The Observer presents Cande, in an interview which was sparked by the following comment
“I borrowed the mf R500.00 and he never returned it. I know it seems little but then, it was my cash that. I worked hard for and I deserved to spend it, NOT him.”It was very fascinating that this simple and heartfelt comment would reveal so much about Cande and the interview turned out to be an exciting window into Cande’s world.
“I didn’t want to seem like a girl who supports men financially” are some of the statements which seem to reveal Cande's character.
Without wasting any more time, here is The Observers 8th installment in the love series. Enjoy!
----- THE INTERVIEW -----
"The Observer interviews Cande"
For The Observer's Love Story Series
How long were you with him?He he he, I was not even really dating the guy… We were having an affair and it had been on going for a month. After I gave him my money, we ended it on the 3rd month
Did he love you too?I am not sure if he loved me because it was meant to be just for fun no emotions attached, but I ended up falling for him hence he had to break it. So I don’t think he loved me, although he told me numerous times.
Did any family member or friend’s advice you against him?I did it without consulting anyone even my closest friend that time. I thought my money will be returned and I didn’t want to seem like a girl who supports men financially. I think it had a lot to do with me being careless when cash is concerned and less to do with my feelings for him. I trust people easily with my cash and it has backfired a lot of times. I’m trying to get over that but my good heart always feels pity for other people.
What attracted you to the guy?I don’t know honestly I just saw things happening and I couldn’t control him.
How did you meet?We met through my then boyfriend. We were walking together around campus and the guy was his friend, so he invited him over because we were going to chill at my place over drinks. The next thing my place is packed with a lot of people. This guy managed to vanish while everyone was drunk.
What is it about your relationship you really loved?You know there is a saying in Xhosa that “into ebiwayo imnandi” meaning that things that are done behind closed doors are nicer. So I liked most of the things about it having to go to same parties with the same cycle of friends and ignoring each other because my boyfriend will also be there. Having to wait for my boyfriend to go and spent the whole evening talking until 5am when I had to prepare to go to work.
What is it about him you remember the most?I remember when he called my mother on her birthday last year December the 16th, I actually thought we will get somewhere with the affair. I know it started on a bad note and we were both lying to our friends and partners but at that stage of the relationship I couldn’t help my feelings anymore.
If he came back and told you how much he needs the two of you together, would you take him back?No! I will never take him back, in-fact I don’t take back any guy who broke up with me or who did hurtful stuff to me. I will rather be friends with them. If he did it the 1st time, what makes me think he wont do it again?
Did this change your level of trust? And if so how?It was a learning curve for me but I still have trust issues. My issues are the fact that “I trust easily” which is something I am trying to work on
Do you think if you still had him in your life, you would have lost more than R500?Yes I do. In fact I did loose more than that… its just that, the R500.00 we had agreed that it will be returned.
Why do you think it hurt you when he never returned the cash?Its what he said when I confronted him about the cash. You see… I had been asking for it for too long and he kept on saying that he doesn’t have it.
One day, I asked him.
“I hear you always traveling around the country so I find it hard to believe that you cant have my money and besides you are working” and he told me that yes he can travel the country but unlike me he is not horny like I was when I gave him the money and that is why he is not giving it back.
I was really hurt but that statement and right then I told him that I do not want the money anymore. He can keep it. I will like to see him getting rich from it. He pretended to be sorry; wanted to return it and I told him that I don’t want it and will never want it back. He should never ask for a favour from me.
Do you think if he did not return the cash something else would have caused you to split up?We didn’t split up because of him not returning the cash it was months after we split up that he said those things.
If you had a chance to make him feel the same way as you did when he refused to return that money and the subsequent feels, including the loss of your love affair. What would you like to see him experience?Nothing really, I have forgiven the dude because I am not a person to hold grudges easily.
Did you ever meet with him after your break up?Yes we met. He came to visit some other time and we never talked about cash.
Did you ever feel used?About the cash? Yes. But not about the relationship because I was also having fun
What was it like when you found someone else?I learned to be a bit more careful with lending guys money, that I am dating. In fact I don’t do that.
Do you trust them when it comes to money?Men? NO! But somebody else… yes! I still do trust and I am working on it now.
Did you ever find “normal love”? If yes do tell, if not - tell us why!Yes I did find normal love. Me and my current boyfriend have been dating for about 8 months and we are happy. We have our ups and downs like every couple, but I do love him. I have learnt a lot in my previous relationships and there is something’s that I don’t do in relationships, but that doesn’t prevent us from having a good relationship. He understands where I come from and I understand him too...All in all the relationship is great!
----- THE END -----
It is truly fascinating to find someone who looks at their lives with such introspection. Perhaps Cande would tell us whatever happened to the boyfriend, the one she cheated on and how did that relationship end before new love.
This interview was conducted and published with the consent of Cande, a tvsa.co.za member.
Related Links:
The Observer: Interview with MopakistanThe Observer: Interview with LMThe Observer: Interview with ToxicThe Observer: Interview with Pitch The Observer: Interview with RenegadeThe Observer: Interview with The Lady The Observer: Interview with Let Baby By The Observer
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