With Head Meathead JP banished from Raro, you’d think that the Rarorians would have gotten their act together and become the hard-working community they were meant to be but weren’t because of JP’s laziness and bossiness dragging them down.
You would be wrong. The ladies of Raro, so concerned with hard work and people doing their share last week, immediately sat their leaden butts down and started discussing the latest in island fashion trends as the men were given the title of honorary cabana boys and made to do all the work.
Turnabout is fair play. Not the blonde, curly kind of Fairplay but the other Fifa-endorsed kind.
The manly Meatheads were not pleased with this. Nate especially was worried that the women would “eat [them] off”. Only if the octopus and coconuts run out, guys. Cannibalism usually only sets in around Day 36.
Were the ladies of Aitu any better at this whole “working” thing? Not According to Cao Boi who was not happy with the amount of ass-sitting Candice, Becky and Sundra were doing. Instead of focusing on such important tasks as “making baby boobies homeless” or “squeezing people’s foreheads”, the three of them were comparing the amount of hair growth in their armpits.
Look on the bright side, Cao Boi. It could be worse. They could be comparing bikini line growth.
Having established that the women on both tribes are not to be trusted with matters of work (except for Flicka apparently but that’s only because she’s unconcerned with the state of her armpits, as we soon found out), it was time for the first challenge.
The contestants were divided into pairs and had to hold up heavy bags. The reward would be BOOZE! And some other crap. But mostly BOOZE! This was more than enough motivation for this drunken lot to do their best, especially Nate and Adam who were paired together.
Raro looked to be the stronger tribe from the start of the. Jonathan criticised Jeff’s pun-making skills which led to Jeff adding weights to Aitu’s sacks. Nate and Adam seemed to have discovered that hugging really, really tightly helped them keep their bags up while Candice tried to inspire Sundra to hold on longer by whispering “Baby, you can do it” in her ear. Funny, I thought homoerotic embraces only come after the alcohol starts flowing.
"I wish I knew how to quit you."
"Dude, can you believe she went for the most obvious joke ever for that last caption?"
Aitu tried to psyche out the other team; Cao Boi by casting aspersions upon Nate and Adam’s masculinity and Flicka by showing off her unshaven underarms but it didn’t work. Aitu tried gamely but Adam and Nate’s Brokeback love could not be defeated. Poverty, take notes.
Raro won the booze and sent Jonathan to Exile Island. We did not get to see the drunken revelry, unfortunately. This is because it includes explicit Adam on Nate lurving and the producers are saving it for the uncut edition DVD.
The morning after, an octopus, jealous of Nate’s closeness to Adam, wrapped itself around Adam’s leg and wouldn’t let go. Eat him, octopus! They managed to pry the octopus off and decided to cook it in a delicious octopus stew. Ew, it’s going to taste of Adam.
"I wish I knew how to quit you."Cristina talked about the great recipe she had to make octopus-coconut stew, which basically goes like this:
Take one octopus. Add water. Add coconut. Eat.
She was certain that her amazing cooking skills would keep her safe but Jenny was skeptical. Things only got worse for Cristina when she lost bits of the octopus while putting the pot in the sea. Great going there, Nigella. Jenny further got pissed when Cristina implied that she was partly responsible for the great octopus snafu.
At Aitu, Ozzy, Cao Boi and Flicka felt like taking a trip to the other island. They asked Candice but she opted out citing more important things to do at camp. Armpit-checking is a very time-consuming activity. Sundra too declined with an even more unbelievable excuse: the water looked freaky. Looked fine to me. Maybe she has rabies.
The real reason these two ladies didn’t want to go was that the three of them are in the minority alliance of fishfood. Candice is already in the Yul/Becky/Jonathan alliance and Sundra was soon offered the fifth spot in the alliance to make it a majority. That’s the way to make being the swing vote work for you, at least temporarily.
The Aitu Expedition Force landed on the other island and were happy to find some nonis. Is that like a booby? They then saw the Raro camp and decided to pay a visit.
I know I complained about your armpit hair last week but that's no reason to be rude.Raro was not happy at the sight of the Aitu explorers. Adam in particular acted toolish towards them and looked as angry as if they had come to eat their octopi, piss on their coconuts and ravish their Povertys. The Rarorians welcomed them with all the enthusiasm of people meeting a tribe of lepers.
The worst was still to come. Cao Boi started on one of his unending ramblings on “Chinese symbology” (according to our resident expert Poverty) and other Cao Boi-ish things. Time passed. The Rarorians looked as if their souls were being slowly and painfully sucked out of their anuses. Finally, Cao Boi stopped his rambling and tried to hit them up for some spices. Needless to say, he was unsuccessful. He should’ve threatened to keep on talking if they didn’t get him any.
"Blah blah blah four animal symbols..."
"Blah blah blah ancient Chinese mythology..."
"Blah blah blah revere the rat. And that's why you should give us your spices."Silly Raro twits. The Aitu explorers didn’t mean any harm and it would’ve cost nothing for one of the tribe-members to be friendly to them and pretend they didn’t want to strangle them. Engendering goodwill towards potential future jury-members and people you might meet again at the merge isn’t exactly a bad thing. Remember Danni’s inter-tribal birthday party in Survivor Guatemala?
Over on Exile Island, Jonathan was determined to find the idol. So he started digging. Until he had formed a hole to rival the one in Kimberly. Needless to say, he didn’t find the idol. He may have struck oil though.
Does he think the idol is buried at the centre of the earth?
The Immunity Challenge was almost the same as the one used in Survivor SA: Malaysia last week, with the tribes having to use poles to move people across the water to a platform. Aitu immediately cottoned on to the fact that they only needed two poles to do this and discarded the third. Raro didn’t figure this out but the first of them to cross the poles (Jenny) did realise that lowering her centre of gravity was the better way to get across.
The two tribes soon adopted each other’s superior strategies. Raro got a bit of a lead and it looked like they would bag their second win of the episode. But in a twist, just as the lot of them were all piling onto their final platform, they all fell off in a tangle of bodies. Aitu was better at the group hug and somehow managed to get eight bodies onto one tiny platform. I suspect laws of physics were broken.
I believe this is legally considered an orgy.I usually prefer the more violent challenges that involve fighting and getting knocked on the head with poles but I liked that these two challenges were all about togetherness.
Back at camp, Raro seemed united in its choice to vote Cristina off. That is, until Stephannie made the mistake of mentioning how she wouldn’t mind some mashed potatoes and gravy to Nate. This somehow turned into a major thing as Stephannie’s mashed potatoes were heralded as a symbol of her being done for and ready to leave the game. “She’s mentally checked out,” they argued, citing the Mashed Potatoes of Defeat and Disillusionment as proof.
Sometimes a mashed potato is just a mashed potato, guys.
So Stephannie’s offhanded comment about mashed potatoes snowballed into a giant avalanche of spuddy doom and buried her. At TC, after some complaining about Cristina’s obnoxiousness, the tribe all voted for Stephannie. Well, “Stephanie” actually. But that extra ‘n’ throws people off so we can forgive them. Except for Rebecca. She spelled it “Stepanie”.
Next week: Cristina is unpleasant to her tribe for daring to suggest that she’s sometimes unpleasant to her tribe. Cao Boi has a mystical dream about the immunity idol. How long until he’s named it and carrying it around as his pet?