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  #1  
Old 30th April 2012, 22:50
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Default Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The Condensed Survivor: Episode 14

In which the jury is disappointingly not that bitter, the dumbass blonde beats the douchebag who ate the season, and our long national Russmare is over...at least until Heroes vs Villains starts in a week.


Russell: Brett must not under any circumstances win immunity.

*Brett wins immunity*

Jaison: You guys will tell me if you're going to vote me out, right?

Russell+Mick+Natalie: Of course! *They vote him out*

Russell: Seriously, if Brett wins immunity, he will win this game.

*Brett wins immun...*

Russell: Not so fast. *Russell wins immunity. In the least convincing editing job in history, the show tries to convince us that Brett might not be voted out. He is.*

Russell: I can't wait to spend my money. I predict I will get all the votes and Jeff will cry and tell me I am his inspiration.

Natalie: Uh...Mick or me could still win, you know.

Russell: Don't make me call you a dumb little girl. You'd better not make any decent arguments or pretend I am not the Survivor Godking.

Jeff: Final tribal council time. Give us your opening arguments.

Mick: I did barely anything.

Natalie: Y'all, you're the reason I'm sitting here, jury.

Russell: I am a strategic mastermind, worship me. Here's how I screwed each of your losers over. Now does anyone want to suck my cock? *Shambles flutters her eyelashes at him*

Jaison: Who are you in real life?

Natalie: I'm a pharmaceutical sales rep, not at all a beauty queen.

Russell: I am a small businessman, not at all an oil baron who lied about losing my house in Hurricane Katrina.

Mick: I have student loans, and aren't at all a doctor.

Jaison: Stop it, you're all rich. I don't even know what the point of this question was.

Shambles: Mick, this is the first and last time anyone will use the word 'feckless' on Survivor. Natalie, you're a C-word. Russell, ravish me you sexy beast.

Russell: Uh...aren't you into the lady chickens?

Shambles: I can change! You can wear a wig in bed, darling!

Brett: Mick, can we have a non-sexual bro-date where you feed me non-sexual strawberries and have non-sexual sex with me?

Mick: Sure, we can non-sexually sip champagne after you non-sexually vote for me to become a millionaire.

Kelly: Natalie, you're me except lame.

Natalie: But I believed in myself! That's got to count for something, right?

Kelly: Russell, are you as skeezy in real life as you are here?

Russell: No, I actually have honour, integrity and loyalty. *Jeff, Natalie, Mick, the jury, and all the flora and fauna in Samoa give him the side-eye*

Monica: Attack each other, bitches! Dance, puppets, dance!

Mick: Natalie was a useless Russell appendage, unlike me who was merely a useless Russell attachment. Russell's an egomaniacal dick.

Russell: But Mick and Natalie enabled my assholishness!

Dave: Guys, what do you think your chances are at winning?

Russell: There is a 50 % chance I will win. There is a 100 % chance I am lying and am actually super smug about winning.

Laura: Talk about me, Russell. Why am I such an awesome GILF?

Russell: Uh, you were a big threat. Is that enough flattery for you to vote me to win?

John: Mick, can you blow my...

Mick: *Thinking* Am I giving out some kind of gay vibe?

John: ...mind? Convince me to give you my vote.

Mick: I'm not an asshole like Russell, I guess. *crickets as he struggles to think of anything else*

John: Natalie, I value your gameplay but not really. Did you do anything I might care about?

Natalie: I killed a rat! And If I'd acted like Marisa or Liz, you know Russell's crazy ass would've campaigned to get me off.

Erik: Mick, you did nothing and you're really boring me right now. Russell, I can't believe Survivor rewards sneaky assholishness. Natalie, here's why accusations of coattail-riding are bullshit and you actually rule. *Argues perceptively about how Natalie's strategy is just as valid as Russell's. I check to see if I am in an alternate universe where Erik makes the most sense and grasps the game the best*

*At the studio, Natalie has been replaced with a lookalike and Russell is still a shitstain.*

Jeff: The winner is...Natalie.

Natalie: Oh mah word!

Russell: *death glare*

Me: *You tears are delicious, Russell!*

*A reunion follows where Russell is pissed and still delusional, the audience and America has Russell Stockholm Syndrome and Jeff mistakenly believe the showboating idiot with no social skills who lost played the "best" game.*

Best moment:

Russell: My ego is so bruised that I will literally pay Natalie to write on a piece of paper that I am the sole survivor.

Natalie: Bitch, are you for real? I won.

Most eye-rolling moment: Two loathsome people and one invisible random are the three most popular players of the season. Yay for shitty editing!
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  #2  
Old 1st May 2012, 08:43
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My best moment: Who marries Russel ? > This woman

I think where Russel really failed is that he had no clear end game, arrogance always failes, the jury always picks the nicer, sweeter, more humble wingman.

Russel's face was priceless... after all that he gets outvoted by his minion.
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  #3  
Old 1st May 2012, 13:47
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Originally Posted by Lizardking View Post
arrogance always failes, the jury always picks the nicer, sweeter, more humble wingman.
Not always - they're only going to pick the wingman if they really don't like the other person. There have been plenty of times where the wingman has been labelled a coattail rider and not won, and if Russell had played a better social game then I think he might have beaten Natalie. But he didn't, and he also erred in taking Natalie to the final three - possibly Mick too, but I don't know if he ever really stood a chance.

But while Russell has hogged this season, I think the key moment came from the other Russell. If he hadn't been taken out of the game then it could have been very different.

At the tribal council following that challenge, both tribes would have had to vote someone out, but Foa Foa ended up not having to and so went into the merge with just enough people to be able to engineer a comeback - one fewer and it wouldn't have been on. I also suspect that other Russell may have been able to keep Galu together long enough to get rid of Foa Foa instead of splintering as early as they did.

Of course, the self-proclaimed "greatest strategic player ever" would never admit that there was a huge slice of luck involved.
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  #4  
Old 1st May 2012, 14:24
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The biggest move was Natalie taking out Eric, its also the only time Russel admitted to not being in control
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  #5  
Old 1st May 2012, 14:28
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yeah, it's not about being the sweeter wingman, it's about having played a good enough social game to have pissed off juries stomach voting for you. Becky and Cassandra were perfectly nice, sweet, humble wingmen who didn't get ay votes because the respective faces of their alliances were respected and well-liked. Earl had one of the most bitter juries of all time and yet won unanimously because he always treated people well even as he was responsible for their ousters.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Citanul
But while Russell has hogged this season, I think the key moment came from the other Russell. If he hadn't been taken out of the game then it could have been very different.
Absolutely, you need an incredible amount of luck and FF got a huge break here. Other Russell staying would have changed the game significantly and probably led to a Galu winning.

One could even say that FF's losing streak until then was partially of Russell's own making - sabotaging his own tribe could not have been good for the tribe's morale or challenge readiness.

The other key moment was Erik's ouster, which indicated Galu was more than willing to turn on their own, pissed off Shambo enough to defect, and started the ball rolling on Galu throwing away their numerical advantage. And that was all Natalie. The greatest strategic mastermind ever didn't have a clue what to do that vote and was running scared.

In the end, it's not about making the flashiest moves and being the most obnoxious blowhard about it. It's about making the right moves at the right times, being a tolerable enough human being to get people to vote for you, and having a little luck on your side.

I'll go further and say that Russell can brag all he wants, but he just doesn't have what it takes to win period. He lucked out this season in that he had fairly passive competitors and a bunch of idols but no matter how strategically aggressive he is, he doesn't have the social skills to seal the deal. He's too arrogant, too needlessly petty, too much of a show-off, too contemptuous of others (especially women), and most importantly too self-involved to understand where he goes wrong. No jury who has to live with him (as opposed to watching him in manageable hour-long chunks each week) will respond positively to that kind of "gameplay".
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  #6  
Old 1st May 2012, 16:16
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

^ Re Russell: which makes his appearance in the upcoming 20th season even more interesting because everyone else there will know about his strategy and how he plays the game. They will surely be wary of anything he says or any "deal" he offers.
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  #7  
Old 1st May 2012, 16:43
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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^ Re Russell: which makes his appearance in the upcoming 20th season even more interesting because everyone else there will know about his strategy and how he plays the game. They will surely be wary of anything he says or any "deal" he offers.
HvV was filmed back to back with Samoa and contestants didn't get to see Russell in action. He'll be an unknown quantity, much like James and Amanda were in FvF.

Although with someone like Russell, that can't last for very long. His own tribemates were well aware of his sketchiness very early on. I see no reason to believe that he's going to be any less of a bloviating dick with as much credibility as an email from Nigeria, especially since he was convinced he'd won Samoa with that strategy. And you can bet the returning contestants won't be naive to someone so nakedly aggressive as him.
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  #8  
Old 1st May 2012, 17:06
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

^ So Russell had already participated in season 20 when he appeared on the season 19 reunion show we just saw?

Season 19 and 20 were shot back-to-back and SABC3 is screening them back-to-back
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  #9  
Old 1st May 2012, 17:18
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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^ So Russell had already participated in season 20 when he appeared on the season 19 reunion show we just saw?
Yep. Hopefully his stank attitude during the reunion means he did poorly in 20 and got beaten by more "dumbass girls".
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  #10  
Old 1st May 2012, 18:38
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This interview is the most amazing thing to come out of Survivor since Russell cried on national television and begged Natalie to pretend he was the real winner

Here's the most Natalicious bit where she slays Russell:

Quote:
What shocked you the most about that final jury tribal council both you guys went through?

Natalie: Well for me, Iíve always watched seasons in the past, and youíre at your worst mentally, emotionally, and physically, and youíre pretty prepared to be criticized. But it seemed extra brutal. It was rough. And you know, theyíre long. Theyíre a couple of hours, so you get pounded up there, on the last day, when youíre at your absolute worst. And for me, I guess I didnít think people would get Ö I guess people were a little more hateful than I thought they would be. But it makes you fight for yourself, so in turn it was better for me, because I was able, you know, to fight for myself.

Russell: I thought that my speech was brilliant. As I talked, I was laying out everything that I did. I weeded everybody out, and then I tagged Mick alone. I thought that I laid everything out for them. What can you do Ö weigh it out. If she outwitted me, and outplayed me, give her the money. She was nicer to people than me, but just weigh it out. Which weighs more? Thatís called a bitter jury. Thatís what it is. Yeah, she had a better social game than me, but did she have a better strategic game than me? Did she have a better physical game than me? No. So letís weigh it out. When you use common sense, when you weigh it logically, it just seems like it wouldíve had to be my vote.

Natalie: Well it wasnít, because you were so mean to everybody. Itís a social game. I mean you have to at least admit that itís a social game.

Russell: Yeah, itís a social game, social game, social game. Letís rename it the social game! Because thatís all it is. If it was a social game and only that, and only people like you were playing in it, then you know what would happen? They wouldíve shut it down before the first season would even be finished. Because youíre that damn boring.

Natalie: Well, you know what, I may be boring, but guess what, I got the check. So thatís all that matters; I donít care.

Russell: [stutters] Yeah, well Ö

Natalie: Yeah, I know you donít have anything to say.

Russell: You wanna talk about money? You wanna see my bank account?

Natalie: I donít really care about your bank account.

Russell: I donít really care about your check.

Natalie: [laughs] Yeah you do. You wanted the title. You do, you do care. You wanted to win, and you hate it that you didnít win, and Iím sorry that you didnít take into account the jury. You did not play the social card, at all. Period.

Russell: I canít understand how stupid you are. You think the social game is the game. You sit there and say, itís a social game, itís a social game. How can you be that ignorant? How can you be that stupid?

Natalie: Well guess what, I played the player, so just shut it up now.

Russell: Calm down, calm down.

Natalie: Youíre not used to getting a rise out of me; well, you got a rise.

Russell: Oh, you want me to get a rise out of you? You want me to start working on this? Because Iíll get you. I got many, many interviews to go to, all kinds of TV shows.

Natalie: I know you do.

Moderator: On that note, weíre actually out of time. Thank you Russell and Natalie for a great season.
I can't believe I once thought Russell was merely an attention-hogging famewhore putting on a villain act for the camera. He really is this delusional and pathetic. He is also the sorest loser I have ever seen.
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  #11  
Old 1st May 2012, 18:53
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Where is that interview from ? Its hilarious !

I think she deserved to win purely because she endured Russel that long.
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Old 1st May 2012, 19:20
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry, forgot the link. Spoiler free as long as you stick to that thread.
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  #13  
Old 2nd May 2012, 08:46
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That interview shows a side of Natalie we didn't see on the show - she definitely played the meek and mild role perfectly, proving that she was right when she said that the aggressive women were targeted first and so she had it play it down to avoid Russell coming after her.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 12:33
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Quote:
Originally Posted by Citanul View Post
That interview shows a side of Natalie we didn't see on the show - she definitely played the meek and mild role perfectly, proving that she was right when she said that the aggressive women were targeted first and so she had it play it down to avoid Russell coming after her.
Yeah, she's much smarter and more assertive than a dumbass blonde. Post-show coverage has indicated one of the things she did was to stroke the poison dwarf's ego daily and talk about how amazing he was and how she would be satisfied to be his runner-up. She manipulated her own goat into thinking he was unbeatable so he'd take his popular and well-liked "sidekick" into FTC with him. She played him like a fiddle.

Russell was also in the spotlight early on as a potential boot and she was instrumental in convincing others to keep him. When they needed to talk to anyone, she would lead them to him covertly and catch them unawares.

More interview goodies: Everyone pretty much knew he couldn't win because he was so widely disliked. He would openly gloat that people were going home, rub it in their faces when he won rewards, not do any work around camp and generally treat others like dirt. All those awful instances of Russell-ness we got to see like the convo with Mick and Natalie before TC were drops in the bucket of his loathsomeness.

And the interview I posted above where Natalie snapped and put him in his place was hardly a one-off. He's been an absolute little shit in all his post-game interviews who speaks terribly of Natalie and blames everything on a "bitter" jury rather than his own execrable social game. Allow me to channel Judd and say, "What a bad sportsmanship."

A bitter jury! Shambo was the most bitter one there and she was about ready to have his babies. Kelly was the only other obvious bitter one and she bitchy to both Natalie and Russell. This discounts the fact that if any of them were bitter, he made them that way by treating them like crap.

TLDR, Natalie isn't being given enough credit, and the only thing Russell deserves for his overrated strategy and odious personality is the following gif:


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  #15  
Old 2nd May 2012, 13:16
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

@Cloud9: Just so I'm clear on this, you don't even feel a little bit sorry for Russell?
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Old 2nd May 2012, 13:33
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Honestly, I thought the finale was hugely unsatisfying. Not because Russell didn't win but because the Anyone-But-Russell choices were just terrible. You can put some effort into retconning Natalie into a deserving winner (And good luck to you!) but I don't buy any of it, personally. The only way she gets to the end is on Russell's back and while that's a valid strategy, it's not a strategy I personally respect. I don't like passive winners. You can't control your fate all of the time in Survivor but you should control your fate most of the time. Natalie's entire game hinged on Russell's whims and she's lucky that worked out for her. She's a lucky, lucky, winner

Having said that, what Russell deserved is what Russell got. He is incredibly good at playing an aggressive tactical game but his tactics don't amount to a strategy that can win Survivor. How can he be so shrewd and so dumb all at once? He's really good at a game he doesn't understand at all

Finally, Brett: Brett is to Samoa what Parvati was to the Cook Islands. Best player. In an alliance with and loved by everyone. Nailed on to win. Then crazy, random shit happens (in this case Russell finding 47 idols) and production just ignores that whole side of the game so they can tell the winner's story. Shit, not even the winner's story this time; the winners alliance-mate's story. If he'd won just one more individual immunity this season would have been all about Galu and Russell would be a footnote. Imagine that! When you think about it, this Russell bullshit is all Brett's fault
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Old 2nd May 2012, 13:41
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Originally Posted by SabreWolfy View Post
@Cloud9: Just so I'm clear on this, you don't even feel a little bit sorry for Russell?
I will say that when he was sitting there, close to tears, watching everything he had worked so hard for crumble right in front of him, I felt something touch my heart.

That something...







WAS AN OVERWHELMING SENSE OF JOY


I already hated him for being a dipshit that editing tried to shove down my throat as a mastermind but he's somersaulted to the top of my Most Hated of All Time list for his horrid post-show behaviour and the sour grapes of many of his "fans" who somehow don't understand how a major element of the game works 19 seasons after it was first introduced.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 15:02
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

^ Got it
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  #19  
Old 2nd May 2012, 15:08
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

@tooboocoo: Yes, the not-Russell options were not the strongest players of the game. Mick got 0 jury votes (7:2 Natalie:Russell), despite being a 100% homespun USA home-grown oatmeal-and-cookies good-looking genuine decent honest medical professional.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 16:17
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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@tooboocoo: Yes, the not-Russell options were not the strongest players of the game. Mick got 0 jury votes (it was 7:2 Natalie:Russell), despite being 100% homespun USA home-grown oatmeal-and-cookies good-looking genuine decent honest medical professional.
I think Mick's jury weakness is that he apparently didn't have much of a social game either. That's what Brett's question was about - he hadn't made much of an effort to really know the Galus. He also had the stigma of being the leader of a tribe that was decimated in the pre-merge.

Natalie's UTR game wasn't groundbreaking or particularly interesting to watch compared to Russell's bull in a china shop game. But it worked. She correctly read the signs that this season wasn't going to be friendly to strong female personalities and recognised this larger-than-life figure had the potential to piss a lot of people off, so she followed a strategy most suited for this kind of game. She forged great relationships with others and used those relationships to her advantage (like the Erik vote). She didn't play passively, she played perceptively. She made her big moves when she had to, not to show off how smart she was.

Seriously, the amateurish, heavy-handed, one-sided editing pisses me off. The editors buried her story because they were too enamoured of the Russell Show (Featuring Shambo) but that doesn't mean she did nothing to get where she was. We could have had a story of a Tina-esque player whose social game and understanding of others was so strong, she got the big mastermind to screw over his own game in her favour even as he mocked her for being a dumb little girl. The girl who made the puppetmaster her puppet - that's a satisfying ending. Instead we get people bitching about this unpleasant, socially inept goat being robbed because the show built him up to ridiculous levels.

Quote:
Natalie's entire game hinged on Russell's whims and she's lucky that worked out for her. She's a lucky, lucky, winner
Every winner is lucky and every winner hinges on others' whims. Russell's end-game hinged on Jaison, Mick and Natalie not turning on him toward the end. They didn't, not because he's some mastermind but because they didn't need to. She manipulated Russ perfectly and good for her. That's what Survivor's about, isn't it? Outwitting and outplaying? Convincing others to keep you to their own detriment?

And she was controlling her fate, by and large. She's free to vote against Russell at any time or defect to Galu at the Laura vote, but why bother? Russell's aims intersected with her own, she voted along with him while letting him take the bullets. It was in her best interests for him to do well, to get to the end. The one time, her fate was entirely out of her hands was the final immunity challenge, and Russell's fate would have been just as much in others' hands if he'd lost.

I don't get why it's so hard for so many people to give credit to these kinds of young female players who lack the physical means to compete with the Big Strong Alphas, in a show which punishes assertive women again and again. I get it, the subtle approach is not as interesting to watch as a mastermind who constantly brags about his latest cool move, but it's the only realistic way they often stand a shot of winning.

Why didn't she play an unnecessarily "active" but more entertaining game that ultimately would've led to her losing?

Sorry for the essay, but the assertion that the woman who won an overwhelming vote against a man who's supposedly the greatest player ever did nothing baffles me. You don't win 7-2 by being an anti-choice.
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Old 2nd May 2012, 16:54
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

@Cloud9: Yes, true re Mick. He didn't play much (any?) of a social game and his answer to Brett's question certainly wasn't his finest moment I guess his poor performance as the elected tribe leader also counted against him for the whole game.

Obvioulsy the producers need to edit hours of footage down into one show each week and to keep viewers interested in a developing story. It would be interesting to see a re-edit of the season with more focus on Natalie and Brett earlier on. I wonder what we missed...
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Old 2nd May 2012, 17:52
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Quote:
Originally Posted by SabreWolfy View Post
Obvioulsy the producers need to edit hours of footage down into one show each week and to keep viewers interested in a developing story. It would be interesting to see a re-edit of the season with more focus on Natalie and Brett earlier on. I wonder what we missed...
Brett had alliances with just about everyone in his tribe. Remember how Erik and John thought he was tight with them? His primary alliance was with Laura and he would report back to her on what the guys on his tribe were planning. A big part of this was because they attended the same church pre-show and recognised each other on the first day.

Like Tooboocoo said, he would've in a great position to win if it hadn't been for Russell's idol finding skills. It's a shame we didn't get to see any of it. For anyone looking for the best player not to have won this season, Brett's you man, not Russell.

Brett for the Invisible Masterminds season!
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  #23  
Old 2nd May 2012, 18:44
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SabreWolfy SabreWolfy is offline
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

@Cloud9: As a viewer, I would have voted for Russell at the FTC, along with Tashi. His social game was poor as we've discussed, but surely you can concede that he played the game well. He found idols and used them at the right time. He built alliances and removed threats. He played hard. He was not out there to make friends and be nice to everyone.

Ultimately, that back-fired on him, because the game is more complex and subtle and he completely missed the social game. But so did Mick, and I'd say Russell deserved to be in the final three much more than Mick did. Just because Russell played a poor social game doesn't mean be played a poor game overall. Foa Foa was 4:8 down at the merge and managed to elimate all of Galu. Of course that wasn't exclusively Russell's doing, but he played his part in that.
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  #24  
Old 2nd May 2012, 19:35
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Does anyone know what the final count was ?

I know they usually try and show most of the votes but did Mick get any ? Did Russel only get 2 ?
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  #25  
Old 2nd May 2012, 20:15
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Default Re: Survivor 19: Fina...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

^ 7:2:0 Natalie:Russell:Mick
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