Ravioli was rotting from within. That much was apparent as a hoard of flies descended upon them. That’s only a prelude to the vultures.
The mood at Ravioli was one of hopelessness, so much so, that Earl was already talking about who was dispensable among his tribemates only one minute in. Could there be any hope for those not-so-loveable losers?
Mark Burnett was not feeling especially cruel this time around so he decided to throw in a twist. It’s almost a pity. I was genuinely curious as to whether Ravioli would be able to outdo Ulong as the losingest tribe ever. Instead of a Reward Challenge, Jeff Probst surprised the contestants with a strange request: “Drop your pants buffs.”
The starved, fly-covered members of Ravioli dropped to their knees in gratitude. Finally, a chance to escape! Edgardo and Earl got to choose the first members of reshuffled Motorola and Ravioli and thereafter each new member made their own choice of tribemate. The odd one out got an all-expenses-paid trip to Exile Island.
Edgardo had to pick a colour out of a hat and ended up with an orange buff. Welcome to Crapioli, Ed. New Ravioli consisted of Edgardo, Rocky, Dreamz, Mookie the Mook, Alex and Anthony. New Motorola consisted of Earl, Boo, Michelle, Cassandra, Yau-Man and Stacy. Neither team wanted Lisi’s unpleasant self, amusingly enough, although I’m sure the choice of having to pick between her and Stacy to go to Exile Island was a difficult one indeed.
"NOOOOOO!!! Not Ravioli!!"Lisi tried to pretend she was cool with the fact that no-one wanted her nasty ass around, even going so far as to claim she was ready to go home. Hear that, Jeff? Grant her her wish, pleeeaaase.
Jeff ignored my pleas and sent her to Exile Island, where even the snakes tried their best to avoid her. She admitted she could be a little abrasive. No, duh. She makes scouring brushes look like loofahs, that’s how abrasive she is.
Lisi can in fact read, as was evidenced by her scrutiny of the clues to the Hidden Immunity Idol. Reading comprehension is a different story however as she shrugged off the clues with an impatient “whatever”. Lord, woman, it’s not an Agatha Christie mystery. Those clues aren’t that hard to figure out.
At first sight of the Motorola Hilton, Earl, Michelle, and Yau-Man could hardly believe their luck. “Redonkulus,” was Earl’s response as he lounged on the bed and ordered around the monkey butlers. Wait until you see the bar and Jacuzzi, Earl.
OMG, feet on the couch! You can tell she's fresh out the Ravioli trailer parkThe brand new luxury did not turn Earl’s brain into mush and he quickly set his mind to strategy. In order to gain the majority in his new tribe, he was going to need a swing vote.
Enter Cassandra, bringing her new favourite tribemate a steaming cup of coffee and wearing an “ask me about my swing vote” hat. She doted on Earl and made it very clear she was willing to not just swing but trapeze, should she get a good offer. Earl was pleased. Everything finally was falling into place.
The mood among the New Raviolis was unexpectedly positive, considering they were, well, Raviolis. Jeff had left a nice bit of food so no-one would kill himself over the prospect of having to suffer the Ravioli curse.
The New Raviolis immediately started talking about how awesome it was not to be in the company of icky girls. “I’m glad there are no women around,” Alex said. Is this where the wild gay sex comes in?
They ARE getting awfully touchy. I'll start the porn music.The mood was shared by most of the tribe. Now they could talk about meat, cars, beer and cars named after meat and beer, without any gross girls to interrupt. Rocky claimed to love women and talking to them (except about matters of lip-gloss, presumably) before launching into a spiel about how great it was not to have to listen to them waffle on. Yes, I can just hear the respect he has for us chicks every time he talks about how ditzy and unpleasant to be around we all are.
We're men, we're men in buffs
We catch us some crabs, we catch us some fish, we're tough
We're men, we're men in buffs
No girls are allowed, We're not a big fan of muff
We may look like sissies
But watch what you say or else we'll have to get rough
We're men, we're men in buffs
We can't talk about how awesome we are enough
(We're butch)
The one man who was really uncomfortable sitting joining the “No Girlz Aloud! Keep Owt!” clubhouse was Anthony. As a nerd and someone who apparently doesn’t think women are silly and flighty, he was feeling left out of what he called the “burly man tribe”. Think every American high school movie you’ve ever seen: nice nerdy guy feels left out among the guys because they’re a bunch of jock muscleheads and he’s not.
While the Burly Men went off to hunt boars or whatever it is Burly men do for fun, Anthony was left to tend the fire and sew the clothes and make sure supper was ready. As everyone knows, a nerd’s true place is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.
The Burly Men caught crabs. Figures they would. The Burly Men chopped wood. The Burly Men caught fish. The Burly Men sang
the Lumberjack Song. The Burly Men marvelled at their Burliness. The Burly Men laughed at how their Burliness was certain to win the next challenge.
Men men men men manly men men menAnthony showed admirable restraint in not calling the Burly Men idiots. Rocky was not so tactful and spent a lot of time detailing to his new tribemates how much of an effeminate wimp he found Anthony. Ooh, “effeminate”; where’d you learn such big words, Rocky? He also claimed Anthony didn’t pull his weight.
I like to wear women's clothing / And hang around in barsMook joined in the mockfest and talked disdainfully about how weak and backbone-less Anthony was. “Rocky called him out and he almost cried,” Mook mooked. I swear these two must have raging inferiority complexes, the way they mercilessly rag on Anthony for not being man enough.
The Immunity Challenge was reminiscent of a typical Joburg rush hour and involved collisions, cursing and traffic jams. Just in case you hadn’t quite had enough of Ravioli’s over-the-top machismo, the Burly Men claimed they had this in the bag because they were a “supahpowah”: The Soviet Republic of Testosteronia.
After all this posturing, guess which team won the challenge. Just guess.
Yes, it looks like Ravioli didn’t quite have the *ahem* manpower to win it. I have to admit I was thrilled to see them lose but also disappointed because Anthony was obviously the one on the chopping block.
My and Anthony’s only hope was that Rocky was not exactly ingratiating himself to the tribe. His general toolishness was wearing thin, especially with Dreamz and Edgardo. The former thought he was lazy (now, who’s not pulling his weight?) while the latter thought he was a dick for treating Anthony the way he did.
Even at TC, Rocky could just not leave Anthony be. The trained gorilla criticised Anthony’s social skills before launching into a tirade about how Anthony was a big dumb girl who acted girly and did girly things and how disgusting this was. “No offence,” he added. The cherry on top of this *bleep!* sundae was when he claimed he was doing this for Anthony’s benefit and showing him “tough love”.
Anthony could finally take no more and started telling off Rocky. I say started because Rocky, who had just told him to be a man and stand up for himself, kept interrupting him and didn’t let him speak. Oh, the irony! And the goldy and bronzey too!
So who did the Burly Men vote out? The lazy troublemaker with the big mouth who has the self-awareness of a gnat and a brain even smaller than said gnat (no offence)? Or the nerd who does his share around camp and tried not to cause trouble?
Tragically, my fervent desire to see Rocky out before Anthony was not to be. Great going, Ravioli. I hope Rocky brings you the same luck he brought the original tribe.
In his final words, Anthony talked about how pissed off he was and how insane it was that they had voted him out for being too tactful instead of acting like a confrontational jackass.
Next week: Karma finally steps in and foists Lisi upon the Burly Men. Yau-Man finds a pick somewhere and goes mining for idols.