV: 280 000 [230 000 - 320 000]
Deaths due to AIDS: 350 000 [270 000 - 420 000]
Orphans due to AIDS aged 0 to 17: 1 400 000 [1 100 000 - 1 800 000]

Source: Epidemiological Fact Sheet on HIV and AIDS, 2008

To understand the impact of your husband or wife infecting you with this virus in the sanctity of your marriage, we need to be clear that your husband is going to get tempted, or he is going to act on it. That depends on the type of husband or wife you have. However, we know that the lack of sexual activity and most importantly the lack of good sexual activity which satisfies women in this century will lead them (females/wives) to having a toy-boy or an affair. The question thou, is what will the wife or husband bring home, if they act on that little itch? Also whose fault is it that the two of you are not meeting your sexual satisfaction quota?

If we look at representation on television, it is awful, in a country where most of the population is dying from HIV/AIDS related diseases. The only realistic portrayal of what actually happens to a person dying from AIDS was on Angels in America. The best that our local productions such as Special Assignment, and documentaries which cannot be graphic for obvious reasons. If anyone has the pleasure of observing the effects of this disease, I swear you will abstain from sex for a while. It’s horrible.

Recognition should be given to Metro FM because they once had a PSA which showed a guy on his death bed suffering from the disease. Please don’t get me wrong, I am in no way saying that people can’t live productive lives through medication but the point of this blog is all about loosing trust in your commitment because your loved one brought an infectious pet home. I personally think if you are married to a guy in those BEE type businesses you need to tell him to wrap it up if he want to play, married or not.

Case 1:
A caring youth worker, Verity Reed-Hall, spent 20 years advising youngsters on the perils of sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS. But when her devoted husband of 25 years fell desperately ill, Verity was totally unprepared for the bombshell about to shatter their lives.

Merchant seaman Barry, 56, had contracted the HIV virus through "a moment of madness" with a woman in Brazil six years earlier. And when Verity, 55, had tests a week later she discovered he had infected HER. "My world collapsed when Barry was diagnosed. How could it happen to us after I'd spent my life warning people about HIV? "I was terrified and furious. I wanted to slap him and kick him but he was already at death's door.

"Barry couldn't understand how he had contracted HIV because he'd actually forgotten the night in Brazil. "It was a split-second error of judgment, with the most terrible, terrible consequences. I was diagnosed HIV-positive on February 29 2006. I still remember vividly that gloomy day. My life changed forever. I wanted answers: how could this happen to me? What did I do that was so wrong in my life that the Lord felt I should suffer for it?I was always cautious when it came to sex as I was involved in educating people about HIV/Aids. Quite ironic, isn’t it?

Case 2:
Part of me suspected that it could be my current partner. I had not done the usual routine of going for an HIV test with him or getting him to verify his status. I kept quiet. My boyfriend and I got married and life was wonderful. I got pregnant and started taking all the measures to keep my baby safe. But the truth caught up to me and things soured. My husband heard that my ex-boyfriend was ill and that his illness was HIV- related. I immediately knew who the culprit was — well, that is what I thought. My husband wanted to know if I was ever at risk and I told him that I had been. He asked that I do a test to confirm. I knew the truth. Telling him the news was horrific; he was shocked. I still did not tell him the truth, because I wanted him to think that I also did not know. Come to think of it, I was conniving and all those actions were cruel, but it was not my intent and I regret it.

My husband changed. He started being unfaithful, not sleeping home at all. He would leave me on my own, as pregnant as I was, with no money and without food. I wanted to know if he was positive, too, and whether had he gone for a test. He was never there to discuss such issues. When I did eventually ask him one day, he said that he was negative and that he did not need me anymore. I was shattered. I loved him so much. But how did I expect him to still want to be with me after all that has happened?

For more follow the link http://www.thetimes.co.za/SpecialReports/EveryoneKnows/Article.aspx?id=712658

Case 3:
I am a white 52yr.old grandmother.I live in a small West Texas town.I have been married several times, but am single now.I found out I am HIV+ in 2002,after a brief relationship with a man who has since died from AIDS.he neglected to inform me of his HIV.

Case 4:
I just wanted to share my story with the hope of changing someone's life who is currently living with the virus. I was diagnosed in 1994 when I applied for life insurance - you will not even begin to imagine the shock that I experienced upon hearing the news. I only shared the news with two people (my then boyfriend who seemed very supportive and not at all shocked by the news - I only realized later that he probably knew about his status - in any event this was not important to me at that particular moment) and the gentleman who sold me the insurance.

Case 5:
Hi there! My name is Zimasa I met this amazing guy in the beginning of the year and we got married in November 1998. Everything was so perfect until my baby was born 2000. My baby was sick so the doctors herd to run some tests. So they found out that my baby was HIV positive. We were shocked and scared, so they wanted us to do the test as well. They found out that I am the one that is positive my husband was negative. After couple of months my baby died and things became more and more complicated. My husband was trying to be supportive but he was also hurting.

Fore more on the above stories follow the link below
http://www.avert.org/womstory.htm

Average life expectancy in South Africa is now 54 years – without AIDS, it is estimated that it would be 64. Over half of 15 year olds are not expected to reach the age of 60.5
Between 1990 and 2003 – a period during which HIV prevalence in South Africa increased dramatically – the country fell by 35 places in the Human Development Index, a global directory that ranks countries by how developed they are.6
Hospitals are struggling to cope with the number of HIV-related patients that they have to care for. In 2006 a leading researcher estimated that HIV-positive patients would soon account for 60-70% of medical expenditure in South African hospitals.
Schools have fewer teachers because of the AIDS epidemic. In 2006 it was estimated that 21% of teachers in South Africa were living with HIV.8

What does this all mean you ask? Well it means that any men or women, from Southern Africa you may date, chances are they are HIV+ and they either know or don’t. It also means that in your marriage you have a 50% chance of contracting the disease. Most HIV prevention efforts focus on premarital and extramarital sexual behavior, but in areas with high HIV prevalence the protective needs of married and cohabiting couples are just as great and often go unmet. Condom use by these couples is generally low, with resistance from men and cultural norms commonly cited as barriers to increased use.

It is as if the devil knows that South African cultures and traditions are a fertile ground to spread the disease and wipe the population clean. I guess, everyone will get the picture when South Africa is left with 5million citizens. As these older men are busy having sex with much younger kids like students, not to mention sexual predators that are targeting children under the age of 10. Can you imagine taking your 6year old to the doctor only to discover that he is HIV+ (from sexual abuse) because Uncle Bob was busy having his way with the young one ass. I say cut Bob’s penis off and feed it to pigs. Bacon and Eggs anyone!

Case 6
”I have learnt, upon further investigation, that K has been positive for over 15 years and has apparently infected countless women and girls deliberately. Some have passed away, some are ill, some have only recently found out, and others don’t even know yet. He has never apologised, explained himself or admitted that he is positive to any of these women or myself. People know, but no-one seems to want to deal with him. I recently found out that his latest conquest - a university student - is ill, and can’t attend her lectures.”

For more on this story follow the link
http://www.health24.com/medical/Condition_centres/777-792-814-1536,45924.asp

As we have fun with ourselves and others, we should be conscious of the reality of our country. As you shake someone’s hand, drive past them on the high-way, share a taxi with them, accept a request to dance in a club, chat with them online, smile as they process you purchases at Pick ‘n Pay, when you see that beautiful specimen in muscles and a tight butt at the gym, that gorgeous girl with perfect assets, remember this…. There is a 50% chance they might be HIV+ or have AIDS.

As for wives and husbands, try and be realistic within your union. Marriage is a wonderful partnership and just as with any partnership which involves humans, you need to be very pragmatic and trade within your bounds of safety and success. I am fortunate not to be a statistic (have the HIV or AIDS) but the rapid growth is alarming.

Whilst television offers only one solid HIV/AIDS character, which is none other than Nandipha on Isidingo. Who only gets a storyline on AIDS when producers feel like boosting ratings. Meanwhile local and tv stars continue to be ravaged by the illness and we only find out when they are dead or look the part.

Related Links
www.unaids.org/en
www.usaid.gov
www.health24.com
www.avert.org/womstory
www.doh.gov/aids
www.alp.org.za
www.cadre.org.za
www.tac.org.za
www.aidsconsortium.org.za
www.aidshelpline.co.za
www.probono.org
www.hopkinsglobalhealth.org

By The Observer

Disclaimer

The information provided here is not journalistic but simply observations and the opinions expressed by The Observer, and guests are strictly their own. The Observer claims no credit for some of the images featured on this blog. All visual content is copyright to it’s respectful owners. If you own rights to any of the images, and do not wish them to appear on this blog, please mailtheobserver (at) yahoo.com and they will be promptly removed

19 Comments

Firstdvd
14 Nov 2008 06:21

belz
14 Nov 2008 09:20

I always say, if you don’t pay my bills, pay my bond, pay may taxes, pay for my cars, pay for my tastes, pay for my insurance and pay for investments…. You have no right to tell me how I should live my life.> Hallelujah!!!!!!!

I love your articles Observer!! this one is very long, im halfway though.

Cande
14 Nov 2008 09:30

Sad indeed, eish this topic is very close to home....

Cody
14 Nov 2008 09:38

After all these years ~ NO CURE. How sad :-( is that! I gave up on having a baby cos its risky @ this stage. Actually using plastic all the times ur having sex akukho mnandi BUT as much as you love life, you don't have a choice but to protect yourself by using protection.

True FD!! dont give up on having a child, just make sure that your partner is healthy before deciding to be condomless.

Sana Lwam
14 Nov 2008 09:38

Sadly Observer I was talking to my BF on Wednesday night asking him what he would do if he went to the doctor did some test and found out he was positive - I asked him if he would tell me, he just said: "eish baby yavela yawa same time"

carino
14 Nov 2008 09:46

"eish baby yavela yawa same time"

kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa....

Toodecent
14 Nov 2008 09:47

The last pic I have alwats seen it like that and ask myself how do these people do it if them legs are like that or is it a woman's legs facing down? Just asking..... if not ba mo ropa die man.

belz
14 Nov 2008 09:47

That skeleton pic for Case 4 is funny and scary at the same time.
This is sad, really!!!!

belz
14 Nov 2008 09:49

eish baby yavela yawa same time"> LMAO!!!!!!!

Niece
14 Nov 2008 09:54

The sad part about it, is that it is still kept a secret by many people and continues to be a stigmatised disease. I thought I had wnough information about, but when my cousin disclosed her status to me I cried and vowed to help her and she was just frantic that they are refusing to give her medication, which I presumed she wanted the ARV's. i tried to explain that she does not need it yet and was on a quest to get more information.

But two months later, i still have not done much and it seems like we are just prentending that she did not tell me and everytime I read about the disease it breaks my heart just to think about her.

Where do I begin to get the information for her, without the family knowing, she is not ready to disclose it to the elders for obvious reasons. I always thought that I was armed with information, but now that it has hit so close to someone I care about, I feel like I have drawn a blank and am too afraid to deal with it and in the process help her.

Thanks Observer for the article, I foresee this day being a terrible one because she will be all I think about and in the process going through sad emotions. I have even wondered what do we say the day she passes away, do we let people know so they can realise that is real, or do we just pretend it was TB or any other illness. The disease wont kill her tomorrow, but I am allready thinking about her funeral and that is so wrong.

Cande
14 Nov 2008 09:59

I was watching Siyanqoba the other day and they were talking about PEP

TheLady
14 Nov 2008 10:06

Nuxie-you can disclose on her behalf, anyway umntu dies of AIDS related desease might ipneumonia or something else. So that person died of pneumonia. If your cousin wants the whole neighbourhood to know-she'll tell them before she passes away.

Anyway I know of a certain someone who found out about her status in 1996-she is still fine. So who knows you cousin might just outlive you.

TheLady
14 Nov 2008 10:07

yho sengizenza usandy..it's Niece

thetha
14 Nov 2008 11:44

Joe
14 Nov 2008 11:59

LOL @ the spider pics...I am ROTFLMAO!

Toxic
15 Nov 2008 12:02

Case 3:
I am a white 52yr.old grandmother.I live in a small West Texas town.I have been married several times, but am single now.I found out I am HIV+ in 2002,after a brief relationship with a man who has since died from AIDS.he neglected to inform me of his HIV.

I am still amazed that there are people that wait for the infected to tell them about their infections. Sure, it's the right thing to do but are we going to risk gettin infected by not being proactive with OUR LIVES? It's our duty to establish the status of any sexual partners we may have and if we leave that responsibilty in someone else's hands, then we're literally placing our lives in their hands.

KNOW YOUR STATUS, KNOW YOUR PARTNER'S!

I am so afraid of all those wo/men that have recently been diagnosed with the virus and are on a 'killing spree'-deliberately infecting others in their fits of rage. One can never be too careful. Take care of your health-it is your wealth!

Joe
15 Nov 2008 14:03

TheObserver I think credit should be given to shows like Gaz'lam, Tsha-tsha and others that give awareness to HIV/AIDS, its not only Isidingo that is playing the part!

People are disillusioned because they see the media blaming politicians and their policies for HIV, and they think that they are not blameworthy, politicians are! People forget that it is their responsibility to prevent infections, someone should remind them that it is their responsibility!

Toxic
15 Nov 2008 15:25

People forget that it is their responsibility to prevent infections, someone should remind them that it is their responsibility!

It's true but it gets to me that adults still need to be reminded of this.Whose life is it anyway? I don't even think young people even understand what LoveLife's about out. All these awareness campaigns fade to oblivion in the face of lust/love. It will take a complete shift in mindset for people to realise that this isn't a game or even worth taking risks for.

Can you imagine how tough it is in marriages when a woman suddenly wants to introduce the use of a condom? Shem, health workers can go on door to door campaigns to educate people but it's really tough to break old habits, however dangerous they may be.

It's probably not the right attitude but i feel hopeless when i think about HIV/AIDS. I don't see that light at the end of the tunnel. Seems the only thing that should happen is for a cure to be 'found'. People will continue to die of AIDS or opportunistic diseases and everyone else will continue to blame the government for the deaths. This is really an individual battle-just like the 10 commandments seek to make us better people, in the end it's an individual decision whether or not to obey them.

Joe
16 Nov 2008 14:29

How can we glamourise the use of condoms? Make it the in-thing! Unless we find a way of glamourising the use of condoms, people will continue saying that they will never eat a sweet wrapped in a paper! What a DUMB analogy!

People forget that it is not romantic to get infected with these sexually transmitted viruses!

I think we should try the SCARE technique to try to encourage people to use condoms! Take people to hospitals where people are dying from AIDS and spread a message like "IF you have UNPROTECTED SEX, you WILL get AIDS"! (not say you may get, say you will)

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