I remember the first time I really wanted to observe kissing habits on television and it was a scene on Generations with the then Archie Moroka and some lady that raised my interest. I then had a discussion with friends about kissing. Someone mentioned that black people’s lips are nice and juicy to kiss as opposed to the other versions.
That got be going, ....there was I watching with such concentration and Archie slammed a fat one on the actress but all of a sudden I found myself disturbed perhaps by the sight of how awkward it all seemed and so “NOT” natural…..
“Mission Abort” was an urgent instruction given by my brain. Although I followed the instruction, I was alarmed at how scenes with white people seem to flow so well when shooting any kissing scene and I thought maybe black people are just not comfortable kissing…. Then I thought….why the hell not? They are actors as well and :what’s good for the geese….” HELLO!
But my brain could not stop observing local production and kissing scenes….. They don’t happen that often if you pay close attention, especially amongst black cast members. I did find a scene thou with Vusi and Lorein which offered much delightful kissing explorations from the two actors. That was nice and refreshing to see it done so well. Maybe that’s because it was filmed from a distance and no close-ups were used….. Whatever… it looked nice and promising but that was it. Even Hlomala Dandala’s character on the same show had good kissing scenes with Philippa DeVilliers.
Anyway, I listened to my brain then and went on with my life.
The other day I was watching a very intense kissing action on television in front of my parents and the room just went cold. I just burst out laughing because I am just a sarcastic person and I love awkward moments…. I think they are the funniest. Of course everyone was like….”WHATS SO FUNNY?” and that was much needed as it offered them a breather from the heated session on the screen. I just kept laughing, only this time at the fact that they all moved their concentration towards me as a relief of what was causing them psychological pain at best. My granny likes going….”Oh not this again….. all they do is have sex” How hilarious is that.
A lot of actors find kissing to be better than having to simulate sex for the camera. Some even go as far as to have rules in their contracts which describe the nature and frequency of their kissing. I.E “The co-star cannot use his or her tongue when kissing, unless I agree to it; “The co-star cannot kiss me more than twice in a scene and less than five times in the entire production”. I guess if a lady is being kissed by…let's see…. who?.... shall we say…”Tom Cruise”, No, he is probably going ask for a convoluted contract just to kiss you. I think the likes of Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt, or Jonny Depp to name a few, you would not mind using your tongue and having as many rehearsals as you possible can fit in, in the name of advancing your career.
Boyfriends and Husbands to actresses must be going through some serious antidepressants just to cope with the possibility of the wife or girlfriend coming back home and dreaming about having kissed McSteamy.
Now, there is the other side…..”THE BAD KISSER”, trust me this is not a funny fact. There is nothing as embarrassing and completely disturbing as a bad kisser. I had one, oh no… this gives me the EWE just thinking of it. This person had some saliva like they had shares at the saliva manufacturing plant. It was disgusting…..sorry I need to puke!
Oh! man that was nasty. I don’t know if I can do this….bloggers. I cannot be this committed to this blog! Nah, NO Way! This is bad… I am going to have to make an appointment with my therapist. Let me open the window and let some air in….AHHHHHH
Here goes...., I don’t know what was wrong with this person but whenever the moment presented its self they would be leaking so much, they would fill half a cup or more. I think the excitement was too much. I mean if you really wanted your child to never French kiss anyone, you needed this type of person in your corner. Your kids will be scared for life. Don’t get me wrong, the person was hot, looked amazing and had a presence which would never reveal such a NEGATIVE! Besides you cant tell until you do the tongue tango.
But, the first time I could not hold my self because I’m a serious hygiene freak. It was a moment of discussion on the spot, awkward as it was. Excuses where given and some sort of explanation was shared, much to my dismay. I got home and used half a bottle of Listerine. I could not even sleep, it was that terrible… I was haunted by the fact that it may happen again. I kept asking myself.... why? Why me?
You think am kidding.... here is an example. Grab a glass of water right now and take a sip of it. Hold the sip of water in your mouth. Now try and visualize french kissing with that.....only its not water in thier mouth. It drips whilst negotating a kiss...HOLD ON! NAH...MMMMMM..NO!
I swear my doctor is going to make a fortune because of this. Repressed memories are coming back BIG TIME! The second time it happen I lost it. I immediately announced my resignation from the possible relationship. It was bad because the entire evening whilst talking and having dinner, I kept looking at the mouth and how they chewed and swallowed as if am Hitchcock on a case of “the saliva overflow”. I recommended a doctor and was gone, on the spot. Since then I ask outright… do YOU have saliva issues? as in overflow when kissing! Just to get that out of the way.
To understand why this continued to freak me out…..here is some help
“The healthy human mouth is home to a tremendous variety of microbes including viruses, fungi, protozoa and bacteria,” said Professor William Wade from King’s College London Dental Institute.
“The bacteria are the most numerous: there are 100 million in every millilitre of saliva and more than 600 different species in the mouth. Around half of these have yet to be named and we are trying to describe and name the new species.”
The Science Daily on June 5, 2008 reported that
“The number of bacteria living within the body of the average healthy adult human are estimated to outnumber human cells 10 to 1” When I asked my doctor about “you know who's” condition he gave an answer that freaked me out more. Something about the mouth teeming with bacteria that help determine whether your teeth fall out or stay pearly white. I told him this person just made me runaway! He said it’s a unique situation which may be a Salivary Gland Disorder, but admitted that it does happen.
When I googled “Too much saliva” I was shocked…..
Results 1 - 10 of about 1,080,000 for Too much saliva. (0.23 seconds)Now do you see why “over flow” had me seeing a therapist.
I should admit that after that traumatic experience, it took a long while before I could be comfortable kissing anyone. I think I still have issues. But the beauty of it all is that I actually found someone who made the earth move whenever we lip locked. They found the "over flow" story completely funny. However, the kissing with that new encounter was amazing and I was so excited I kept texting kissing requests and they found it cute and adorable… I had just found my therapy and I was determined to ride it for all it was worth and declare it as my eraser. The mouth was always clean and fresh, lips soft but a tad moist, and it always started with little seductive kisses which escalted as if there is a monitor of my interest versus dislike. It was great!
So, imagine having to kiss someone on a television role who smokes or has bad breath?
I will pose two questions and please let’s not drift…..
What is your worst kissing experience?
And
What is the most memorable kissing scene you’ve ever watched on a local television show?
Mine was Len and Dusty da Silva, they had amazing kissing scenes which I thought where awesome.
So share those juicy…ewe, I meant share those stories. I have already sent my therapist an email to request some time on the couch. I can't even drink my glass of water.........
By The Observer
Disclaimer
The information provided here is not journalistic but simply observations and the opinions expressed by The Observer, and guests are strictly their own. The Observer claims no credit for some of the images featured on this blog. All visual content is copyright to it’s respectful owners. If you own rights to any of the images, and do not wish them to appear on this blog, please mailtheobserver (at) yahoo.com and they will be promptly removed.