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HIV Status

Written by zolx from the blog Inner view on 13 Jun 2008
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I know its a friday and y'all dont wanna talk serious stuf. REst assured this is just an update and i dont need advice - just wanted to share with my anonymous online friends.

Okay, this has been a hectic week for me. A close friend of mine went for an HIV test last week Friday but only got her results this week tuesday. During the time of consoling her and assuring friend that everything will be fine even if you're positive i decided to go myself. Tried to get hubby to come with but he wouldnt so i thought i should go alone cos this is for me and i want to know for me. So made an appointment with my GP on Monday who could only see me yesterday, Thursday. To cut the story, i went in there without thinking much about the results and got my blood taken but on only went for my results this morning. My stomach seemed like some war zone or as if i had my head turned upside down. I died a thousand deaths just thinking what if??? What if i am positive? Am i gonna stay in my marriage even tho i believe he infected me? what about my family - will they be accepting of my status - phela i would be the first HIV "known" person in the family. My little nunu - any chance she might be infected. All those questions kept me up all night. I know all the facts about HIV and how it shouldnt be taken as a death sentence but my Gawd - the thoughts that went thru mi mind. One thing was for certain tho - had i tested positive i was gonna take god care of myself and not loose sight of my dreams and what i still want to do and achieve in life because of my status.

In spite of all that i thank God i'm HIV Free and promise to take better care of myself next time. My next step is to ask hubby to get himself tested as well and then go for counselling to fix our marriage.

Its gud to know your status but the mind just goes wild. It was my second test thou - the first one was in 2004. Oh and my friend is also HIV negative.

I'd like to hear from those who've also gone for an HIV test what was going thru their minds.

singing "I'm free, free, free from HIV" - *dancing around like a lunatic*

25 Comments

zolx
13 Jun 2008 05:30

your thoughts???

myname
13 Jun 2008 05:44

Eish Zolx dear i rather wait for my brothers & sisters..............

Sugarcandy
13 Jun 2008 05:46

Hi Zolx!! I also went early last month for the first time ever in my life.............Oh My Gosh, I can't even explain the way I felt when I was waiting for those results!!!!!!!!!SCARY REALLY SCARY............Luckily they came back negative and I got SO relieved hey!!!

Toxic
13 Jun 2008 05:47

i went twice and VOWED never to go again. I know it's important to do it but the stress of waiting and the wondering is just too much. The first time i went i pretty much knew i couldn't be positive. The second time was after an "accident" with someone who wasn't a regular and i feared that i may have been infected but thankfully i wasn't.

i haven't tested since 2006 and i am not planning to cause i know what knowing would do to me-that is if the results came back positive. I know it's better to know earlier if u're positive and all that but i'd rather not know FOR NOW.

Sdakamiswa
13 Jun 2008 05:47

when waitin for results, u startin thinkin about all the times u were careless and start wonderin, what if.... the relief that that comes with being told u r negative is inexpliacable & then u promise urself u will never ever ever be careless ever again...

Toxic
13 Jun 2008 05:48

& then u promise urself u will never ever ever be careless ever again...

.........AND then you slip up again!

It's like going to the dentist and after the visit vowing to never ever eat sweets again..hmpf!

tha - bang
13 Jun 2008 05:52

ive had about 4 so far, and each one of them was a scary thing. my first was wit my ex and the second one was for insurance and the last two iwas with my current girlfriend and the last one was just to double check.
but i do say although it is very scary but its a good experience as it forced me to look at my life and some of the decisions i ve made.plus to witness a bit of undeserved grace from my Maker.
Personally i think if ur going to be sexually active in anyway you owe it to yourself to know your status and your partners status .it is liberating.
i count myself fortuate to be in the relationship im in and the tests,have helped me to appreciate a good relationship and to be very weary of casual sex.
thats my long reply zolx

Sdakamiswa
13 Jun 2008 05:54

last time i checked november last year i went voluntarily and i was happy with the results, ive been there three times involuntarily cause of life insurance, i hate it each time

tshepiso
13 Jun 2008 05:55

hi Zolx
I went for testing in 2004 and the results was negative. Last year I tested again but never fetched my result because I was so scrared. I don't know my status until todate.

What should I do to be so brave as u guz?

zolx
13 Jun 2008 08:38

@ tshepiso - What should I do to be so brave as u guz? Ginyilitye mntasekhaya (swallow a stone???). I just told myself that knowing will make me in a better position to take better care of myself, like insisting on a condom really cos i am faithful to one partner. It is such a nerve wrecking exercise.

zolx
13 Jun 2008 08:43

where's everyone? It took me 2 hrs to get up in here - do i have the tvsa playground all to myself? Everyone knocked off work already???? or just given up trying to get to the site.

belz
13 Jun 2008 08:51

Have done the checks 3times maybe ,Last i checked was in 2004, each time i wait for the results i would suffer from a headache, my tummy would run, i would feel like throwing up, my nails of all things would hurt, i told myself i would lay off this testing thing, it is too traumatic and the wait is unbearable, i know, iknow you have to know your status but not now. hey zolx, phew i finally got here.

Fluffy Head
13 Jun 2008 08:57

Check this out, ridiculous
Nonny: Uyabona ukuthi ngiyamarketa

http://blaqueness.wordpress.com/the-411/

zolx
13 Jun 2008 09:03

@ Fluffy ngiyamarketa - find ur own playground mfondini - that's not nice *weeps*

Now BOT - belz, yes i know its a very traumatic experience but its one of those things you HAVE to do. Once you start thinking about whether you have HIV or not then curiousity becomes greater than the fear & you WANT to know. I'm glad i went but i really dont want to go through that again.

Nonny
13 Jun 2008 09:08

I don't know if I am too relaxed about this HIV pandemic, but I go for tests regularly *even my doctor is suprised with me* coz I am soo relaxed and I never panic while waiting for the my results t return from the lab.

I even go when I don't have to, just as a form of support for whoever I am accompanying (like a scared friend, or my boyfriend). I think this is becoz I am not scared of the virus and I even though I am glad to be HIV negative, but if I were positive *God forbid*, I know it won't be the end of the world.

Guys please tell me if I was wrong, my bnoyfriend, was scared of getting tested, and I pushed in2 a corner and I told him, if he doesn't go to te test with me ITS OVER between us. Eish, the poor guy came along even though he was as terrified as hell. Shame man even though his results are also negative I feel bad that I made him test involuntarilty.

"My next step is to ask hubby to get himself tested as well and then go for counselling to fix our marriage."
U should've tested vefore u guys got married so that u guys can live a healthy positive lif if one of ur'll were HIV positive. Please advise ur huby to test now, the sooner,the better sisi.

Molilo
13 Jun 2008 09:10

My boyfriend was forever sick late 2006 after he went abroad, he even contacted TB which he had to go thru the whole 6 months treatment.
He lost a lot of weight so my friends where forever asking me what is wrong with him.
In the back of my mind i also thought it might be it and I went for 4 or more test from then till now (lost count after the last one) which they were all negative and I am also planning to go again. Now I am more at ease knowing they all were negative.
The was this one day when he was extremely sick and we had to engage in sx I was so afraid to ask him what is wrong with him and again not to sound like someone who does not have a heart it was really difficult but I really supported him.
One day while I was not sure of the status I said to myself even if he infected me at least I was infected by someone I loved.
That moment I realised how people gets infected and sometimes will ask myself y will he infect me knowing he is HIV +ve.
It is just not an easy thing especially if u c the possibility. Everytime he will leave me in his flat I will go thru his medication and google it to check if they r not ARVs. Life was tough but as i said it was difficult for me to ask him as I was even nrsing him.
Sorry had to say this I know it is long............................LOL

Msoe
13 Jun 2008 09:12

Mina I had to test for HIV when i was very sick at the biggining of this year. I have never really thought about it really until I contracted TB and had to check that I have HIV or not. I remember that the doctor jovad me and I was sitting there praying that God please if its positive change it. But the lines were both red. Funnily enough I was so sick that in my heart i have accepted whatever the result that came back. Bealive me its another thing to be sick but its even worse when you dont know what's wrong with you. I didnt think it was the end of the world only that its a challenge for me to live a healthy life, at least it wasnt cancer. Im taking my TB treatment and my HIV pills, Im fine, i have gained my weight a bit and i know i have a future. Also this has brought me close to God, it has made me love people more and I know it wasnt my fault. I dont have a child and I am not planning to have one, maybe i will adopt one day but will cross that bridge when i reach it. The support of my family and friends is maverlous there were no judgements. My collegues didnt complain that they were doing my work while i was on sick leave for more than three months, they were so loving and i cannot exchange them for the world. I havent told my boyfriend yet about my status because i'm in a distance relationship, i should admitt im scared to do so. But i have made a pact with my self that i will never sleep with him until i have disclosed my status. Its just that man dont understand most of the time and they end up making wrong decisions. I would like to advise you all that I know it is scarry to go for a test, sh*t i wouldnt have gone either if i wasnt sick but it does help so that you can find a treatment soon. With treatment you have more chances of living than contracting a deadly desease that will be hard to cure, or not curable at all.

Nonny
13 Jun 2008 09:13

Guys, I just read my post above, and eish the spelling errors are SHOKING, hayi kabi niyazi English is not my strong point!!!!

"Check this out, ridiculous
Nonny: Uyabona ukuthi ngiyamarketa"
Eish Fluffy, usufuna ukukhahlelwa manje yazi, Zolx u are too nice to smile while lomuntu chases me away from ur blog, to her own blog that's not even here at TVSA nogal..........LOL

Toxic
13 Jun 2008 09:18

shoking indeed.

Msoe, respek!

Nonny
13 Jun 2008 09:21

Keep on being positive *as in thinking & living psositively* Msoe, u don't deserve pity and sympathy coz u have strengh - keep it up gal. As I said earlier, I am negative, yet AIDS doesn't scare me and I don't judge anyone who has it.
U can disclose ur satus to ur loved one when u have the courage and iam proud of u for deciding not to have sex with anyone until u have disclosed ur status to them. U see God is really great u have a good support system and nawe unamandla, qubeka kanjalo sisi, uyangikhuthaza kwamina yazi.

belz
13 Jun 2008 09:21

my bnoyfriend> hahahahahahahahahahahahahah heheheheheh hayi Nonny!!!
Msoe: much respect gal!!!!

Nonny
13 Jun 2008 09:25

I meant boyfriend Belz, yini phela ngoba I did say angisazi kahle isingisi due to my bantu education.........LOL

Toxic
13 Jun 2008 09:27

sorry to be offtopic. Who's the other blogger that is a journo for a PTA newspaper? I keep confusing her with Msoe but now i know uMsoe is the OSISTAS BASE CLUBBINI blogger....who is the other one?

Toxic
13 Jun 2008 09:31

OFF TOPIC again: *sorry*

there's a short story competition run by AngloPlatinum i think. Fluffy i suggest u enter seeing as you have a way with words (read yr blacqblog). anyone that fancies themselves a writer, enter.

Where's Kele, Segololo, WSG??

Snonoza
13 Jun 2008 09:34

The first time I went for a Test was before I got married and was with my fiance. I was pretty much sure i didn't have it so i wasn't that scared bt i was scared for him because i knew he'd been there done that.

The second time was my worst. I didn't want to go bt I had to because i was pregnant, i had to think about my baby. I didn't want anything to happen to my unborn child, so i took the rapid test bt when the results came back 15 minutes later, i felt so scared i wanted to run out of the VCT. I was literally crying when the counsellor gave me my results. Whew! i don't ever want to go through that again.

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