|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Poly-Talk
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011
by VusiK
|
|
|
|
Polygamy, in my opinion is less a cultural exercise and more a political one ... principally, an exercise of the politics of money and power.
I am naturally polygamist by virtue of biology ... however, evolution and the school of hard knocks compels me to exercise restraint and logic to determine that I am a lesser man than my ego allows me to believe and find solace, and comfort in monogamy.
That is not to say that I have not experimented, hypothesized, and tested scenarios regarding the feasibility of polygamy in my personal life ... the result of which journeys were simply that it is not worth my time and sanity to have more than one woman in my life ... AT ONE TIME !!!
with that said, let's dissect the dynamic of Polygamy the best way we can, given the scattered resources of our collective intelligence.
Frankly and bluntly speaking....
Polygamy, .. Like any other relationship, is about Power, the difference of the implementation or result of it in a polygamous arrangements is probably its exaggerated imbalance, which is where I'd like to concentrate my attention.
There is never balance in any relationship, there is a decent compromise.
As much as we aspire to be everything to everyone important in our lives, it never happens ... we are of uneven and unequal means and abilities, and we can try all we wish, we will never accomplish equality.
Polygamy, like money is wasted on the wealthy!
My motivation is that all the things most people desire do happen to certain people who then turn around and fail to maximise on the ability to use such resources to their full extent.
I am a simple person in thought ...
The main reason I do not have more than one wife is principally because it is impossible for me to find the right candidate with the full approval of the spouse I am with at the time, the converse of that being that the candidates that would be brought forward to me for consideration generally fail to meet my approval.
My ex-wife had a great set of candidates for me to consider ... with one exception ... they were of her age group (approx. 14 - 18 years older than me) this menopausal & I wanted children at the time, so the principal criteria in my existence had a lot to do with reproductive capacity & aesthetics than other more important matters ... the women were fully compatible and would have made it all happen exceptionally, but they were long in years ...
Young women however, are a different matter altogether ... they are invincible, and their organs are gold/platinum lined As my mind rudely says .... Take your platinum Ass to the taxis and signal!!! ... But being modest, I still offer them a ride in whatever car I am driving....
Honestly there was no compatibility of any form with women my age ... I was too busy making, accumulating, and preserving money (still am) to have any form of interest in engaging the whims of anyone whose primary focus in life is the disposal of money.
Herein lies the difference between my life and the life of all the people who get the girls I'd like to have, and the many wives’ most men fantasize of having ... the practitioner's ability to be prepared to compromise and forego their sensibilities in favour of indulging a desire.... Completely not my character ...
Outside of all the factors that affect all relationships, the practitioners generally possess extraordinary charisma and the willingness to be less interested in the preservation of wealth, but rather are quite prepared to expose the wealth and power to make themselves more attractive to more participants.
It is my opinion that modern day polygamy has less to do with tradition and more with Power, Wealth, opinion, and status. It is no longer a tool for to assist in the reduction of mischief among adults, it is in fact, the tool that legitimises mischief; and in so being, has become a tool of great compromise instead of being a tool / vehicle of enhancement.
Almost all the wives in Poly marriages I know have essentially the same response to the following questions;
How is it in this arrangement ? ... It is fine ... could be better
What motivated your decision? ... I wanted better than I had, & could do by myself.
Do you get along perfectly with your sister wives? ... Yes ... and No!
Would you go into Polygamy again given the choice ... No!!!
Makes one think does it not?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Replies: 57 You must be a TVSA member to post a reply |
|
|
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 12:28 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Reply from: |
zam.ngcobo
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 12:40 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Yoh Ive been waiting forever for this...........FINALY !
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 12:41 PM
|
|
|
|
|
As much as I fantasize about having more than one wife ... No thanks !!!
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 12:43 PM
|
|
|
|
|
I wrote this with a Migrane ...
I have nothing else to do,
It may not be my best work.
|
| Reply from: |
tzhavile
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 12:45 PM
|
|
|
|
|
to some extent i somehow believe that polygamy is somewhat natural and that we as human beings and bana ba thari e ntshu overshadowed by westernisation are just trying so hard to fight it. think about it clearly before throwing mesiles- how many men are genuinely faithfull to their partners? and those who are faithfull actually want to do it but listen to that tjatjarag voice that tells not to do it wheareas in actual fact you want to do it!
just the other day i was shocked to discover that my dad has other kids with another woman, older kida at that. here is how i found: am coming home from school, minding my own biz, i find these cars paked outside the gate..am thinking wha the hell are these people and what do they want...dad calls me, sits me down and goes "your brother passed away" that time my pulse is rushing, thinking my own brother died...only to find out its some stranger i never knew/met who happens to be my brother.
the funny part was my mom was nowhere to be found, to this day i still dont know how she reacted to that.
|
| Reply from: |
zam.ngcobo
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 12:46 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Will comment after lunch ........angikho right :-(
|
| Reply from: |
tzhavile
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 12:48 PM
|
|
|
|
|
@zam, whats wrong
|
| Reply from: |
zam.ngcobo
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 12:56 PM
|
|
|
|
tzhaville I dont want to mess Vusi's article ,chat later guys ! |
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 13:04 PM
|
|
|
|
|
@Tzhaville ... Poly is natural to humans, but society and development makes it less feasible to exercise pragmatically ...
My problem with it is the reality that most relationships originate in a lie ,,, and this is definitely true of all additional relationships, and creates a lack of transparency that generally refuses the accommodation of proper and diligent relating.
There is no man I know of who is in a Poly situation who started all the extras transparently, honorably or with the endorsement of the existing wife.
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 13:12 PM
|
|
|
|
|
When I did try the Poly route ... honorably, my agenda (reproduction) got in the way.
My experimentation with Poly (dating more than one person at a time), everything was rosy and kinky until some agenda complicated the party (competition, desire to be 1st & most important, etc...)
Being middle aged now, and having priorities other than ego, status, and power 1st on my mind, there is no longer any attraction in this lifestyle for me, albeit with resentment because I'd probably an excellent poly man ... principally because I don't approach life on a "Me-first" basis.
@Tzhavile ... the problem with most people is their fear of the ugly truths about themselves ... too often people say and preach the opposite of what they live ... in your case, the denial of a relationshp with a brother you only recognise as a plot in the cemetery ... That is sad ... I insist my children all know one another, screw what the baby mama's have to say!!!
|
| Reply from: |
Green.arrow
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 13:16 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Right on time. Done reading.
O opile kgomo lenaka about what Poly is today. Whether honetsly it was any praiseworthy back then, that's questionable still. Our grandmas and greats suffered in silence bcos they did not have choice options.
MY granddad married my grandma as his second wife, because his brother who had already lobola'd my granny passed...it was one of those cultural 'imperatives'. Shame poor koko, from what I hear, my sweet Koko was abused by the first wife. The set up even then I feel wasn't....just.
Naturally, o mpone in that setup, ompolaye. I don't even fantasize about it, God forbid!
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 13:20 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Besides ... the principal question I'd like to pose here is ....
Who of the women in our group will gladly, readily, and easily accept poly, why? and
what if you are excluded from the process that decides who else you will be engaging as a sister-wife! ... how will you feel / will you still be as accepting of poly when you are not consulted?
Lastly ...
What gives anyone the impression that something that originates in dishonesty can be legitimized and made good with a ring?
|
| Reply from: |
Ntlewame2
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 13:29 PM
|
|
|
|
|
@VusiK, if you are not yet writting for the print media.................please do!
we read trash and unresearched articles this days.......each day we go through experiences and an added bonus if one has talent to write like you......so others can learn from.........
was reading daily Sun (Nandos Randburg decided on it).........and also my partner revealed its actually part of a media giant....*suprised*..........(the stories...........goodness ........one line contra the other)......you end up with NO STORY a waste of your time.......
Media is supposed to be used as a tool to eradicate illiteracy.........but Daily Sun's target market........is drawn back to illiteracy........since they dont know any better.......what they know is affirmed by the unreaseached stories that dont collaborate
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 13:29 PM
|
|
|
|
|
In my opinion, I can never fault any woman not considering Poly to be a viable solution .... the principal motivation on selecting a mate is to find the person most compatible with one's aspirations ...
The unfortunate reality of our times is that the right person is generally efined by the size of his / her wallet ... (real or perceived is irrelevant) .
In my opinion, Rich is generally not better ... However, understanding the nesting / nurturing instinct & agenda that propels the female of our species, i an understand why money does play an integral part of the mate selection process.
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 13:38 PM
|
|
|
|
|
@Ntlewame2 ... Media 24 (Daily Sun's owner) is interested in pushing print ...
Gossip and all that stull sells big in the black community ...
The only way to alter the editorial is by not buying the product.
Thanks for the compliment Mme ... I doubt I'd be a journalist of any mention ...
|
| Reply from: |
pjvv
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 14:01 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Thanks Vusi..
Most women will never fall into this polygamy knowingly or turn a blind eye to it. What most men do is they have 3 separate homes and 3 separate families. You find that first wife doesnt know about 2nd n 3rd, but the two last culprits know everything.
You hear that so n so has a girlfriend and bought her house but its not jus girlfrind there are 1 or 2 kids there.
When the man dies then hidden / secret faimilies will also attend the funeral and everyone will know about them except 1st wife and her kids.
Before you wrote this article, i never thought of it as polygamy but now i understand more than one partner at a time is Poly
|
| Reply from: |
tzhavile
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 14:14 PM
|
|
|
|
i was engaged in this kinda talk the other day. i asked the females who were there why they engage in relationships with people who are already engaged and why they (women) always make passes to us when we are walking with our gilfriends? her answer:
'the fact that you are with someone makes you a sexual candidate and the fact that the person you are walking with seems to be happy makes it even worse as we want the same happiness especially jozi where every man has become gay all of a sunday'
still cant get over this conversation! |
| Reply from: |
Ntlewame2
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 14:38 PM
|
|
|
|
|
my share...............
guy said he was married i said goodbye; guy changed tune claiming he wanted to find out what kinda girl i was.........only after being convinced (met family;uncles brothers etc).....i thought it was ok........then came child.....so i helped enrolled a child at a day care center and i was known to be the mother........to cut it short........
one day after an outing...........guy says.."you must remember even if me& you marry legally and you work and all.......she is the first wife........she just want you to respect her............"...........THAT WAS GOOODBYE with a big full stop....
guy 2...looking for knowledge in this industry so having friends with expertise should help you know.........guy not really my type............cut story short....after endless dinners....running races........outings......hanging out with his friends..evenings endless calls etc.....you want to conclude there is no wife.....wrong "MINA IN MY CULTURE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT WE ARE DOING"...............Bang........i decide to stop it......tho there and there quartely.......the forbidden fruit.........
guy 3...............(had 1 & 2 between him)........collectively 10 years together.......decides to make children in the village during our breakup........and one after our make up........with intention.........of having the one to look after his parents home.......the slut and me......
GOODBYE......tho we have a beautiful daughter you always wanted.........so..........now im really happy with all the time etc.....dedicated to me.......when we fight we know we must sort it out......there is no where else to go.....and I believe God will keep it this way
|
| Reply from: |
zam.ngcobo
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 15:32 PM
|
|
|
|
Interesting topic but even more interesting comments .........
Polygamy is and will always be disrespect full to women , Especially in the time where HIV/AIDS rate is growing like a petrol price .
For those of you who say Poly is the same as having multiple partners you are wrong . Take Kenny Kunene's wife they've been together for years even before his fame and fortune but now that his loaded esefuna isithembu . Yes he might have been cheating on her all this time but now what he's saying is >>>>> i am tired of "RESPECTING " you so ive decided to rub it in your face . How do you think his wife feels when she's paging through Drum magazines or sunday news papers abone umyeni wakhe with some young sexy thing ? Hhayi guys!!!! men should learn to keep their zips up nje qha ! |
| Reply from: |
tzhavile
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 15:43 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Polygamy is and will always be disrespect full to women , Especially in the time where HIV/AIDS rate is growing like a petrol price .
@zam but if you are talking of now wherein women have equal rights dont you think the very same women also participate in the act willingly? in which case we can the ask who is desrespecting who? women on women disrespect if you ask me
|
| Reply from: |
myname
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 15:52 PM
|
|
|
|
I will never be someone's 2nd wife full stop
I don't care whether u are moneyed or what but I'll rather be unongendi. I hate competing and it's worse so many women use muthi when they are married to polygamist men. |
| Reply from: |
zam.ngcobo
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 15:55 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Men to Women and women on women ...........But Mostly men cause they initiate it
|
| Reply from: |
zam.ngcobo
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 15:58 PM
|
|
|
|
|
My neighbor has been dating a married man for a decade now they have a child together and one on the way. Her mother knows ukuthi this man has a wife but she lets it slide because the guy is wealthy. So maybe we should blame abazali bethu ngathi asikhuliswanga kahle . My mother always says he will never marry her at first bengithi no Mah he loves her he will marry her, but now I can see that my mother was right, reason being my next door neighbor also dated a marry man for about two years but as soon as she got knocked up he left her but still supports his child the wife knows about the child as well. What I admire about this man is he didn’t abandon his son and that he learnt from his mistake .
|
| Reply from: |
tzhavile
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 16:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Men to Women and women on women ...........But Mostly men cause they initiate it
@zam yes we initiate it but women participate in as well, it take two to tango:
|
| Reply from: |
zam.ngcobo
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 16:18 PM
|
|
|
|
I know and that’s why I agreed when you said Women to Women, am not saying we are innocent but if men can keep their Zips up maybe just maybe we could achieve something positive out of this. |
| Reply from: |
Ntlewame2
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 16:23 PM
|
|
|
|
|
@zam by your comments-you sound very young
i hope and pray that you continue to have the same view in 20 years time (there may be hope)
|
| Reply from: |
zam.ngcobo
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 16:34 PM
|
|
|
|
|
I feel discriminated against @ Ntlewame ! what does it have to do with age ?
These are my veiws and they will never change .........im out peeps gym time !
|
| Reply from: |
Ntlewame2
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 16:42 PM
|
|
|
|
|
hope in the world.........not meant the way you took it love
|
| Reply from: |
Cnglemother
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 17:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
@myname how bout being first wife ke?lol!am only willing to entertain this lifestyle should there be lots of money involved not 4 love.after the gazillion hurts i have gone tru all i need is money and luxuries from a man.dont even care bout good sex i have had enuff to last me a lifetime.i am actually desperate for a shuga daddy i get annoyed at guys my age making passes at me.
|
| Reply from: |
Cnglemother
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 17:11 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Kenny holler at me papa!
|
| Reply from: |
Cande
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 17:17 PM
|
|
|
|
|
lol!am only willing to entertain this lifestyle should there be lots of money involved not 4 love.after the gazillion hurts i have gone tru all i need is money and luxuries from a man.dont even care bout good sex i have had enuff to last me a lifetime.i am actually desperate for a shuga daddy i get annoyed at guys my age making passes at me.>>>>>>>I can relate Cnglemother, le nna ke kgathetse maan
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 20:02 PM
|
|
|
|
|
For those of you who say Poly is the same as having multiple partners you are wrong
I disagree ... Poly * is having more than one partner, be it lover, wife, husband ...
Polyamory ... Having more than one lover
Polygamy ... Having more than one wife / woman
Polyandry ... Having more than one husband / man
Plain & simple !
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 20:05 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Hhayi guys!!!! men should learn to keep their zips up nje qha !
Women need to close access to misbehaving men and keep their knickers and skirts on also!
As long as men and women have access to mischief, there is no point in having thi argument !
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 20:12 PM
|
|
|
|
|
@zam but if you are talking of now wherein women have equal rights dont you think the very same women also participate in the act willingly? in which case we can the ask who is desrespecting who? women on women disrespect if you ask me
Tzhaville has an excellent point ... Zam is looking at it from the female perspective, however, in my opinion, women are equally villians and willing participants in the disrespect they claim to receive from men ...
Women just happen to scream louder while men pat each other on the back ... but that is a cultural issue.
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 21:06 PM
|
|
|
|
|
...she is the first wife........she just want you to respect her............"...........THAT WAS GOOODBYE with a big full stop....
@Ntlewamme2 ,,, #mmane wa bana!!!
Kwaaaaa!!!
|
| Reply from: |
mathatas
|
|
Monday, October 17, 2011 21:09 PM
|
|
|
|
|
18mns no sex....i wont giveit to anyone,unless he tells me he will give CASH for property...i will let them do their thing.....thinking i will be second best....when is finished<<<<questions darling i will be wifie from when?(matlho a sharakana)
you just say>>>you dont tell me grade 4 poem..(TELLING) Him darling you can have your house if it has wheels...ds ismy yard
|
| Reply from: |
tzhavile
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 09:35 AM
|
|
|
|
|
@Ntlewamme2 ,,, #mmane wa bana!!!
kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 10:49 AM
|
|
|
|
|
My opinion is that a lot of people believe that relationships are legitimized by marriage ... I think this is somewhat delusional because how marriage does not increase the sincerity nor the attitude one has toward someone else, regardless of a certificate and a band ....
Inconsiderate people will remain inconsiderate people regardless of marriage.
Many people in Poly relationships, with or without marriage seem to be narcissists... and narcissism is not very considerate of others.
|
| Reply from: |
Ntlewame2
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 11:22 AM
|
|
|
|
@Tzhavile.......qabanga!........in my family/relatives........there is no such rubbish(anyway...Motswana ga a nyale lefufa) is a Tswana idiom meaning a Tswana man does not take two wifes............so that should apply to us Tswana women also.......
but hey..............!poverty; desperation; not being hugged by parents when young......makes ppl do shocking things..
ii dont think i will be be inspired by any woman in poly marriage (even married to a wealthy man) |
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 12:03 PM
|
|
|
|
|
but hey..............!poverty; desperation; not being hugged by parents when young......makes ppl do shocking things..
Those hugs from Mom & Dad go a very long way toward who you will as an adult, but they are not everything either ... Its sad that so many people do not know how good those hugs are for everything later in life!
|
| Reply from: |
mbulela
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 12:27 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Before i read (which i will respectfully do), my response to Poly is standard; How can i deal with more than one woman when i can barely cope with one?
Loving one woman takes hard work,i am too lazy to manage two.one is enough for me,thanks.
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 12:40 PM
|
|
|
|
|
How can i deal with more than one woman when i can barely cope with one?
One woman is way too much work Mbulela ... I consider it to be certifiable insanity ot take on more than one ... nogal with a ring !!!
Amadoda amnaye yiziGantsontso !!!
|
| Reply from: |
mbulela
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 12:42 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Can we get back to this argument of Poly being natural?
I just don't get it.
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 13:19 PM
|
|
|
|
|
@Mbulela, we are given a natural disposition to engage more than one partner in the interests of propagation. Most mammals are designed that way.
Evolution and societal complications step in the way... for example, affinity (love) the nesting instincts of women (Love), and probably the higher prosperity accomlished by monogamous parties way back in time made smaller more nuclear families attractive (leading to monogamy being more fashionable) , plus the constant territorial killings by rampaging horny males wanting all the women to themselves (greed), probably were some of the motivations that prompted our species to view monogamy as more attractive option than the natural "every man & woman for themselves"
Naturally, this is a simplistic overview ..
there are factors that drove people to congregate in communities that are also applicabe, however , if one looks at our biological makeup altruistically, monogamy is a new and possibly unnnatural state in our existence as a species.
I do stand corrected, but it is somewhat overkill for women to be vested with 450k eggs for them to be genetically designed for monogamy ... the numbers are exponential in relation to men ...
My hypothesis is that we were an experiment that stood greater chance of failure than success, hence we were over-engineered for reproduction, and thus .. it is possible thta our design was initially made for multiple partners ...
We became so successfule at colonising the earth and this prehensile and opposable thumb did such wonders to us that we no longer need to hedge our genes surviving by requiring to mate as often as possible with as many people as possible ...
Hence, while Monogamy is unnatural to our design, it is of greater possibility that our design was more structured toward poly existences,...
|
| Reply from: |
Mathaz
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 13:28 PM
|
|
|
|
Women enter into polygamous relationship coz of culture, security, money etc. Some women value their culture and tradition more than anything else. Yes, some might say that if the guy is wealthy then they would consider this institution BUT women are emotional beings. Later on, love happens and the pain of sharing a man knowingly starts. Polygamy has never worked. Even in the Bible, the women were fighting amongst themselves.
Polygamy is an excuse of men not wanting to explain their wrong behaviour and is another way of cheating with your patners being well aware of your behaviour. |
| Reply from: |
kid1
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 13:33 PM
|
|
|
|
|
am a simple person in thought ...
The main reason I do not have more than one wife is principally because it is impossible for me to find the right candidate with the full approval of the spouse I am with at the time, the converse of that being that the candidates that would be brought forward to me for consideration generally fail to meet my approval. perfectly said and i approve. TIA
i will be and i shall remain the first wife. if that dosent workout i will definatly move on. i respect my fellow woman en if she does not respect herself then polygamy will never stop.
the problem is we have welcomed polygamy in our lives and now it seems to be normal, you will find parents giving rasons for having had two wives.
in zambia thez a man in chisamba area he had 69 wive he was a zimbabwean. he is late now the son has taken over. you know such thingS make you wonder as to how did i let myself get to this? THE women on that farm are like slaves, they do alot of farming, just alot happens there. its wrong
ONE WOMAN FOR ONE MAN
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 13:35 PM
|
|
|
|
|
My take on Poly has nothing to do with the modern interpretation of it .. viz. getting all the Coochie and keeping it in the krall ...
My take on Poly is focused on reproducing as much as possible with as many strong / smart candidates and possible to produce as many successful offspring as possible in the longest time possible.
That is natural agenda of any species is to propagate, hence the process of selection as we see it is a new phenomena.
The implimentation of poly and its evolution to what we see may be a pevertion of the agenda.
After all, in Tibet, Afghanistan, and other Asian territories where women are a commodity, Polyandry is a highly covetted institution guaranteeing the propagationof more than one man through a single womb. There is no competition under such structures, and the instances I have encountered in my readings, more often than not, the husbands to a polyandrous woman are generally genetically related ... brothers or cousins ...
Polygamy was once considered favourable in societies with a dearth of viable men.
In modern America ... discrete polygamy is praacticed openly, especially among black and highly religious white communities, and is sometimes openly called man-sharing.
The difference in all that I write and what we are experiencing is the approach and transparency with which these societies approach their practice.
We are fundamentally dishonest in how we relate to other people, especially those we claim to care about, it is this dishonesty that I challenge s corrupting the benefits of one considering Poly as a lifestyle choice.
|
| Reply from: |
zam.ngcobo
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 13:37 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Polygamy is an excuse of men not wanting to explain their wrong behaviour and is another way of cheating with your patners being well aware of your behaviour
Amen !
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 13:41 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Women enter into polygamous relationship coz of culture, security, money etc.
But Mathaz ... Culture in our society is referred to conveniently and opportunistically by those who wish to present their arguments favourably to those who are ignorant of history and are not prepared to interrogate the logic of what is presented before them..., the same people who enjoy referring to culture are quick to change away from it and refer to the n"new way of doing things" when it is inconvenient for them to suffer the consequences of practicing culture.
But you are right about the reality that Polygamy is uned to explain, legitimise condone, justify and legalise infidelity !!!
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 13:51 PM
|
|
|
|
|
I am fortunate in that I seem to intimidate the young women who would otherwise make my life with whoever my woman is extremely difficult ... principally because they are extremely aggressive ... more aggressive than homosexuals bent on turning someone ...
My standard response to "Bhuti, I feel you so much is" ... "See that woman over there, shela yena kuqala, if you succeed, then ungangishela ... Win her favour & we can continue this coversation" ... since most women will never beg another woman for a man ... I know I am safe and will never need to deal with drama that is larger than me later in life.
Spouses are generally not easy to get along with, the introduction of competition and agenda, and tempering with the power dynamic is not an environment I would ever elect to find myself in.
and yes ... as mentioned before about the Kenny kunene situation ...
He has been Poly a long time, but money and Power has put him in the space wherein he can crap on the table he eats from ... For his sake, he needs to make more money and never find himself financially embarrassed because the chickens always come home to roost ... at some point.
|
| Reply from: |
pele
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 14:07 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Good day everyone!
Long time- gud to c you still kicking it!
I will never evr marry more than one wife if i will evr get married. I just hate noise and people invading my sapce , so how on earth will i manage and report to tow wives at the same time.
I dont support polygamy and i wish no family member of mine will put themselves in such a difficult situation.
This is my opinion i am not saying people should not to do it.
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Tuesday, October 18, 2011 15:00 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Hi Pele! Long time...
|
| Reply from: |
maddie
|
|
Thursday, October 27, 2011 09:09 AM
|
|
|
|
|
nice read VusiK, bn meaning 2 comment but was on the road the whole of last week
I know a lot of u think dat only wealthy men do enter into polygamous marriages and women do so for financial security but hey there's a trend going on where I currently stay in KZN of young (23-30 yrs) black independent women who r getting into polygamy with young not so rich men.
i've also heard some men do this in order 2 b rich, basically what happens is that u go to inyanga and he gives u muti 2 attract certain type of women and after they agree 2 get married 2 u or even before, they get cloned, thina we'll just see a copy of u but the real u will be long gone, this is called ukuthwala & apparently there's inyanga that specialises in this in Mozambique.
my friend's rich uncle is married to 5 women 1 of them a 21 yr old almost the same age as his eldest son, that family is just a disaster waiting 2 happen, suicidal kids & wives, hospitalisation of the wives due 2 stress related issues the money is there but the chaos in that family haikhona.
my boyfriend likes to joke abt this polygamy ish and it worries me sometimes, it's lyk he's on a mission 2 change my mindset abt it & I told him if he wants to b in this kind of set up he shld go get gals who don't hav a problem with it but mina am nt goin 2 be a part of it
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Thursday, October 27, 2011 09:55 AM
|
|
|
|
|
@Maddie ... You know your friend's rich uncle and his son are probably on a collision course... its a matter of time before the young blood does and/or says young and stupid things... youth, inexperience, wealth ... and the boredom that comes with it are dangerous tools / toys to put in very young hands ... and her hands are very young ... what is your opinion on the 21 year old new wife ... survival / Love or lifestyle choice? (Poly is en-vogue after all )
|
| Reply from: |
bezu
|
|
Thursday, October 27, 2011 10:05 AM
|
|
|
|
|
hi all, i think men who take more then one wife are just greedy and selfish... but I blame the women too. why do we allow these men to do this to us. Just finding out that ur men is cheating is bad enough nad now having to deal with the other wife impilo yakho yonke.. Tjo I rather be alone and be happy .
|
| Reply from: |
VusiK
|
|
Thursday, October 27, 2011 16:55 PM
|
|
|
|
|
@Bezu ... the tragic reality is that most people who say they'd rather be alone & happy tend to be extremely unhappy alone...
|
| Reply from: |
maddie
|
|
Wednesday, November 02, 2011 11:48 AM
|
|
|
|
|
what is your opinion on the 21 year old new wife ... survival / Love or lifestyle choice? (Poly is en-vogue after all )
@ Vusik
I think it's more of a survival issue cos apparently the guy even built the gal's family a very huge house cos he didn't lyk the 1 they were livin in.
not evry1 in a poverty-stricken environment wld say no 2 this offer, knowing ur life will change 4 the better in terms of lifestyle and all u hav 2 do is to share this man with other women
most of his wives r not even business savvy they can't even run a mere guest house, he's got lodges, B&Bs, hotels, buildings evrywhere that r just not functioning no one can run those i shudder 2 think what will happen to his family if he dies.
he's got 17 yr olds driving x3, audis, cars that take professionals yrs 2 drive.
if i were 2 get into a polygamous marriage i'll do it 4 business purposes, i dnt even want 2 feel an ounce of love 4 the guy cos that will create problems the only thing am scared of is AIDS kuphela
|
|
| |
|
