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Brianna Is Broken

Written by Cloud9 from the blog Tribal Talk on 03 May 2006
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Lydia has once again avoided the chop. Hooray! Going in her stead was her mortal enemy, Brianna.

Not that it was made very clear just why Brianna and Lydia didn’t get along – all we got to see was a snippet of a sparkling conversation the two had about fish or the weather or something equally trivial.

Apparently Brianna didn’t like Lydia because she never looked her in the eyes. Dude, Lydia’s two feet tall. She needs a stepladder just to look you in the chin. So Brianna tried to convince Steph to vote Lydia out, talking about how she didn’t trust Lydia and how well she could read people.

Brianna’s amazing reading skills failed to tell her that her tribemates thought she was a liability and had decided to vote her out. Someone clearly needs to take some remedial reading classes.

Unlike Morgan, Brianna did bother to do work around camp. But she was so pathetically awful at challenges that she just had to go. What was she doing in the ancient Mayan netball challenge? Did she misunderstand the rules? Did she think Jeff said that moving at all wasn’t allowed as opposed to moving while in possession of the ball?

Her team kept screaming for her to move and get free so someone could pass the ball to her but she was thinking “Free what? Free make-up samples? I hand those out in shopping malls!” Amy even did better than her and she had to play on a twisted ankle.

Lydia deserved to stay more because she does try hard at challenges, even if she’s not that good at them. I thought she did as well as she could in the Mayan netball challenges, even if her biggest contribution seemed to be Danni using her as a springboard to score goals for Nukem.

Steph way overreacted to the loss blaming it on the fact that neither Brianna nor Lydia knew what a pick is. Omigod, they don’t know what a pick is? Imagine going on Survivor and not knowing what a pick is! That’s even worse than not learning how to start a fire.

(For the unenlightened among you, a ‘pick’ is what Lydia and Brianna imagined sticking in Steph’s head when she brought it up at Tribal Council.)

Steph is beginning to get on my nerves with her whiny “Why do all my teams suck, why can’t I ever get on the good tribe I deserve wa wa wa” attitude. We get it, you were stuck on a crapass tribe back in Palau and you are now on a tribe that isn’t raking in the wins.

The great thing about sucky Ulong Steph was that she didn’t have this pity me attitude whenever Ulong lost. She had this endearing “We may have lost last time, but we’re going to win this time, I can feel it” attitude. Ulong was just plain sad but Steph didn’t really moan about it.

This time around she’s being a total whinger about things. Yahtzee is nowhere near as awful as lost cause Ulong and does have a good chance at winning challenges, so Steph needs to stop whining and be grateful she got a second chance at winning Survivor.

She does at least seem to realise this is a game which is something that seems to have escaped the attention of most of the other contestants. Not Brian of course, because he thinks he’s Boston Richard Heidik Cesternino and is responsible for engineering the boots like a mastermind. It’s going to be such fun to watch his reality intrude into his delusions of grandeur when he’s eventually eliminated.

But the rest of Yahtzee are still playing the happy family. What is this game of which you speak? They’re just a big, dysfunctional family out on a camping holiday.

Nukem think they’re at summer camp. They lie around all day before swimming with the crocs and complain about the jungle noises interrupting their sleep. They’re just there to have fun! Swim and laugh and beat rival Camp Yahtzee across the river.

Then when someone tries to assume a leadership position, like Margaret with the shelter building, they get all sulky that someone is trying to spoil their fun by trying to tell them what to do. What does she think this is anyway? A survival situation or something?

Margaret didn’t even seem particularly overbearing when she was advising them on how to build the shelter. BJ and Judd sounded like overgrown children when they were pouting over Margaret telling them what to do. One would think that BJ would be glad to have someone on the team that knows what they’re doing after the disaster that was Ulong.

Margaret was less than happy with the finished shelter, claiming that it looked like a big top. How very appropriate considering the amount of clowns on that tribe. I don’t know why they can’t just live in one of the pyramids. Perhaps the fear of vengeful Mayan spirits coming out from the walls and haunting them for defiling their sacred site.

The illusion that these people are playing kids at summer camp was made complete when they were given war paint in order to make themselves look like Mayan warriors. When the abovementioned Mayan spirits saw the painted survivors, they had themselves a good laugh at the thought that these twits were supposed to be in any way representative of them.

If they’re not laughing, they’re certainly gritting their teeth at Jeff’s proclamations that the survivors are “doing it like the Maya”. The spirits of the Maya are all “Girl, please. We didn’t flop around like dead fish just because of a little heat. And we certainly did not balk at the thought of eating termites. We used the termites as seasoning on the howler monkeys we ate for breakfast.”

If the survivors were really doing it like the Maya, Yahtzee would have had their hearts cut out and sacrificed to Quetzalcoatl upon the steps of the pyramid after losing the Immunity Challenge. These people are pansies compared to the Maya.

It was fun to watch the survivors stumble around in the seasonal blindfold challenge. It wasn’t as good as previous blindfold challenges – not nearly enough comic pratfalls for my liking – but it was still fun. The best part was how there was one girl in particular (Cindy? Danni?) who kept getting hit in the head by BJ’s pole.

What I want to see is more ‘beating the *bleep!* out of each other’ challenges like there were last season. Let’s really see the contestants doing it like the Maya. They were pretty warlike, weren’t they? Or was that the Aztecs? Now I almost wish that the show had been Survivor Mexico: The Aztec Empire instead.



2 Comments

Insider
03 May 2006 03:15

I totally agree that Steph is the biggest whiner out and has this attitude that everybody ( including the world) owes her the opportunity to win. Get a grip girl, nobody owes you anything! And I am now thoroughly relishing everytime her tribe loses. I just can't stand that 'entitlement' attitude of hers and I suspect that it won't be long before all the star struck contstants on her side start feeling the same.

Like you, I also felt that Lydia did deserve to stay. She is clearly not at the same level of fitness of the others but she does have heart, and gives everything she has, which can't be said for all the others. My ultimate pain is this Gary guy. The wannabe landscaper who is some washed up quarterback from decades gone by that he is so desperately trying to keep his big secret. Personally I think all he did was "Monday morning quarterbacking" at the office because for all his speech on athleticism, he was pathetic in the netball chal

Jigsaw
03 May 2006 06:11

I also agree about Steph - she is irritating the crap out of me. Stop blaming everyone dammit. And why doesnt that tribe seem to have a leader or at least a plan?????

I'm glad Lydia stayed - she deserved to. At least she tries! And damn, that Amy is one tough chick!!!


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