The more things change, the more they stay the same. That is what struck me as I watched events unfold after the Tribal Switch. The Switch did lead to some delicious new developments despite the feeling of déjà vu all over again I felt.
The episode started off the same way it’s been since the start of the season. On Nukem everyone was dying of heat exhaustion and Judd was, as usual, complaining about the wildlife as mosquitoes swarmed around him like he was an all-you-can-eat buffet. Drink up, my little mozzies. Maybe Judd will shut up if he loses enough blood.
Meanwhile Yahtzee were catching minnows as a crocodile swam around. Having missed out on the opportunity to feast on one of the bathing idiots of Nukem last week, it waited for one of the Yahtzees to take a dip so it could eat them. The only watery beast that got a taste of Yahtzee however was a vicious minnow which bit Jamie’s foot.
Then it all changed at the Reward Challenge. Or Reward Whatever since there was no challenge involved. What looked to be a boring Q&A session to determine to who was smelliest, hungriest, geekiest etc turned into a surprise twist – a Tribal Switch.
As confused as this made me as to who was in what team, I did immediately noticed that Danni and Gary ended up on New Yahtzee together. I cackled when I realised this – surely Gary’s big secret couldn’t help but be exposed now.
But no. Nothing changed at all. Gary simply continued with the denial and tried to convince Danni and the others that she was wrong. They did not sound particularly convinced – Amy threatened to kill Gary if she found out afterwards he was actually a multimillionaire. Her cop experience will certainly come in handy in covering up the murder.
Faced with Gary’s oh-so-convincing attempts to maintain his false identity (“Why yes, I did go to Michigan U just as Gary Hogeboom did and I do have the same initials and first name as him but I’m totally not him”), Danni merely rolled her eyes and accurately guessed why he was continuing with the charade.
She’s sharp, that one. And I’m not just talking about the fact that you can peel potatoes on her shoulder-blades. She could absolutely use the whole Gary thing to her advantage if she plays her cards right, either as blackmail or painting a target on his back at the right opportunity.
Meanwhile at NewNukem, Judd continued to be the most annoying contestant in Guatemala. He was thrilled at the new tribe because all the strong men had ended up on Yahtzee and he was the default alpha male. I wouldn’t gloat if I were you, Judd, considering the other guys on the tribe are noodle-limbed Rafe, that comedian Brandon and Jamie, the bum who can’t even take a minnow bite.
He immediately approached Steph and Jamie in order to vote with them and break the 4-4 tie between the old tribal alliances. After securing himself a prime spot, he referred to the jungle as his and pounded on his chest as he howled like an ape. The family resemblance between him and Howlie the monkey increases every week.
At the Immunity Challenge in which people had to throw clubs at breakable targets, Judd proved just how useful to his tribe he was when he almost single-handedly lost NewNukem the challenge. He spent a billion years throwing clubs at the targets instead of stepping down and letting someone else try. Contrast that to Yahtzee who almost immediately replaced Brian as the designated thrower when they realised he couldn’t hit the broadside of a pyramid.
I’d mock Judd for throwing like a girl but Steph and Danni were champions with the club-throwing despite their lack of “maletosterone”. He did eventually hit the target but his doggedness in proving how invaluable he was to the team lost Nukem a sizable lead.
Steph’s tribe lost again. This is getting a little predictable. Funny too, strangely enough.
Faced with yet another loss, Steph somehow managed not to coat herself in meat and throw herself to the crocodiles. She didn’t even complain about it until Jeff later brought it up in Tribal Council so maybe she’s accepted her role as the worst Survivor ever, spreading awful luck wherever she goes.
What Steph did do was immediately get strategic and single out Brooke for the vote. Who? Yeah, Steph had trouble remembering who she was too. So Steph decided to target the stronger Whatserface over her weaker ally Lydia.
Perhaps sensing that betrayal was in the air, Margaret approached Judd in order to determine if he was still loyal. It was obvious where Judd’s loyalties lay when he tried to argue with a straight face that Brooke and Lydia were at equal levels of strength.
Riiiggghhht. It’s not like the only time Brooke was remotely noticeable was during challenges when she often did very well. She’s clearly as challenge-challenged as the freakin’ midget Lydia.
Instead of noticing the obvious *bleep!* Judd was spewing, Margaret chose to outline to him exactly why turning coat was a great idea for him by talking about how even if the former Yahtzees gained the majority in NewNukem, they’d be sure to keep Judd on because of how strong he was. Oh Margaret. At least let him work out the advantages of alliance-switching on his own instead of handing them to him on a silver platter.
Was Judd about to betray his tribe? Do BJ and Blake piss in the woods? Of course he was. When Jeff asked him about possibly switching alliances at TC, Judd was his usual smooth self:
“Was I forming an alliance when I was talking with Stephenie and Jamie at the top of the pyramid? Hahahahaha, why ever would you think that? We were hanging because of them being new to our tribe. I didn’t know them very well and decide to get to know them by talking with them. Perfectly innocently without any discussion of alliances whatsoever. Hanging out and being friendly is all. We were chilling and hanging. Hanging and chilling. Yep. That’s what we were doing, nothing else at all.”
Have I said in the past that Gary was the worst liar ever? I take it back. Gary seems to have settled into a lying groove unlike Judd who’s just so awkward with the verbal diarrhoea when he’s confronted about anything. Judd makes Gary look like Rob C.
The votes were cast. Brooke’s only hope was that nobody would remember her name while voting for her and Jeff would read out various votes for “Bridget”, “Bronwyn”, “Barbara”, “Brianna” and “That blonde girl who…does stuff”.
Unfortunately for her, Judd gave his new alliance a refresher course on what her name was and she was voted out 5 to 3. Too bad. I liked Brooke from the five seconds or so I saw of her. And it’s not just because I thought she was totally cute. Ok, I lie, it absolutely was.
For the third week running Lydia was saved as one of the younger girls went in her place instead. Yet another pattern emerges.
See what I mean about some things staying constant and comfortably predictable? Just so that the episode wouldn’t completely fall into old patterns, the editors decide to add some bits of grossness to keep us viewers on our toes.
Dear Editors. I don’t mind if things are a bit predictable, I really don’t. Please don’t feel that you have to add the following scenes in order to spice things up: Gary’s blurry bits in the shower, Margaret’s saggy boobs almost dropping out of her top, Amy’s blue foot, and the urinary conversations of BJ and Blake. No peeing boys, please.
Next week, watch as Steph’s tribe loses again, Lydia avoids elimination as one of the younger women go instead, Gary lies about his background, and Judd moans and acts like an ass.
Or maybe not. We’ll see.