Aw man. In a single episode I lose Margaret and Brian? Awwww.
Strangely, despite having lost two contestants I really liked, I’m not that sad about the episode. You’d think I’d hate every second of it - Margaret and Brian get voted out unanimously, Nukem win the challenge, Judd is not crushed underneath a giant ball.
But I really, really enjoyed it, despite bad things happening to the people I like (ie Yahtzee) and good things happening to the people I hate (ie most of Nukem).
I realised how much more I preferred Yahtzee to Nukem when I was cheering them during the Reward Challenge and finding great joy in seeing Steph get beaten by Amy and Danni. In the battle of the Bs (BJ and Brandon) vs the Js (Judd and Jamie), I felt crushing disappointment when the smug Js emerged triumphant.
Luckily BJ was there to wash away my disappointment with his screaming fit at Jamie. BJ later explained that he had noticed Jamie getting too big for his boots and was screaming at him to put him in his place. And if your mind didn’t immediately flash to a nature programme where an alpha monkey battles for dominance against a young upstart monkey, then you are a better person than me.
Sadly the altercation was all too brief and Alpha-BJ and Beta-Jamie separated before BJ could give Jamie the smackdown he so desperately needs. No fighting allowed, remember? They would have to take out their frustrations by pushing giant balls against each other – I’m not even going there.
Damn giant ball squashed Amy and screwed up her ankle again, but Amy being the champ that she is went in like nothing was wrong and won another challenge for Yahtzee. Three cheers for amazing Amy who doesn’t let things like foot injuries get in the way of winning. Sadly the amazing Amy’s input was not enough to beat Nukem. Bah.
One bright spot was when Rafe won individual immunity but since it’s likely that he wouldn’t have been on the chopping block anyway and Yahtzee’s TC yielded no juicy info, it’s not clear how much use he got out of it. Who cares. The point is that he beat Steph.
So before both tribes had to go to Tribal Council, bloody Nukem got to enjoy burgers and beer. Figures that Steph’s losing streak should finally turn around when I start hating her guts. At least her winning means she doesn’t spend every moment whining about how it sucks that she always loses.
At the barbecue of boors, Judd acted like the polite and dignified sort he was – by taking more beers than he was allocated and making a big obnoxious show of it when someone asked about it. Don’t you just love that Judd? Margaret should’ve drank half her beer and then peed in the remainder and left it for Judd to find.
Judd tried to justify his excess beer consumption by pointing out that he deserved it as Nukem wouldn’t be having beer and hotdogs if it wasn’t for him. Possibly true. But if he is going to be taking accountability for the tribe’s wins, then he has to do the same thing for the tribe’s losses. Therefore Judd and his buttmonkey Jamie should have been outta there for the two respective challenges they single-handedly lost for Nukem.
Deservedness is such a funny thing, hey Judd?
Judd’s gargantuan sense of entitlement wasn’t the only negative he proudly displayed. In fact, the entire episode seemed to be a tribute to Judd’s utter vileness and lack of any redeeming qualities whatsoever. Did anyone fail to sympathise with Margaret as she rolled her eyes in utter contempt of the beastliness that is Judd?
Later Judd managed to do the impossible – he topped his previous levels of asshattedness in what shall long be remembered as one the funniest, stupidest TCs of all time. It was classic. Judd revealed himself to be a clueless gorilla, utterly lacking in class, social skills and self-awareness, and the world laughed at him derisively. Even his allies could not hide their laughter at this halfwit’s social retardation.
Jeff asked Judd a question and he reacted with his usual defensiveness, only multiplied by a hundred. When Margaret dared to speak the truth about Judd’s attitude around camp, Judd exploded. Judd’s rant o’crazy included an attack on Margaret for saying he had ADD, and an accusation that she would have done the same thing he did (turned tail on his old tribe) if she’d had the chance. No mention that she had the chance and didn’t but anyway.
Judd also showed off his unequalled listening skills:
Judd: I have great listening skills. Let’s ask the rest of the tribe whether I listen or not. Cindy, do I listen to other people?
Cindy: Well you…
Judd: See? Great listening skills.
Fucking gold. You can’t make up that level of delusion and denseness. Margaret stopped trying to fight because she knew trying to get through that thick skull of his was hopeless. There was no need. Her point had been made by Judd better than she ever could.
If there was any justice in the world, Judd’s massive, overbloated cranium should have been brought down to earth by a bunch of votes against him. Sadly his tribemates voted for Margaret instead and Judd was allowed at least three more days to feel false security about his position in the game.
Before she was voted out, Margaret won my heart forever by calling Judd on being a self-righteous, rude, profane, unlikeable bully. I feel ya, Marge.
I should be tearing my hair out but Judd’s staying and Margaret’s leaving doesn’t phase me too much. Margaret had pretty much given up on getting any further in the game. Her sour appleness and her taking on Judd at TC was proof of that. She didn’t have a shot at staying.
No, I’m not worried about Judd. He’s great mock fodder and he’s not long for the game. There’s no way that someone that brainless and antisocial could get very far, no matter how much of a challenge legend he is in his own mind. Judd is just too stupid to do well.
Now you may argue that quite a few idiots that have managed to make the final three. True, but they had a reptilian instinct for survival. Judd doesn’t even have that. He’s just a gorilla. A big dumb gorilla who’s digging his own grave while everybody else points and laughs.
His attitude has alienated half his tribe and will alienate the rest, if it hasn’t already. He can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life. He’s a crap liar. And soon enough it’s going to come down to individual immunity and his alliance will drop him in a heartbeat.
This is what Judd doesn’t seem to get. His nine braincells cannot see ahead more than a few seconds, so it doesn’t occur to him to worry about the day that his physical strength will no longer be needed by his allies. That day he will be dumped like the refuse he is, and I will cheer along with his tribemates who have had to live with him.
Keep up the fuckwittedness, Judd. It will make your inevitable humiliation all the more satisfying.
After Margaret’s torch-snuffing, Rafe was allowed to sit in on Yahtzee’s far more civil TC. It was a study in contrasts. Yahtzee’s TC was polite, complimentary and buzzing with low-key strategy as much as Nukem’s was loud, obvious and hostile.
As I listened to what seemed to be earnest praise and genuine friendliness between Yahtzee members, I realised that I didn’t want to see any of them go. I like every single person in Yahtzee. I don’t know how that happened. I’m rather disturbed by this but I fully expect at least one of them will do something to piss me off mightily in the near future.
But one Yahtzee member had to go, and Brian was the unlucky sod. His ill-advised words as he voted for BJ were as dorky as ever: “This is the outwit part of outwit, outplay, outlast”. Oh Brian. Your watery words of Neo-Cesterninism sound even more pathetic when you’re on the receiving end of the boot.
Poor Brian was voted out and I shook my head forlornly at the loss of my favourite hapless, wannabe mastermind. Oh how I wished he could have blundered his way further along the show, spouting his hilariously asinine ‘badass’ comments.
Next week looks interesting with Gary’s ridiculous lie once again coming up when Amy confronts him about it. Watch it, Gary. She’s a cop. She knows how to make it look like an accident.