So Steph’s tribe lost twice in a row? Yep, it looks like the universe is in sync again.
I kid, I kid. For the universe to truly be in sync, BJ’s tribe would have to lose as well and that paradox would cause a giant wormhole to open up and swallow up the jungles of Guatemala.
Despite Yahtzee’s double loss, they still seem to be a very strong team who are more than a match for Nukem. Just look at the super close finish at the Reward Challenge, with one team gaining a lead and then losing it just as easily every few minutes. I’d go as far as to say that these are two of the most evenly-matched tribes Survivor’s had in a while.
Unluckily for Yahtzee, their happy feelings of friendship and joy were not enough to boost them to victory. I always roll my eyes at these so-called ‘friendship’ tribes who are all “We’re a happy family, ra ra!” because it’s total kak.
It’s not summer camp and the joyous smiles always mask simmering resentment and secret grudges. Just look at how ‘families’ of the past like Rotu, Drake and Koror have always fallen into chaos in the end.
You can already see the cracks forming. Take Jamie. The boy’s so jealous of Steph, he can’t stand it. He sees her as the threat – the biggest obstacle on his otherwise clear road to the million.
Like Steph says, his fixation on her is retarded. It’s too early in the game to be targeting your strongest teammates, especially the one person who has played the game before and has survival experience. You don’t vote your strongest players off in the second Tribal Council, especially if your rival tribe is as strong as Nukem.
When has voting off your strongest members ever worked? It didn’t work when the worthwhile members of Maraamu were voted off, it didn’t work when the young, strong guys were voted off Lopevi, and it will not work now if Jamie has his way.
All Jamie has succeeded in doing is making Steph aware of his plans for her and earned my annoyance. I disliked him on sight so I’m glad that now I have a legitimate reason for my feelings.
But don’t think that just because Jamie wants Steph gone he doesn’t like her. He actually really admires her. He considers her to be “not like a girl but like a boy”. Yay, boys! So much better than weak, silly girls, right Jamie?
Maybe I’m being too harsh on him. I can see where he might have gotten the idea – Steph does have more balls than Jamie ever will after all.
Then there was his description of all the people on the tribe where he gave them all taglines – the landscaper, the fishmonger (mispronounced natch) and so on – in which he could find no more interesting thing to call Rafe than “the gay guy”.
Just from his bio, not even knowing him, I can think of a million more interesting things to call Rafe than “the gay guy”. Has Rafe not told Jamie of his Mormon background, inventor mother, piano-playing toes or any of the other fascinating things about him? Or was Jamie thinking up ways to vote out Steph to notice?
Luckily the rest of the tribe dismissed Jamie’s ridiculous plans and made their choice based on who was the least valued member of the tribe. The choice was between Lydia and Morgan.
Lydia seemed to pull her (admittedly not great) weight around camp and used her knowledge of fish to cook them properly and set up a trap to catch them. She also seemed to try her hardest at challenges and didn’t even sit one out like I totally thought she would.
Morgan was good at challenges but also did nothing around the camp.
Can I call them or what? This show is truly taking over my brain because I can tell just from looking at someone whether they’re going to be a useless log or not.
I like Lydia so I was hoping they’d pick Morgan over her. It’s not like Morgan was invaluable to the tribe at challenges, and Lydia seems a lot fitter than I first thought. Plus she’s not a lazy ass.
Luckily the tribe agreed with me and blindsided Morgan totally. It made her comment when she was voting for Lydia all the more fitting:
Morgan: Sorry, Lydia. Believe it or not, this is one of the hardest decisions I’ll have to make while I’m out here.
Me: You’re not wrong.
Bye, Morgan. Despite the laziness, you seemed ok. But not as nice as Lydia, so there.
I’m glad that lack of food did not impede Yahtzee’s judgement. I can’t believe some of them were so squeamish about eating the ants. Rafe and Gary were right – ants are full of protein. I personally would have fried them up instead of eating them live.
Didn’t Steph have to eat Balut? That’s half-developed duck embryo! No contest. Ants are chocolate covered cherries compared to duck embryo. Come on, Steph. Eat an ant or two already.
Mmm, ants.
Gary took to the ants just fine because once you’ve had human flesh, insects just aren’t that exotic anymore. Things seemed to be going so well for him and then someone saw through his impenetrable disguise.
Can you believe it? Can you believe that someone actually unmasked this master of masquerade, this don of deception? But the skullduggerous spy was outsmarted by one brilliant mind…
Danni.
Yes, her. Yes, that pageant girl with negative body fat who pouts a lot. Yes, the one who made the dumb “Men are just plain stronger than women” comment last week. Gary’s perfect persona was seen through by Danni of all people.
It was hysterical. Here’s Gary so pleased with himself that no-one suspects he is anything more than a humble landscaper and Danni recognises him right away and naturally tells everyone because duh. If you recognise someone famous, of course you’re going to tell someone about it.
Because he believes he is on Alias, Gary was immediately suspicious of Danni’s intentions in telling others who he was. Clearly these were the insidious actions of a mole sent to spread disunity in Yahtzee.
Gary, perhaps suffering from the after-effects of too many hard tackles, decided to deny he was this famous footballer Danni believed him to be. After all, what does she know? She’s only a professional sportscaster after all.
The rest of the tribe swallowed his crap. Or more likely, they didn’t care because football players are not nearly the targeted species in Survivor that Gary has deluded himself into believing.
Because she showed up Gary’s plan for the idiocy it was, albeit unintentionally so, I find myself suddenly liking Danni a whole lot more. I hope she makes a football reference every challenge so I can laugh at Gary glaring at her and trying to decide if she’d taste better broiled or grilled.
Nukem does have its own share of irritating people. Despite Blake’s many teeth, I found myself annoyed at Judd and Brandon for talking smack about him. It’s clear the guy is sick, probably because those thorns were poisonous, and not just malingering for the sake of avoiding work. Er…until he gets to challenges when he seems to miraculously find his breath.
Ok, maybe it’s not that clear. But still, Brandon and Judd need to shut up about how awful it is that Margaret dares nurture and take care of him. Omigod, not a nurturer! Anything but one of those.
Brandon claims he is tougher than Blake who must “man it up”. Funny, I believe almost the same thing, except I think it’s Brandon who must “shut it up”. He’s one to talk about strength – wasn’t he official banana carrier last week in the 11 mile trek? The guy whose biggest contribution appears to have been carrying bananas shouldn’t talk.
Then there’s Judd who does seem to work but who I can’t stand anyway. He sounded so pissily jealous when he was going on about how Blake had gotten all the glory in the Reward Challenge and how much he wanted glory to be heaped upon him instead.
Sadly he got his heroic moment when he won two flags for Nukem at the Immunity Challenge. To rub it even more in my face, Judd’s blurry ass was one of many that made an appearance.
Other than the blurred asses, the IC was great fun, what with the mud-wrestling and the return of BJ’s scary challenge face. Oh, BJ’s crazy eyes, how I’ve missed you.
Those crocodiles don’t stand a chance next week. One maniacal look from BJ and they’ll be swimming for the ocean in fear.