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THE OTHER WOMAN

Written by pushy85 from the blog Pushy's forum on 19 Nov 2007
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I used to love the song so much,when it played everything stopped.It was like the girls were talking to me.I was a bit young then and i hadn't even started dating.
Well lets just say i can identify with that song more now that i did back then coz I found myself being the other woman and i can't get out coz the feelings are so deep.
My friends have a lot to say about my situation telling me i have low self -esteem and that i should let this guy go coz he doesn't deserve me and all that stuff.And I was like...say what?I have two friends right?Well let's just say they're not the type of people i 'd go and ask for advice from.The other one is pregnant and her man is busy running around with girls but still she's busy calling him and acting all lovey dovey... and yet she has the nerve to tell me to ''love myself''.
The other one she called her man the other day maybe five times,he didn't pick up,so she borrowed my phone and called him and he picked up...lets's just say they're still going strong after that.And she also has the nerve to give me advice.
I know the situation I'm in is messed up but i need people who are practising what they're preaching to advise me.The guys calls,sends sms's and he does take me out when he can,he's there for me when i need him...not all the time but he tries his best.My head is telling me to get out but my heart is telling me another thing...didn't Roxanne say ''listen to your heart''?.So TVSA bloggers,please give me advice on how to handle this situation of mine.Coz i'm not going to listen to my messed up friends,if my self-esteem is low then theirs is lower than low.

77 Comments

pushy85
19 Nov 2007 07:34

so give it to me,don't be shy say what you really think.

Mambox
19 Nov 2007 07:40

Hhay pushy!!

Mathaz
19 Nov 2007 07:44

If the guy is married let him go, he's just using you. If not and he is really worth it fight for him.

pushy85
19 Nov 2007 07:49

well he's not married at all

zandi!
19 Nov 2007 07:49

I'd love to advice yu bt i have ma own messed up life gal !!

J-Girl
19 Nov 2007 07:52

Phuma kulonto sana lwam recipe for disaster qha

pushy85
19 Nov 2007 07:53

good to knw i'm not alone

Lex
19 Nov 2007 07:53

So then what's the problem if he aint married?

pushy85
19 Nov 2007 08:00

he has another girlfriend and i'm the second one,the new one.

Mathaz
19 Nov 2007 08:00

So then what's the problem if he aint married? My point exactly!!

LM
19 Nov 2007 08:01

I agree with Mathaz, if he's married then run if not fight with your eyes wide open. Does what he says correlate with what he does? Are you seeing someone else because being the other woman can be 'a very lonely place to be'.During this time of total devotion (if u hav stopped dating other people)to this man, you miss out on the opportunity to meet guys that are prepared to commit to you and exclusively you . Does he ever mention the intention of leaving his woman 4 u and if he does/did what has happened so far.

If his woman is not commited to keep him (she is too relaxed) then eventually u can have him only if this is also what he wants. Let's hope you are not just some exciting thing on the side.

tshepiso
19 Nov 2007 08:03

if u got strong feeling for him, fight for him he is single.

eish! le nna ke rwele such problems on my shoulders but I'm trying to deal with them.

blaqueboi
19 Nov 2007 08:06

DR PHIL is on SABC everyday @ 12H00;

lol, ka dlala! babes this is simple. What expectations did you have when you first got involved with this dude. Coz that is where most people make the mistake; If you know what your expectations are then you won't expect anything else. The deal is you made the choice from the beginning that you are ok with the situation; It's not fair on the guy for you to now expect to be number 1 if that's what you are expecting. You need to stand your ground and know what you want before you get involved withn guys. remember babes, we teach people how to treat us. U are no. 2 and that will never chenge in thids guy's eyes even if he might dump the other girl.

My friend always say; 'Assume your position frtom the word go' That is exactly what you ought to do. Now you know, and when you know better you do better.

Phew, that was exhausting... Dr Phil I hope you are taking notes!

Good luck Babes

Sam2say
19 Nov 2007 08:09

Girl these kind of things happen, I'm also in that perdicament now and i reallly don't know how to handle it, I have been in this relationship for 4 yrs in counting, ut I must say I never ever really felt like I was involved, like if someone asks me if Im in a relationshp, i would either say no or say something like that, I called him on Friday night and Sat morn, he did nt answer his phone and let me tell you, I haven't heard a word from him since the last time "i"called and spoke to him on Thur, so...... what do you call that, i really love him and dnt ask me for what coz really this dude does absolutely nothing for me, but he's got a kind heart.

All im saying to you is asses your relationship, see where you both come from with your relationship, how he used to treat you and what he does these days to spoil you or treat you like the princess you are, if you get a + answres then I would say, he's just a guy going through a phase, fight for him and show him what he'll be missing out on if you break up, if he really love you, he'll come bac, I know

pushy85
19 Nov 2007 08:11

@LM I am not dating anyone at the moment coz i am so inlove other guys don't exist.The girl is not relaxed at all she once called me five times in one day and we got into it real bad.

Toxic
19 Nov 2007 08:12

eish i can't give advice incase it's my man u're trying to take away from me--eish who knows???

faraimagic
19 Nov 2007 08:13

i have always known that i wud luv a woman who will not only fight with me but will fight for me but not me taking advantage!and i have raised and being told not to cheat on any woman....so if he has the other woman or it is you the other woman....dump his two timing ass!you deserve better......you will find love..

LM
19 Nov 2007 08:16

Pushy, is he staying with the girlfriend? Sharp sharp you guys (u and his girlfriend) should be on the same level, so to speak, since he's not married to her.

I just got out of that mess with my gold teeffed ex bfriend. The dude was telling me that he's got no future with the mother of his child and they tried staying together but couldn't stand each other. The lady eventually found out about me and contacted me....and the next time I checked they were staying together again because 'he didn't wanna hurt her', DUUUUUHHH!, that's when I decided go shapa corner.

CHECK CONSISTENCY IN HIS WORDS VS ACTIONS.

pushy85
19 Nov 2007 08:16

@blaqueboi.I told him i didn't like sharing from the one go.And he said he's not happy in that relationship and that he'll eventually leave his girl for me.It's been three months now and I am still waiting.

Preshiii
19 Nov 2007 08:21

@ Pushy: and I am still waiting.

And wait you shall sisi...., 3 months will turn into a year & so forth....hamba sisi!

Baby-A
19 Nov 2007 08:25

Pushhy girl, the mere fact that he cant decide between the two of you says a lot aboutthe kind of man that he is> childish and confused. He's very lost and you dont need that baggage. I say, get out, you deserve someone who's gonna love you and make you a priority.
I know guys like him, my brother used to be just like that before he got married. And we used to laugh at girls like you....AND the madam that you are sharing with.

Mxhosana
19 Nov 2007 08:26

Sana lwam i know wht u going through, been there done that and i got the boot. Yha it's never easy cos most people will tell you to get out of that relationship but that aint easy especially when u really have strong feelings 4 de person. But it's also not nice to knw that u r someone's second best. I always blv that it is imposble 4 sm1 to love 2 chicks at the same time. Why is he cheating on his other g-frend with u? Why is he still with her kodwa nawe uyakuthanda? He might be there when u need him, the calling, taking u out but until when. At the end of the day he'll be faced with a situation where he'll have to choose btwn u 2 and i hope u'll be ready to handle wateva decision he'll take.

myname
19 Nov 2007 08:26

alright pushy i wil try 2morrow my darling bcoz i've got headache. Bt let mi give u this assignment; Did he tel u that there is some1 be4 uthi wena EWE or u only found out after ............. maybe u had sex? So wena r u ready 4 competition? Do u know the lady? if yes where does she stay? Did u ask him why he loves u while he have another gf?what she doesnt have wena u have? If he promise 2 dump that gil dont u think he wil get another gf & u wil always b the 2nd woman? Sana they r plenty of guys here my advice plz leave while u can ............otherwise stress kills and Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are

pushy85
19 Nov 2007 08:28

@Toxic.LOL

candy luv
19 Nov 2007 08:29

u r astupid girl he will neva leave her

faraimagic
19 Nov 2007 08:29

dump his ass.....!period

Porche
19 Nov 2007 08:30

Pushy85 babes I know what you are going through, my relationship with my friend deteriotad bcoz she did not approve of my relationship I stopped sharing anything to her, I became a thread to all the single-serious and married woman she use to say that women like me allows men to abuse us and other women but her attitude started when she got a man after being through a lot but I had my one man whom I love all along. All I needed to know from her is what 's wrong with being in love and receiving the same love back, guys pls when you hit on Pushy85 pls do throw those punches on me too bcoz I am a happy b***ch. Girl if he loves, respect and treat you well keep him.

pushy85
19 Nov 2007 08:31

blaqueboi
19 Nov 2007 08:31

@Pushy, you are a smart girl, although the evidence if that is not apparent in this situation. Surely you knew that that was all rubbish. Babes, you were gullible to fall for his charms and lies. Hey ..I'm not hating on the dude maybe he has good intentions for the two of you. But You are not happy; You made a decision that you are not happy with; now for a lack of a better way of putting this we'll just say; you were dumb there for a minute. now this is your opportunity to bounce back and reclaim your position in this. You are not pleased with the set up, right? The niggar has to know. if you don't do something now then you are basically writting your own script to heartbreak hotel; If this continues, it will only be because you let it; Don't you be blaming no-one if you wake up one day and your whole life is in disaray. THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT! play it right.

Love is overrated anyway, it's how well you click with that person and how long you are willing to tolerate thier S**t.

Ke lame leo!

pushy85
19 Nov 2007 08:38

@candy luv.go easy on the name calling

LM
19 Nov 2007 08:42

One thing I can say ke gore these type of guys know which buttons to press; you will feel hooked (totally inlove) to them. I know what/how you are feeling..I have broken up with him three times in six months and everytime he succeded to convince me not to leave him. This time I put my foot down and it's now a second month. It hurts though!

These things have got a way of backfiring...let's say you stick it out and finally you get the guy....are you gonna be his last other woman??? what he has done with you can be easily done with the next other woman (it can take months or years but history is bound to repeat itself).

I suggest you leave him now and tell him that when he's free and available then you two can continue from where you left off provided you are not involved at that time.

LM
19 Nov 2007 08:54

Until tomorrow mabloggers, i'm going home now. this article has opened/scratched not so old wounds.

joy
19 Nov 2007 08:56

Pls dont fight over him, not worth it. If u do end up winning, wont he do the same again?? Its a pattern.

blaqueboi
19 Nov 2007 08:59

couldn't agree with you more Joy.

zandi!
19 Nov 2007 08:59

guya the guy is nt married for GODS sake even if he leaves her then life goes on she wont commit suicide she'll move on bt dnt gt out if yu think yu still in love wt the guy and if yu think hes making an effort to make yu happy why not stick around
no one knows ubambo lwakhe guys and Pushy follow yo heart and take all the advices that yu think they worth it
sm1 said the ball is in yo court all of us we have our own problems.

joy
19 Nov 2007 09:03

so basically he can have his 2 khekhe and eat the??U must never!!

pushy85
19 Nov 2007 09:06

couldn't agree with you more Zandi.Bye LM AND THANX 4 THR GR8 ADVICE

blaqueboi
19 Nov 2007 09:11

@Pushy, bye Babes; hope my 2 cent's worth of advice will help in some way.

andi01
19 Nov 2007 09:14

Never be anyone's OPTION, while he is your PRIORITY.

Baby-A
19 Nov 2007 09:22

@Andi That is what i've been meaning to say this whole time. You have saved the day.

Pushy, that is all you need to hear....You know, uRachel Phakathi kwa Rhythm City once said to Thembi that she's "three course meal, but some guys prefer fast-food, So if a guy is not prepared or doesnt have the time to sit down and enjoy the meal, clearly he's not for her"
And i thought that was really just sooo true....

sweetie my baby
19 Nov 2007 09:23

he he he - i loooove how the fact that the guy is NOT married is being used to justify this "relationship". guys - can we please focus????

this man has made uPushy 2nd best, she's a hidden relationship, a dirty little secret - and TRUST me, he's quite happy to keep it this way - otherwise, he'd have left his main squeeze - (akere he's not married, so what's holding him back?????)

- this whole situation just fulfills every cliche in the book 'he's not happy in his relationship, wants to leave' etc etc. it's just depressing. WHITE SOCK GIRL, WHERE ARE YOU, QUICK QUICK QUICK QUICK- too many fabu tvsa bloggers are quite satisfied with being 2nd best, and have gotten to the point where they rationalise it....'he ain't married/fight for what you want, follow your heart, etc etc etc'.

err, girls, in a word - NO. i'll leave it to White Sock Girl to break it down, but NO. also, i think it'd be helpful if we please got some guys to share - coz that's the perspective that's needed... am gonna call TDC, Monchoo and Sponono on this....

am stressed!! you sound like a woman who's got so much love to give, it can't be wasted on someone who's willing to keep you as second best...

puchununu
19 Nov 2007 09:41

RUN AND DONT EVEN LOOK BACK. UNLESS YOU WANT THINGS TO GET SALTY (hehe this from some Bible story. God said to them not to look back at the sin city and they did and they turned into salt)

Point is don't ever settle for second best at anything especially if you can help it. If you really want this guy to take u seriously. (use some psychology). Here is a script memorise it and he''l come running to you in 2months max! hehe

Be on same. "Ok babes. Listen, I know i said I was cut out for this but truth is I can't handle what this will do to HER (like u give a f*$#) and US (place emphasis on this word. U have sound like a team player as u signed out to at first). I trust you will eventually leave her as u said u wud. But I can't help but question what if it were I that u eventually couldn't be with. If the roles were switched I would prefer you to be upfront with me instead of leading a double life. So please pull yourself together and decide what it is you really want. I feel like Im helping you live a lie and that is not a type of man that I would want to be with. Take all the time you need. You know where to reach me when you've reached some conclusion. (peck on the cheek, exuding your chanel coco perfume and walk away. Never looking back).

Get home and cry your heart out. But with time it'll will prove to have been the best move ever.

sweetie my baby
19 Nov 2007 09:48

dankie Puchu....

Brown Shuga
19 Nov 2007 10:01

Two weeks ago I made my biggest and best investment of 2007 yet. I paid R109.99 at Clicks for a copy of a book called "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU" (The No excuses Truth to Understanding Guys).
The first time I got to CNA and asked for the book, I was told it was SOLD OUT but the nice Shop Assistant took my number and ordered the book for me.
I FINISHED READING IT IN ONE DAY and just yesterday I went to read one of the chapters again coz there was something bothering me. Now I know what to do.

Okay, some of you might think I sound pathetic but it's okay, I'm just tired of making mistakes and being played!

Chapter 5 says He's Not That Into You If He's Having Sex With Someone Else" but I think what might be more useful to you is Chapter 10 : He's Just Not That Into You If He's Married (and other insane variations on being unavailable).

PUSHY85, you mentioned the word WAITING so I will tell you what CHAPTER 10 says about WAITING:

"You have to do the waiting - the biding your time, biting your tongue, keeping your needs quiet. He's so special, that guy. He deserves to have you sit around, putting your life on hold, not getting what you want, while he takes his time, sorting it all out. He's that special. You, of course, aren't at all."

Get yourself a copy of that book and THEN make your decision. Only you can decide.

(P.S. I have the book with me......just in case anyone thinks I've got this all in my head, shooo, it's not THAT bad....yet!)

Segololo
19 Nov 2007 10:17

punchu: AMEN!!!

sweetie my baby
19 Nov 2007 10:38

DOUBLE AMEN shuga-shuga!!

Brown Shuga
19 Nov 2007 10:47

Hola Sweet one, I see this issue is really distracting you....
By the way...I'm singing RnB tomorrow at 6pm! Thanks!

DJ Why why
19 Nov 2007 11:28

Iyo! This is tough stuff @ Pushy. When I first read this like @ Toxic I wondered if we arent seeing the same person (hi hi hi) but yours has ONE other woman.

I have a VERY fine ass, kind brotha, wont say much (in case he is dating half of the blooger CTN ladies hi hi hi! ). Word on the street is that he is a serialcheater, but my boo denies it all. He will even apologise for getting me upset but swears people are lying.

Donno what i am still doing there, but CTN has no brothas maan...so I gotta stay and leave when something better rocks up! So see I can't offer you no good advice my sistah!

witty lady
19 Nov 2007 11:33

Pushy my dear, if he leaves the other woman for you he'll definately leave you for someone new as well, will you feel comfortable knowing ukuthi he's a cheater?
everytime he's not around your mind is gonna start running wild.

nam i've been number 2 and will never settle for second best again.

puchununu
19 Nov 2007 11:47

Dj why why........ whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy oh whyyyyyyyyyyy

babes. Im not even judging u. Just hollerin at a sista.

Serial cheater = serial killer. (but i wont get technical with the sex ed)
Plz plz get a copy of that book Shuga is talking about. We need it. We all need it.

Its clear u'v given him the benefit of a doubt.That shows your a loyal girl.

But do you really believe you 're gonna stay until something better come by. Trust me being around a bad person clouds you to what is good. So while you think you are waiting for Mr right. He's probably passed you 100 times. Its up to you to take the initiative to say. I deserve better and I can get better. So what if you are single for a year .I know being single isn't ideal for any 1 but sumtimes its the right prescription to getting a better candidate.

puchununu
19 Nov 2007 11:51

Oh pushy. If the gurl finds out that you knew about her then its prolly on mami. Betta hope she aint a rough neck. You know the type that'll use a bottle to redesign your face.

DJ Why why
19 Nov 2007 12:17

Thanks @ Punch, will definitely get that book and keep it around for him to see. Am busy with another book by some Dr Henry Cloud, "9 things you simple must do to succeed in love and life".

I am on the 4th principle, but it would seem that I should have dumped him while i was on the second. It refers to pulling sore teef ASAP and in my life he would be igrunanti strong four front teef (hi hi hi). Andina extuse actually.

I can be single, but was there 2003-2007, it is very lonely out there. Of course i deserve better! maar eish! the loneliness.

Flo-Jo
19 Nov 2007 12:39

I'm glad we can talk about these issues as gals...just wanna holler at the following: blaquebooi,Andi01,puchununu,Sweetie ma baby,Brown Shuga
Gals, thank u for the sound advice u gave and I cudnt agree with u more!!!!

Onna
19 Nov 2007 12:58

Pushy sisi I will tell you one thing if he says they are having problems in his relationship you should have sugested they go see a counsilor.So now cause you r in it already ask him when he is getting out of the other relatoinship and tell him you will be dating other people while he sorts himself because time waits for no man.And follow up on your threat even when u not seeing anybody do not be available to him anytime he wants u.If he really cares he will not let you slip away.

LM
19 Nov 2007 23:17

Pushy, I get e-mails on a daily basis from this woman:Mimi Tanner [mimi@oakforestpublishing.com]. Her e-mails are about relationships (any type of relationship scenario you can think of) and included are also guidelines on how best to treat situations. Although she is based inthe US, what she talks about and what other people write to her about is common everywhere (a man is a man ); we women sell ourselves short n apparently we fall inlove easily.

J-Girl
20 Nov 2007 00:09

i agree with u when u say CTN there are no men, 1/2 my friends are single and they have dated (suprisingly - eziserial cheaters zalapha). point that I'm getting at is i understand where you come from with the part of being lonely but i seriously think its much its a much better place to be at than at the hands of these people...
all the best mchana and i hope 1day you will meet someone who recognises you for what you are - A GEM! and does not play on that.
shuga is sooo right, once you get that book, you will be on the right track - it tells you as it is, its as tho the author knows u and your messed up relationship personally thats how powerful it is.

KeleFabulous
20 Nov 2007 00:47

yoo haai abafazi bala e tvsa baya thetha noku!

first things first - BS i also bought that book. i went out and ordered it the first time i heard about it on oprah and i must say, you have to take what they say with a pinch of salt. if u live by every "guide" that they give i swear u will die a lonely old woman!

pushy85 they say sometimes u have to learn from other people's mistakes, u don't necessarily have to go thru them yourself! since u already r in this situation i will tell u my story: i met a guy who charmed the pants off of me! he literally swept me off my feet. i was over the moon and happy in love! one of the first things i asked him when we started seeing each other is if he had a woman in his life. his answer:NO! so all was well until i found out there was somebody else. someone who was there even before me! he tried to rationalise the whole situation saying his relationship with her vs his relationship with me are 2 different things. basically he was saying he was never gonna choose! by that time i was way in too deep and i thot maybe things will work out. soon afterwards i found out i was pregnant. he was over the moon. and u know how pregnant women are - very needy. he was never there when i needed him. and all my insecurities came to the fore. i wanted him to be with me all the time but ofcos, that's impossible with another woman in the picture. soon he started having "doubts" about my pregnancy and said we must consider our "options". i think this "options" idea was what finally gave me the courage i needed to break away from this poisinous "relationship". my pregnancy was the by far the hardest and happiest time of my life and i have not, not once, did i regret my decision. today i have a beautiful baby who adores me and couldn't imagine life without him.

moral of the story - men like your man only do what's best for one person - himself! he cares nothing about your feelings and will do what makes him "happy" althou it might seem he's making u happy. akere when you're happy u make him happy? and who benefits in all of this? not YOU! take pride in the woman that u r and walk away from this. it won't be easy i promise u but that will b the best thing u can do for yourself as a woman because yena he honestly does not care.

good luck babes! *i c some people have also taken a liking to my usage of the word babes* hehehe

faraimagic
20 Nov 2007 00:57

someone once told me anything with 2 heads is a monster! the results...a disaster! hope you get the sense!

zozozo
20 Nov 2007 01:02

Hey Bloggers seems i miseed a lot in 5 days, glad to know u still gud wif ur advices.

Hey Pushy dear where can i start wif ur situation! *sigh* alright dear let me start wif me. I was the 1st lady in my man's life until he got all the seconds, i always found out about them and most of them knew about our relationship whenever i found out he'll dump them and they'll end-up hating me for that. It got to a point where he got some seriously jealous and stupid gal who chose to terminate our relationship by being preggies and that was the last straw for me. Coz i dumped his a$$, and promised myself the following:(1) I'll never be anyone's second best (2) I'll never f**k anyone whom i know is f**king sum1 else (3)I'll never fight for anymen's luv(coz it's exhausting whichever lady u R, either the 1st or the 2nd)

In all i've said above, what i'm trying to tell u is if a guy has a 1st lady he'll neva leave her for u, if he does he'll also leave u 4 sum1 else.Take ur time gal listen 2 ur heart, weigh ur options and if u decide to dump his a$$, take time before u engage urself in any realtionship(it's true time heals) I've been there now i'm fine it's been a year since we broke-up.

hope u got sumthing worthy in this ish i call my life, but hey i luv it.

tshepiso
20 Nov 2007 01:14

he he he! matsatsela! that must be my man who troubles u. and please backoff before he hurts u more.

eish-bo
20 Nov 2007 01:15

It is unfair that you are so judgemental of your "friends" fine their lives are not all rosy but you are shifting the focus here which is you BEING THE OTHER WOMAN. for how long do u want to be second best, surely when they say u deserve the best they know what they are talking about. people learn from their mistakes - i believe one day u'll wake up and realise that you wasted your time being the other woman and u'll be bitter. for now u may be happy but in the long run this set up will have a bad effect on you. if u feel your friends don't deserve to advice you then DO NOT SEEK IT FROM THEM....
if this guy can make u the OTHER WOMAN doesn't it cross your mind that he may leave her then do the same to you .... the dating game that needs strong players ARE U STRONG?

Msoe
20 Nov 2007 01:16

Haai i have read all the replies and i have no words do discribe how i feel for you Pushy. But gal, the only thing i can add is that men like to think that they are in control of women they are dating, ngiyabona he has put you in his web and its difficult for you to get out because you THINK you are in love with him. If I could sit down and tell you how many times i have cried my eyeballs out for a man i THOUGHT i loved then the cows will come home. What i mean is, this man DO NOT LOVE YOU, if he did he would habe left the other woman a long time ago. There is one thing you should know about man, if engasamfuni umuntu they just dont. If ethi he doesnt wanna leave her because he doesnt wanna hurt her, than run for the hills because unamanga. So gal, your the only person who can make this dicision but just be truthful to yourself it this relationship is what you want.

Annonymous
20 Nov 2007 01:19

Welcome back Zozozo, I missed ya & that's some good advice that u just gave to Pushy!!!

Annonymous
20 Nov 2007 01:25

Guys, u are just too good, yazi I am printing out this page coz I know that one day it will defintely come in handy!!!!

Onna
20 Nov 2007 01:39

Zozozo I was also in that situatoin until I decided enough,because for one thing he sleeps with both or maybe four of you at the same time and he has the gall to expect u to be ready anytime he decides he wants to have u for the day or those few hours before he goes to someone else.I know its hard to get out because when he is with u he makes u feel like a queen,he would drive me to work fetch me and call to apologise if he cant.He would call just to say i love you.All those things made me feel Iwas his number one also I had a child with him.Unfortunately my story ended in tragedy because one of the girls decided if she cant have him all to herself no one would and my child was left fatherless.Moral,nothing good ever comes out of a three way relationship.

Honeypot
20 Nov 2007 01:43

Hi yall, Pushy gal I think most women have experienced this sort of thing b4 or are in that situation currently. It's very difficult to advise someone who is in love or thinks that they are in love. But once a man has made you No.2 it will be very hard for you to be No1. But surerly you know you deserve better than that, there are men out there who are capable of loving only one woman completely. And there is one made just for you. This is not a sermon but I have also been in that type of a situation b4 plenty of times and it always ends in disaster. Women are delicate and senstitive and we need to be treated as such, There are times at night you need to held by your loved one kodwa if he is with No.1 wena who is going to cuddle with you. You also need to put yourself in that other woman' s shoes if that was your man who had a No. 2 what would would you do? think about it.

Earth
20 Nov 2007 01:58

This guy's bread is buttered on both sides,he's just having the best of both worlds.I'm willing to bet you a million bux,he's not out there scratching his head,asking himself which one he loves more.Contrary to popular belief,the first girlfriend is not a miserable,needy bitch the guy can't seem to get rid of.He is NOT trying!!!For all you know,the same ol' stories you hear about her,she's heard about you too.My ex cheated,and I met the other girl purely by mistake,once we realised what was going on,we started comparing notes,and realised gore he was a pathetic loser,e bile he used to take us to the same restaurants,used to tell us the same things...(I was such an idiot).But anyways,what we both realised was that he had no intentions of breaking it off with neither one of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

belz
20 Nov 2007 02:12

Eish Nkosi yami, makuyilamadoda,. hayi sometimes its just not worth it!!! mina pushy angazi ngithini, if i start talking i'll end up getting suspended from tvsa, ngoba ngizothukana nje.

Lex
20 Nov 2007 02:36

I'm never buying Drum magazine again,coz bo Sis Dolly ba plenty mo TVSA :-). Once again Pushy,my advice to you,fight for your love and if he really is the one for you then it will all be revealed in time.(But at the end of the day,it really is up to you what you decide to do,and I wish u luck in whatever decision you will take and if things dont go your way,then my shoulder will always be there for you)

Leethal
20 Nov 2007 02:55

Ladies !Ladies!Ladies!Please never ever play second fiddle for anyone not even your relatives....... You shoul kick his crocked ass to the curb!He's an asshole and he does not deserve you sweetie....

GQ
20 Nov 2007 03:30

From one sista to another here’s my 2c worth:
Like so many other women out there, I too have walked down this torturous route before. What you need to realise is that this is your journey & you and only you can chart your path. Only you know what direction this relationship should take and even as you ask this question the answer is already there just waiting for you to embrace it. The truth can be one of the most terrifying and most liberating things but ultimately you have to get to this truth-by yourself.

By virtue of posing this question it means you’ve pondered all the possible answers to it and are yet to find one that sits comfortable with you. We are all comfort seekers and that which detracts from that comfort makes us restless and out of balance. What you are going through right now requires that you be completely selfish about what and who you share your life with. You have to be completely and unapologetically selfish at this point & put YOU first.

It’s your happiness, health, mental/spiritual wellbeing that’s being tested right now & by gaad you have to come out victorious. Be selfish and proud enough of yourself to weed out all that has led you to this point in your life. Truth be told you have allowed yourself to hand over so much power to this man that your feelings of powerlessness have culminated in this “relationship advice soliciting” article. Stop looking outward for validation and affirmation-you are the only person who’s got that much power.

Try and turn this scenario around and be the “madam” that’s being cheated on. Does this make you proud of yourself? You’ve just voluntarily agreed to be responsible for someone else’s misery and heartache. Make that decision no matter how difficult it seems right now & don’t look back because the universe never forgets and karma is sure to make an appearance one day and gaad forbid the same thing happens to you too. Consider this: Would the young Pushy but proud of what you the grown up Pushy has become.

(Please make a detour to my GB for an invoice of services rendered. This is a once off payment subsequent consultations will be for free.)LOQ

Molilo
20 Nov 2007 04:00

Thank u ladies I am going to dumb him today I am no longer going to be the second, third, fourth or any number best for that matter if it is not the first.
I heard this from my friends time and time again but today I am convinced it is time to let go of him

pushy85
20 Nov 2007 07:54

thanks guys,i think i know what to do now.

pushy85
20 Nov 2007 07:55

thanks guys,i think i know what to do now.

Dimago
20 Nov 2007 08:09

good luck pushy....

sweetie my baby
20 Nov 2007 09:10

all the best girl - wishing you strength....

ex@mple
30 Nov 2007 07:01

@ BLAQUEBOI, DR PHIL is on SABC everyday @ 12H00

YOU ROCk*********DUDE

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