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The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall

Written by Cloud9 from the blog Tribal Talk on 05 Jul 2006
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Oh man, can you believe it, man? Judd was voted out, man. He was blindsided, man, didn't even expect it, man. He was sittin' there, man, thinking he was safe man, and then pow, the truth hits him and he's out, man. Crazy stuff, man.

What a satisfying Tribal Council it was. I've been waiting for this moment - the moment where Judd was flushed down the toilet like the turd he is - and it didn't disappoint. Watching him smugly write down (and misspell) Lydia's name and then see his own name come up four times when Jeff revealed the votes was heavenly. I never thought I'd put the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence as Judd the gorilla's, but here it is: Judd's elimination was unbelievably beautiful.

He reacted to his voting out with grace and poise, wishing the other contestants luck and shaking their hands before walking off with a wink.

Just kidding! In reality, he was the epitome of sour grapes, calling them all scumbags and wishing they get eaten by crocodiles. I know you're all shocked as what a bad sportsmanship he ended up being, but there's even more juiciness. When asked about what he thought about voting out members of the tribal family, he said that voting people out was a part of the game and that people had to "deal with it".

Not to throw his own words back into his face or anything (I'd rather throw heavier things) but I have this to say to Judd: "Deal with it, jackass."

In his final words, he added 'delusional' to his list of charming personality traits when he continued to insist he had never lied. Does he not know what lying means? Did his non-existent ADD cause him to stop listening the day his mommy explained what it was to him? Or is English just a second language to him, his mother tongue being the grunts and howls of Gorilla.

After Jamie's blindsiding, it looked like the Axis was back to normal when they voted out Gary. Next up on the totem pole was Danni, but she was determined to do whatever it takes not to get voted out next. With a sexy, scheming smile, she vowed to cause trouble and work whatever angle she could to break up the Axis. But the last doomed member of an eliminated tribe always says that and it seldom works out.

Still, Danni's a competitor and her eyes were full of fighting spirit. Just take the food auction, where her bids won half the rewards while the other castaways half-heartedly bid and folded far too quickly. I started to wonder where she was getting all that money when she was winning so many lots.

And it's not like she was winning the useless lots no-one could use. She won the best lots. She was the only one to go for the biltong, which may not be the tastiest food reward but in terms of protein and nutritional value was the best meal she could've had. There's a reason why it's a staple of soldiers and survival experts and I can't believe Danni was the only one to realise this. Then she and Rafe won that fabulous sub which was a bonus for them and me.

Finally, with the knowledge that her neck was on the line, she went after the IC aid envelope like a demon and was rewarded for her effort. She knew which lots were the most useful and was willing to spend her cash on them. Honestly, choosing milk and cookies over biltong and IC aids? Stupid.

For the other survivors, the best thing about the auction was the chance at an opportunity to spend time with their family members. Judd won that lot and the viewers got to meet the unfortunate woman mad enough to marry him. She was oddly normal. She was even quite pretty. She didn't appear to have any serious mental defects. I was expecting someone...Juddier. Instead I got the real life version of one of those Fat Boor/Pretty Wife sitcom couplings.

Judd got to choose two other survivors to hang with him and spend time with their family members. Cindy got picked to see her twin sister Mindy because she pooled her money to help Judd win the challenge, while Steph did her Miss America crying thing pre-emptively again because she knew Judd would choose her. She was very happy to be able to see her boyfriend because it meant she had someone new to whom she could bitch and moan about everything.

Yes, showing that keenminded intelligence for which he's known, Judd chose his two closest allies to hang with him and left the three people lowest on the totem pole and thus most likely to plot against him by themselves.

More clever thinking from the Axis was revealed when they discussed who to vote out next. They chose Lydia. Ah yes, that crafty Lydia with her domination of challenges and strategic brilliance. Good thing the Axis managed to take notice of this giant threat before it was too late.

Why didn't they target Rafe or Danni? Do they still see Rafe as a limp-wristed, as well as limp-legged, klutz instead of the challenge monster he really is? Can they not see the close bond that's formed between Rafe and Danni and the potential threat this poses?

The Axis left their reasons for ignoring Rafe an enigma but they did make it clear why they weren't targeting Danni. "She doesn't have the physical or the mental toughness to prove a threat to us," they confidently asserted. Tee hee. Wanna bet?

Back at the old camp they at which they were forced to stay, Danni and Rafe proved their threat-worthiness by talking about their trust in each other and discussing whether they should vote out Judd. Rafe promised that if Judd breathed a word about getting rid of him, he would gladly help Danni vote him out. But how many times have we heard these watery words and pallid promises come out of Rafe's mouth?

At his return to camp, Judd showed once more how S-M-R-T he was when he started talking about voting out "the strongest threats" aka Steph with Lydia as Danni hovered near enough to hear. Ye gods. When you discuss strategy with someone, don't let a third party with lots to gain from the knowledge of said information listen in on your conversations, you ape.

Maybe Judd still saw Danni was one of the Yahtzee slaves. You know how it is with servants and the like - people forget they're there and talk about all sorts of things as the servant labours near them, forgetting that they still have ears. Whatever Judd was thinking, or not thinking as the case may be, Danni eagerly ran off to inform Rafe of Judd's intentions to vote out the threats, and the two of then even more eagerly ran off to inform Steph of this.

Steph was not pleased. After all, what greater threat was there than the Strongest, Smartest, Bestest Player Ever To Play Survivor? Some smiting seemed in order, but would she betray her spiritual bond with the Jersey Jerk?

The IC was a puzzle challenge which involved turning over tiles and getting eliminated if you were boxed in with no unturned tiles left. Danni's envelope from earlier revealed a one-time only chance to switch positions with another player. Danni smartly waited until well into the game, took note of Steph's abundance of free tiles compared to the other players and swapped positions with her. This swap won Danni the game and immunity. Not mentally tough enough my ass, Judd. She's so much tougher than you mentally that her mind could beat your mind up for lunch money.

Safe from joining Gary and BJ on the jury for now and having sowed seeds of discord, Danni went into TC in a good position. Lydia was not so lucky and was still Judd and Cindy's head-scratching first choice. But who would Steph choose to smite?

At TC, the tribe was likened to a family. Yes, a family where the members can barely stand each other and are full of simmering resentment yet are forced to spend time with and pretend they actually like each other...actually on second thought, it sounds very much like family.

The family then proceeded to vote out the loud, unpleasant, drunken uncle. Cheers, Judd! Try not to vomit in your bed when you're drowning out your sorrows at Loser Lodge!



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