EPISODE 13Puhlease. That has to be
the most pathetic task I’ve seen on an Apprentice. Their standing on street corners calling out the name of M&M’s crap Amazing chocolate was just way too rubbish for words.
Not that I don’t like choccers – I do, big time – it’s just that not one thing that they did throughout the episode had anything to do with them being the brilliant business people you’d expect they need to be to get to the all-important final four.
This is why things turned into the slut-fest they did, with Jenn suddenly getting herself together after forcing Sandy into being the project leader just in case they failed.
Before Trump called the final five Apprenti together to give them their task, the episode started with Apex’s Kevin, Kelly and Ivana speculating on whether or not Jenn had gotten the whack.
Jenn and Sandy returned to the apartment shortly afterwards in a bitch-claw atmosphere, Jenn said she didn’t want to talk about what happened and next thing her and Sandy were cuddling on the couch and Sandy had forgiven her. I found the moments of them suddenly realising they needed to use each other if they wanted Mosaic to win scary.
There’s just noo ways I could ever have worked with Jenn in a team of two if I were Sandy and the fact that she did and managed to make it work increases my admiration for her – espesh with what she had to say about Jenn being made of plastic.
This understanding the two of them reached remained intact throughout the episode as they spent their time dressed up as twin sisters in shocking pink jerseys and denim mini’s.
Once they were thick as thieves, a groggier than usual Kelly answered the morning phonecall from Rhona – is it the same chick every week? – who summonsed everyone to Trump’s brag-fest at one of his hotels.
Here Donald told them about M&M's new chocolate and informed them that he was getting paid millions to get them to be part of the chocolate's useless, uncreative advertising campaign.
He didn’t need to say this in so many words - it was very obvious what he meant as his instructions misleadingly suggested the final five had an important business challenge to face. Everyone tried to look excited and scared and then went on a tour of M&M’s factory where they wasted their time making a couple of hundred chocolate bars.
They had to watch the chocolate being made, learn how to make them, made some themselves and once they were finished the company experts checked each teams to see if they were up to packaging quality.
The idea with this was clearly to get the public to see that M&M are very strict with this sort of thing and are also food-wasters as the gloved hands of the chocolate surgeons broke the bars that weren’t top quality and chucked them into bins.
By the end of this quality-test Apex had a total of 323 bars, Mosaic had 290 and each team went off to yawnily sell them on the streets of New York. The task was so arbitary that it was guarenteed to make the most superficial of strategies successful and Sandy and Jenn’s fantasy sisters won them the task, making them double the profit Apex made.
Ivana’s desperate last minute attempt to change things by hysterically ripping off her skirt for the extra cash was never gonna come close to saving Apex and, ultimately Ivana herself.
Argh – Caroline needed such a slap in the showdown when she attacked Ivana for her stripping making it the main reason she needed to go. What Ivana did was simply a direct response to what sluts all five of them were forced into being throughout the task – which is of course something Caroline would never acknowledge.
George was a different, interesting story though making it clear he didn’t think it should be considered a factor, seeming tired and defeated in the knowledge of where the accusations would go. He also made sure to re-iterate how he felt at the end when he was forced, as always, to agree with Trump’s decision, giving his reason as being because of her losing two tasks.
In between it all, when Ivana mentioned Jenn being so useless, there was a moment when I thought Donald was gonna get exciting and change the rules and say he felt the same way and would save Ivana for her rightful place in the end – but then he didn’t.
I was actually surprised at how sorry I was that Kelly had the immunity the way he did because by the end of everything I would way rather have had him leave than Ivana. I thought the way he attacked Kevin for setting the price was very unnecessary, he’s also got the un-sexiest, bandiest legs I’ve ever seen in my life and George was right about him doing nothing during the task versus Ivana who at least tried something.
Ivana and Kev’s turning on each other at end sucked too - I really liked their chitter-chatter about being friends. The only good thing about the way everything turned out is that it put me even more on the side of Kevin’s arm-hunks for the win. It has-to has-to has-to be either him or Sandy and hopefully neither of them will end up looking up as different from themselves as Bill does once they’ve won.
The way he’s changed doesn’t stop freaking my brain – at least Trump saw him as being good enough to be properly involved this week.
The only way things can turn out next week is that Jenn will eventually be brutally destroyed in a merciless boardroom like we've never seen. Bring it
on.