The episode kicked off with Alex and Mook basking in misery. They weren’t just feeling betrayed, they were feeling downright depressed. Wouldn’t you be if you’d just been outplayed by freakin’ Dreamz?
“Wa wa, how could Dreamz deceive us like this?” was the general consensus among the four three
two Mulemen. Alex didn’t mind so much getting outplayed; it was the betrayal by his supposed ally that really pissed him off. Yes, Alex, we’re all crying bitter tears for your pain.
Blissfully unaware of their hostility towards him, Dreamz happily sauntered over to greet the two of them only to be met with suspicious glares. Dreamz made some lame excuses about being outnumbered. In an interview, he explained how he didn’t want to alienate his former allies because he could still use their votes at final Tribal Council. Points to him for actually acknowledging this but that hasn’t stopped him burning bridges more than a pyromaniac troll.
What better way of washing away all those hard feelings than with some product-placed Olay bath products? These, along with a spa trip, were the prize for the Reward Challenge. The castaways were divided into two teams and had to play a game I’m calling “Catapault Ball”. Look for it to be an Olympic event by 2016.
Catapault Ball makes rugby look like ballet. In trying to catch the ball, the castaways tried all sorts of fun and borderline illegal acts of violence to get a leg up on their competitors. All of this pushing, shoving, throttling and clothes-lining meant that someone was bound to get hurt. Surprisingly, it was Boo. Well, surprising that it’s his first new injury in umpteen odd episodes.
"I KEEL YOU!!"
Boo fell to the ground like Cristiano Ronaldo on wet grass. “Mah knee, mah knee!” he cried. Jeff stared at him impassively for a few moments before realising he should probably call the medics. As injury-prone as Boo is, he’s even more resilient, like an inflatable punching clown. So he was up and ready for action again as soon as the doc had examined his knee and popped it back in."And to cap off your yearly check-up, a prostate exam."
The game was close and the teams were tied almost throughout. Earl was as calm and thoughtful as he always is, which hyperactive Dreamz did not like. “You have to be more physical,” he argued. Earl’s answer was that it wasn’t about how hard you went for it, it was about “the placement of the balls”. That’s what she said.
Earl’s strategy worked wonders because it was his team that won the spa trip. They sent Boo to Exile Island, confident that he was more likely to beat himself with a spade than dig up the new hidden immunity idol.
Earl, Alex, Stacy and Dreamz were swept off to their spa date where they got to experience the joys of Olay. Said joys are very joyful indeed, if the reactions of the contestants are anything to go by. Stacy especially sounded positively orgasmic as she took her Olay shower. Funny, I thought it was Organics that was supposed to do that.
Alex immediately tried to worm his way into the Earl/Dreamz/Stacy alliance. Hasn’t he noticed the “no vacancies” sign? He tried to convince the others what a stand-up guy he was: “I am such a great guy to have around. I never showboat when I win stuff. I play a hard but honourable game. I always recycle. I can recite the alphabet backwards.” He went on humbly extolling his many virtues to the eyerolling boredom of the others.If Alex really was serious, he'd be the one giving Earl a foot massage
He also tried to get buddy-buddy with Earl and find out what the order was between him and Mook. Earl was wisely non-committal and didn’t confirm one way or another who he would choose. Looks like Alex’s spa trip was something of a bust.
Still, Alex was not prepared to go out without a fight. When he got back, he and Mook embarked on an idol hunt. When no-one else was around the cave, they searched through Yau-Man’s bag like no-good scavengers and found his idol. Thieving bastards! That is NOT COOL, dude. The Patriot Act doesn't extend to Fiji.
They then snuck off into the woods to giggle about how badass they were. “Tee hee, we found Yau’s idol, we’re so hardcore,” they tittered, “We’re going to confront Yau-Man about it at Tribal Council. We’ll go out with the biggest bang in the history of bangs. Like Scarface.” Puh-lease. More like Corky Romano. "I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T. I mean S-M-A-R-T."
Just as they were congratulating themselves on their brilliant minds, Alex glanced into the bushes and saw Cassandra and Stacy eavesdropping on what they thought was the ass-kinkingest plans in the history of asses. Whoops, so much for Scarface. Time for a new plan.
Instead of exposing Yau out at TC, they decided to confront him right away and intimidate him into revealing the truth. Trying to look their most Pacino-ish, they walked up to Yau-Man and revealed they had searched his bag and found his idol. Yau looked vaguely surprised but not particularly afraid. The Mulemen gave him an ultimatum and asked whether he wanted to tell the rest of the tribe or whether they would do it for him. Yau was like, “Whatever, dudes. I have better things to do” and walked away.
Yau-Man went to the rest of the tribe and told them that how upset he was that Alex and Mook had rifled through his things and found the idol. Framing it like this worked like a charm – instead of everyone getting irate that Yau had the idol, they got irate at Alex and Mook for being such blackmailing, thieving weasels. That’s what you get for conducting illegal searches, boys.
I love that Alex and Mook’s plans are backfiring more than Wile E Coyote’s.
The Mulemen had one last shot: the Immunity Challenge. Let’s call it Survivor Battleships. Dreamz and Cassandra started off on a brilliant note by accidentally sinking parts of their own battleship. Stacy, on the other hand, sank ships aplenty and won herself individual immunity.
Alex’s grand plans had been reduced to one: not sharing his fruit with anyone else. Somehow I don’t think this is the grand scheme that will save him. Since either he or Mook were almost certainly gone, they decided they would go down fighting; by spreading dissent and distrust among the rest of the tribe. Yes, the last time you tried that worked so well in causing everyone to hate your guts. Do try again.
Boo was back from Exile Island and shared his fears with the rest of his alliance that Alex and Mook had somehow found the idol, despite having no clues. Earl was skeptical but a few others were worried so they decided they would split their votes 3/3 between Alex and Mook. A bit of a risky proposition when you have Dreamz, the human ping-pong ball, but Earl decided alliance-unity was top priority.
At Tribal Council, Alex and Mook proudly shared that they had found Yau-Man’s idol. Jeff was all “Jigga what?” and prodded them on what they meant by ‘found’. You know, Jeff, ‘found’ like you ‘find’ copper cable on telephone lines or ‘find’ someone else’s wallet in their back pocket.
Despite Jeff’s calling out of his peculiar way of finding things, Alex was in full “look at how noble and above this game I am” mode. He lamented how the RC had shown how far people were willing to go in order to win. Sorry they were too rough for you, Pollyanna. He invoked Karma and said it had a funny way of showing up in the game. You’re right, Alex. I see some Karma getting into position behind Mook right now.
Who did Noble Alex vote for? His ally, Mook. Guess that whole “I hate it when someone backstabs one of their allies” thing doesn’t count when it’s your ass on the line and you doing the stabbing. With four votes, Mook finally dragged his meatheaded self out of the game.
Next week: Alex goes Ninja on everyone’s ass, Boo somehow managed to out-annoy Dreamz and the castaways get meaty. Not in a dirty way.