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The Observer: A Bad Mother or Not?

Written by TheObserver from the blog TheTVObserver on 15 Dec 2008
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I have been observing a scene on 7de laan, which left me confused and conflicted. When it comes to parents, I have the strictest in the world in my opinion! There has never been a friend or colleague who has survived an encounter with my mother, period.

This brings me to the current storyline with Errol and his mother on 7de laan.

02

Errol and his mother are involved in what I consider to be a very bad relationship which is a result of either a lack of parenting skills or communication. But regardless of those factors, accurate or not, Errol as a child does not deserve to experience what he is going through, even if it’s from his mother.

03

I know a lot of your guys may think he is no better than hundreds if not thousands of other kids in South Africa, but does it make it right?

04

It is obvious that his mother has not had any grasp of parenting, perhaps the result of having to abandon a child at a younger age and living her life as if she never had one to begin with. I know in real life this is NEVER an easy situation and women all over the world and especially in South Africa, give away children or even worse kill them after birth. For reasons only they and those in the same situation can understand. So this is a bigger problem than most would like to discuss or face, since it does not concern them. As for the likes of Errol, it is a living nightmare at the hands of the very person you trust to protect you and keep you safe.

05

Would it have made any difference if Errol was sexually abused? Would people pay close attention because it would’ve involved lascivious sexual conduct? Or does it make it better if he is neglected and being made to act like his mother’s pillow and comforter whilst he is in need of a stable home, where he can be a child considering what he has been through?

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This is such a difficult issue since it involves personal levels of right and wrong, including pride and ego, and almost always the child bears the brunt of it all. What I think, is PROTECT THE CHILD, PROTECT THE CHILD! This is FAIL SAFE situation – you better fail but the child be safe, than succeed or be right whilst the child is in danger.

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The show is doing a great job in how the issue was introduced and presented. I believe those who watch the program and have been in similar situations can identify. The great thing about 7de laan is that the storylines flow swiftly and they end at a high and equally reciprocated by new stories. If you don’t like a certain story, you know that the show does not spend a lot of time on either, but most encouraging is that with all of life’s problems. 7de laan always throws some party, which some people hate but I like it, as it gives the show its unique “brighter future and new day” type spin to sadness and never ending pain and sorrow.

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Did Errol have to hear how he was conceived at his age? Did his mother need to be that detailed? Considering the very fact that, this is the story he will use as a bar, with which he judges his life? I mean c’mon, he will go through a personal crisis and all of sudden begin thinking….”what I am good for, my dad was a truck driver who boned my mum and left her with me, only for her to also leave me!

Someone has to be there to assure him, like a mother would, that he is better than the circumstances of his conception. The Mentjies tried but lost to genetics.

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Is it fair for Errol to be his mother’s comforter at his age; couldn’t her mother go to Aggie or Emma for comfort?

Did Errol have to be subjected to his mother’s abusive boyfriend during final exams; couldn’t she have gone to Charmaine and asked that the child spend some time there whilst writing his exams? I know, she can’t because she is afraid of loosing the child. But doesn’t a mother do what’s best for the child, even if it means she does not have total control?

I know I am asking a lot of questions. This is due to fact the that there can never be a one size fits all solution, in problems like these. The best a person can do is to try an understand, instead of passing blame or judgment. Asking questions enables understanding and avoids assumptions.

When I told my school teacher about how hard my mother is on me sometimes. What happened next remained in my head for years. She (my mother) made a school visit to explain to my teacher (after she called her) that unless she spent over 13hours in pure agony trying to get me out of her v jay jay, she has no right indulging my fantasies of happy family. All she is supposed to do is teach me something that will make me a successful human being, as she continues to pay my fees to ensure just that. Needless to say, she got the poor lady fired. Terrified, I became the very silent type in class.

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There are a lot of questions and I think the writers of 7de laan are doing a good job at highlighting them without prejudice. This is possibly the most frustrating of storylines on the show because one can’t demand that the mother of the child be thrown out, but yet again if she is a bad mother, is she a bad mother because we are comparing her to Charmaine? Also is she bad? Or she has not tapped into her motherly instinct yet?


Unfortunately, her decision to go after the man who nearly hit her son and neglect the very child she professed to need and want, makes her look bad. Going as far as securing a job for social services to look kindly at her strides, only for her to loose that job and avoid the new job opportunity Emma found for her, all for a man. All this brings us back to the emotions we had about this lady when she first confronted Charmaine that she wants her child back.

These are the stories I found about bad mothers:
1.)
My own mother was just an awful person. She was physically and mentally abusive to me. She abandoned my siblings with a neighbor and took me and left, because I was the youngest and easiest to handle. And although I have wanted kids ever since I can remember and am now pregnant, I am terrified that I might be a terrible mother like her.

2.)
Im just really mean to my kids cant stop yelling at them and i just dont know how to change i wanna be a good mom just dont know how to be I didnt have one.

3.)
I had a bad mother too and promised myself I would never be like her. I am always scared that I will become her, but I feel that because I fear it, it will actually help me stay away from those behaviors that had ruined my childhood.
Martins_mom

I understand that women suffer depression after giving birth where they are bombarded by thoughts of killing their new born. But when you have not been around, like Errol’s mom, yet you still value your boyfriend more than your child. What does that mean, or could it be the fact that such a value hasnt placed on the child, to a degree where other things or people take more priority?

Another element is how mothers who have children under the same cercumstances as Errol's conception, will hold grave recentment towards the child. As they claim, "the child reminds them of the father". Much like victims of rape, would defend thier actions towards abusing thier own children born from rape.

16

Now Errol misses the love and care he got from her foster mother as he confronts living in the absence of his birth mother, whilst she embarks on a trip to bring back emotional, verbal and physical abuse from Ermelo….”that’s the only way my baby!” Jocylen. My goodness.

For men, it is always very difficult to date women with children. I always advice that you accommodate children when you are divorced and if you are not, don’t, unless you have to. If you find yourself in that situation, don’t date the mother get to know the child in comparison with your affections with the mother. If you are looking to get some, get some and go, but make sure its clear with the other party (single parent or not). Because the last thing single parents need in my opinion is an IN and OUT type guy, and not in that filthy manner your brain is processing. I mean that, for the sake of children, they don’t need to be exposed to every possible boyfriend. The last thing you need is to be with Brain and your child asks “where is Steve?”.

15

What do you think, do you believe that Errol’s mother is bad or her lack of parenting skills makes her look bad? Or do you have an opinion which will allow us to debate and discuss in order to understand this issue better? Especially opinions from single parentss!

14

Jocelyn Pieterse played by Keziah Jooste, you are talented. I have never for one second doubted your character. As for Christo Lloyd Davids who plays Errol, I think your ability to solicit empathy from viewers is amazing but it would be great to see you give a range which would not associate your face with shame, sympathy, and all those feelings.

The Observer’s Review’s
GREAT story arcs and delivery
You ALWAYS find a positive outcome
A very UNIQUE soap as compared to others

By The Observer

18

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16 Comments

TerryN
15 Dec 2008 08:01

Did Errol have to hear how he was conceived at his age? Did his mother need to be that detailed?

Aarg nee! I missed this episode.
Oh my hat!! she said that?? Her parenting skills are just zilch!! i mean...really now. Its one thing discussing her new sexy lingerie with Errol and its another thing discussing this with him. I only watched omnibus, I never liked Errol but i was so saddened for him when mummy dearest just took off to Ermelo and followed her abusive boyfriend...The woman is craze..period.

Jocelyn Pieterse played by Keziah Jooste, you are talented.
She goes berserk when not in speak terms with boyfriend. I was LMAO.


TheLady
15 Dec 2008 08:12

I think at some point I would love to hear the truth about how I was conceived, I do not agree with telling him right now-she could have waited until he was older and could deal with it better.

We can't talk about her parenting skills, coz basicallybthey are non-existent...poor Errol.

Hayi ke your mom is on a league of her own hahaha

GML
15 Dec 2008 08:22

She is a bad mother period. How many women have had kids with no parenting skills whatsoever still managed to be there for their kids???

She wanted to have Errol in her life therefore she should focus on building the relationship with him and forget about boyfriends for now. She is selfish and doesnt care about Errol. She just wanted to ease her conscious by meeting him.

mjj
15 Dec 2008 08:25

Yazi, i actually stopped watching as a result of this story line, i thought they dragged the story for no reason.......I know there are bad parents but Errol's mother takes the trophy, in real life do we have parents like Errol's mother? It really pains me when adults bring children inthis world and don;t take care of them......

The Lady, nam my mother was like that,  everyone knew nje not to mess with me, ngoba my mother would be on their case......

belz
15 Dec 2008 08:46

JOCELYN IS A VERY BAD MOTHER!!!!!! I could not beleive her!!! To even consider going to Ermelo to that abusive man!!!!  How ,as a mother or guardian do you expose your child to such, she totally ignored a job offer for indoda!!!! heh bathong, you show your son a nightie that you are gonna wear when you get davazed!!!!
You  tell your son that you cannot live without Donovan, how about, i cannot live without you ERROL!!!! I was so pissed off i wanted to kick myself for watching the show, but the actors are cracking that story\.

Zah000
15 Dec 2008 08:55

I echo the same sentiments as Belz!!! I got so pissed, i so wished i cud grab her from my screen & slap the c*ap out her!!!! nxx. Which mother does all these things to her child?? Yazi Errol was better off with Charmaine and manje he's suffering all because he felt ukuthi his mother deserved a chance. Jocelyn needs to grow up ngoba she's still living in her own dream world!!

felfel
15 Dec 2008 09:11

Jocelyn is a bad parent. The problem is that she doesn't know her own self, she has no self confidence, she has insecurities, she's scared of life. 
She is using Errol to paint a better picture of her life. Errol has now become her father, her comforter, her listener, her friend but not her son at all. She doesn't know what it means to be a mother but beyond that she doesn't know how to be herself. her existence depends on others....eg. the boyfriend, Errol. Remember when she once said to Errol, "I thought you wanna leave me and not stay with me" the tone of that wasn't that of a loving mother but that of someone who needs another human to clutch on. She has said the same thing about the boyfriend, that he is leaving her just like the other have before. She uses people to define her happinness and her being. 
She didn't come back for Errol because she loves him, she came back for him because she needed someone to hang on to, to leetch on emotionally.

Zah000
15 Dec 2008 09:13

well said Felfel!!

let baby
15 Dec 2008 10:33

i believe dat each and everyone of us need someone to love and Jocelyn needs that.... i think she took Errol to show dat she can b a better parent to Errol than Charmaine and Errols know dat Charmaine is better than his mother it is just that he cant go to Charmaine and apologise...

Jocelyn has to learn dat if a guy loves her has to love the kid too if some1 doesnt love ur kid then wat r u doing with dat person??

makgotso
15 Dec 2008 11:14

Jocelyn has a nerve of following the man and leaves her child, how can you sacrifice your relationship with your child to have a relationship with an abusive boyfriend who doesn't care for you mhhhhh things we do for love if not lust.

LM
15 Dec 2008 11:36

heh bathong, you show your son a nightie that you are gonna wear when you get davazed!!!! LMAO@Belz... I was like WTF? when she told Errol that she didn't have enough time to plan her outfits, anyway she might spend all her time in that nightie (meaning in bed being davazed)...shoooo!

faraimagic
15 Dec 2008 11:39

Toodecent
15 Dec 2008 11:42

Ok yall see this means no lifts this festive neh?

sweetie my baby
15 Dec 2008 13:41

on another note, i see you were mentioned in the saturday star, observer! going places, eh??  conjabulations!! too bad they didn't mention that you're on TVSA! haters!

Sexyzimasa
15 Dec 2008 17:27

My mother(may her sould rest in peace) left us because my father was abusive to her and fantastic with us.She left because he was gonna kill her.There were 8 of us and the youngest at the time was 2. The 4 elder siblings later followed her but until her death my mother never saw my little brother and 3 sisters. They hate her but were too young to understand the circumstances. Some mother leave their kids for their greater good but it backfired on my mom coz she was never allowed to see them again coz she left in the first place

WhiteSockGirl
15 Dec 2008 19:29

Since I do not have a Vivid decoder (you need it access SABC channels in Namibia), I am not up to date with the happenings on 7de Laan. I do catch the odd episode when I am visiting my parents or my colleague who owns the decoder.

However, my colleague told me about the Errol situation in detail – the child protection issues in the story line has my colleague all worked up.

I have to agree with my colleague, as much as Errol’s mother should have no business looking after any child, her own or otherwise, the social worker is also at fault.

From what I heard that Errol’s mother way back told the social worker that she does not like social workers because they took away her friend’s baby away even thought they took the baby everywhere, even to the clubs. That should have sent up red flags for the social worker there and then!

But at least 7de Laan is truthfully portraying the actions of government social workers in my  country. They are placing children without making sure that placements are viable and in the best interest of the child. And they are biased to biological mothers while it has been proved countless times that placing the child in the care of the biological mother is not always in the child’s best interest.

My colleague described Errol’s mother in colorful Afrikaans words.. LOL That means the actress is doing a fabulous job!


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