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Island Deja Vu

Written by Cloud9 from the blog Tribal Talk on 26 Sep 2007
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Nooooo! Not the dreaded recap episode!

The quality of these kinds of recap episodes usually range from “extremely sucky” to “only mildly annoying” and I am happy to say that this one was one of the better recaps episodes this show has had. The new footage was worth a giggle or ten and we got to watch Billy’s declaration of love for Candice a second time, which is always worth it.

So let us take a trip down memory lane and relive all the best moments of Survivor Cook Islands thus far, as well as the only real reason to watch this episode – the new footage.

Once upon a time, a reality show producer came up with a novel way to create controversy for his show and drum up the ratings broaden his social experiment and increase diversity in his pet TV show. He took the contestants from the latest season of the show and divided them into tribes along ethnic lines.

Some contestants were shocked, others were thrilled. Nate was happy not to be the only token brother on Survivor. Hee. Yul soberly reflected on his childhood when jerkass kids had smashed his family’s Christmas lights just because they were different. Aw. Cao Boi salivated at the prospect of a captive Asian audience he could ply with his giant collection of racist Asian jokes. Oy.

The only person who didn’t seem to give a crap about the racial divisions was Billy because he was barely Dominican anyway. His culture is Metal, remember?

Hiki, the African-American tribe, enthusiastically talked about how they were going to represent. They promptly lost the first challenge and wailed about how they hoped people wouldn’t see this embarrassing loss as representative of their race. Maybe if you hadn’t brought it up in the first place, guys.

Sekou was a natural leader and effortlessly led his tribe into total loserdom. He showed them how not to make a fire. He showed them how to not to get on a boat without flipping it over. He was a walking how-not-to-do-things guide. Instead of keeping him on and doing the exact opposite of anything he said or did, the Hikis voted him out first.


Sekou's leadership in a nutshell.

While Sekou was overturning boats in a strangely symbolic representation of his entire leadership, the whitebread Raros were suffering their own possibly symbolic boat troubles. Adam and Candice went off in their little boat to explore with Candice in “the driver’s seat”. Metaphor of the entire Candice/Adam alliance?

The sea gods became angry at their stupid relationship and summoned up bad weather. The couple could not get back to shore because of the currents so they had to park the boat in a nearby sandbar and swim back. How did they expect the boat would get back? Did they think a valet would row it back to shore?


They call this sandbar "Makeout point".

Poverty was not happy when she heard their story because they needed the boat to fish. Presumably, they managed to retrieve the boat later by having Poverty lure it back to shore with her feminine wiles.

Billy originally tried to play different sides of the Hispanic Aitu tribe, allying himself with JP and then trying to convince Cristina and Cecilia he wouldn’t ever get with JP: “I wouldn’t even stand a shot against him trying to get a date at a club Saturday night”. Well, I highly doubt you’d be competing for the same type of dates.


But what will Candice think of your two-timing, Billy?

Then came the greatest love story Survivor has ever seen. A few whispered words of love from Candice at an Immunity Challenge set Billy’s heart aflame and he was more than happy to get voted off because he had found love. Cecilia and Cristina almost bust a gut laughing and Jeff was goggle-eyed and speechless like someone who’s just listened to Billy’s music for the first time.

Tragically, that wicked Candice quickly forgot about Billy and turned her claws to whatever barely interested person or object she could find. Don’t worry about Billy. We all know his real mistress is Metal.

Yul was the second person to get sent to Exile Island and he found the place where the Immunity Idol was buried easily. Then, like CSI Cook Islands, he decided to cover up his tracks and hide all traces that he had been digging or fund anything.

This led to an amusing montage of the next few fools to go to Exile Island fruitlessly searching. Jonathan dug a ditch and then, with perfect comic timing, said “I could use a toothbrush right now”. It’s all in the delivery, folks. There’s a reason this man is a successful actor and not a waiter/model like the rest of them.

Like Jonathan, Candice seemed also to consider the clues carefully but came up with neither the Immunity Idol nor a well-timed one-liner. Adam read the clue (Adam can READ??!) but couldn’t understand a word of it and lumbered around digging randomly. I bet he finds Where’s Waldo books challenging.

The race wars came to an end when the tribes were shuffled. The first victim of the shuffle was the bodaciously-bodied, but strangely silent Cecilia who left with about as much fanfare as she’d played the game; none at all.

Things started off well at the new Raro tribe which had ended up with all the buff young guys. This thrilled flirty Poverty to no end despite the fact that two of the men would be immune to her feminine wiles. She wiggled her bum in a subtle display of flirtatiousness. Well, subtle in an etv late night Friday movie kind of way. She might as well have attached a neon sign to her bum saying “look here, manly men of Raro”.


Later on, she's having a pole installed.


I swear, I've seen more of Poverty's bum than Becky, Sundra and Rebecca combined.

Raro wasn’t all wiggling bums and Poverty’s sledgehammer approach to flirting. It was also singalongs and possible campfire stories as well. Stephannie regaled us with a lovely version of Amazing Grace (I thought at first they said Amazing Race and thought the shameless cross-promotion was almost as obvious as Poverty’s flirting). Lovely. Just remember that later on in the episode when Stephannie is a funny drunk.

Life was good over at New Aitu because Ozzy was catching whole schools of fish a day and bringing in more haul than a Japanese fishing trawler. This made him happy because he knew his worth was rising among his tribemates. He is obviously aware of that old proverb: “Give a man to fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll vote your ass off at the nearest Tribal Council.”

This didn’t stop him complaining about some of the lazy-ass girls who never helped with the fishing, specifically Candice whose delicate reaction to cold doesn’t allow her to leave her nice, shady spot under the trees. Poor baby. Perhaps her tribe should ask her if her condition would improve if she’d moved next to a roaring fire at Loser Lodge.

So secure was JP in the fact that his muscles would keep him on Raro that he failed to notice his tribemates getting sick of his orders and scheming to vote him out. He didn’t even figure out he was in trouble when Stephannie reacted to his news that she was the next to go with all the happiness of someone who’s just struck oil. Word of advice, JP: no-one likes getting voted off and if they start acting like a Disney character on Prozac when you tell them they’re gone, it’s possible that they know something you don’t.


"Wow, you must really like those mashed potatoes."

After JP was eliminated, Raro got its hands on some booze. Stephannie has apparently never had alcohol in her entire life because a few sips of wine turned her into some shambling ex-hippie who’s smoked twenty spliffs a day for their entire life. She stared at things with a blankness usually found in lobotomy people. Or Adam. It was hysterical.

Sadly, her tribemates were not quite so understanding when she made an offhand comment about wanting to eat mashed potatoes and they voted her butt out.

And, uh, that’s pretty much it for new scenes. Cao Boi was voted off and talked some crap about how it was clear Becky and Yul’s parents hadn’t taught them properly because they knew nothing about honour. Oh, go hunt some baby boobies, you fool. Adam called Cristina annoying (Pot? Meet Kettle.) and she ended up getting voted off despite trying to be less annoying. That’s where we are now! Funny, that.

Next week: a brand new episode! Full of new scenes and everything! Hooray!



3 Comments

Renegade
26 Sep 2007 01:13

I love the way you write. Great read.

Shirmell
26 Sep 2007 03:56

Aaah the dreaded recrap episode, loved the new footage, a drunk Stephannie was hysterical.LOL

six
26 Sep 2007 07:15

>>and we got to watch Billy’s declaration of love for Candice a second time, which is always worth it.<<

That was my fave bit too!

Great article, as always :)


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