Melinda Hyder's Official Bio
Melinda Hyder (as in “Hyder, my name is Melinda and I am about to annoy you by singing”) is someone I can already see myself as disliking. Just look at that pixie cut, innocent face and sweet smile. She has to be one of those perpetually perky types you just want to perkily punch.
She began singing in church at the age of four. I hope the priest gave her a stern talking to for disrupting his sermon like that. Unfortunately, she did not stop singing but continues until this very day. She performed with the groups 10BucsWorth (named after the amount it cost to consume enough beer to come up with such a dumb name), Chorale and Women’s Ensemble. One can only hope that those names are so bad because she puts all of her creative force into her song-writing.
She performed at Dollywood for six years sometimes with Dolly Parton herself. Among her other jobs worked, she’s also been a model and a pageant instructor. I think the pageant instructor bit says it all. Imagine this woman giving you Vaseline to wear on your teeth and spraying an entire can of hairspray in your face and then try not to feel the urge to punch her.
Her hobbies include creative home decorating, collecting Marilyn Monroe memorabilia, watching CBS soap operas (the bio just
had to add that bit because Survivor is broadcast on CBS in America). I bet you fifty bucks there is a picture of dogs playing poker hanging in her living room, that’s how kitsch she is.
As if she hasn’t provided me with enough reasons to hate her, she very strongly resembles one of my most hated soapie characters, Belle Black from Days Of Our Lives.