Surprise-surprise. Who would possibly have thunk it? Blah blah. I know I should be more enthused 'cos it’s not every evening you get to couch-it to almost three hours of what should have been a reality-fest but it was just soo obvious that Kelly was gonna win it all felt like pulling teeth, the pain made more excruciating by that Regis Pig who hosted the win and Reunion.
WTF?? Can you puhlease explain how he got to be on TV? Not only as a host to the finale of such a big show but he’s getting inducted into the
TV Hall Of Fame too. His 1940’s sports/war commentary voice and the way he spoke to us as if he were two was the worst part of the show.
The best was of course seeing Jenn’s horse-face spending loads of final moments with her boobs lopsided under her blue cardie. She obviously hadn’t arranged them properly when she got into her sitting interview position because one was way higher the other and amazingly didn’t budge once through everything she commented on during the first episode of the two-and-a-half-hour finale.
Everything started where things left off last week - with Jenn and Kelly in the process of organising their final event. Both of them did their thang to get things ready then the sponsors, people involved, guests and Donald Trump arrived at both, the events happened and the episode ended with both Kelly and Jenn leaving their venue pleased it was all over.
I must say I was surprised and annoyed that Jenn managed to pull off her event to the extent that she did. I hoped she was gonna get much more disapproval from dissatisfied sponsors like what happened with that X-Box dude. How cool is that game-system? I’ve never seen one in the flesh but their advertising worked - gimme gimme gimme.
Besides this and seeing the NBA players play for about two seconds the rest of the event was ultra boring. It seemed so sterile and concrete – as if everyone involved had no emotional connection to anything they were doing. This is obviously why Jenny had to be the first customer at their yawny NBA shoe-auction where no-one bought anything because they weren’t in the mood to donate to charity.
Through the whole shindig I got the sense from everyone involved (including the players) that they were all just going through the motions, doing it as part of their marketing responsibilities. I also wanted to know how they got all the guests to attend and who exactly they were – 'spesh those ten-year old Donald fans who wouldn’t leave him alone when he arrived on the chopper.
As much as I understand the need for him to build hype round who he is I thought the way he indulged that was very ridiculous and embarrassing – which resulted in Jenn doing the only thing I’ve ever agreed with when she ignored the fact that he even existed.
I was also pleased when Kelly hadn’t organised him clean seats in his box at the Polo club because it highlighted just how distasteful Donald’s arrogance is. Same thing with the loo’s that weren’t sparkly for Tony Bennett - everything that happened with him was generally crap – including his singing!
Am I missing something with him? I couldn’t think of anything worse than sitting through even a moment of his droning and yet he’s supposed to be so important – why?? How does such a thing happen?
The mystery guests seemed to enjoy him though - which at least meant Kelly’s event had a bit more emotion than Jenn’s. After leaving their venue the two of them returned to the apartment to un-scruffify themselves and wash their hair and then headed to the boardroom to face the final episode.
In the boardroom Trump quizzed each of the teams who’d worked with them about who they thought should win, Jenn’s team said she delegated too much but that should win anyway and Kelly’s team said he sat behind his computer too much and didn’t motivate people, but that he was good and should win.
Once the six of them left the boardroom Jenn and Kelly came in and spent time grovelling about why they thought they should win. Jenn accused Kelly of having no integrity, he accused Jenn of being an eavesdropper who’s never been a leader and next thing the boardroom walls disappeared, a screaming audience appeared and the Regis Fillbin Pig appeared to host the show, lying about the fact that he was only supposed to come on later.
From there the most incredible propagandizing of reality happened which included two very specific things:
1. Jenn got presented as if she was a genius who was responsible for Ivana’s Levi’s idea.
2. Everyone in the audience gave the sales pitch for Kelly winning.
The most hysterical was that Calamari dude with the huge moustache who clearly hated Jenn so intensely much he couldn’t even speak. Very slapworthy was the retired miltary dude from wanky West Point.
Either I’ve missed something big or Kelly wasn’t as honest as he is says he is - even though he’s mentioned the miltary a bit I never realised that it was literally his life the way everyone suddenly made out.
The interesting thing is how his training’s obviously encouraged him to hand all his power over so easily and without question – which has to be one of the reasons Donald chose him too. He was the perfect candidate without the army being a clone of Trump but with it he was just so ideal I don’t actually see Donald not knowing this from Episode 2.
As he announced his choice of Kelly it all felt so contrived I wondered why I’d bothered watching at all. Then the attention turned to Ivana and what happened with her skirt and Donald bullied her into saying she wouldn’t repeat her strip when she didn't want to and then he said she had a good body! – this after saying he’d never stoop so low as to use sex to sell something. Him being serious about it all was just too much.
He who's spent copious amounts of time shoving his wife’s butt and cleavage into camershots with diamonds yet he doesn’t cringe at what rubbish he’s talking.
Besides the show giving Omarosa an excuse to return – yay! – it was super seeing her again - a mega reason I’ve enjoyed this season is that it’s all changed my impressions of Donald Trump and everything that he represents big time.
I’ve always known he’s arrogant etc and it was okay – like it was all part of his persona etc – but having seen him in this series I’ve realised that I don’t have a smidgen of respect for anthing that he does and is – most specifically because of:
1. How he needs people to kiss his butt,
2. How he perceives and disrespects chicks,
3. How he underestimates our intelligence by assuming we’re too thick too realise that every task is about marketing and not entertaining us.
As impressive as the New York development where Kelly’s going to work is it doesn’t change the way I’ve been left feeling about Trump’s organisation. No matter how many mega million buck developments he has, no matter how many people work for him and no matter how many popular TV shows he has - he’s made me very thrilled that I’m not anything like him.
If a show can make you feel that, it has to make the season a success methinks.