I have to admit, when continuity presenter Liesel promised this episode featured one of the most Controversial Decisions Ever in Survivor, I rolled my eyes. Indeed, I made a promise myself that if it turned out to be lame, I would hunt her down and force some horrible fate upon her, like non-stop infomercials or something.
Liesel, I am happy to report I will not be stalking you with videotapes I raided from the Glomail offices. What an episode! Thank goodness I had my smelling salts close by.
The episode started conventionally enough – with Boo acting like a kook. He was making a hidey-hole in the long grasses so he could eavesdrop on any conversations his fellow tribemates might have. Brilliant! He can increase his certainty that they want to vote him out next from 99 percent to 100 percent!
I like Ninja Boo better than Ninja Alex. He’s a way cuter Ninja even if he is more likely to cut himself on his sword.
OK, maybe he's not as cute as these NinjasTreemail hinted at a car reward, as well as some charity with the promise that “doing good for others is a price you can’t refuse”. Oddly, the contestants seemed more focused on the car part. It’s better to give than to receive except in the case of free cars, I guess.
Dreamz in particular was determined to get that car. He didn’t have a license because he’d never owned a car in his life so this was finally his chance to get some wheels. He was confident that he would prevail as long as the challenge was about agility or strength. I’ll point out the obvious and point out he didn’t say anything about intelligence.
The Reward Challenge did turn out to involve physicality. Unfortunately for Dreamz, the first round was a team-based obstacle course so he couldn’t plow his way to victory on his own steam. Nevertheless, his team looked like they had the first round in the bag when they surged ahead on some balance beams. Yau-Man looked like he’d lost his mojo completely and kept falling off his balance beam.
She hates to see them go but she loves to watch them leaveDreamz’s team lost that lead when Cassandra got stuck at one point. Boo was able to dig up the bundle needed for his team to advance to the next round despite Dreamz’s impressive impersonation of a mad rabbit. Too bad, so sad.
Stacy, Boo and Yau-Man moved onto the final round where Yau rediscovered his mojo and won himself a shiny new car: a Ford Super Dude. I only wish I was making that name up.
(OK, I’m lying. I am making that name up. I looked it up and it’s actually a Super Duty which is still a dumb name but at least doesn’t sound like it was named by a panel of five-year-old boys. Can you imagine if five-year-olds were in charge of coming up with car names? We’d be driving Honda Tyrannosaurs or Toyota Giant Shapeshifting Robots.)
Yau, who really is too clever for his own good at times, decided this was the perfect time to make a deal. He turned to Dreamz and promised him the car as long as he gave him the immunity idol if they were to both make final four and Dreamz were to win the IC.
I turned away from the screen, barely able to watch the giant target settling over Yau-Man like that green covering in the Hollard insurance ad. How on earth did he think this would go over well with any of his tribemates? Hell, why on earth did he think trusting Dreamz, the human see-saw, was a good idea?
"Dreamz, why are you drawing a big cross on my back?"
Blinded by carlust, Dreamz accepted the car without a second thought. Yay! Now he finally has somewhere to sleep! Yeah, I know. Tasteless joke. I’ll show myself out.
When asked whom he wanted to send to Exile Island, Yau did another unconventional thing; he picked himself. Yep, he did the only thing I can think of that could make the public deal he made with Dreamz worse. Now his tribemates could plot against him without a second thought.
The rest of the tribe got to enjoy the charity part of the challenge. They all got to deliver supplies for the local school in Dreamz’s brand new car. The kids were all dressed exactly like mini-Jeffs in blue shirts and khaki shorts. Is this the Fiji Academy for Future Reality Show Hosts?
Where's Waldo Jeff?
Mark Burnett takes care of his future Survivor hosts. Besides toys and games, he also donated a truckload of electronic and computer equipment to the teachers. They must have been leftovers from Moto Mansion’s audiovisual room.
Dreamz had a great time with the kids. He said that he related to them 100 percent. Yes, when I think of someone who would have the most in common intellectually and emotionally with a bunch of twelve-year-olds, Dreamz definitely comes to mind.
Bad kids don't get sent to detention. They get sent to Exile Island.Enough of this warm-hearted nonsense! This is Survivor, the backstabbiest show on television, so it was no surprise that underhanded scheming resumed as soon as the tribe got back from the charity run. What was particularly snakey was that it was Dreamz who was contemplating voting Yau-Man off.
Dreamz came to the conclusion that giving away his hypothetical idol to Yau at final four would probably result in him getting voted out. “I can buy twelve cars with one million dollars,” he reasoned. Then you’d better damn well give Yau back his car right now, you treacherous cockroach.
The Immunity Challenge featured balance beams, balls and buoys. With all those Bs, it’s no surprise that Boo won it. This didn’t faze Earl much – he could just move Stacy up the execution list. Not only that, the new clue Yau brought back with him was enough for Earl to find the second hidden immunity idol.
Fishing for idolsYau-Man was pleased as punch not to have to share his immunity idol even more. Between the idol and his deal with Dreamz, he was firmly convinced he was going to cruise into final three. Stop counting those chickens, Yau! Some of them eggs look suspiciously like crocodile eggs.
Yau-Man failed to notice Dreamz buzzing around in his ointment. Dreamz’s mutinous mutterings had grown into full-on rebellious rumblings. He and Cassandra decided that now was the time to finally put their plans into action. He approached Stacy with his plan who somehow restrained herself from dropping on her knees and praising him for saving her skin.
After all, Dreamz reasoned, he wasn’t technically breaking his word to Yau. He had only promised that he would give him the immunity at final four, If Yau was voted out before final four, he wouldn’t technically have broken his promise.
Daaaamn, Dreamz. Talk about a natural-born politician. I’ve seen less twisting around from a Cirque Du Soleil contortionist. You, sir, are a worm. And not the marginally cute earthworm-kind either. The parasitic, disgusting kind. You are a tapeworm.
Now I’m not one to condemn backstabbing and scheming in Survivor (unless it’s really stupid scheming) because it’s, by its nature, a game based on deceit and cunning. But damn, this is a total dick move from Dreamz. Yau gave him a freakin’ car! And yes, it was strategy but there was also a big element of generosity. It’s not like Dreamz had to say yes to the car. But he did. And come on, if someone gives you a free car based on one condition, you had better make sure you fulfill that condition, come hell or high water.
Maybe it pisses me off so much because it’s against Yau-Man. Maybe if Dreamz was doing this to Rocky and Lisi, I’d cackle and say, “tough luck”. As it stands, this really does not sit well with me. Dude gave you a car and you said yes, Dreamz. The least you could do is not actively plot against him for a couple of days.
"Yau, could you move a little to the left? A little more. Yeah, right in front of that bullseye. Thanks!"The worst part was that Earl and Yau-Man seemed utterly clueless. You’d think Earl would have cottoned on when he told Stacy she was next to be voted out and her response was along the lines of “No hard feelings, tee hee! Oh well, that’s life, heh heh. Please ignore this giant grin on my face, ho ho ho.”
Finally,
finally, Yau’s Spidey-sense kicked in and he told Earl he had “bad vibes”. Yes! Listen to those vibes! Those knives the others are sharpening aren’t for the annual Fijian luau!
Yau may have chosen to ignore his vibes except that Stacy is an idiot. Tribal Council looked bleak – smirking faces surrounding Earl and Yau, safe in the knowledge that Yau had no way of knowing he was about to be blindsided. Stacy was so certain she was safe that she happily announced to Jeff that lines were about to be drawn and the vote was about to be split. Cue Yau’s “oh shit” expression as he realised what was about to happen.
Here’s where I started to laugh at just how badly Stacy had screwed herself. Word to the wise, Stace? When your entire strategy rests on someone not playing their immunity idol, you might not want to make it blindingly obvious he’s in danger before he has an opportunity to play it.
Earl and Yau-Man voted for Stacy while the rest of the tribe voted for Yau. Jeff asked if anyone wanted to play their immunity idol. A long, agonising moment passed. Finally, gloriously, amazingly, Yau-Man stood and handed Jeff the idol. Stacy’s face fell like a stone and the grin that had previously occupied it leapt onto Yau’s.
AWESOME! In a season that’s been full of these kinds of Tribal Councils, where you can pinpoint the very moment gloating players understand the depths of their ruin, this is truly the greatest. This, my friends, is Epic Fail at its finest.
Oh man, I need a cigarette after that. In her final words, Stacy was happy to have made it so far and that she’d walked away with a smile on her face. Maybe you should have saved that smile until after Tribal Council, you moron.
Next week: The much-hyped finale! I honestly don’t know how anything can top this episode but be sure to watch anyway.