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Amy's Long Fall Down

Written by Cloud9 from the blog Tribal Talk on 31 May 2006
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Poor Amy. Tough as nails, really likeable and off she goes to Loser Lodge. Not that I would have wanted to see Bobby-Jon go in her place so whatever happened at Tribal Council was bound to make me sad.

I was so sure that Yahtzee would pull it out and win that Immunity Challenge. Mainly because it was a puzzle challenge and history has shown that Stephenie and puzzle challenges do not mix.

I mean, Nukem even chose Steph as the puzzle-solver. Surely this was a recipe for disaster and lots of yuks at Steph’s expense. But no. She and Rafe actually put together the puzzle faster than Yahtzee. Yes, Stephenie actually won a puzzle challenge. And then the universe exploded.

Why is this happening? Why are my beloved Yahtzee getting their asses kicked by those ingrates at Nukem? Why does the universe hate meeeeeee??

OK, that’s not strictly true. Yahtzee actually did well at the Reward Challenge and won a lovely reward which involved zipping above the rainforest and a Mayan speciality. No, not human sacrifices. Chocolate. Lots of it. I’m drooling just remembering it.

In terms of nutrition and usefulness it’s not a very good reward, sure. But it’s loads and loads of chocolate. How can you beat that? The only thing that could be better was if Yahtzee had won one of those chocolate fountain goodies. Than they could have set it up by the pool and pigged out in between sunbathing and catching fish with their gaping wounds (Oh, BJ. You nutter).

I was very happy that Yahtzee won the chocolate. The only person happier than me was Danni, whose body stopped consuming itself long enough to rejoice at the thought of precious chocolatey nutrients. Hooray for precious chocolatey nutrients! They may have bought Danni a whole seven hours before she drops dead from starvation.

The chocolates reward was particularly serendipitous for Danni because it was her birthday. The Yahtzees decided to celebrate by inviting Nukem over for a pool party. No, seriously.

I didn’t even know you could do that. I thought it was against the rules to arbitrarily stop by and hang with the other tribe. You’d think that contestants would take advantage of that by dropping by in the dead of night and doing raids or something. Ooh, that’s an idea for the next season.

Yahtzee’s pool party and chocolate offer was very sweet. I’m sure there was some strategy involved in wanting to get good with the people with which you’re about to merge but there’s a genuineness to Yahtzee underneath all the game trappings.

Nukem were immediately suspicious of Yahtzee’s good intentions. Cindy and Jamie in particular smelled something rotten in the air (it turned out to be Judd). Crazily they refused the promise of cool alligator-free water and chocolatey goodness because they were worried about Yahtzee’s ulterior motives. Clearly Yahtzee had infested the pool with parasites in order to make Nukem sick and laced the chocolates with hypnotic drugs in order to better manipulate them.

Cindy and Jamie ended up going along with the rest of Nukem because it’s no fun getting beaten by your chocolate-mad tribemates for pissing all over an opportunity for free chocolate and a cool pool. Cindy seemed to loosen up but Jamie took this pool party as a personal affront and spent the entire time glaring at everyone like the misanthropic caveman he is.

Besides darkening the atmosphere with his ugly scowl, Jamie’s attitude was just stupid. It’s a social game more than it is a competitive team game so Jamie’s antisocial behaviour is not the best strategy he can have. He’s going to have to be living with Yahtzee soon so he might as well make some effort to be friendly.

But then what else should I expect from Jamie? His greatest friend is the giant gorilla himself, Judd and that’s only because he plans to take him with him to the final two. It’s a sound strategic manoeuvre to bring with you a hated freak who has no chance of winning but it’s impossible to imagine the other castaways letting these two vile blowhards anywhere near the final two.

Judd’s still an idiot by the way. He really thinks he is going to win the million as Margaret clutches her pillow and bites her tongue in rage watching at home. Quite the contrary, I think Margaret is going to be popping open the bubbly and celebrating with the rest of us at your humiliating downfall, oh mighty Judd.

And just so you don’t think Judd is some sort of uneducated primate that stuffs up his figures of speech when he said that his bite is worse than his bark, he wasn’t lying. That’s what happens when you have rabies.

Steph managed to earn a little of my love back when she not only got into the pool party and didn’t whine about how Yahtzee were flaunting their victory chocolates in her face or something similar, but also reamed Jamie for being a sketchy little creep. She threatened to clash with Jamie if he didn’t change his attitude. Please go ahead! Steph, if you smack Jamie down like the troglodyte he is, I will put my “Steph rocks my world” T-shirt back on and cheer you on as you shove your foot up his ass.

Because Jamie could not deal with the free food and friendly atmosphere any longer, he convinced the others to take him home. The rest of Nukem waved a sad goodbye to Yahtzee’s chocolates and set off for home.

Rafe must have been especially crushed because he is a Yahtzee at heart. He’s sweet, hates conflict and does things like make cards from leaves to pass the time. He proudly declared he had made all fifty-two cards, including two jokers. Insert joker joke about Judd and Jamie here.

Yahtzee did not have time to make cards, finding themselves too busy with extreme minnow-hunting and puzzle-effing-up. Sigh, it was back to TC for those loveable underdogs. When’d Yahtzee become the underdogs anyway? Weren’t they supposed to be stronger?

Amy’s head was on the chopping block. First she tried to strengthen her alliance with Gary, which somehow turned into a conversation about Gary’s big lie.

They were so cute together, what with Amy faux-threatening him if she found out he was lying and Gary ineffectually denying his football hero-ness. Though he is getting less ineffectual as time goes by, I must say.

Amy jokingly claimed that she would use her police connections to hunt Gary down should she find out he had lied to her. Gary interviewed that this would never happen because she would be too busy looking for Gary Hawkins who doesn’t exist. Never mind that at this point I could track him down, super spy that he’s not. Not too bright, our Gary boy. Too many hard tackles.

But cute convos with Gary were not enough to save Amy’s skin. He may have taken one too many blows to the head in his career as Gary Hawkins: professional landscaper, but he knew that Amy was likely screwed. Amy suggested BJ as a vote but he decided he would vote with her against BJ only if Danni approved it.

Huh? When did Danni and Gary become allies? Did she make him her bitch by blackmailing him about his lie? Or did they just bond over discussing football? Anyway, Amy decided to try and get Danni to vote out BJ and why is Danni always the swing vote anyway? I know she’s got blackmail power over Gary but what other dirt does she have on the other contestants that makes her the strategic centre?

Amy went about the convincing the wrong way at first, claiming that although physically she was a lame duck, she could still do the ‘outwit’ part fine. Dear God, it’s almost the merge and she’s talking about outwitting people? She should’ve played up her non-threateningness.

Then Amy hit upon a plausible strategy – convincing everyone that BJ had had his shot at the million and deserved to be there less than everyone else. Smart move, because if there’s one thing Survivors get self-righteous about, it’s deservedness.

Both Danni and Brandon were disturbed by the thought of BJ not being deserving but were thankfully not too annoying about it. Personally I think the deservedness argument that tends to get trotted out at least once a season is a total crock because it’s not a merit-based competition. It’s Survivor not Deserver, and there’s no such thing as a contestant being more deserving than another in this kind of contest.

Luckily for friendly caveman BJ, his tribemates decided to shut up about the deservedness issue and vote off the physically weakest player. Yes, even though they had to have known the merge was right around the corner.

Actually I can see their logic. Danni and Brandon have a dumb but loyal puppy in BJ and the logical thing would be to vote a member of the original Yahtzee tribe off. They’re making the best of a bad situation that finds them outnumbered by both original tribal alliances and new tribal alliances. The one thing they have going for them is that Nukem are a simmering volcano of resentment that could erupt soon. Trust me, when your enemy alliance included Judd, your chances don’t look so dire anymore.

So I wouldn’t write off the members of Yahtzee yet, even if they do enter the merge down in numbers.

I just wish that they could have won the puzzle IC and brought sweet Amy with them. I’ll miss her lots – she was tough and funny, and her final speech was as classy as Brian’s last week. Soon my favourites will hopefully stop dropping like flies and I can enjoy the likes of Judd and Jamie getting destroyed. Bring on the merge.



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