For once, silence reigned over Ravioli. Rocky was gone and Lisi was sleeping alongside Deamz. Alex, Edgardo and Mook were being vewy, vewy quiet – they were hunting immunity idols.
Edgardo and Alex had told Mook about the hidden immunity idol and they had decided to repay Lisi’s
idiocy generosity in spilling the idol beans by looking for it without telling her. As the unsuspecting Lisi dozed a few metres away, Ocean’s Three found and unearthed the immunity idol. They didn’t have time to make a decoy and frankly, I wouldn’t trust their craft skills like I would Yau-Man’s.
They snuck into the forest to giggle over their newly acquired turtle idol and promised to share it. Since Mook was the one to find it, he was appointed Official Idol Holder. The threesome laughed at how easy it was to outmanoeuvre Lisi. “Lisi is not a very smart person,” Edgardo said before adding the unnecessary, “at playing the game.”
Lisi would probably disagree with this assessment of her intelligence. After all, when she had woken up, she was able to notice Mook kicking dirt around the dig site and concluded he was looking for the idol. “You’re going to have to wake up really early to fool an old cat like me,” Lisi gloated, failing to notice the seagulls of irony flapping above her head.
Soon it was time for the bi-weekly Ravioli drubbing. This week’s RC was basically a Fijian version of So You Think You Can Dance, otherwise known as a Meke. A Meke in a Tiki vs Mookie and his rookies.
The teams had to show off their moves to some Fijian dance experts who would score them on appearance, enthusiasm and technique. They would then open the lines and allow Fiji to vote for their favourites and the one with the lowest total of votes would be eliminated.
Earl led Motorola in a fast-paced beach boogie and silently prayed Boo would not forget his moves and end up doing the Robot. Ravioli followed with an enthusiastic piece almost completely lacking in timing and rhythm and capped off with an acrobatic jump by Dreamz. Ooooh, did he choreograph that himself? Pretty good but he should have made some pom-poms out of palm fronds. And maybe also added some spirit fingers.
Always go for spirit fingersThe judges liked both teams but ultimately thought Motorola was more in sync. What have you done, Fiji?! The Raviolis slumped, disillusioned. I told you guys you should have used spirit fingers! Motorola sent Lisi to Exile Island before settling down to a feast with the locals.
After eight Fijian shots in a row, Cassandra was feeling rather hammeredLisi was very sad. She even cried! Poor woobie was tired of losing and getting sent to Exile Island. Not to snigger at her pain or anything (oh, who am I kidding, I totally mean to snigger) but she had been bragging about how much she didn’t care about any challenges earlier on. Poetic justice, and not the silly treemail kind of poetry either.
After enjoying some Fijian hospitality, it was back to backstabbing. Earl had his spy Michelle report back to him on what was going on in the camp. Michelle recommended voting out Stacy because of her torn loyalties to her old tribe. Well, that was only part of the reason. The other part, Michelle covertly told us, was because she felt she and Stacy were carbon copies of each other when it came to function in the tribe. A shot of the two of them lying on the beach tanning left suggested that their function was to do absolutely nothing. There can be only one appendix!
It was at this point that I was sure Stacy was screwed. After all, she’d had something like two whole interviews up until that point. I think that’s the most non-Dreamz-bitching screentime she’s had the entire season.
Silly, foolish me. To see Stacy get voted out would require Motorola actually losing immunity. The Raviolis were not ready to give up their loserdom however and the IC featured yet another dismal performance from them.
This time they were feeling more hopeful than ever. After all, it was a marksmanship challenge and they had self-professed archery expert Edgardo. First up was the blowdart portion of the competition. Boo proved to be the biggest blowhard and won Motorola one point. See, this is the one time Rocky might actually have proved useful in a challenge, considering the amount of hot air he spouts.
Worth two points was the spear-throwing section. Almost everyone proved to be completely useless at this. Yau-Man appears to be the only one who’s ever watched Javelin-throwing on TV as he ran with it and released it like a true pro. You da man, Yau-Man!
The last event was archery and it was worth three points. Yau-Man once again proved his pointy-thing-target skills and shot his arrow pretty near the bullseye. Edgardo, as the last Ravioli to shoot, was the only one who could save his team. The music became tense as he drew back his bow, a look of pure concentration on his face. He released the arrow and…didn’t even hit the bullseye. So much for the Robin Hood heroics.
When they were back at Loser Beach, Lisi took over Rocky’s duties as Moaning Myrtle and went on and on about just how sucky the team was. Except Rocky, for all his faults, actually included himself in the team when he went on his rants. Lisi blabbed about how “they” were looosers and rats on a sinking ship. Big talk from the head rat herself, who’s not contributed a single thing to either challenge or camp.
She went to Alex and Edgardo and admitted she’d had enough. She could not take any more trips to Exile Island and asked them if they could vote her off. Edgardo and Alex agreed, prompting me to do my own non-Fijian, rhythmless dance in front of the TV.
Dreamz grinning from the tips of his neckbeard when he heard what was happening with Lisi. He could barely contain himself from running to Tribal Council at that very moment and voting for her. He and I both readied the balloons and champagne.
Lisi suddenly changed her mind and told Alex and Edgardo she’d been mistaken; she wanted to stay and torture us all. Oh no you don’t! Get her, A&E!
At Tribal Council, Dreamz could barely contain his excitement – if he had had access to pom-poms, he would have performed a cheer there and then. Jeff asked why he was so happy so he laid out how he was going to die of joy as soon as he could put down Lisi’s name.
Lisi did not take this well and launched into an attack on Dreamz for not putting his all into the game and quitting during challenges. Oh, my sides hurt. Miss I-don’t-give-a-crap-about-challenges is slamming Dreamz, bloody DREAMZ of all people, for his attitude during challenges.
The mind, it bogggaaarrrghs! War is peace! Freedom is slavery! We were always at war with Motorola! Lisi is a team player and Dreamz is not!
Dreamz turned to her and very simply asked whether she wanted to be there. She waffled without giving a straight answer. So Dreamz asked her again and this time demanded a yes or no answer. Lisi hemmed and hawed as Dreamz went in for the kill. Dang, he’s doing Jeff’s job for him.
After avoiding the question for about two minutes, Lisi finally admitted, very unconvincingly, that she did want to stay and that everyone needed to give her a chance. De-NIED! Alex, Edgardo and Mook were just as sick of Lisi’s see-sawing as I was, and she was sent to the ultimate Exile.
In her final words, Lisi once again called them losers and said she was glad to be off that sinking ship. As if you had a choice. How much of a loser do you have to be if even the other so-called losers don’t want you around?
Next week: One of Mark Burnett’s patented Shocking! Twists! What could it be? Michelle is of the opinion that they’re going to die from it. Oooh, it’s going to be a castaway death match, I just know it!