Sweet Big Brother junkies, trust me when I tell you you do NOT want to be a housemate. It really is all about: no sleep, the bright neon lights of an airconditioned (but boiling bed - slept for about an hour and a half), all the dishes you have to wash after a single meal, cold water showers PLUS dealing with torturers,
literally. Two personal trainers arrived at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning, screamed everyone out of a doze and then made us do a stupid, horrible workout.
Last year when I guinea pigg'd the house I got so drunk through it all I didn't notice it all properly - also there were more takeaways last year and no early morning mad people, who gave a very real and grizzly sense of what it's like when they rip up the housemates.
An extra night and I would have revolted in a
big way, which got me thinking ... maybe this is what they're gonna do with them? Work them to death.
THE DIGSOf course/of course you've been dying to hear about what the house itself is like.
The theme's a Moroccan-Urban Oasis: earthy colours - browns, creams and dark red - mixed with a sense of the very-dry versus running water. It makes you feel thirsty and quenched at the same time.
There's a creepy tree in the middle of the house for no reason, pictures by some artsy dude called Nico Meyer and stencils of rats (fun-looking ones). These run along the bottom of the walls so I don't know if we'll be able to see them on the box.
The kitchen's bigger than last year, there's none of that whack green grass in it and the shower doors are half-frosted.
And that's all I can say for now unfort. As I mentioned before I left I had to commit to confidentiality so as not to spoil it for you. I did promise a cryptic clue though, here it is: the bed pillows are in a different place.
THE BAD NEWSThere's
no jacuzzi!! Can you believe it?? No sauna nor any sort of steamy. I couldn't believe it when I saw - there's a pool, - it's different from last year's but still, I just don't see that it's going to be used more than last year. It was 20 degrees too freezing in the evening to even think about taking a plunge.
CONSPIRACY STRATEGIES
As mentioned I was fully info conspiring with the new rules about it and it turned out that I ended being a chief conspirator without doing a thing.
Which indirectly led me to playing the ultimate strategy of being the crappest housemate ever.
How it unfolded:
Just as everyone was clutching their welcome champagne and snacks Bongani made the fatal reality mistake of stepping in and taking charge before anyone was settled. He stood up and went round the circle, asking everyone who they were and where they were from in such a way that no-one could get a word in edgeways.
As you know this ALWAYS gets someone whacked first - which is what happened. A conspiracy began immediately afterwards to hide his bag.
My strategy: didn't say much, gave bursts of agreement and nods to Everyone.
It went down, Bongani's bag disappeared - I wasn't even sure who exactly hid it and when he discovered it was gone Munyaradzi said - very loudly: "Tashi, I can't believe you went ahead and did it!"
All my fault 'cos before we locked down I'd told him that I was plotting to plan. Bongani looked over at me, pressing me to spill and I was like "No, no I didn't, seriously, " but as I was saying it I didn't even believe myself it sounded so much like I did.
The result: Bongani suspected me the entire time and I didn't need to do a thing.
Then, Big Brother gave us a task to make supper and as soon as it happened people volunteered to do something quickly so I didn't have a chance to decide what I could do - can't cook so it was out immediately.
The result: I developed my second strategy - to be the crappest housemate ever to see how long I could last. As you know, doing zilch round camp's right up there with things that you get whacked but it was a chance I was willing to take, so I lazed around, drank, chatted, laughed "hahahaha" - didn't do a stitch of anything at
ALL.SUCCESS (Sort of)I made it all the way through the early evening, through the cooking of a lavish meal, through the setting of the table, through the after-supper chatter, went outside to lounge around more afterwards, sat down very pleased and next thing Big Brother boomed that I had to wash the dishes. Bah! Thankfully there were three of us who did them, but still it was
mega - must have taken about two hours.
JACKPOTFor the first time ever I won a task. (Forgive me, I don't mean to be braggy but had to tell you 'cos it really meant so much to me, "I'd like to thank my family, my Jack Russell Mischka, etc")
On Saturday morning we had to do a numbers task - inspired by a saying, that goes something along the lines of "The success of a revolution lies in the numbers."
We had to solve an ongoing puzzle type thing where you had to add the last two numbers as the sequence increased and I won - an Ipod docking station.
I was so thrilled you have no idea - the only trouble is I don't have an Ipod!! Still it rocked.
MUST-HAVE: It made me realise that
they MUST give away stuff like this in the show. Instead of them only winning food type rewards for in the house, they should win thIngs for after - cool gadgets and cash that the hosuemates can collect when they leave. It would add a big spin to things espesh if certain hosuemates keep winning or if one wins something someone else wants.
SNACKS:A view of the studio's where the house is located, - it's sort of behind and inside. You go through the gates, round a corner and enter the two doors of the house from the other side. It doesn't look like it houses what it does does it?