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Fashion producer Danielle is a kugel deluxe. Strike one. Disturbingly, this is the least objectionable part of her according to her bio.
The kugel – who, if there is a god, won’t have the stereotypical kugel voice – doesn’t seem to grasp the survival part of Survivor. The luxury items that she’d bring to the island are Prada sunglasses, Bio Oil, make-up case and a mirror so she can pretty herself up for the crabs and monkeys.
I think there might be a rule against one’s luxury items costing more than the GDP of Panama. Nice to know she picks such functional items as well. I wonder if Bio Oil is edible?
Her list of things that she’ll miss is even longer and practically novel-length. Some of the thousand things she can’t live without include (deep breath) her 550 count Egyptian cotton bed linen, her boyfriend, her dog, her morning latte and bubble baths, Woolworths food, TV soaps, weekly spa treatments, designer clothing and La Perla underwear. I’m not exaggerating even a little.
God. Who let J-Lo apply for Survivor?
If Dani from the Block manages to last past the first day without quitting and checking into the Hilton Panama and instead gets to the jury, she will indubitably be a bitter jury member because she says she is “a sore loser”. Good, bitter jury speeches are always fun though I don’t know how fun one would be delivered in a nasal whine.