You never realise how much you miss the villains once they’re gone. With Judd’s exit, this episode just flew by rather blurrily and rather unmemorably until Cindy was just as unmemorably eliminated.
Judd’s exit meant that the survivors were free to be themselves. No more bully to oppress their glittering personalities. The five remaining survivors transformed from the retiring wallflowers they were into beautiful butterflies.
We got to see never-before-seen aspects of their personalities, like Rafe being a geek, Lydia being a doof who makes wacky faces, and Cindy being all serious. We also got to hear that there was really no love lost between Judd and the others.
“The thing I’m most grateful for about voting off Judd is no more naked Judd,” said Rafe, who earned himself a wackload of bad karma by reminding me of that foul sight. It’s almost enough to turn a boy straight, right, Rafe?
The remaining contestants then decided they would let their hair down and embrace their womanhood. For some reason the fact that Rafe is a man slipped their notice. Lydia claimed him as an honorary woman because you sure as hell can’t have a girly sleepover with a boy present.
The girly sleepover did not see any rousing choruses of Aretha or Shania thankfully but as girly sleepovers tend to do, the convo turned towards boys. Boybanders to be precise, as Rafe declared Justin Timberlake to be hot. Oh Rafe, I thought you had better taste than that.
Just as we were about to drop dead from all the excitement of hearing Rafe sing Backstreet Boys songs, it was time for the Reward Challenge. This was a very special RC where the winner would win their very own car.
The survivors displayed varying degrees of excitement. The thought of owning a car made Cindy feel all giddy because as a zookeeper, she had never owned a car. They scare the monkeys.
Stephenie looked bored because the car wasn’t made of cheese. Lydia promised her teenage son that she would do her best to win him his own car. Here’s a hint, Lydia’s son: don’t throw away your bike just yet.
One recycled RC later, Cindy and Steph were head to head in the finals. I found myself cheering (very, very listlessly) for Cindy just so I wouldn’t watch Steph win the car. My bored murmurs of “come on, Cindy” paid off when Cindy beat Steph to the punch and won her very first vehicle that did not have tusks and answer to the name “Ellie”.
Jeff brought up the curse; you know, the one where no-one who’s ever won the car has gone on to win the million. He then offered her an interesting proposition. She could brave the car curse and keep her new vehicle or give it up in which case the other four would receive cars of their very own.
It actually is quite the dilemma. Supposed curse aside, because that’s superstitious rubbish, keeping the car would ensure Cindy would go away guaranteed to have something (besides a nasty lice infection courtesy of Judd) to show for her time on Survivor. But come on, giving away four cars is bound to increase the odds of getting those four jury votes.
Bitter Jury Member: Blah blah bitch bitch moan moan betrayal. You lied in this game. Why should I give you the million after everything you’ve done?
Cindy: So how’s that car I gave you? Still got that new car smell?
Bitter Jury Member: No further questions.
In the end, I think I would keep the car. As Cindy said, over and over again until all I could hear was a droning buzz, there’s no guarantee you’ll even get to the final two at this point of the game. It’s too big a risk.
Besides, you know that at least one of the other contestants would be thinking “She gave us all cars. If anyone goes up against her in the final two, she will kick our asses. I have to vote her out”.
Cindy must have thought similarly because she chose to keep the car and take Steph with her on a reward. If I tell you that Steph cried when Cindy choose her, can you guess what reward it was? Yep, a thousand points if you said food reward.
As Cindy tried to butter Steh up by gorging her with meat, meat and more meat, the losers contemplated what they would have done in Cindy’s situation. Rafe and Danni agreed they would have given the cars away, because they’re just that nice.
No, they wouldn’t have because no-one’s that nice. It’s easy to say “Oh, I would’ve given away the cars. Sure, it’s nice to have a car but the joyful faces of you all as you received your cars would have been reward enough for me” when you don’t have to make the choice, but it’s in all likelihood complete *bleep!*.
I just wish Rafe and Danni had been honest about why they wanted, or were saying they wanted, to keep the cars. Who cares about the other people? The only reason to give them the cars or say you would have given them the cars had you won is to curry favour with them.
“Too nice for the game,” my ass. If Rafe was really too nice for the game, he would’ve bailed out of the Axis as soon as Judd, Jamie and Steph started acting like superior assholes to the Yahtzees.
Just in case anyone watching wasn’t sick enough of hearing about the damn cars, when Cindy returned, she waxed philosophical about the car and her reasons for choosing to keep it. She was so involved that she failed to notice when the others wandered away leaving dummies made of straw and stones in their place.
Cindy: I think I made the right choice, don’t you?
Dummy Rafe: …
Cindy: I mean there are no guarantees in the game so why risk it? You could be gone tomorrow, don’t you think?
Dummy Lydia: …
Cindy: It’s a really nice car too. I never owned a car before. Now I have my own car. Isn’t that great?
Dummy Danni: …
Cindy: You guys sure are great listeners.
Since most of her time is spent organising cruises for monkeys and other zoo-ey tasks, Cindy doesn’t seem to be able to read people very well. If only they could pick nits out of their fur and throw faeces like her simian charges. Then she would so be able to read them all the way to the final two.
Because of his alliance with Danni, Rafe promised her he would try and get Steph and Lydia to vote off Cindy rather than her. Cindy retaliated by trying to convince the other girls to vote off their gay best friend because he would otherwise smoke them at the last few challenges.
Before either of them could get voted out, it was time for Steph to win her very first ever individual challenge. The shock! The Bestest Woman Ever To Play Survivor finally wins a damn challenge on her own! I never thought I would live to see this day, even when Steph would no doubt be brought back for her fiftieth season of Survivor.
Tears of happiness flowed down her face – and there wasn’t even any food around either. It’s possible Steph tried to eat the immunity necklace as soon as she got it, but if she did, it was off camera.
At TC, Jeff once again brought up winning the car and its potential drawbacks and benefits. Oh don’t do that, Jeff. Once she gets started on that car, she’ll go on for hours. Finally it was time to vote.
Rafe or Cindy? Cindy or Rafe? Who would it be? I resigned myself to Rafe’s exit when Lydia, with her vote unseen, said she was voting with the majority and that the person she was voting for was too strong a threat and too nice a person to keep around. So Rafe then.
I was wrong. Cindy was revealed to be the one who was the strong threat and far too nice to allow near the jury. Now I’m not saying Cindy was a disgusting cow everyone hated or anything, but really? She seems OK but not exactly the friendliest, most charismatic person on that tribe. I guess Rafe’s manipulations did the trick.
Cindy’s final words were a breath of fresh, gracious air after Judd. They were all about missing the wildlife and taking away things from the game that were more important than winning. Yes. Like cars.
Finally, we have the final four and next week we’ll get to see two of these people face a jury of their bitter peers and vie for a million bucks.
Will Steph fulfil her divine purpose and win the game before rising up to heaven in triumph? Will Lydia monkey-dance her way under the radar all the way to a million bucks? Will Danni defeat those who enslaved and humiliated her doomed tribe? Or will Rafe milk this “I’m too nice for this game” spiel all the way to a win?