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It's A Dog Eat Dawg World

Written by Cloud9 from the blog Tribal Talk on 29 Nov 2006
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It’s been a bad season for female players so far what with the first four boots all being women but it looks like finally there might be a bit of girl power going on. On Casaya at least, it’s the women who have decided to take charge. Yes, it seems the psychotic alliance is not as sound as it first looked. In fact, it is looking more and more fragmented, much like the disjointed minds of the people therein.

Is it really any surprise that the dysfunctional Casayans are so disorganised and hostile towards one another? It’s been obvious for weeks that Shane, Courtney, Aras and Danielle all hate each other. This episode further expanded that circle of hate to include Bobby and Bruce.

You’d think a tribe of meditative laid-back hippies wouldn’t have quite so much loathing for their fellow man but you would be wrong. Take Bruce and Aras. Bruce decided he would use his time on the island most productively and build a Zen rock garden.

“I’m building this Zen garden to bring beauty and calm to the island,” Bruce told the camera as a flock of seagulls flew overhead and plotted guano-based revenge for his daring to suggest that their tropical island was in any way ugly.

As Aras, Courtney and Shane were working on the fire, Aras noticed Bruce off building his rock garden and decided to confront him about wasting his time instead of helping them with the fire. There were three people tending to the fire – what the hell would they need Bruce for? To provide positive energy? To take out his pompoms and cheer them on? To offer them wise words of Eastern philosophy in case they failed?

From what I’ve seen, Bruce works damn hard so I can’t possibly see how him using some of the long hours on the island to build a damn rock garden is any business of Aras’. I am getting mightily sick of Aras passive-aggressively ‘advising’ the others about their alleged laziness. Who appointed Aras the pointy-haired boss?

The RC’s big reward was something that would further antagonise Casaya – a bottle of wine. The tribes had to gather and throw beans, rice and fish to each other and into boxes, and the first tribe to do so would win the food as well as the wine and some spices. Losing tribe got their choice of rice or beans.

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Courtney's underwhelmed reaction to the wine.

Bruce made his team fall behind when he had to use a thousand machete swings to chop a single fish. If ever there was a time when a well-placed Karate chop was needed, it was this. Bobby took over the chopping duties and was an absolute master with the machete, beheading fish with a single swipe. Now if only he can do the same thing to his annoying tribemates.

Casaya won by seconds thanks in no small part to Bobby’s fish-chopping skills. They once again chose Terry to go to Exile Island. Oh, that’s brilliant. One time I can kinda-sorta-maybe forgive because it wasn’t a given he’d find the Immunity Idol. But don’t they realise that the more times they send the same person to EI, the greater chance they have of getting the idol?

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"I've heard of flying fish but this is ridiculous."

Not that it evens matters now because their decision last week to send Terry has already come back to bite them in the ass. He’s already got the idol so now time on Exile Island is just more time in which he can establish the land of Terryvania. It’s not like he even needs a tribe. He can easily set up his own tribe of one. Well, two if you count the immunity head. I think I will call it Horatio.

As Terry stood on the skull and tried to decide where he would build the Jacuzzi, he wondered how his kids were doing back home without Daddy to stop them dying of thirst. “My worst fear is that La Mina are too stupid to prevent dehydration. I hope they can remember how to raise the water to their lips and swallow it.”

Cut to the aforementioned tribe who had not only managed to get water but using it to boil their beans. Oh, La Mina, you managed to start a fire all by yourselves! You’re such a grown-up tribe! Terry will be so proud.

Unfortunately, the beans decided to wreak havoc on Nick and Austin’s stomachs. They groaned and grumbled and clutched their stomachs in pain. They sure could’ve used the Casa De Charmin.

Thankfully, they decided not to go into an extremely detailed Bobby-esque description of their turmoil-stricken stomachs, or as Nick put it, their “gastrointestinal details that probably shouldn’t be discussed”.

Casaya on the other hand returned to camp with armfuls of food but nowhere to put them. The rains had turned Camp Casaya into a miniature version of Venice, only with paranoid druggies instead of gondolas and romance.

With no way of making fire, the Casayans decided to eat the fish raw. Now I know sushi is way popular but I’m with Cirie as she gazed upon the portions of raw fish with outright disgust. “I don’t want to get some disease from it!” she shuddered. Ah yes, the dreaded Sushiatus. I know it well.

The other Casayans were more than thrilled at their raw fish delight because they are freaks who regularly consume strange and unnatural foods like granola, wheatgerm and tofu. Shane didn’t even bother to eat one of the cut portions, instead choosing to bite straight into the fish.

gollumfish
Shane eats his fish.

After their sushi meal, all of the contestants headed to bed except for Bruce and Bobby who snuck into the Casa De Charmin for some illicit activities. No, not that kind of illicit activity, you dirty-minded people, you. I mean the kind that involves stealing the wine and drinking themselves into a stupor.

Bobby and Bruce sitting in a potty, B-O-O-Z-I-N-G! Can’t say I blame them. I’d retreat to the toilet with a bottle of wine too if I had to spend time with those hippies. Even if the Casa probably still smells from the last time Bobby stopped by.

In the morning, Cirie went to the Casa to get some soap only to find a limber Bruce folded up in half inside. Heh. There are worse places to sleep. Next to Shane for example. Besides, sleeping off a heavy night of drunken revelry in a bathroom means you don’t have to move much to puke the morning after.

The hippies were not impressed that Bobby and Bruce had drunk all their wine, particularly budding alcoholic Courtney who confronted Bobby about the wine theft. Bobby made it quite clear how much he hates her by telling her he’s sorry to have deprived the others of the wine but not her.

“She’s one of the three most annoying people in the history of the world,” B-Dawg said of her. The other two most annoying people in the history of the world, in case you’re wondering, are Aras and Shane. But you knew that already.

The IC involved diving into the sea and collecting puzzle pieces and then bringing them back to shore and putting them together to complete a puzzle. The puzzle was the exact same one used in the final challenges of both Survivor SA and Survivor Africa: Panama only way cooler because the pieces were in the shape of skulls.

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La Mina decides what to do with the skulls of the massacred Casayans.

Giant zombie heads, coffins and more skulls than I can count. It’s beginning to sound more like Survivor Transylvania than Survivor Panama. The La Minans finally broke their losing streak thanks to their familiarity with skulls after having spent so much time with Ruth Marie and Dan.

With the memory of Bobby’s wine theft still fresh in their minds (and the stench of his bowel movement even fresher), the psychotic alliance wondered whether they should vote out him or Bruce. Cirie watched from a corner, trying to shrink into the background.

Um, hi? Casaya? I love Cirie but if there’s anyone who needs to be voted out, it’s her. Bruce works hard and Bobby’s a big asset in challenges. Cirie’s the obvious boot here.

Aras argued to get rid of Bruce because he seems to have the biggest hate-on for the guy. He convinced the others this would be the wise choice. Shane decided to tell Bobby the good news and told him he wouldn’t vote for him as long as he did the same.

“Swear on my son’s life,” Shane asked Bobby, perhaps missing the memo that swearing on something is not all that convincing if you’re swearing on something that’s meaningful to someone else. Now if Bobby ever breaks that promise, young Boston Powers will suddenly die and it’ll be all Shane’s fault.

Can you live with yourself then, Shane?! CAN YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF, THEN??!!

Bruce was not just being targeted by Aras, he also found that his Zen garden was overcome with an infestation of Courtney. Where’s the pesticide when you need it? Dammit Courtney, go do your yoga somewhere else. Fighting the urge to strangle you with your own hair isn’t very Zen, ya know.

The chicks (including Cirie) then thought about it and realised that maybe they should abandon the psychotic alliance and form a chick-and-Shane alliance, now with 25% less psychosis. Their first boot would be Bobby.

Cirie took the offer eagerly because she’s smart enough to see a good thing when she sees it. Shane bitched and moaned about fickle wimmins and how those crazy irrational females just go back and forth and can’t make up their minds..

“Why couldn’t you have told me thirty minutes EARLIER??!” he asked Courtney. Their crystal ball was washed away in the flood. Also, why couldn’t you have told them you were going to approach Bobby with an offer thirty minutes earlier, tool?

I’m glad they’re voting based on grudges instead of getting rid of Cirie. Let the psychos tear each other apart so Cirie can rise to the top.

At the TC, Aras decided to once again treat us to a condescending schoolmarm lecture as he sermonised to Bruce about the wine and how it wasn’t everyone else’s responsibility to come to him and tell him about the wine but Bruce’s to tell everyone how sorry he was or something and SHUT THE *bleep!* UP, ARAS!!

I am so sick of his lectures! That is all I’ve seen this self-satisfied prick ever do, lecture people about how they must do this or not do that. He’s such a self-satisfied git who hides his smarmy disapproval under this pretense that he’s just trying to help.

This little asshole is the youngest in the tribe, I might add, yet he goes around treating people like Bruce like he’s some brainless child and actually calls Courtney and Danielle, both of whom are younger than him, “the young girls” in this tone that makes me want to beat the *bleep!* out of him.

Bruce talked about how no-one had treated him with so much disrespect in all his years of teaching as Aras snottily replied Casaya weren’t his pupils. That’s rich since Aras is the one acting like everyone’s teacher.

Danielle earned a little of my love by pointing out to Aras that he should treat Bruce with a modicum of respect exactly because he’s an older guy with a lot more experience than Yoga Boy. Thank you, Danielle! Just for that, no cracks about your teeth today.

Voting time came and it was the most split voting pattern we’ve seen in a while. There were votes for Aras, Courtney, Bruce, Bobby, Terry, Howlie the monkey, Sally’s socks and Shane’s thinking rock. With three votes, it was B-Dawg who got the boot.

Aw man, I’m bummed because he clearly hated the psychotic alliance as much as I do but unlike Cirie, he has no tact and was willing to defy them to their face. But I am glad that Bruce stayed because that’s what will piss off Aras the most.



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