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  Jokes 4 the day
A Xhosa chick was one day raped and she went to the police to report the case…
A few weeks later she met with the guy who raped her at a Taxi and this is all she could say…

"Uyafunwa wena, utsho ngent'wemnandi nje… "



Replies: 407
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Reply from: mayandie Wednesday, July 30, 2008 01:37 AM
Reply from: Toodecent Wednesday, July 30, 2008 01:58 AM
Bwahahaahaa.... Am picturing her yazi LOL.
Peter the little boy was not happy at all, grandma visits and asks him Peter whats wrong? Ma here at home things arent fair......mama beats me ge nka rotela dikobo mara maabane bosigo ke mo utlwile a raya papa are "rota baby....rota tlhe rrago Peter" bale mo dikobong Peter said.
Reply from: Cande Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:03 AM
LMAO
Reply from: carino Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:07 AM
LOL
Reply from: belz Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:09 AM
ROFL!!!!!
Reply from: carino Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:11 AM
Reply from: lelly Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:19 AM
I'm a Xhosa chick as well and i have to say that is the best joke anyone has ever made about us..
Reply from: mayandie Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:20 AM
My bet........................................................................................................................................
Reply from: ratogal Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:23 AM
I'm not xhosa can sum1 translate for me please.
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:29 AM
LOL @ Mayandie
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:30 AM
www.tvsa.co.za/default.asp?blogname=SinfulDesires&articleID=6820

Thanks 4 the link Carino, I was about to post another joke, then I remembered that if we entertain this blog too much it will eventually cause it to be disabled like this similar one.
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:31 AM
2 girls and their grandmother were ubdacted, so the gangsters said we will rape you all and then let you go after. So the 2 girls feeling sorry for their grandmother being old and all, they said, please you can rape us as many times as you want but please spare ugrandmother. The grandmother looked at the girls in amazement and said "hay thyini, kuthiwe sonke"
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:35 AM
LMAO @ Andi01, why vele izalukwazi zithanda ukudliwa????
Reply from: Cnglemother Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:40 AM
why vele izalukwazi zithanda ukudliwa????

Nonny & Andi
that is just so wrong how can u say that about ugogo?tl-tlt-tl!
Reply from: Renegade Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:44 AM
@Nonny, why was the other one disabled?
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:45 AM
This one girl from kwa Bhaca in the Eastern cape, spent 18 years of her life kwa Bhaca, after finishing matric she went to study at PE tech, so she met this hunk from PE. So they began dating. one day they were about to davaza, so the guy was warmin the woman up. So intombi yebhaca yadikwa and shouted, (in Brenda Ngxoli's voice)
"yhe man undimuna-muna for ntoni na wena , loonto ndiyawonyanya amathe womntu, yihlome ihlasele maan".
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:46 AM
@Rene-@Nonny, why was the other one disabled?, bczo some of teh jokes were dirty. Please people lest keep this one clean
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:48 AM
"Nonny & Andi that is just so wrong how can u say that about ugogo?tl-tlt-tl!"
@ Cnglemom, I said that coz Andi01 reminded me of this other gogo, she was also with her two grandchildren and the rapist said, for every tooth a person has they will be raped. The magogo had no teeth at all, so she put toilet paper and said: "Nazoke mfana wami, I also have amazinyo, so awungenza"......LOL


"@Nonny, why was the other one disabled?"
@ Rene - I think it's coz of the hectic vernac jokes.
Reply from: faraimagic Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:49 AM
LOL!
Ok one Tswana guy visited a Sangoma coz he had a small dick, he wanted the Sangoma to help him enlarge it,........so off he went to the Bushes to meet the Sangoma!
"so how big do you want it to grow?"asked the Sangoma since they were in the bushes an Elephant was passing so the Tswana guy pointed at the Poor Elephant..........
Days pass by the suddenly he woke up with a very big Hole between his Very Small dick and his Asshole!
The Tswana guy ran back to tghe bushes but as he got there they welcomed him with bad news.......The Old sangoma had Died!  he cried but no one helped him!

Now the funny part is.......Remember wen the Sangoma asked the guy how big he wanted his dick to grow?..........thing is he pointed   A FEMALE ELEPHANT!!!!!!!ha jha jha ha ha!
Reply from: Toodecent Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:52 AM
Yeah right @ Farai........thats funny bofssssssss .I thought he was to have Long John Rashamba hi hi hi
Reply from: Cnglemother Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:52 AM
showee! Andi01 LOL! but u not keeping it clean wena yoself so how can u ask other people to? it was closed for what u just did.
Reply from: faraimagic Wednesday, July 30, 2008 02:56 AM
LOng John Rashamba Bwaaaaaaaaaah!!!!
Reply from: pariri Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:01 AM
two grandchildren and the rapist said, for every tooth a person has they will be raped. The magogo had no teeth at all, so she put toilet paper and said: "Nazoke mfana wami, I also have amazinyo, so awungenza"......LOL 
yhoooooooooo Nonny hahahahaahahahah ROTFLMBAO u finished me ngale
good one hey !!!!
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:11 AM
@cnglemother, they dont have to be clean as in (nice and soft and clean), but lets not be rude and use nje amagama amnandi to explaing teh whole thing LOL

What goes around comes around

The police forum at Hout Bay called in a meeting to discuss crime rate and solutions to crime in the community. So the community were to tell the forum their experiences with crime, but the theme was tell us "what you saw not what you heard"
Mavis: there is a young man that goes around breakin and stealing aphe'lokshini
Cop: Ma did he brake in to ur house
Mavis: No but, everyone apha has heard of th...
Cop: ma stop waisting our time, talking about what you heard, sifuna what you saw.

and uMavis was so disappointed, she talks too much and wants to be the only person to speak. So bcoz she had nothing to say she decided to leave, on he way to the door, she walked pass the policemen, and realised a fart. the cops were disgusted and teh same one said

Cop: ma, usuzelani kangaka (why did you fart)
Mavis: are u talking about what u saw or what u heard
Cop: ma i heard you.....
Mavis: stop wasting my time mcuphi, talking about what you heard, ndifuna what you saw.
Reply from: faraimagic Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:13 AM
Dont you wana know who the Tswana guy is?
Reply from: Thobeka Jeli Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:13 AM
a male patient is lying in a bed in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose a young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath "nurse"he mumbles,from behind the mask "are my testicles black ?" embarrassed ,the nurse replies,i don"t know ,sir i"m only here to wash your apper body and  feet " he struggles to ask again ,nurse are my  testicles black ? concerned  that he may  elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry  about his testicles, she  overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers  she  raises his gown holds his man hood in one hand and his testicles in the other then , she takes a close look and says , "theres  nothing  wrong with  them sir "the man pulls off his oxygen mask ,smiles @her and says very  slowly thank you very much that was wornderful ,but  listen very, very  closely ARE-MY -TEST -RESULTS BACK ?                                                   
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:15 AM
Nazoke mfana wami, I also have amazinyo, so awungenza"......LOL ,  thatha Nonny, ROTFLMAOL
Reply from: boogy-babe Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:23 AM
y must it be a xhosa chick.
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:31 AM

Hung Ku eCofimvaba

hung ku
, Japanese chap from hong kong, started a clothing store in Cofimvaba, he met a girl named Andi and fell inlove, Andi wasnt inlove with Hung Ku but wanted his money, after a while Andi got tired of Hung Ku and moved to greener pastures, and decided to dump Hung Ku

Andi: look here kung fu, whatever you name is, i dont like you, i never did, i only wanted your money so its over.
Hung Ku; I dont mind Andi, oksalayo I have Aids and i have infected you.
Andi: LOL yhoo shame, you dont scare me japanese guy, you see kaloku wena you from Hong Kong, izinto zenu are all fong kongs, and this Aids you infected me with will wear out soon coz its Fong Kong, it wont last long.

Reply from: Cande Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:32 AM
its a joke boogy-babe, what happened to your sense of humour
Reply from: Hlehle Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:32 AM
ROTFLMAOL to all ur jokes but i cant laugh out loud coz my boss will ask what am i laughing at. As u all know that i'm banned using internet. LOL tl tlt tl tl hahhhahhahhhahh. Morning!
Reply from: Toodecent Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:35 AM
y must it be a xhosa chick.>>>> *Huh??*
Reply from: Cande Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:38 AM
y must it be a xhosa chick.>>>> *Huh??*

She/he was asking about the joke above(ya ga Mayandie), 
one will  wonder if the sense of humour was rented out or something
Reply from: boogy-babe Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:39 AM
ok
Reply from: pariri Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:41 AM
morning Hlehle !!!! 
LOL Andi ur jokes are killing me
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:43 AM
"y must it be a xhosa chick."
Boogy babe don't be like that, there are jokes about every race. Here's a different one:

Naidoo was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to every Temple service for the rest of my life and give up alcohol."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Naidoo looked up again and said

"OK never mind. I found one "
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:45 AM
Death sentence

2
  guys were convicted of murder and sentence to death penalty. So they were asked to choose if they wanna be hanged immediately or be infected with HIV. Guy 1 says I would rather die immediately and Guy 2 says I choose to be infected with the virus.  So guy1 ws hanged and died immediately. Guy2 says b4 you inject m can i first go to the Loo, he came back and he was injected on his left bum, he smiled and said, inject me gape on my right bum. As he was going home, his brother asked "buti why did u ask to be injected twice:, and he smiled and said. "eish watseba keng, elapolisa ke-setlayela hobaning nna ke apere condom". (that police is an idiot bcoz I have put on a condom, so I am protected).
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:47 AM

SIPHO GOES INTO THE BANK, TAKES OUT HIS GUN, POINTS IT TO THE TELLER

AND SAYS: "GIVE ME THE MONEY OR YOU ARE GEOGRAPHY!"

THE TELLER, STILL IN SHOCK, REPLIES: "SIR, YOU MEAN I'M HISTORY."

SIPHO ANGRILY REPLIES: "HEH WENA!!! DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT SF#BE !"

Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:48 AM
LOL @ Nonny
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:51 AM
Two gay men decide to have a baby.

They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.

When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.

A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.


Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs.

"Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other.

"All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"

The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ass !"




Reply from: awelani Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:53 AM
LOL LOL!!
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:53 AM
Once there was a prostitute who had three different rates based on the
following conditions:
1} R 10.00 to do it on the grass
2} R 20.00 to do it on a couch
3} R 30.00 to do it in the bed
It's in the morning when a Pedi boy walks in and slaps a R 10.00 bill on
the table. So they go out on the Grass.
Around noon, a Venda boy walks in and slaps a R20.00 bill on the table.
So they go for the couch.
About the end of the day, a Zulu guy walks in and slaps R30.00 on the
table.
Happy from seeing the money the prostitute says:"Yo! Lo buti lo, u
pheth'i style"! (This man has style)
The Zulu responds: "I style samasimba......UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" (I want it three times on the grass)
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:53 AM
LMAO.......at Nonny dnt change the subject
Reply from: Toodecent Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:55 AM
The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his ass !" >>>> Holy Sh!t.......hi hi hi hi hi tl tl tl tl tl. Yah neh?
Reply from: awelani Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:56 AM
tl tl tl tl tl!!
Reply from: awelani Wednesday, July 30, 2008 03:58 AM
The Zulu responds: "I style samasimba......UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" (I want it three times on the grass) yhooooo!!!! tl tl tl tl tl tl tl tl.
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:02 AM
@ Nonny -The Zulu responds: "I style samasimba......UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" ,  ROTFLMAOL classic

Reply from: belz Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:05 AM
UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" (I want it three times on the grass)> LOL!!!! eish this guy is clever man!!!
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:06 AM
A Xhosa brother was making love to his late brother's wife.

After a 'round' he said "Yo, umnandi, ndide ndasuza xa ndichama"

Of which his brother's wife replied "Ooooh yinto yakowenu ke mos le............Kodwa ungcono-ke wena,

UMFI wayede ANDINYELE"
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:09 AM
There are four blokes in a prison cell together: a zoophile, a sadist, necrophilia and a gay guy. The zoophile sighs and says, "You know, if there was a cat here I'd f#ck it ‘til I pass out." The sadist nods, and sighs, "And once you were done with it, i'd torture it until it died." The necrophilia leans in and agrees, "Oh yeah, and once it was dead I'd f#ck it ‘til I passed out too."

The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "Mmiaow."
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:13 AM
There was this Asian lady married to an American man

and they lived in Honolulu.



The poor lady was not very proficient in english language, but managed

to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.



One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy a leg of mutton She

didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted

up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message and the lady went home with mutton legs.



The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't

know

how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her

breast. The lady got what she wanted.



The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.

Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to

the

store...

(Please scroll down.)











What were you thinking?

Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!! 






Reply from: awelani Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:14 AM
stop it Nonny, yhuuuweee!!! tlt tlt lt l tl.

Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:15 AM

LOL @Mmiaow." .....hehehehe good one Nonnz

Reply from: Toodecent Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:16 AM
The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "Mmiaow." >>>> CTFU tl tl tl tl tl tl..........  mmiaowwwwwww LOL
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:17 AM

Peeps can we please stop cut & pasting from Google, that plagiarism you know

Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:18 AM

GIRL: forgive me I have sinned
PRIEST: What have you done my child?
GIRL: I called a man a son of a b!@#$ .
PRIEST: Why did you call him a son of a b@#$%?
GIRL: Because he touched my hand.
PRIEST: Like this? (as he touched her hand)
GIRL: Yes father.
PRIEST: That's no reason to call a man a son of a b@#$%.
GIRL: Then he touched my breast.
PRIEST: Like this? (as he touched her breast)
GIRL: Yes father.
PRIEST: That's no reason to call him a son of b@#$%$.
GIRL: Then he took off my clothes.
PRIEST: Like this? (he takes her clothes off)
GIRL: Yes father.
PRIEST: That's no reason to call him son of b@#$%.
GIRL: Then he stuck his "YOU KNOW WHAT" into my "you know where.
PRIEST: Like this?" (as he stuck his ----! into her ----!)
GIRL: YES FATHER,YEES FATHER,YEES FAAAATHER!!
PRIEST: (After a few minutes) That's no reason to call him a son of a b@#$%.
GIRL: But father he had aids!
PRIEST: OH HOLY S#!T THAT SON OF A B@#$

Reply from: Renegade Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:20 AM
The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "Mmiaow
Oh my gosh Nonny, thats one of the funniest thing's ever!!!!!
Reply from: pullie Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:21 AM
HAHAHAA...U PPL...HAIKHONA & WENA nONNY...GAL UR CRACKIN ME!
Reply from: Renegade Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:22 AM
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.” 

Hau Andi, if we don't cut and paste from google, where will we get the jokes?
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:24 AM
Peeps can we please stop cut & pasting from Google, that plagiarism you know 

hayi kodwa ma-Andi zijokes zam ezi njena....hihihihi
okay will stop vha
Reply from: Cnglemother Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:24 AM

Showee! oh guys you are funny fosho! 

The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "Mmiaow." - LMAO!

Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:34 AM
Gay Guy "Mmiaow" tlala e bolaya o ratang thata Gay Guy i salute u......tltltltltlltltl
Reply from: myname Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:38 AM
ROTFLMAOL .................tl tl tl tl yhooo guys ni-wrongo
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:48 AM
A serial killer broke into a house and confronted a frightened couple.
"What are ur names? I like to know my victims' names before I kill
them" he demanded.

The woman said "My name is Elizabeth ."

I won't kill you because my mother's name is Elizabeth " he answered.

He turned to the terrified man and said, "Wena what's ur name?"

"I'm Peter but my friends call me Elizabeth" he replied.

Reply from: mayandie Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:49 AM
Here's another Xhosa one.....
(I will try & translate but imnandi ngesiXhosa)

Gatyana lithile, lasuka eMpuma Koloni lawubhekisa eGoli ngeenjongo
zokufuna umsebenzi. 
(Some guy from Eastern Cape came to Jozi looking for work) 
Ekufikeni eGoli, lomfana uye wasokola ukude afumane isithuba. 
(On his arrival it was hard for him to ge a job) 
Ngelokuncamela, uye waya kumzi wolondolozo lwendalo (Zoo) wayokubeka
imeko yakhe khona. 
(On his last attemp he went to the Zoo)
Nyhani ke uye wadibana nomphathi walapha wambikela imeko
(wayekwangu mXhosa lomphathi walapha). 
(He met the manager & he told him his situation & the manager was also Xhosa)
Uye wabanovelwano waze wamxelela ukuba bekusando kufa iGorilla apho eZoo, kwaye imali yokuthenga iGorilla entsha banayongo, 
(He felt pity for him & he told him that a Gorilla just died & he doesn't have money to buy another one)
ngoko ke lomfana bazokumnxibisa njenge gorilla (azenze
igorilla). 
(So this guy was to be given a Gorilla suit & He shud act like one)
Yenzekile ke lonto, ziye zaqengqeleka iintsuku lomfana
esonwabisa abatyeleli eyi "gorilla". 
(This happened & torrists enjoyed watchng the Gorilla)

Kuthe minazana ithile, le "gorilla" isonwabisa abakhenkethi; suka
Yakhwela emthini, 
(One day the Gorilla decided ti climb into the tree )
ithe isephezulu njalo lophuka isebe lomthi yaze yayokuwela phantsi
kwicala lengonyama. 
(Whilst up there the tree broke it fell on the side of the LIONS)
Iye yakhala isintu ikhwaza unina ngoku le "gorilla" kwaye icela no ncedo, 
(He cried asking for his mother & people to help him)
abatyeleli ibanike umdla lento. 
(This was very interesting to the torists)
Iye yaphakama ingonyama yaya kule gorilla yayisemhlabeni wayo. 
(The lion stood up & went to him)
Ekufikeni kwayo iye yehlebeza endlebeni yale gorilla isithi: 
(When the lion was very close to him he whispered in his ear)
"Kwedini khathule maan...uzosibhaqisa ngababantu usiphelelise
ngemisebenzi, khawu'phindele endaweni yakho nx' " 
"I really can't translate this part  haaaaaa...tl tl tl plz bahlali ndincedeni"
Talk about crooked Xhosaz!!!!! 
NguMamtshonyane,uSawa,uDikiza,uNkomo uMth'uz'mele ke lowo.............

Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:55 AM
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, "Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!" Agnes whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all." Madge says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my POPCORN
Reply from: Renegade Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:57 AM
Buahahahahah Mayandie, my xhosa's terrible, so i only read the punchline in Xhosa....buahahahahaha!
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:57 AM

Eight-year old little JOHNNY asked his mother the age-old question:
"How did I get here?"
His mother told him, "God sent you."
"And my cousin Matt ?"
"He sent him also" said the mother .

"Did God send you, too?" asked little Johnny.
"Yes, dear," the mother replied.
"Did God send dad, too?" asked little Johnny.
"Yes, dear," the mother replied.

"What about Grandma and Grandpa?" Johnny persisted.
"He sent them also" the mother said.
"Did He send their parents, too?" little Johnny asked.
"Yes, dear, He did," said the mother patiently.



"So you're telling me that there has been NO s e x in this family for 200 years? No wonder everyone's so grumpy around here."
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 04:59 AM
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:03 AM
INDIAN JOKE

Hey Chetty
Don't Pillay with me,
I'm not in the Moodley for you
Reply from: Hlehle Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:03 AM
Guys niyandiqeda ngejokes zenu. Keep them coming.
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:05 AM

1) The Hindi kids Letter:
Dear Santha Dada: please organise me a seiko quartz watch for
christmas, i will be parking for the present, we did not by christmas tree beacause Kaki & Kaka are coming for christmas, therefore we had to save the money for food stamps.

2) The 9yr old Muslim kids Letter:
Dear Sante Claws, please send me a 16valve GTI, so i can drive to the
Esplande, in Durban and park by the Milky Lane, so all the other
babies can check it out, PS do not forget the subs for the system
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:06 AM
Kwedini khathule maan...uzosibhaqisa ngababantu usiphelelise
ngemisebenzi, khawu'phindele endaweni yakho nx' " 
  ROTFLMAOL  translation(turns out that the lion too was a man dress in lion costumes), so he is telling the "gorilla", to keep quiet and return to his spot coz if the people realise that they are humans dressed in costumes, they will loose their jobs.
Reply from: mayandie Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:08 AM
Akaho umntu onale kaLittle Jonny ethuka uFather Christmas??????????????????
That is my favourate guys pleaseif you have can you post it for me please....
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:08 AM
Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away so; it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Roy give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it" Mick gets worried,

He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?"

Naturally Andy didn't bring it.

So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.

So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts

"I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING!"

Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:10 AM

INDIAN MEN



A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a
beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:

A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

B. 2 French men and 1 French woman

C. 2 German men and 1 German woman

D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman

F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman

G. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman

What a Crazy coincidence! One month later, on various parts of the island,
the following was observed:

A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.

C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they spend time
with the German woman.

D. The two Greek men are happy together, and the Greek woman is cooking &
cleaning for them.

E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long look
at the Polish woman, and they started swimming.

F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying
to sell them the Mexican woman.

G. What happened to the Indians????

Scroll down......

.

.

.

.

The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the
Indian woman!

(put a word for them


Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:12 AM
Akaho umntu onale kaLittle Jonny ethuka uFather Christmas??????????????????
Let me check my emails for u Mayandie.....
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:14 AM
AS A DURBANITE 


As a Durbanite you will appreciate this!

Inba asked Bala one day in Verulam, "Bala in your olden days you Never had
cell phones, e-mail, internet, fax and all, how did your'll communicate?"
Bala replies: :Ja Inba, in uver days we did not have internet, fax,
telephone, e-mail, she-mail and all. We used pigeons.
Me and Peru should communicate with pigeons". Confused Inba asks, "how did
you use pigeons Bala ?" "You see Inba", responds Bala, "I should tie a
message to the pigeon's leg and then I fly the pigeon to Peru's house.
But one day I did not tie a message and when the pigeon came to Peru's house
he see no message. Peru come here very angry and ask me what I think I'm
doing. I say Peru, I give you miss call".

Reply from: mayandie Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:16 AM
Thankx Nonny i'll really appreciate that........................................
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:17 AM
Guys i just luv LITTLE JOHNNY

In the class one day little Johnny, really loves his teacher, He wrote a

letter of proposal to his teacher. It goes like this:



Hi Ma'am ke go kwalelela lekwalo le ke go itsise gore nna Johnny ke

paletswe ke go itshoka ga ke go bona ka metlha yotlhe. Lerato lame mo go

wena le a oketsega, ke a go rata, then Johnny handed the letter to front

desk mate and the mate took it to next desk mate till the letter reached

the teacher.



The teacher read the letter and smiled, johnny thinks everything is ok

between him and the teacher, there comes the teacher's reply to Johnny.

Hi johnny I really understand what you are saying but you are still

young, gake batle bana.



Johnny misunderstood the teacher when she says ga a batle bana, Johnny's

reply to the teacher "O TLA PRIVENTA"

Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:18 AM
Guys, can we keep the copying and pasting short?
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:20 AM
Number 5.


A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,

his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."


She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."


*******************************************************

Number 4.


A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a

gorgeous woman. He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.


He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"


"Tonto Papadopoulos, nice to meet you."


*******************************************************


Number 3.


One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.


The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."


The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.


"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


*******************************************************


Number 2.


Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.


His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.


One day a few weeks later, Bill came home.

His wife could see at once that something was seriously

wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.


"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"


"Oh, Bill, you didn't."


"Yes, I did."


"My God, Bill, what happened?"


"I got fired."


"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"


"Oh...she got fired too."


*******************************************************


Number 1.


A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when

the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."


"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."


"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times." Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."


"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal























































<
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:21 AM
ROTFLMAOL reply to the teacher "O TLA PRIVENTA" , B classic.
Reply from: awelani Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:25 AM
u guys r ceding me, yhooo!!!!
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:25 AM
Nantsi Mayandie

Diye Fada Krismas.


Inokuba uthe nqa ukuba kutheni ndikubhalela namhlanje umhla we 26 December. Kukho nje izinto ezimbalwa ezithe zenzeka ekuqaleni kwalenyanga endifuna ukuzibeka elubala. Ngendlela endandikhubeke ngayo, ndaye ndakubhalela incwadi. Kuyo ndacela ibhayisekile, uloliwe ohamba ngombane, ama rola skeyts kunye ne kit yebhola. Ndamosha ngengqondo yam ndifunda incwadi zam unyaka wonke. Kulonyaka bendingu namba wan eklasini yam kwaye kungekho nenye intwana endogqithayo kuso sonke isikolo.



Andikuqhathi, bekungekho nomnye umntana ekuhlaleni obeziphethe kakuhle ukogqitha mna. Bendilunge kakhulu kubo bonke abantu, ndibenzela imisetyenzana ndide ndincede neenkothovu ziwele umgaqo. Akukho nanye into entle phantsi kwelanga ebendizibandeza ekuyenzeni.

Ngoku ke khawutsho, usithatha phi isibindi sokuqinisa umsintsila undishiyele umnqundu we yoyo, ububhanxa be mpempe ne kawusi ezimbi. Ubucinga ntoni mnqundu ndini otyebileyo? Undithathe okwesibhanxa wonke lo mnqundu wonyaka ukuze ushiye amasimba anje phantsi komthi wam.Ingathi ubundinyela ngamasbom, unike lanja ye layti yase next door itoyz ezininzi kangangokuba akukho nespeys sokuhamba kokwayo.



Ndingaphinde ndikubone uzama ukunyakathisa lomnqundu wakho mkhulu etshiminini yasekhaya kulonyaka uzayo. Ndakubetha unye. Laa minqundu yee bhokhwe zakho ndakuzigibisela ngamatye ndigqibe ndizileqe ndizoyikise ukuze uhambe ngenyawo ukuphindela e North pole njengoko ndisenza kuba ungandithengelanga laa mnqundu we bhayisekile.



HAMBOKUNYA FADA KRISMAS. Kulonyaka uzayo ndizakukubonisa indlela endiyintswela boya nendigeza ngayo. MOFI NDINI ETYEBILEYO.



Owakho wene.
Little Jonny. My Man!!!
Reply from: zolx Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:26 AM
"So you're telling me that there has been NO s e x in this family for 200 years? No wonder everyone's so grumpy around here." ...HAAAAAHAAAA YHO for a minute the i imagined my son saying this....oohhh that woman must have thot 'vuleka mhlaba ndingene'
Reply from: zolx Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:28 AM
oh hayi guys ..try to get rid of the spaces inbetween when you paste...its not nice scrolling all the way down to find nothing..
Reply from: mayandie Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:28 AM
Ohhhhhh thank you.....thank you....You've just made my day..............................
Reply from: awelani Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:30 AM
I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal LMBAOTIPAL 

Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:31 AM
"oh hayi guys ..try to get rid of the spaces inbetween when you paste...its not nice scrolling all the way down to find nothing.."
Thank u Zolx, I couldn't have said it better!!!!
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:32 AM
ONE LINERS

1) I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder. 
5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
8)My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
9) S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Reply from: Simmone Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:33 AM
Ndingaphinde ndikubone uzama ukunyakathisa lomnqundu wakho mkhulu etshiminini yasekhaya kulonyaka uzayo. Ndakubetha unye. Laa minqundu yee bhokhwe zakho ndakuzigibisela ngamatye ndigqibe ndizileqe ndizoyikise ukuze uhambe ngenyawo ukuphindela e North pole njengoko ndisenza kuba ungandithengelanga laa mnqundu we bhayisekile. 

ROFLMAO.Yho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:36 AM


"oh hayi guys ..try to get rid of the spaces inbetween when you paste...its not nice scrolling all the way down to find nothing.."

@Nonny , I will to do that.

Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:37 AM
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. 
ROTFLMAO, this one is a classic.
Reply from: mayandie Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:37 AM
Boikanyo are you David Kau's sister yho you have jokes shem gal.......
Khasinike iChance nathi tyhini........................................................
Xa ndisithi ngapha nguwe hayi maan suku thengisa intlanzi(Translate in English)apha........
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:40 AM
@Nonny , I will to do that.
Darling, that will make my day!!!!
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:42 AM
myname
thengisa intlanzi(Translate in English)

....dont sell a fish......LOL
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:42 AM
myname
 suku thengisa intlanzi(Translate in English)

....dont sell a fish......LOL
Reply from: zolx Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:43 AM
yhuuu uLittle Jonny womxhosa unditsho ndalila iinyembezi nangona ndingaqali kuyibona le joke....
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:47 AM
Boikanyo are you David Kau's sister yho you have jokes shem gal.......
Khasinike iChance nathi tyhini........................................................
Xa ndisithi ngapha nguwe hayi maan suku thengisa intlanzi(Translate in English)apha........


@Mayandie,are you saying Im making this BLOG stink?
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:49 AM
Mpja le katse were having a conversation. Mpja yare 'I wonder why batho
ba nhloile, every person who is not good mo Sechabeng ba mmitsa mpja,
like wa utswa fela, o mpja, wa reipa, O mpja, if you love women, o mpja.
If you kill a person, your Friends call you mpja. Wa tima motho dijo o
mpja. if you can have too much money bare o top dog. Tell me wena katse
What wrong have I done?' Katse yare ' ai batlogele wena chomi, e no ba
dimpja dilo tsela'
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:49 AM
Husband works at the government mortuary he is talking to his Wife about
his day at work. Husband: Yey namhlanje bengigeza Indoda enepipi
elinensumpa enkulu kanjani!! Wife: Hawu baba!!!
ungangitsheli
Ukuthi uShabalala akasekho!!
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:52 AM
yhuuu uLittle Jonny womxhosa unditsho ndalila iinyembezi nangona ndingaqali kuyibona le joke....

zolx....
nam indihlekisa qho xa ndiyifunda.......thats a good joke
Reply from: zowee Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:53 AM
Our former Home Affairs Minister Mangosuthu Buthelezi was talking to an
American and a Russian about the wonders of science.
 The Russian  started saying "We were the first to be on Space".
 The American then said "We were the first to land on the Moon" Then our Home Affairs  Minister said "We are going to be the first to land on the Sun". Then
the two foreigners looked at each other and said "You will burn up if
you land on the Sun!"

He responded by saying "Abasazi laba,

Basithatha kancane: We will go at night"

Reply from: Simmone Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:53 AM
Xa ndisithi ngapha nguwe hayi maan suku thengisa intlanzi

LOL.

Boikanyo its you are selling fish meaning you are being selfish
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:54 AM
Husband works at the government mortuary he is talking to his Wife about
his day at work. Husband: Yey namhlanje bengigeza Indoda enepipi
elinensumpa enkulu kanjani!! Wife: Hawu baba!!!
ungangitsheli
Ukuthi uShabalala akasekho!! 


@Nonny nice one I like the part where she says " uShabalala akasekho!!!
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:56 AM
"@Mayandie,are you saying Im making this BLOG stink?"

suku thengisa intlanzi(Translate in English)apha
OK, literally it mneans don't sell fishes, but the actual meaning is be selfish, so it's not about SMELL Boikanyo.
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:56 AM
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 05:57 AM
I meant it means: DON'T be selfish.
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:00 AM

Thanks for clearing that for me

@Mayandie,I ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry

Reply from: Cnglemother Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:00 AM
Stop it gals, everyone is looking at me lana eoffisini LOL! . 

I have this one to share sorry to non-nguni speaking people. 


ATM Mzansi fosho

Molweni ntozakuthi ndiyathemba ninosuku oluyokozela ngamathamsanqa!!!

A migrant labourer (Xhosa) goes to the Mzantsi Account ATM to withdraw some cash.

He puts in his savings card and the machine replies: ZULU okanye XHOSA?
The man presses the XHOSA button. The machine displays: Cofa amanani
afihlakeleyo eKhadi lakho. The man does as directed.

The machine displays: Cofa ukuba ngamashumi amangaphi la uwafunayo, umz:
50 okanye 100. The man presses 100, then as the machine is processing, there comes a display written "inkosazana yamaMpondo uStella Sigcau isandulele ngale ntseni, ngoko ke bekungekho nokuncane ongakufaka engxoweni ezakuqasha iiBhasi ezizakukhwelisa amaMpondo ukuya komkhulu emfihlweni nokuba yi 100? Cofa u EWE okanye HAYI ngasekhohlo. The man reluctantly presses HAYI then the machine ejects the card and the 100 he requested so hard that it fell to the floor.


As the man picks up his belongings he notices another display on the screen written: "Thatha lo 100 yakho gqolo ndini! Uyoyitya nonoondatshaza etywaleni ungafumani nto wakugqiba. Le nto etsho ngemifinya neenyawo ezinamasa!"

The man moving away replies: "utsho kunyoko".
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:01 AM
A Black Baby was given wings by God.

He asked God, "Does this mean I'm an Angel now?"

God laughed and said, "N!gga Please…………you're a bat!
Reply from: mayandie Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:05 AM

Thanks for clearing that for me

@Mayandie,I ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry

Gatcha.........Boikanyo......Gatcha

Isn't this suppose to be Jokers Blog??????????????????
Where is your sence of humor now..........................................

Reply from: carino Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:05 AM
Reply from: belz Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:05 AM
yhuuu uLittle Jonny womxhosa unditsho ndalila iinyembezi nangona ndingaqali kuyibona le joke....> ROFL, nam' futhi, yho uJohnny ubequmbe nyhani!!!!
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:05 AM
A Zulu man was asked to call an ambulance because his wife was in
labour and eventually she gave birth (twins) while at home.
A message was recorded while calling for an ambulance "Come sbhedlela (hospital) come, a woman is borning a baby, and a spare".
Reply from: carino Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:07 AM
Mugabe dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him
that he is not on the list and he does not belong in heaven. 
Mugabe must go to hell. 
So Mugabe goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty
welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Mugabe notices that
he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says 'No problem,
I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff.'

When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked
St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally
one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the
luggage.

As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel 
says to the other, 'My Lord, look at that! Mugabe has been in hell no
more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!'
Reply from: carino Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:08 AM
um not encouraging Xeno-Xeno...
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:09 AM

BALOI BA MATSATSI A? BA BRAVE
A husband came home and found a naked man in his house.
"Heyi wena, o etsang mo Ntlong yaaka o sa apara? And the naked man replied "Ke a loya"
The husband furiously answered back "Msunu ka Nyoko, o loya o kentse Condom"

Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:09 AM
UZanele oyingoduso eyayizolotsholwa wangena ekamelweni wakhumula iphenti

wathatha isibuko wasibeka ngaphansi wabuka inkomo, wathi:


"Wadla nhlikinhliki ekade babeyihlikiza. Wadla nto yami yezimanga.

Namhlanje kuhlangenwe ngawe, wo-hhe! basala oThembi noBajabulile noNomusa,*

amakholwa amakhulu phela*, nezinto zabo ezingena

experience. Hamba nkomo yami, ubashayile nge-experience wabadida silwane

sikamhlola. Wena wakhalisa oJabulani,* oLucky*, oBongani,oSiya oPhumlani no

bab' uElliot, kwakhala abanumzane nabafokazane,

kwakhala osomatekisi, odriver bama truck, omashanela, othisha,izimfolomani,

izinduna, abefundisi, nezicashalala la kuwe.

Usuwinile ke wena* nhlikinhliki yami*, noma singezwakali kahle lesis'lima

esihlanyiswa wuwe, sengiyobekezelela wona umendo lo oyimvela kancane.Kodwa

ungahlupheki silwane sami,* uma usufuna ukuthola more*,ngizovele ngikuphonse

kuyise waso lesis'lima, ngimbonile indlela

abelokhu engibuka ngayo ukuthi naye* uyarhalela ukukuhlikiza.*


Reply from: Cnglemother Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:11 AM
guys some of us are gonna get fired becoz of this blog coz andikwazi nokuzimbamba i just burst out laughing! Pooky ngeke le kaJOhnny ethuka ufader Xmas ngeke sithandwa sam ing'qedile.  
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:13 AM
Gatcha.........Boikanyo......Gatcha
Isn't this suppose to be Jokers Blog??????????????????
Where is your sence of humor now..........................................


@Mayandie.you got me(laughing at myself)
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:13 AM
tl tl tl tl tl tl..........@Nonny come Sbhedlela
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:15 AM
Come sbhedlela (hospital) come, a woman is borning a baby, and a spare".

ROTFLMAO.....
shu Nonny man
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:22 AM
"'My Lord, look at that! Mugabe has been in hell no
more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!'

ahhahahha that's a killer Carino...........LMFAO!!!!
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:24 AM
A Zulu guy went to filling station and asked for petrol. A petrol attendant told him that his tank is full. The Zulu guy called the attendant closer to the car and showed him the petrol gage. It was on F. The Zulu guy said to the attendant, " U ya bona ma ime la ku F, kusho ukuthi FINISH and ma i la ku E, kusho ukuthi ENOUGH, So thela!
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:24 AM
Pooky ngeke le kaJOhnny ethuka ufader Xmas ngeke sithandwa sam ing'qedile
that joke was originally posted by uGucci( i wonder wayaphi we miss u) on that other blog...so credits to her coz nam ndandiphuma inyembezi kuhleka
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:25 AM
A coloured guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his
house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced
his wife, lost his children, lost his job.

He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it. He takes out
an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You
are the reason I don't have a wife", second bottle, "You are the
reason I don't have my children", third bottle, "You are the reason I
lost my job". He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full
of beer.

He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says, "Staan jy een
kant my broe, I know you were not involved
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:28 AM
Teacher: *Why are you late?*
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred rand note.
Teacher: *That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? *
Student: No. I was standing on it.


Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:28 AM
Teacher: *Why are you late?*
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred rand note.
Teacher: *That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? *
Student: No. I was standing on it.


Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:31 AM
Husband says to wife: "Your bum looks like a braai stand".

Wife gets offended and goes to sleep.

At night the husband politely asks: "Sweetie, don't you feel Like
making love?

Wife says: "Do you expect me to light the braai stand just for a small
piece of sausage?"

Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:32 AM
3 monkeys asked GOD if

he could change them into

human beings, GOD

took out a picture of Robert Mugabe

& said "like this" the

monkeys replied "Yekela mawungafuni..."
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:33 AM
The magistrate was scolding the accused: 'This is the seventh time in
Three years that you are appearing in front of me! I don't want to see
You in this court anymore, the next time I see you here I give you life
Sentence! What do you have to say, for three years committing the same
Offence and still coming to the same court!


Accused: "Nee Fok your honour, stop releasing your frustration on me!
Jy Kan mos nie vir my blame as jy nie a promotion Kan kry nie! I also
don't want to see you in this court Anymore, the next time I see you
here I lodge the complain of Incompetence, if you were competent you
would have effectively dealt With me and get yourself a promotion. Jy is
dom, for drie jaare in the Same position and still struggling with the
same person"



VANDAG IS DE DAG...............

Reply from: Cande Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:36 AM
Tripple LOL
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:40 AM
Father and mother are having sex...while their son is watching

Son: 'Nenzani?' 

Dad: 'Ngithela MAMA WAKHO ipetrol'

Son: Kutsho kuthi I engine ka mama idla ipetrol, ngoba izolo

ubab'UNdlovu naye uthelile'


Reply from: Cody Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:40 AM
God laughed and said, "N!gga Please…………you're a bat!

tl tl tl kwa kwa kwa!!! this makes me think of andi!lol
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:40 AM
LMAO, I love ur jokes Felfel.
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:42 AM
One day Sipho was enjoying the sun at the beach in South Africa.

A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"
Sipho answered, "No, I am Sipho."
Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Sipho answered, "No! No! Me Sipho!"
A third one came and asked him the same question again.
Sipho was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw a certain guy soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?"
This guy was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
Sipho slapped him in his face and said,

"Hey wena... Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over

here!!!"
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:42 AM
A large
woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin.
She raised her
right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed
to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will
buy
a lady a drink?"
The bar
went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the end of
the
bar,
an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed
"Give the
ballerina a drink!"

The
bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to
the
patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same
hairy
armpit, and asked "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk
slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another
drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said ... "Tell me,
Murphy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why
do
you
keep calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift
her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
Reply from: Cnglemother Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:42 AM
mayandie uwrongo sana why uvuse lo mhlola LOL! yithi ndiyochama for now showee!
Reply from: pariri Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:42 AM
haahahahahahaahah Nonny haybo gal susihlekisa kangaka hhaahahahahah LMBAO
A message was recorded while calling for an ambulance "Come sbhedlela (hospital) come, a woman is borning a baby, and a spare".
Reply from: zowee Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:42 AM
LOL @ ur jokes Felfel
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:43 AM
Thanks Nons.....have some more....

*A 20c coin met a R20.00 note and said, "Hey wena , where've you been?

I haven't seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise
and did the rounds of the ship, back to South Africa for a while, went to a
couple of rugby games, to the brothel, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How
about you?" The 20c coin said, "You know, same old stuff,
church,church,church*.
Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:45 AM


TV Newsreader: "Hundreds are feared missing or dead in India following landslides and floods caused by torrential rains." Couch potato: "Serves 'em right. What do they wanna go around following landslides and floods for anyway...??!"
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:46 AM
Chinese couple had a black baby.
Husband didn’t believe it was his.
Husband: “Why baby black?”
Wife:”You hot, I hot …Baby burnt!”
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:46 AM
"God laughed and said, "N!gga Please…………you're a bat!"
That God must've been Andi01, hhahahaha
Reply from: pariri Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:47 AM
" U ya bona ma ime la ku F, kusho ukuthi FINISH and ma i la ku E, kusho ukuthi ENOUGH, So thela
hahahahahahahahaah hayi mani Nonny LOL yhoooo sibuhlungu isisu ngoku kuhleka
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:47 AM
Making love is the only job in the world which a man cannot include in
his
CV;
despite years of experience and a number of references.

A child asked her mother 'Mama u Secretary kukutya? Mother asked 'why
do
you ask? Child' Ndive utata exelela umalume ukuba utye u Secretary.


Reply from: Boikanyo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:47 AM
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the head of the family, so call me the Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The maid, we'll consider the working class, and your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now think about that and see if it makes any sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the maid's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the maid. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "The Prime Minister is screwing the working class while the government is sound asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is in deep $#&@!”
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:47 AM
LOL @ church church church ....
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:49 AM
"The 20c coin said, "You know, same old stuff, church, church, church*."
ahahahhahaha Eish, man nami I makes sure I never give amacoins echurch, it's so wrong coz we spend so much money on luxury stuff!!!!
Reply from: what aka mathata Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:49 AM
boikanyo maan.comedian,ha ha ha ha
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:50 AM
Two naughty boys stole a bag of Oranges from their home
They decided to go to the nearest Cemetery to share the loot They had to
scale a big gate to enter the cemetery
As they were scaling two oranges fell out of the bag and were left
behind at the gate

A heavily drunk man on his way from a local tavern was passing near the
cemetery gate and heard the following:
One for me-One for You (distribution of the loot)
Elami-Elakho
One for me-One for You
He immediately sobered up and ran as fast as he can to the local Priest
" Mfundisi come with me and witness God and Satan are sharing corpses at
the cemetery"
They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voices continued:
"One for me-One for You" - "Elami-Elakho"
Suddenly the one voice said:
" Lets get the two at the gate "(meaning the oranges that fell!)
One of the pastor's shoes is still at the cemetery!!!

And we are always told not to fear death!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply from: Jada Smith Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:51 AM
THATHA JOHNNY

A female teacher, wearing a quite revealing summer dress, was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment

So she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly, there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"

"I just saw your a$$!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"


The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.?

Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw your a$$ and some pubic hair!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So,she bends over to pick it up. This time there is a burst of laughter from another male student.

She quickly turns to see little Johnny leaving the classroom.



"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

I'm going to look for a job because from what I just saw, my school days are over!!!!!"






Reply from: kick-s Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:52 AM
A husband comes home from a church service. As he greets his wife, he lifts her up. Astonished, the wife asks,'Yhu tata, yintoni, did umfundisi preach about being romantic?' No.' replied the husband. He said we must carry our burdens' 
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:52 AM
-This has to be in SA! Right??)

Telecom : How may we help you?
Customer : I haff a big problem with my phone bill. My wife, she think I haffing an affair!
Telecom : Okay Sir, and how can we help you with this?
Customer : My bill haff all these calls to Salulah and my wife think I haffing an affair with this woman, but I never heard of her before. I need to trace these calls please.
Telecom : Sir, I'm sorry but the bill won't actually tell you the name of the person you're calling, just their number.
Customer : This one does.
Telecom : What phone do you have, Sir?
Customer : A mobile. I tell you this.
Telecom : No, Sir, what make? What do you have in your hands?
Customer : An erection.
........................................... After a moment's silence, the gallant Telecom worker continued.
Telecom : Um, sir? Could you spell that for me?
Customer : For sure - E..R..I..C..S..S..O..N. Erection.
.............................................Another moment's silence from Telecom, and suddenly the penny dropped.
Telecom : Sir? Can you spell Salulah for me?
Customer : For sure. C..E..L..L..U..L..A...R. Salulah.

Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:55 AM
INTATHELI: Baba Shenge kunamahebezi okuthi ungase ushiye ukuba umholi

We IFP. Ngenxa yengcindezi yokuthi awusaphilile kahle ngenxa
kashukela.
Kuyiqiniso kangakanani lokho?

Dr Buthelezi: Ngiyezwa nje amahemuhemu okuthi mangiphume ekubeni
umholi weqembu le IFP ngenxa yabo belu laba abathi nginoshukela. Angazi noma bake bangikhotha yini?
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:56 AM
An angry mom says to her pregnant daughter:
uthi lesisu yi accident?
U fike wathola ipipi limile wawela phezu kwalo nge kuku?
Uyanya man!!!

Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:58 AM
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke,
when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off
the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel! : You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she
is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand
of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.
Reply from: carino Wednesday, July 30, 2008 06:58 AM
There used to be a man called. Odd
When he was growing up, other boys used to tease him about his rather unusual name.
When he was a teenager, girls would tease him for his clearly uncommon name. So when he was an old man, he made his wife and kids promise they would not write his name on his tombstone.. coz he definitely didn’t want to be taunted him in heaven as well.
So his Tombstone read: “Here lies a father and husband, In Loving Memory, Mother and Kids. RIP.”

But for years after his death, people would walk in the graveyard, casually reading names on every tombstone, and they’d stop by Odd’s grave and say “Oh, that’s odd…” 
Reply from: what aka mathata Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:00 AM
The was this men he was a single parent,so his daughter used to be in trouble,that time she was in jail,so  dad went to bail her.

this father the way he was angry ,he endup saying to the cops im tired with this girl,i dont know those boys always coming to my house what they are doing to her,if i was those boys i will *$#@*& her to hell
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:01 AM
Superman
Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.
A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was happening". So Superman did his Super Thing in a split-second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear something? " No" said the InvisibleMan (on top of Wonderwoman), "but my a$$ hurts like hell!!"
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:04 AM
@Jada....I'm going to look for a job because from what I just saw, my school days are over!!!!!" .........tl tl tl tl tl ........i luv little Johnny
Reply from: Jada Smith Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:05 AM
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a

handywoman and started canvassing the neighborhoods.



She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had

any odd jobs for her to do.



"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said.

"How much will you charge me?"



The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"



The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need

Was in the garage.



The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does

She realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"



A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her

money. "You finished already?" the husband asked



"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two

coats - no extra charge."



Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to

her.



"And by the way," the blonde added ... "it's not a Porch -- it's an Audi."



OUCH!

Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:06 AM
Bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say
the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."
" You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country.......we don't speak aloud in public places about our
sex lives........" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell '
Mississippi '."


I BET YOU GONNA READ THIS AGAIN!!!!!


Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:08 AM
A black guy and his wife are invited to a fancy dress party. He tells
his wife to go and look for the costumes.
That night, when he gets back from work, he finds on the bed a SUPERMAN
costume. Shouting, he says to his wife: "What the f*# is this? When have
you ever seen a black SUPERMAN ?"

The wife is upset and goes back to the shop to exchange it. When the
husband arrives, on the bed he sees a BATMAN costume and he shouts: "You
are f*#ing mad woman. When have you seen a black BATMAN? Go and change
it for something better."
The wife is now very annoyed, she returns the costume and buys various
things. On the bed she places 3 white buttons, a white belt and a wooden
pole.
When the husband returns and finds the objects on the bed, he says to
his wife: "What's this ?"
The wife responds: "It's so that you can choose your costume: If you
take off your clothes and stick the buttons to your body you can go as a
Domino, If you don't like that you can wear the white belt and go as an
Oreo biscuit, If you're still not happy, you can stick the pole up your
a$$ and go as a MAGNUM !"
Reply from: Franco Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:11 AM
Reply from: felfel Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:11 AM
Themba: was eating popcorns in the movies.

Lerato: says: "Are you not going to offer me any?"

Themba: says: "Offer Offer se foot! You are sitting with a panty full of
cake & you don't OFFER me any!" Are you mad?!
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:15 AM
Themba: says: "Offer Offer se foot! You are sitting with a panty full of
cake & you don't OFFER me any!" Are you mad?!
 
@ Felfel - LMAO this one is too good!!!!
Reply from: Franco Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:26 AM

This one day in Durban uMabheleni inkinsela yase durban ilunywa imali,
during  one of his expensive parties, he just said
 " anyone who can enter this pool from this one side and come out on the other side, i will give him a million"
yoooo, everyone was shocked by  this announcement,,,

the pool had old ,big crockodiles just chilling in,,,looking hungry..
Just as the men were still shocked " bhuuu,,,,hlwaaaa hlwaaaaa, bhu bhu bhubhu!!!!!!!"
it's Mkhize from Emlazi inside and he's inside doing his thing,,suprisingly the crockodiles just made a way for him until he came out on the other side of the big pool.......

wow!!!!!!.....bonk'abantu were shocked at Mkhize's bravery, even that the crockodiles were even scared of him as well,,,,,,
Here comes Mabheleni towards Mkhize with a cheque on his hand to hand over to Mkhize ,,,,
Mabheleni : Do you want it in two halves or a single cheque babu Mkhize?"

Mkhize : ANGIFUNE MALI YAKHO MINA , NGIFUNA LENJA ENGIPHUSHILE" ........

Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:29 AM
18SL....sorry guys but i had 2 tell it
A cucumber, a pickle and a penis were talking about life!
The cucumber said, 'when I get big and hard, they chop me up and toss me in
a salad!'
The pickle says, 'you got it easy mate! When I get big and hard, they chop
me up and drown me in vinegar!'
The penis says, 'lads, that's nothing compared to what I go through when I
get big and hard! They put a plastic bag over my head, shove me into a
small, warm, damp cave and bang my head against a wall until I throw up and
faint!'

Reply from: thinLine Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:38 AM
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:41 AM
Xhosa Funerals - Ziinto zabo ke ezo!!!!!!

Xolile's nephew passed away, on the day of the funeral he makes the following speech:

"Mawethu, size apha namhlanje ukuzongcwaba umtshana'm, uCharles, obeligqwetha. (LAWYER)
Uzalwa ngumfo wakuthi ongugqirha (doctor), umama wakhe uyi-CEO, izalamani(siblings) zakokwabo azikho zonke namhlanje ngoba ziphesheya kwezilwandle on a mission.

On Monday, I got a call on my Nokia E65, le inekhamera, niyazibona mos, yah, bandixelela ukuba, noh umtshana'm ufumene i-accident. Xa ndijonga i-Rolex yam, ndafumanisa ukuba man!- its still early, about 6H00 ekuseni.

Then I called my wife, because ebehambe ngeCompressor eye e-Monti the previous day. Unfortunately she was still in East London so ebengekavi nto. Since there was no flight available sathatha i-Jaguar, ukuyobona ukuba kwenzeke ntoni. Xa sifika, safumanisa ukuba noh, iJeep yomtshana iwile, wasweleka ngoko nangoko.

And so we started the funeral arrangements.

Sisokole ukufumana icoffin.I made a lot of calls, but to no avail. Besifuna I coffin ya at least R100 000. I was about to give up,saying I'll just postpone the funeral. Then I got a call from Germany , this guy said he's got a coffin for me for just R150 000, free delivery. I was so relieved.

Anyway, sizokwenza so, those of you abangena transport, ii-i-Veco zam ezi-eleven zi available. Xa sibuya emangcwabeni, kukhona i-set up yee tables, just allocate yourselves a seat. Nizakufumana ii-menu, eat and drink as much as you like.

And xa nihamba good people, those of you that come from Mafikeng nase JHB, you'll see just xa ningena kwi highway, kukhona ii-filling stations ezi about four, ningagcwalisa your tanks there.

Nina abavela eDurban, you'll see xa ningena ku N3, kukhona i-Shell garage,do likewise. Those of you abangena transport, ii-iVeco zam zizakunigodusa.

I thank you !
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:45 AM
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. 

(i know its kinda old, but its still funny though)

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!"

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went
to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply from: u4me Wednesday, July 30, 2008 07:58 AM
1. Sex is like ur salary..
U don't disclose what u get but U always think that others get more than U...!!!

2. The human brain is most outstanding thing.......it functions 24hrs 365 days.....it functions right from the time u r Born ....until you fall in love

3. Man comes home, finds neigbour on top of wife. He rushes out screaming, ' what to do? ' If i hit him on head, it's murder. If i hit him on butt it goes in further!
Reply from: njingalwazi Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:06 AM
Mayandie, unguMamtshonyane kanti?
Reply from: Vesa Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:10 AM
@ Nonny.....

U ya bona ma ime la ku F, kusho ukuthi FINISH and ma i la ku E, kusho ukuthi 
ENOUGH, So thela!

The magogo had no teeth at all, so she put toilet paper and said: "Nazoke mfana wami, I also have amazinyo, so awungenza"......LOL 

The Zulu responds: "I style samasimba......UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" (I want it three times on the grass)
where do u get these funny jokes!!! ROTFLMFAO........
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:17 AM
"where do u get these funny jokes!!! ROTFLMFAO........"
@ Vesa, I get them from chain mails and lokshin boys u know the ones that sit on street corners called: "ophansi komthunzi welanga"........well they tell good jokes.
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:18 AM
Xhosa chick was one day raped and she went to the police to report the case…
A few weeks later she met with the guy who raped her at a Taxi and this is all she could say…

"Uyafunwa wena, utsho ngent'wemnandi nje… " 

i cant get over this one, classic. ha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha aha
Reply from: ayzo neh Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:19 AM
A prostitute was davaz'n with a chinese man.... the lady was enjoy'n the chinese ride. when the guy was get'n more hotter umarhosha wathi  uhuuh! uh! "WATSHOKHONA"  in chinese language "wat cha kon" means "wrong hole".. ha lafa ngumsindo ichina lagibisela uma rhosha ngemali labeselithi "chou chawe" meaning "ur ass is not bad"
Reply from: molibelis Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:23 AM
Penis said to ball, i will take party with me today,balls replied: U Big Fucking liar, u always get inside and leave us outside.
Reply from: Cande Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:30 AM
Good night around the world

HOLLAND: Goeden nagt

AUSTRALIE: Night Mate

USA: Goodnite

DUITSLAND: Sl?fin si w?l

SOUTH AFRICA:

Are the doors locked, are the windows closed?

is the alarm activated?

Is the revolver under the pillow ??

Did you pull in the car and activate the alarm?

Are the Rotweilers on their post?

Sleep tight, don't worry, Eskom will switch off the lights!

Reply from: u4me Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:34 AM
The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,


'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'



Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:35 AM
LMAO @ SA, eish Cande, this "Are the doors locked, are the windows closed? " reminds me of what goodnyt means to me. Eish, crime is hectic lana fo sho!!!!!
Reply from: myname Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:40 AM
Sorry if i duplicate it.............LOL 2 all of u. Guys nisile & wenaPooky ndise dessert sana kuyafiwa luv..................Mandela is enjoying a hearty breakfast - bacon, eggs, coffee, Croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. when Bush, chewing gum, sits next To him and starts a conversation: Bush: "You South Africans eat the whole bread?" Mandela: "Of course." Bush (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don't. In the States, we only Eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle, Re-bake them into croissants and sell them to South Africa." Mandela: "Oh Really?" Bush: "Do you eat jam with the bread?" Mandela: "Of course." Bush (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth): "We don't. In The States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds And leftovers into containers recycle them into jam and sell it to South Africa." Mandela: "Do you have sex in America?" Bush: "Of course we do." Mandela: "And what do you do with the condoms?" Bush: "Throw them away of course." Mandela: "We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, and melt Them down into chewing gum and sell it to America."
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:41 AM
LOL @ u4me
Reply from: Molilo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:42 AM
A man, after making love to his girlfriend got up and dressed, and the

Woman said "Aowa Ga ka rota"

- The man replied- "fotsek" o tla rota ko heno.





Reply from: u4me Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:42 AM
Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom!"

Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.

Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise
because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake !





Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:44 AM
Mandela: "We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, and melt Them down into chewing gum and sell it to America."
That's why Mandela is loved so much, shem ikhehla line sense of humour yazi........LOL
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:46 AM
Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise
because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake !
 
@ u4me - hahahahahah this is too good!!!! ROTF
Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:47 AM
Always tell the truth

One day an eight year old boy heard his friends swearing at each other

'nawe lenja le! futhi masende akho' then after school the boy went
home and asked his father 'Dad yini amasende' Dad replied 'OK Boy it
is nothing but the arms'

The boy was satisfied - The following day the father came from work
and he forgot to bring his boy some sweets so the boy was cross with
his father and he said to his Mum 'Mummy uyabona ubaba namuhla uza nje
ulengise amasende akangiphathele lutho' 
Reply from: Molilo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:47 AM
A man was being chased by a lion in the jungle.
As he gets tired and feels he can't run anymore he stands still and pray

"GOD WOULD YOU PLEASE MAKE THIS LION A CHRISTIAN PLEASE"
As requested God made the lion a Christian. As it reaches him the lion
Kneels down and pray

"THANK YOU LORD FOR PROVIDING THIS MEAL. BLESS AS WE EAT ,IN JESUS’ NAME. AMEN"


FOR THE CHRISTIAN, PRAYER IS A CHALLENGE. PLEASE AS YOU PRAY BE SPECIFIC
ON EXACTLY WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT.

So when you ask God to make you a millionaire don't forget to specify
the currency because you may become a millionaire in

Zim dollars
Reply from: Hlehle Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:55 AM
Nonny yini nindiqeda kangaka noFelfel while knowing that ndiyantshontsha now i was almost caught. Hayi manje i have to bounce.
Reply from: u4me Wednesday, July 30, 2008 08:59 AM
CAN SOMEONE CLARIFY??


1. When dog food is said to be "Now with New and Improved Taste", who

Tastes it?

2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane

crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

3. Why do people say, "You've been working like a dog" when dogs just

Sit around all day?

4. Why some adverts keep saying there is "free gift"? Are gifts ever

Sold?

5. Can you get cornered in a round room?

6. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from

Vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

7. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

8. Why is it called a TV set when it is only one unit?

9. Why do most cars have speedometers that go beyond 120km/h when you

Legally can't go that fast on any SA road?

10. If drinking and driving is not allowed why the hell do they have car

Parking outside a bar?




Reply from: Nonny Wednesday, July 30, 2008 09:03 AM
"Nonny yini nindiqeda kangaka noFelfel while knowing that ndiyantshontsha now i was almost caught. Hayi manje i have to bounce."
Sorry Hlehle gal, anyway, on that note, nami I'm outta here, so I'll cyber see u guys 2moro, cheerio!!!!
Reply from: Molilo Wednesday, July 30, 2008 09:04 AM
OK KIDS TELL ME...

NGWANA WA KGOMO KE ENG?

THE WHOLE CLASS RAISED THEIR HANDS AND SHOUTED MAM , MAM

OK JOHN TELL US THE ANSWER

JOHN ANSWERED LOUDLY> NGWANA WA KGOMO KE KGOMOTSO

TEACHER ASHAMED AND ASKED ANOTHER QUESTION

NGWANA WA PERE KE ENG?

PAUL ANSWERED PROUDLY >NGWANA WA PERE KE PEREKISI

THE INSPECTOR COULD NOT BELIEVE AND LEFT THE SCHOOL IMMEDIATELY .
Reply from: what aka mathata Wednesday, July 30, 2008 09:12 AM
@molilo.you killed me with ,fotsek o tla rota kogeno ,i just picture the dude says those words.

VANDAG TVSA ROCKS THE WORLD
@BS,CAN YOU TELL YOUR BOSS WE WANT OUR OWN TV CHANEL PLS,SABC YA BORA ,TVSA KE BOSS
Reply from: mstick Wednesday, July 30, 2008 09:24 AM
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his
dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts,
worried about what her son has seen.

She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad doing?'

The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and
sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it.'
'Your wasting your time,' said the boy.
'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.
'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
knees and blows it right back up.
Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 09:46 AM
What ladies say after umdavazo with a guy with small totolozi

English

Babes that was fantastic, I love you

Afrikaans

Dit was lekker my skat, jou dinge is bitjie klein, maar dit maak nie sak nie, more ons moet a Viagra kry, neh my moutjie

Zulu

Usuqedile, hay cha lezasalukazi mazingihlola ngeze zisole, ngishuksola ukuthi, hay cha kukhona obeke wahamba lana.

Xhosa

Yhuu hay uyamtya umntu sana, loonto ayikho nalento yakho, ube undonwaya mna, iphi khona ipenti yam, khe ndinxibe ndishiye lo nqompi nqompi wakho, yhuu ha-a undimoshela ixesha.

Reply from: belz Wednesday, July 30, 2008 09:52 AM
LOL @ the afrikaans one and FLMAO @ the xhosa one!!!
Reply from: ayzo neh Wednesday, July 30, 2008 09:58 AM
A hungry Nozicelo from Transkei meets Gezani, a Shangaan man from Mozambique who decides to buy her a plate of UMNQUSHO for R2, 00 in exchange for a screw. Little did Nozicelo know that Gezani had an incredibly huge dick.

As he battles to penetrate her, she cries,

"Khupha! Khupha! Iyo likhuphe shangani ndini, iyhooooooo mama we, ndiyafa apha likhuphe. Ngomnqusho weponti nje qha sendingaze ndikrazuke umnqundu, rha!."
Kusho impondo labantu lizikhalela

Gezani responds, "Thura thura wena Nozbere wami, ukhariswa sihloko kuphera, muzimba wuyeza, wena awazi rutho. Mina ngiza nari Anaconda"


Reply from: andi01 Wednesday, July 30, 2008 10:11 AM
LOL @ ayzo neh
Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, July 30, 2008 10:30 AM
 a xhosa girl is
giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her flat.

She says: ''You come to the front door of the complex where I live neh , and
look for unit 14A.

With your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find a lift on the right.
With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the lift you'll find my flat on the
left. 
With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you.''

The guy says: ''Ok baby that sounds easy to find.
But why must I do everything with my elbow huh???"

Girl says "Yehake, tyini sana  you're not coming empty-handed kaloku?  
Reply from: ayzo neh Wednesday, July 30, 2008 10:31 AM
Yhuu hay uyamtya umntu sana, loonto ayikho nalento yakho, ube undonwaya mna, iphi khona ipenti yam, khe ndinxibe ndishiye lo nqompi nqompi wakho, yhuu ha-a undimoshela ixesha. @ Andi01  uyandibulala darly huuuu!!!!!!
Reply from: Toxic Wednesday, July 30, 2008 11:07 AM

'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.' 

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!
Reply from: crazy-dee Wednesday, July 30, 2008 11:16 AM
LOL....
Reply from: mayandie Thursday, July 31, 2008 06:07 AM
Yhu guys all of you nihlangene you have made my day...........
Thank you very much i had a wonderful day ......
Reply from: mstick Thursday, July 31, 2008 06:41 AM
Be careful what you do out there, it will catch up with you lately!!!!!!!


A Sandton woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant

shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute

steal at only R150.00."

"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.

"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in some brothel in

Hillbrow and as a result its language is a touch fruity".

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad

minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot". So saying,

she buys the parrot and takes him home.

Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the

woman. "F**k me, a new brothel and a new madam".

"I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel" scolds the woman trying not to laugh.

A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.

"Un f**king-believable. A new brothel, a new madam, and now two new

prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters..

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes" complain the

girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.

A short while later, the woman's husband Dave comes home.

"In f**king-credible, a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes,

but the same old clients... Howzit', Dave?"

Reply from: Nonny Thursday, July 31, 2008 06:57 AM
"Usuqedile, hay cha lezasalukazi mazingihlola ngeze zisole, ngishuksola ukuthi, hay cha kukhona obeke wahamba lana." 
ahahahah typical of thinake maZulu lana!!!!
Reply from: lhesi Thursday, July 31, 2008 07:12 AM
hey guys @Nonny yo jokes lol....ziyandigqiba lol they very nice en funny
Reply from: felfel Friday, August 01, 2008 08:17 AM
1.Imfama kaloku imana icomplaina qho uba yena ever ephakelwa inyama
encinci. 
Abangaphakelwa idrumstick, mkwepha, hayi sana uthi uyaqhathwa kuba
engaziboni  ezabanye iiplates. Badikwe kokwabo imini ibenye and they decided
umphakela  ifull chicken akhe avale umlomo. Afeele iplate yakhe, thyini! ave
yinkukhu  epheleleyo today, athi "Hayi suka, senindinika inkukhu epheleleyo nje,
inoba  nina nizithe gusha gusha!" 


2. Utishala kaloku wenza irevision eclassini,uyabuza 'Who murdered
Julius Ceaser?' akhonomnye oyaziyo eclassini. Aphume ayokha uswazi
esgangeni,apho afike kukho enyi njubaqa eya droppa out apheskolweni, uyatshaya.
Ubuza kutishala "yhini tishala wacasuka so?" Utishala tells him uba
abantwana do not know who murdered Julius Ceaser. Athi lo "ubashaye tishala,
ungathola ukuthi ngomunye wabo!" 

3. Umalume kaloku kuthwa makathiye amawele kadadewabo since unomdade
esathe pass out after iC-section. xa evuka unurse tells her uba ufumene
amawele,a girl and a boy,umalume ke wasele ebathiya."Oh Bawo engabhadlanga enjalo I wonder ubabhalise uba ngoobani abantwana bam?" Unurse athi the girl umbhale uba nguDenise. "Thyini! inguye wonke,limnandi nje elogama wethu, and then the boy uthe ngubani?" Athi unurse, the boy uthi nguDenephew" 


4. UTerra noLuvuyo bayaphikisana uba lilanga na eliya or yinyanga.
omnye uconvinced uba lilanga omnye uyatsho nenyanga ibakhona noba kusemini. So babuze kuSeth. 'Seth khawuzojonga mfondini,lilanga eliya or
yinyanga?' Athi uSeth,'Hayi madoda sanundisokolisa, ndizakuyazela phi mna?nam ndize ngozophangela eRhawutini, andingo walapha'



Reply from: Nonny Friday, August 01, 2008 08:24 AM
Thanks Felfel, I've been looking for this blog.
Reply from: Cnglemother Friday, August 01, 2008 08:31 AM
felfel uqalile LOL! denephew LOL!
Reply from: Nonny Friday, August 01, 2008 08:35 AM
Who's worse.... the Zulu or Pedi? You be the judge 

ZULU
Judge: "Mr Gasa, tell me exactly what you want me to do for you?"
Gasa: " Your honour, I want you to help me to get rid of this woman!"
Judge: " On which grounds do you wish to divorce Mrs Gasa?"
Gasa: " Sir, I don't care about the grounds, it can be Ellis Park, Kings
Park or the FNB stadium, the only thing I know is that I don't want this
woman. 

MOPEDI
There was this Mopedi working in a farm One day, while busy with his
work...
The farmer came to him with a pair of binoculars and said to him, " Look
through these and see how your friends are busy stealing my sheep"
When looking through the binoculars, he saw his friend stealing the
sheep, and he started to whisper, "Matome! Matome!Chaba ,lekgoa le a go
bona"!
Reply from: andi01 Friday, August 01, 2008 08:35 AM
ROTFLMAOL @Felfel, those joke are hilarious man, I luuuuuvvv that "mfama Joke"
Reply from: andi01 Friday, August 01, 2008 08:37 AM
Hay maan Nonny, tl tl tl tl tl tl, iyhooooooooooooo uyandigqibezela kengoke.
Reply from: Nonny Friday, August 01, 2008 08:40 AM
Dear Lord

Thank you for opening my eyes to realize that there are beautiful women out there. You know God, when I met Nomzi, I thought she was meant for me but I've come to realize that WATER and OIL do not mix. It is true that I like to look at other women but I only do that to appreciate the beauty of nature's creation. But sometimes I just can't resist these women. After all I have my weakness.

Nomzi calls me 'Tata ka Sipho'. I often feel like a pensioner. Other women call me Darling, Sweetie, Dear, then I feel young, energetic and moja.

She likes complaining and nagging and she is always too tired to go out with me. Every weekend she goes to attend so and so 's funeral and go straight to society or umgalelo. Women outside are wild, grooving and can do a thorough job when it comes to Huuuuuuuu.

Another problem with Nomzi, dear Lord is she is good at spending my hard earned money. When we talk about budget she is referring to my salary. Her salary is her secret and its confidential. She has appointed herself my minister of finance but my economy is not improving.

Her family comes first in everything. When I bought my mother a jersey during this chilling winter, she complained that I know our financial problems but I keep giving 'People' our money. When she bought her mother a pair of boots, jacket, blanket and a heater, she said that I know her mother is struggling. (Uyasokola). I visit my parents once in a lifetime but her family needs her.

God, I met her at a party. But these days she wants to remain indoors.
No friends should visit us without appointments. I must sit and watch the Bold and Days and later its Generations or Muvhango.
Kodwa nawe Nkosi uyayazi ndizithandela inkonzo yase Ziyoni. Nomzi wil niks verstaan nie. Every Sunday she drags me to this Nigerian Christain church. I had to part with R200 as an offering to the Pastor. My church is too boring for her liking.

Heavenly Father you will realize that I have lost some weight. Hayi ke andisayithethi indaba yokutya. Yi rice, zii Corn Flake noo Nandos yonke le mihla. My favourite Mngqusho no Lusu is a thing of the past. She will never allow such nonsense in our Town house. Oh God I yearn for my favourate Heinneken and also Castle Lager – the only beer with a surname. These days I only drink mineral water

So God, as uMjita, I hope you know why I always look at those ladies and wish that I could spend more and more time with them. 

Kha wenze iplan kaloku nawe, sukuthula kangaka Nkosi.
Amen


Reply from: felfel Friday, August 01, 2008 08:40 AM
One day a boy was chilling in the garden when he saw a hen getting
screwed by 4 cocks, that same evening the same chicken was being served
for dinner.
The boy pushed away his plate with a disgust look on his face.... and
said:

Ningibuke kahle mina, angizidli
izifebe .......
Reply from: Nonny Friday, August 01, 2008 08:42 AM
A man gets on a bus and sees a pretty young nun. He sits down next to
her, and pleads with her: "You are so attractive and I must have s*x
with you."
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God."

She stands up, and gets off at the next stop. The man is devastated. The
bus driver, who overheard, turns to the man and says: "I can tell you
how to get to make love with her!"
"Yeah?", says the man.
"Yeah!", say the bus driver.
"She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So
all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that
glowing powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming
to be an Angel.

The man promises to give it a try, and arrives at the cemetery dressed
as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am an Angel ," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about His
face. "God has directed me to make love with you."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself To
anal s*x, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity. The man agrees,
and promptly has his wicked way with her. This was the best s*x he had
ever had.

After finishing , he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he laughed happily."Surprise surprise, I am the man from the
bus!"

"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise I am the bus driver and i am gay!!"
Reply from: felfel Friday, August 01, 2008 08:44 AM
Sleeping Around
Once, there was a man who was upset by his past deeds that he decided to
visit a church and confess all of his sins. When he arrived at the
church, he walked to the confession area and spoke to the pastor.
"Father, I am sinful. "
"Yes son, just tell me what have you done, the Lord will forgive you."

"Father, I have a steady relationship with my girlfriend, it's been 3
years and nothing serious ever happened between us. Yesterday, I visited
her house, nobody was at home except for her sister. We were alone and I
slept with her. "
"That's bad my boy, fortunately you realise your mistake."
"Father, last week I went to her office to look for her, but nobody was
around except for one of her colleagues, so I slept with her too."
"That's not very good of you."

"Father, last month, I went to her uncle's house to look for her, nobody
was around except for her auntie, and I slept with her too."
"Father? ......... Father?" suddenly this guy realised that there was no
response from the Father, he walked over and discovered that the Pastor
was not there.

So he began searching for him.
"Father? Where are you?"
He searched high and low, and finally he found him hiding under the
table behind the piano.
"Father, why are you hiding here?"
"Sorry son, suddenly I remembered there is nobody around here except
me."


Reply from: andi01 Friday, August 01, 2008 08:45 AM
Mentally disturbed patients were flown from Cape Town to Durban, so Lizo,  patient (ezenza cleva), sat infront with the pilot asking all the clever questions. So 30 minutes before they land in Durbs, the pilot instructed Lizo to tell other patients that they need stop making such a noise, he did but as soon as he return, they were shouting again. lizo did this 3 times and on teh forth time he came back and suddenly it was all quite, 10 minutes later:

Pilot: Lizo how did u do it, they are soo quite
Lizo: (smiling) I told them to go and play outside, and they all did, see how quite it is now,

and so all 52 patients died.
Reply from: Nonny Friday, August 01, 2008 08:47 AM
The woman started screaming "Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my Vag*Na!"
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the 
Situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. 
But I have a solution to the problem if you would permit."
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use
whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vag*na. 
The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top
of my pen*s and insert it into your wife's vag*na.
When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my pen*s I shall 
Withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my pen*s out of your
Wife's vag*Na"
The husband nodded and gave his approval.
The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his pen*s with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vag*na.
After a few strokes, the doctor said, "The bee hasn't scented the honey yet.
"Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper.
After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed.
The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and
groan aloud.
The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying
Himself; he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started
making loud noises.
The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and Shouted,

"Now wait a minute! What the hell do you think you're doing?"
The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan I'm gonna Drown the bastard!"
Reply from: andi01 Friday, August 01, 2008 08:49 AM
Ningibuke kahle mina, angizidli izifebe ....... classic.
Reply from: belz Friday, August 01, 2008 08:56 AM
Kha wenze iplan kaloku nawe, sukuthula kangaka Nkosi.> hahahahahahah

Ningibuke kahle mina, angizidli
izifebe
> hihihihihi

After finishing , he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he laughed happily."Surprise surprise, I am the man from the
bus!"

"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise I am the bus driver and i am gay!!"
  ROFL!!!

Reply from: Nonny Friday, August 01, 2008 09:03 AM
So God, as uMjita, I hope you know why I always look at those ladies and wish that I could spend more and more time with them. 
This line is a killer, how can someone say to God, "as uMjita I hope u understand".........LOL
Reply from: Cnglemother Friday, August 01, 2008 09:04 AM

Heavenly Father you will realize that I have lost some weight. Hayi ke andisayithethi indaba yokutya. Yi rice, zii Corn Flake noo Nandos yonke le mihla. My favourite Mngqusho no Lusu is a thing of the past. She will never allow such nonsense in our Town house. Oh God I yearn for my favourate Heinneken and also Castle Lager – the only beer with a surname. These days I only drink mineral water.
tl-tl-tl! poor ndonda yomxhosa! showee!

Reply from: carino Friday, August 01, 2008 09:05 AM
After finishing , he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he laughed happily."Surprise surprise, I am the man from the
bus!"
"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise I am the bus driver and i am gay!!"
 

kwa kwa kwa.. tl tl tl... ROFLTIPAL huuuuwiiii
Reply from: carino Friday, August 01, 2008 09:06 AM
After finishing , he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he laughed happily."Surprise surprise, I am the man from the
bus!"
"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise I am the bus driver and i am gay!!"
 

kwa kwa kwa.. tl tl tl... ROFLTIPAL huuuuwiiii
Reply from: belz Friday, August 01, 2008 09:10 AM
kwa kwa kwa.. tl tl tl... ROFLTIPAL huuuuwiiii >carino what does ROFLTIPAL mean?
Reply from: mstick Friday, August 01, 2008 09:13 AM

ok......i'm going to try and rmbr de joke bt i tnk it goes sumthing lyk ds

3 mentally disturbed man in a clinic, their doctor wanted 2 test and c if dey stll disturbed so he draw a door on de wall and said 2 dem whoever can open dat door will be declared mentally stable........so de 2 guys rushed to de wall and tried opening de door but de one guy jst sat down and smiled so de Doc asked..

 'hey Monna why are u not opening the door' den de man jst smiled and said 'arg those 2 wont be able to open de door cauz i've got the keys'........de Doc declared all 3 patients permanatly mentally disturbed

Reply from: Nonny Friday, August 01, 2008 09:14 AM
carino what does ROFLTIPAL mean?
@ Belz - Rolling On Floor Till I Pee A Little
Reply from: belz Friday, August 01, 2008 09:21 AM
Thx Nonny!!!!
Reply from: Nonny Friday, August 01, 2008 09:22 AM
@ Belz - Rolling On Floor Laughing Till I Pee A Little
Reply from: Brown Shuga Friday, August 01, 2008 09:27 AM
<<<there comes the teacher's reply to Johnny.
Hi johnny I really understand what you are saying but you are still
young, gake batle bana.
Johnny misunderstood the teacher when she says ga a batle bana, Johnny's
reply to the teacher "O TLA PRIVENTA" >>


Kwa kwa kwa kwa
Reply from: Brown Shuga Friday, August 01, 2008 09:28 AM
<<<<Yhuu hay uyamtya umntu sana, loonto ayikho nalento yakho, ube undonwaya mna, iphi khona ipenti yam, khe ndinxibe ndishiye lo nqompi nqompi wakho, yhuu ha-a undimoshela ixesha.>>>
There's this friend of mine whom I can picture saying this ROFL
Reply from: Pooky Friday, August 01, 2008 09:43 AM
There are four blokes in a prison cell together: a zoophile, a sadist, necrophilia and a gay guy. The zoophile sighs and says, "You know, if there was a cat here I'd f#ck it ‘til I pass out." The sadist nods, and sighs, "And once you were done with it, i'd torture it until it died." The necrophilia leans in and agrees, "Oh yeah, and once it was dead I'd f#ck it ‘til I passed out too."

The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "Mmiaow."
 

I nominate this one as  joke of the week...damn thats a good one Nons
Reply from: Nonny Friday, August 01, 2008 09:46 AM
I nominate this one as joke of the week...damn thats a good one Nons
@ Pooky - ahahahah nami till today that joke makes me LMAO coz ngempele ama shims ayazifele ngomdavazo!!!
Reply from: Miss K Friday, August 01, 2008 10:15 AM
Ok this killed me: Ningibuke kahle mina, angizidli
izifebe!
Reply from: Miss K Friday, August 01, 2008 10:17 AM
@Pooky i think its a tie btwn the Mmiaow and le yezifebe! Hay these two jokes made my weekend! Classics!
Reply from: Nonny Monday, August 04, 2008 09:04 AM
Lo Mamezala uxabana noMakoti wakwakhe, kulengxabano

uMamezala wathi:

" Uyabona Themba ngumntanami, awusoze usihlukanise, uthi mina (esho ezishaya isifuba), uphuma la! kimi" (manje usezishaya isisu).

UMakoti ediniwe ukuphikisana noMamezala. "Kulungile phela, waphuma kuwe KODWA manje ungena la kimi, (esho ezishaya ingquza) Qonda into eyodwa, akuphunywa manje, kuyangenwa".
Reply from: Nonny Thursday, August 07, 2008 01:43 AM
In United States of America they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out to different countries for a test.

· USA, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,
· Nigeria, in 10 minutes it caught 6000 thieves,
· India, in 20 minutes it caught 3000 thieves,
· South Africa, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.
. In Swaziland it was never delivered.
Reply from: Nonny Thursday, August 07, 2008 01:45 AM
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
Reply from: mayandie Thursday, August 07, 2008 02:08 AM
Gert bought himself cowboy boots....He went home & wore them then he sat beside his wife smiling....The wife didn't see anything...So he went to the bedroom ,took off his clothes & came back naked wearing only the boots.Now he stood in front of the TV & asked "My dear what do you see?????"
She replied "Yo' d#!k is looking down it was looking down yesterday,last week even a month ago it was facing down"
He said "Dah it is facing down because unlike other people it can see that i'm wearing new boots"
Irritated the wife said "I GUESS I'D BETTER BUY YOU A HAT THEN...."
Reply from: pariri Thursday, August 07, 2008 03:21 AM
Qonda into eyodwa, akuphunywa manje, kuyangenwa
hahahahahaha Nonny u finished me with this one LOL
Reply from: mstick Thursday, August 07, 2008 03:51 AM
In South Africa, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen............LMAO is SA that bad
Reply from: Nonny Thursday, August 07, 2008 03:56 AM
"Qonda into eyodwa, akuphunywa manje, kuyangenwa
hahahahahaha Nonny u finished me with this one LOL"

Nami I love that one!!!
Reply from: mayandie Thursday, August 07, 2008 04:02 AM
Mna ndigqitwa yile.....

There are four blokes in a prison cell together: a zoophile, a sadist, necrophilia and a gay guy. The zoophile sighs and says, "You know, if there was a cat here I'd f#ck it ‘til I pass out." The sadist nods, and sighs, "And once you were done with it, i'd torture it until it died." The necrophilia leans in and agrees, "Oh yeah, and once it was dead I'd f#ck it ‘til I passed out too."

The gay guy, sitting in the corner, very softly says "Mmiaow."
Reply from: awelani Thursday, August 07, 2008 04:17 AM
A guy goes to visit his doctor. Here is the conversation that ensued.

"Don't laugh!" said the patient.


"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," the patient said, and proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't
have been bigger than the size of an AAA battery...

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell
laughing to the floor.. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his
feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came
over me. On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't
happen again. Now ... what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," the patient replied.

The doctor fainted!
Reply from: Sobz Thursday, August 07, 2008 04:52 AM

It couldn't
have been bigger than the size of an AAA battery... 

IYHOOO... @ Awelani

Reply from: zowee Thursday, August 07, 2008 05:01 AM
"It's swollen," the patient replied...i can't help but wonder abt its original size ke ngoku

Reply from: awelani Thursday, August 07, 2008 05:10 AM
LOL @ Zoweee...
Reply from: myname Thursday, August 07, 2008 05:12 AM
Tsotsi's prayer Guys, do Tsotsi's really think God is also there for them? There is a saying that Tsotsi's also pray before they commit any crime or when they are in trouble, how true is that? Check this prayer from this Tsotsi..... I REST MY CASE.......... Eh well thaima elisezulwini Bengicela ukuthi ungibhekele ezimokolweni zami engiziphushayo Ende namajita ami, uwagaye ikraag ukuthi labantu....... Umasibangena... bezwe ngathi Ngiyazi nkulunkulu ukuthi wena awusiyimenemene ,une waar . So ngeke usibhekele phansi njengalezinja zase phalamende. Nawe baba uyazi ukuthi uma uphethe mina ,uphethe inja kasathane enza izinto zenzeke.or kanjani Serious ngicela uzilahlise lezinja zama bhujwa ngoba zona ziyathesha ende futhi azina problem ngenyuku ,umasizibhathula singabi nenkinga. Qhelisa amakgata nama CPF eduze kwethu.Uyazi nkulunkulu sisonke and wena wathi usiza abazisizayo or kanjani Baba ungawari ngiyohlala ngiyinja yakho and futhi uyazi kahle ukuthi mina ngiyayenza into yami noma aboMbeki nalenja uNqakula besivalela ngaphandle angibazondi. Amen sikhokho sami
Reply from: awelani Thursday, August 07, 2008 05:20 AM
Woman says to man after sex: "You are like a cell phone. 
Man replies: "You mean I vibrate a lot. 
Woman replies: "When you enter a tunnel you loose network!"

Woman says to man after sex: "You have a very small guitar". 
Man replies: "Well, I didn't know that I was expected to perform in City Hall"
Reply from: myname Thursday, August 07, 2008 05:25 AM
A Xhosa woman says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Ralphie. All he wants is an@l $ex and my a$$hole is now the size of a 50c piece, when it used to be the size of a 5c piece". Her mother says, "Sylvie, you're married to a multi-millionaire, you live in an eight bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get a R 17,000 monthly allowance, you take six holidays a year, and you're willing to throw it all away for 45c! Sukundigezela apha. Hamb'otyiwa. (Don't be forward .. Go and be F*cked)
Reply from: felfel Friday, August 08, 2008 05:45 AM
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one
day
and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says
"Mommy what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies
"Ummm..... they are making cakes."
The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys
having sex. Again she asks her mother "What are they doing?" And her
mother replies with the same response, "They are making cakes." The
next
day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and Daddy were making
cakes
in the living room last night, eh?" Shocked, the Mother says, "How do
you know?"      (Wait for it............)





She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

Reply from: felfel Friday, August 08, 2008 05:48 AM
Anger management?
Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you
control your anger?"
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush

Losing all your friends
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed .
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends." 


Why bushmens are also called hottentots?

because in the old days the farmers refused to pay them with cash, so they decided to give each bushmen 10 (hot ten tots of brandy) and hence now they are called HotTenTots.

damn the boers.
Reply from: felfel Friday, August 08, 2008 05:50 AM
An old coloured woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish Sandton building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

She turns to the old coloured woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren,@ R580.

Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old coloured woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, @ R620."

About three floors later, the old coloured woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.


Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, farts, then says, ..

"Koo Baked beans .. R4.50 ... footsek!"
Reply from: Nonny Friday, August 08, 2008 05:51 AM
hahahahhaah bring it on Felfel!!!!
Reply from: felfel Friday, August 08, 2008 05:52 AM
Colin came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Colin, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".

Colin was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you've got to send me back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.

We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Colin was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Colin, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Colin

"Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting

Colin, skrik wakker jou dronk vark, jy KAK in die bed!!! (Collin, wake up you drunk pig, you are shitting in bed)
Reply from: pariri Friday, August 08, 2008 06:09 AM
"Losing all your friends
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed .
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends." 
hahahahahahaha felfel this is one of my fav jokes
Reply from: andi01 Friday, August 08, 2008 06:39 AM
Koo Baked beans .. R4.50 ... footsek!" , b classic, i can picture the coloured lady going voetsakkkkkkkkk (in pam andrews voice)
Reply from: andi01 Friday, August 08, 2008 06:42 AM

Colin, skrik wakker jou dronk vark, jy KAK in die bed, ROTFLMAOL

Reply from: Cnglemother Friday, August 08, 2008 06:49 AM

LOL!

Reply from: maud Friday, August 08, 2008 07:31 AM
felfel
the magistrate one is my favourite ,i won a competion on daily sun two years ago with this joke.
Reply from: carino Friday, August 08, 2008 08:06 AM
the magistrate one is my favourite ,i won a competion on daily sun two years ago with this joke

I've just scrolled up & down looking for the magistrate one.. Someone please copy and paste.
Reply from: myname Friday, August 08, 2008 08:16 AM
One day, a woman was travelling home by bus when a man got in and sat down next to her. The woman noticed that the man was slightly drunk. "You are drunk!" said the woman in disgust. "And you, madam, are very ugly!" the man replied unoffended. The woman began to scold the man but he remained silent. At last, the bus reached a bus stop and the woman gathered up her luggage to go. As the bus drew away from the bus stop, the man leant out of the window and shouted: "At least by tomorrow I will be sober but you will still be ugly, voetsek !!!!
Reply from: myname Friday, August 08, 2008 08:21 AM
Indoda yomXhosa isecaweni, inikela intwazana yayo imali engage-R20 ukuba iyokubeka inkongozelo nje mnikelo. Xa ifika esoseni ngelibeka le mali uyise esebeza thatha itshintshi wena maan loo mali ndizakukhwela ngayo, intwazana ngentloni zabantu ingayithathi. Uyise ngobugagu uyaphakama aye esoseni athathe I-R10. Umfundisi anxakame ngelithi wawukhe wambona umntu ethatha itshintshi kwimali yenkongozelo, whowu abanye abantu abosoze balingene izulu. Iphendule indoda yomXhosa imfulathe ukuya esitulweni sayo ngelithi, ngaba seyilelakulo nyoko xoki ndini
Reply from: andi01 Friday, August 08, 2008 08:36 AM
LOL @ Myname, At least by tomorrow I will be sober but you will still be ugly, voetsek !!!! , OUCHHHH

ngaba seyilelakulo nyoko xoki ndini ROTFLMAOL, I dont know but this reminds me of my father in a way, (i dont mic him, i just remembed him)

Reply from: maud Friday, August 08, 2008 08:49 AM
Carino

The magistrate was scolding the accused: 'This is the seventh time in
Three years that you are appearing in front of me! I don't want to see
You in this court anymore, the next time I see you here I give you life
Sentence! What do you have to say, for three years committing the same
Offence and still coming to the same court!


Accused: "Nee Fok your honour, stop releasing your frustration on me!
Jy Kan mos nie vir my blame as jy nie a promotion Kan kry nie! I also
don't want to see you in this court Anymore, the next time I see you
here I lodge the complain of Incompetence, if you were competent you
would have effectively dealt With me and get yourself a promotion. Jy is
dom, for drie jaare in the Same position and still struggling with the
same person"
Reply from: andi01 Friday, August 08, 2008 09:03 AM
@Maud, ROTFLMAOL, classic
Reply from: u4me Friday, August 08, 2008 09:12 AM
GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to
take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

Reply from: Pooky Thursday, August 14, 2008 02:47 AM
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. 

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. 

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.' The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.


She quietly called him over to her.
'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.'
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
'Now take off my socks.'
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt'
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
'Now take off my bra.'

Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'



Reply from: syona Friday, August 29, 2008 02:08 AM
A mother was asking her teenage daughter why and how she got herself
pregnant. The girl replied, "Mama, it waz an accident "

The angry mom says to her daughter, "Zenzi! U mean lokumitha kwakho
yingozi, heh, YINGOZI??? Uthole ipipi lizimele wena walishayisa
ngeSIBUMBU.

Uyanya man!!!! Ungazongihlolela la wena, kwaba ingozi yani?? Kwaba
yingozi yesibumbu nesende heh ?? Isibumbu ne sende zi shayisene???
Nonsense maaan NNX"!

Reply from: suzzy82 Friday, October 31, 2008 15:47 PM
reminded me of this other gogo, she was also with her two grandchildren and the rapist said, for every tooth a person has they will be raped. The magogo had no teeth at all, so she put toilet paper and said: "Nazoke mfana wami, I also have amazinyo, so awungenza"......LOL 

lol,,,lol,,,lol,,kwa kwa kwa kwaaaaaaaaaaa magriza wayefuna ukuzibusisa naye bantu
Reply from: Pooky Friday, January 23, 2009 09:40 AM
i just feel like lauphing today:


3 guys are chilling together listening to some kwaito,

The Zulu guy decided to sing along to one of Thebe's smash hits
"siyabangena'...

Then the Tswana guy joined in and used his language for the chorus, and
said "ra batsena"...

Out of nowhere the Xhosa dude felt left behind and said " siyaba
enterisha"...
Reply from: Pooky Friday, January 23, 2009 09:40 AM
...laughing
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 09:46 AM
Girl sleeps over @ her boyfriend's house, in the morning she asks him to borrow her t-shirt, and he proudly gives her a Sundowns one, she responds:" Uyang'hlanyela ufuna abantu bonke babone ukuthi ngiphuma ukuyodliwa!!

Then he pulled out a PIRATE t-shirt, she goes like: Kodwa ungizwani mara he ! So ufuna abantu bonke babone ukuthi ngidliwa every weekend?"

LASTLY HE PULLED OUT THE CHIEFS T SHIRT ;AND SHE SAID CHA UGULA IMPELA UFUNA BATHI NGIYABANDA NGIDLIWA KANYE NGE SEASON
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 09:47 AM
Out of nowhere the Xhosa dude felt left behind and said " siyaba
enterisha"...

kwa kwa kwa so Xhosarish.
Reply from: andi01 Friday, January 23, 2009 09:50 AM
Out of nowhere the Xhosa dude felt left behind and said " siyaba
enterisha"...
ROTFLMAOL, sithi ke abo, xhosalising everything.
Reply from: Strolicious Friday, January 23, 2009 09:58 AM


A woman from eThekwini, Kwazulu-Natal, is sitting in the bar with two guys beside her.

The first guys say to the barman, "Johnnie Walker. Single." 

And the second blurts

"Jack Daniels. single."

At that, the bartender approaches the lady and asks, "And you ma'am?"

"Ntombizodwa Kubheka, married."



Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 10:02 AM
"Ntombizodwa Kubheka, married." 
kwa kwa kwa kwa
This one was originally said as: "Siyabonga Nomvete.........married"
Reply from: Strolicious Friday, January 23, 2009 10:06 AM
Nonnz did u really had to do dat ungikhiphe ebantwini.............LOL
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 10:16 AM
One day it happened that umama nobaba were sleeping with their 5 year
old daughter in their bed room. Every night the young girl was sleeping
between her parents but surprisingly in the morning when waking up will
be on other side, somebody between the mother and the father will be in
between. This thing kept on going for some time and one day the child
decided to investigate what was happening, what courses her to move
aside.

Then it happened as usual that the child is in between and in the middle
of the night when the parents thought that the child was fast asleep,
the father whispered: ' hey baby NGINGAJOMBA? The mother answered with
a lovely voice whispering in the dark too, yes honey UNGAJOMBA, WOZA
KADE NGILINDILE SENGIJAHILE,

While the father was trying to cross over, the young girl was heard
saying aggressively: ' AKE NJE UMUNTU ANGINYATHELE UZONGITHOLA KAHLE NGOBA ANGAZI UKUTHI KUJONJWA KUYIWAPHI EBUSUKU KANGAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply from: dali Friday, January 23, 2009 10:23 AM

ROTFLMAO. NONNY no u killed me with one 
had to read thoroughly though i struggled undersanding this zulu but it made me laugh

Reply from: dali Friday, January 23, 2009 10:37 AM
where is everybody ?

i knock off @ one ppl lets blogg .
Reply from: awelani Friday, January 23, 2009 10:38 AM
Out of nowhere the Xhosa dude felt left behind and said " siyaba
enterisha"...
.....LMAO!!!!!!!
Reply from: carino Friday, January 23, 2009 10:41 AM
ROFLMAO
Reply from: maud Friday, January 23, 2009 10:42 AM
@Nonny - thats the nice one
Reply from: maud Friday, January 23, 2009 10:45 AM
@mstick- hayi wafaki samende manje- ndizawuxothwa emsebenzini
Reply from: myname Friday, January 23, 2009 10:47 AM
I dont know whether ikhona bt u'll have 2 excuse me if i made that mistake but here is Johnny My Man .......Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development." At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little Girls stay behind for 5 minutes. Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that for tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything that appears rude, Get up and leave the class room" Everybody agreed to this plan. Next day, teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go Ahead Anita" Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk." Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes Koosie!" Koosie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My Daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home" Teacher: "Excellent, thank you Koosie!" At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the teacher asks:"Oh heavens, tell me Johnny what new development is being built near your home." Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel" As all the young ladies got up and proceeded to leave, Little Johnny says, "Hey relax you little prostitutes, it hasn't opened yet!
Reply from: andi01 Friday, January 23, 2009 10:52 AM
"Ntombizodwa Kubheka, married." ROTFLM"HFTN"AOL (rolling on the floor, laughing my "Horny For Trevor Noah"A$$ out loud) -

Andi01 Noah
- Engaged (to Trevor Noah)  LOL
Reply from: myname Friday, January 23, 2009 10:53 AM
PLZ dont kill me its a joke nhe...................President Mbeki meets with Zuma and Julius Malema on the 8 Floor of Luthuli House. Zuma asks Mbeki, "Honourable Former President, why do you treat my supporters so badly? "Well," says Mbeki, "your supporters are STUPID" Zuma frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really stupid?" Mbeki sighs and says. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to do a simple task." Like this. "Julius please go down to the reception on the ground floor and check if Zuma and I are there?" Malema runs off like a puppy to please his master to the ground floor. Returns 7 mins later tired and panting. "No my baas you both are not there Mbeki smiles. "See what I mean" Zuma acknowledges" This silly ass should have used the lift"
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 10:54 AM
Andi01 Noah- Engaged (to Trevor Noah) LOL
Nigga u need Jeezas.
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 10:56 AM
Little Johnny says, "Hey relax you little prostitutes, it hasn't opened yet!
LOL, gotta love Johnny.
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 10:57 AM

DRIVING HYMNS
60KM/H - KUHLE KE MOYA WAMI...

80KM/H - ESANDLENI SOMUSA...

100KM/H - ANNA WAMI NGIBAMBE NGESANDLA...

120KM/H - EDUZE NENKOSI... 

140KM/H - NGINGUMFOKAZI LAPH'EMHLABENI, NGIFUN'IZULU IKHAYA LAMI...

160KM/H - LOMHLABA AWUSILO IKHAYA LAMI...

180KM/H - UMA NGISUKA KUWONA LOMHLABA OMDALA...

200KM/H - NINGAKHALI BAZALWANE BAMI SAHLUKENE UMZUZWANA NJE...

SPEED KILLS
Reply from: andi01 Friday, January 23, 2009 11:02 AM
@ Nonny-Nigga u need Jeezas.- please elaborate nigga LOL
Reply from: andi01 Friday, January 23, 2009 11:03 AM
@ Nonny- I love them hymns
Reply from: ayzo neh Friday, January 23, 2009 11:04 AM
' AKE NJE UMUNTU ANGINYATHELE UZONGITHOLA KAHLE NGOBA ANGAZI UKUTHI KUJONJWA KUYIWAPHI EBUSUKU KANGAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!   Thiza abantwana bayabakhupha abazali emfuthweni!
Reply from: 60 Plus Madala Friday, January 23, 2009 11:09 AM

my G, I will never finish these jokes- I am so LOLoing
And the blog has not been closed yet- u guys r having....congr....!

Reply from: felfel Friday, January 23, 2009 11:17 AM
Classic!!!!...this proves that women have exceeded their level of intelligence...

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly
Father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he
Had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an
Ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die,
And I'll inherit $20 million."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card
And three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
Reply from: maud Friday, January 23, 2009 11:20 AM
A Little Black girl

A stranger was seated next to a little black girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "Since you are a Negro, do you think that So-called President Elect Barak Obama is qualified for the job?" and he smiles.
"OK", she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass -. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss President Barak Obama...when you don't know sh*t?"



Reply from: babetm Friday, January 23, 2009 11:21 AM
ROFLMAO "The Zulu responds: "I style samasimba......UYAHLANYA! NGIKUFUNA KATHATHU OTSHANINI!!" (I want it three times on the grass" u just killed with this one 
Reply from: andi01 Friday, January 23, 2009 11:22 AM
ROTFLM"HFTN"AOL - @ faraimagic
Reply from: felfel Friday, January 23, 2009 11:25 AM


Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?


Answer: Princess Diana's death.



Question: How come?



Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)

followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an African, using Bill Gates's - (an American)technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Pakistani men, and trucked to you by Mexicans 

..and now being read by a person sitting in South Africa who should be

working instead of wasting time like this!



That, my friends, is Globalization.











Reply from: felfel Friday, January 23, 2009 11:26 AM
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes

into her breast. They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your

breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your pe*is is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

Reply from: dali Friday, January 23, 2009 11:26 AM

ROTFLMAO mud u killed me with this one

Reply from: felfel Friday, January 23, 2009 11:27 AM
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his

wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist

appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back

over and taps his wife again.

"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Reply from: felfel Friday, January 23, 2009 11:27 AM
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a

number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he

had terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his pe*is into the

pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to

talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to

overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once

that something was seriously wrong.

"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I

had this tremendous urge to put

my pe*is into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.

"Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle

slicer?"

"Oh...she got fired too."
Reply from: felfel Friday, January 23, 2009 11:28 AM
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the

breakfast table one morning when the wife

says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this

breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a

jaybird fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Whereupon, the

two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples

are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the

other is in your oatmeal."
Reply from: andi01 Friday, January 23, 2009 11:29 AM
A quality Engineer married an average girl
After 2 years of tough life with her, finally the Engineer got angry and sent a note to father-in-law stating that. “your product not meeting my requirements

The smart father in-law replies

warranty expired, manufacturer not responsible”
Reply from: felfel Friday, January 23, 2009 11:31 AM
A young lady matriculant is going to matric dance with his biological
brother because she didn't have a date.
On their way back home after the matric dance her brother says to her:
If I wasn't your brother I'd pull over and park 500m from the road. Pretend
you are not my brother and pull over, she replied!
He pulled over and said" If I wasn't your brother I'd kiss you until you
sweat.
Pretend you are not my brother and kiss me until I sweat, she replied!
He kissed her and said" If I wasn't your brother I'd f...ck you like hell.
She said: pretend you are not my brother and f...ck me like hell.
They made love, enjoying every moment of it and after they finished she
said to her brother: your Dick is as big as Dad
and he replied: That's what Mom always tells me.

Reply from: tshepiso Friday, January 23, 2009 11:36 AM
A quality Engineer married an average Girl.

After 2 years of tough life with her, finally Engineer got angry and sent
a note to Father-in-Law stating that.

"YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS"

The smart father-in-law replies,

"WARRANTY EXPIRED. MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE"

Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 11:38 AM
Thiza abantwana bayabakhupha abazali emfuthweni!
LMAO< ngempela Ayo, that's why these kids need to have their owns room from day1.
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 11:38 AM
Thiza abantwana bayabakhupha abazali emfuthweni!
LMAO< ngempela Ayo, that's why these kids need to have their owns room from day1.
Reply from: myname Friday, January 23, 2009 11:39 AM
your Dick is as big as Dad and he replied: That's what Mom always tells me. ........................Ko Gaaaaaadddd Felfel kuyadliwana moss kule family
Reply from: tshepiso Friday, January 23, 2009 11:42 AM
HOW PROFESSIONAL MEN PROPOSE


Dear Woman,

I am very happy to inform you that I have had feelings for you since
Monday, 4th of January 2008. With reference to the meeting held between
Us on the 9th of January 2008 at 15h00, I would like to present myself as a
prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of
three months and, depending on our compatibility, would be made
permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous
on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes, leading
up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be
shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a
larger share of the expenses. However, I am broad-minded enough to be
taken care of on your expense account.

I request that you kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this
letter, failing which, this offer will be cancelled without further notice and I
shall be considering someone else. I would be happy if you could forward
this letter to your sister or friend if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Your potential Man

Reply from: ms.tebby Friday, January 23, 2009 11:45 AM
Yho!  This one is a true story but always when I think of it I just cannt stop laughing...

There was this man who used to be our neighbor when we were growing up. he was well-off, but not really rich, Back then when cell phones were still the new thing,around 1997-98. he bought 2of them, and then one day he was sitting outside, on the shadow of this house & his wife brought him food (picture this tall, black man with a funny mkhaba infront of him). Sitting on an African chair made of cow skin & wood & a small table next to him for placing the food. He was a true African man with this mean look on his face, never smiled, we were all scared him in our hood)
…back to the story> after the wife placed his food on the table she went back inside to collect hers, this man took out his cell phone & called the landline inside the house. By the time the cell phone connected, the wife was stepping outside of the house to join her husband. on hearing the phone ring she went back inside the house to answer the telephone ;

Wife : Hallo
Caller: (with a deep voice) Hallo, u dihile foroko. Sharp……..and he hung up! Kwa kwa kwa kwa kwa!!!

‘U dihile foroko’ means ‘bring me a fork;..hai hai! Mara why didn’t this man tell the poor wife nicely he wants a fork when he saw her going back inside the house?????   Vo..o.oo..oetseek!!!
Reply from: makgotso Friday, January 23, 2009 11:50 AM
LOL, got yo love Little Johnny
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 11:52 AM
I request that you kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this
letter, failing which, this offer will be cancelled without further notice and I
shall be considering someone else. I would be happy if you could forward
this letter to your sister or friend if you do not wish to take up this offer.
 
WOW, mina I wouldn't mind dating a man who is so upfront.
Reply from: 60 Plus Madala Friday, January 23, 2009 11:54 AM
I request that you kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this
letter, failing which, this offer will be cancelled without further notice and I
shall be considering someone else. 
LOL @ Tsepiso- I love this parapgraph - singaphela ukulindiswa unaphakade......!
I would be happy if you could forward this letter to your sister or friend if you do not wish to take up this offer. 
I would add that- Kindly inform let them know that all referals will still be subjected to a screening test be4 any offers can be persued.
Reply from: tshepiso Friday, January 23, 2009 11:54 AM
Types of salaries
WHICH ONE IS YOURS

1. ONION SALARY YOU GRAB IT,YOU OPEN IT , YOU CRY


2. STORM SALARY YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN IT'S COMING OR GOING


3. MENSTRUAL SALARY IT COMES ONCE A MONTH AND LASTS ONLY 3 DAYS


4. MAGIC SALARY YOU TOUCH IT AND IT DISAPPEARS


I'M SURE THERE IS ONE THAT YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH.


Reply from: tshepiso Friday, January 23, 2009 12:01 PM
NEW JOB TITLES IN THE NEW SOUTH AFRICA in preparation for 2010!!!



Gardener : Landscape Executive and Animal
Nutritionist

House Maid : Family Environment Upkeep Manager

Receptionist : Front Office Manager/Office Access
Control Specialist

Messenger : Business Communications Conveyer

Window Cleaner : Transparent Wall Technician

Temporary Teacher : Associate Tutor

Tealady : Refreshment Overseer

Garbage Collector : Public Sanitation Technician

Watchman/security : Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer


or Wealth
Distribution Prevention Officer

Prostitute : Practical Sexual Relations Officer


Thief : Wealth Distribution Officer

Driver : Automobile Propulsion Specialist


Maid : Domestic Operations Specialist

Employee without Portfolio : Administration Manager

Cook : Food Preparation Officer

Murderer : Population Stabilizer

Orphan : Independent Youngster

Beggar : Financial Gatherer

Cleaner : Hygiene Specialist

Rapist : Senior Practitioner in Sexual
Practices

Do Not Forget

Unemployed : Township Management

Gossiping : Research Management

Reply from: Wawa Friday, January 23, 2009 12:03 PM


A Durbanite drove to Jozi and stopped at a rough nightclub in
Yeoville.
When he came out his car was gone. He rushed back into the bar,
pulled out a gun and fired a shot into the ceiling...

"Who stole my car?" he yelled. No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my wheels aren't back outside
by the time I finished, I'm gonna be forced to do what I did back in
Chatsworth!"

The guy had another beer and his car mysteriously returned. The
bartender followed him out of the bar and said, "Say what happened
in Chatsworth?"

The guy smiled and said "Ekse, I had to walk home..."




Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 12:06 PM
I would add that- Kindly inform let them know that all referals will still be subjected to a screening test be4 any offers can be persued. 
hahahahahha lingawa licoshwe icoshwe inkukhu (that will be the day)
Reply from: tshepiso Friday, January 23, 2009 12:08 PM
A Pedi girl fresh from Polokwane finds a new boyfriend in Jozi. They get
ready for bed ,the guy puts on a Condom, then the girl asked if she can
quickly call her friend:

Chomie !!!, masogana a mo ke ba ba botse bjang ; nna ke ikhweleditje le
leswa le lefresh. Ebile pipi ya gona e sale ka plastikini;

Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 12:16 PM
Husband works at the government mortuary he is talking to his Wife about
his day at work. Husband: Yey namhlanje bengigeza Indoda enepipi
elinensumpa enkulu kanjani!! 
Wife: Hawu baba!!! ungangitsheli ukuthi uShabalala akasekho!!
Reply from: tshepiso Friday, January 23, 2009 12:17 PM
KHWAPHENI'S/NYATSI (SECRET LOVER) CONTRACT.

Read Carefully before signing it .

This agreement shall cover the following rules and principles:

No sleeping over - unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
No meeting in public except for drinks before the events of the evening.
No calls before 21h30 - we don't have anything to talk about.
None of that lovemaking nonsense - only sex allowed.
No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?).
No plans made in advance - that is why You are called a "Backup"
All gifts accepted - money is always good.
No baby talk - however dirty talk is encouraged.
No asking for comparison with former lovers - it's really none of your damn business.
No calling each other "friends with privileges" we are not friends, just sex buddies.
Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.
No extra clothing - I don't want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
No falling asleep right after sex - it's OVER, so get your ass up and go home.
Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it – I DON'T CARE!!
You cannot borrow my car keys for any reason.
If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be "My room mate's Boyfriend"
Doggie style is the preferred position - the reason is LESS EYE CONTACT!
No condoms, no action.
Bring your own drinks - I'm not your LIQUOR store.
No smoking cigarette before sex or after sex – however DAGGA is encouraged.
No phone use, PLEASE - I don't want anyone calling back looking 4 you're ass.
No telling people we are lovers - it reduces my chances of replacing you.

Singed at ________________________ Date____________________

Initials and Surname ________________________________(Fake name is allowed)
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 12:23 PM
Wife and Husband prepare to go to bed.
Wife starts to sing the national anthem: "Nkosi
sikelela".

Husband asks: Why are you singing the National Anthem
during bedtime?

Wife replies: when the people sing the anthem, they stand
up, so I'm hoping something will stand up, sengifile
yindlala!"
Reply from: tshepiso Friday, January 23, 2009 12:25 PM
Wife and Husband prepare to go to bed.
Wife starts to sing the national anthem: "Nkosi sikelela".
Husband asks: Why are you singing the National Anthem during bedtime?
Wife replies: when the people sing the anthem, they stand up, so I'm hoping
something will stand up,
Reply from: dali Friday, January 23, 2009 12:32 PM
en nou????
Reply from: maud Friday, January 23, 2009 12:34 PM
@Wawa- Ooh my god
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 12:35 PM
en nou????
It's clear that people aren't reading, they're just pasting.....LOL
Reply from: dali Friday, January 23, 2009 12:38 PM

LMAO.............. hey nonny

Reply from: Serenity Friday, January 23, 2009 12:39 PM
en nou????
It's clear that people aren't reading, they're just pasting.....LOL

copied from the same ingoje and pasted the same time...LOL
Reply from: dali Friday, January 23, 2009 12:40 PM
ive got too many shangaan jokes does any one understand shangaan???
 id like share my jokes
Reply from: maud Friday, January 23, 2009 12:41 PM
@ Dali -bring it on
Reply from: dali Friday, January 23, 2009 12:42 PM

ingoje................... serenity plz translate.................LOL

Reply from: Serenity Friday, January 23, 2009 12:45 PM
does any one understand shangaan??? 

i do...
i mean half of it....BUT please bring it on...im already LMAO
Reply from: tshepiso Friday, January 23, 2009 12:47 PM
little bit  OFF TOPIC



If your wife/girl gets ready to go shopping. Whilst she is bathing, you decide to check in her purse how much she has taken for the shopping. Upon checking the amount, in another compartment of the purse, you find four unused condoms. You decide not to ask her about the condoms and let her go for her super shopping. On her return, she goes straight for bathing and you check again in her purse while she is bathing. You then find that there are two condoms remaining. What would you do? Would you ask her where the two have gone? If she says she hadn't had any, will you blame yourself for not asking her the first time you found them before leaving for the shopping? If she says she has given them to her friend, would you be satisfied with the answer? Any answer given would you accept and rest the matter? For ladies if u find them in his wallet what will you do?

Advice me please




Reply from: maud Friday, January 23, 2009 12:58 PM
tsho - hayi i am sorry , i need to think for now i dont know, buy why were you checking on her purse. Vele
Reply from: tshepiso Friday, January 23, 2009 12:58 PM
It is NOT about copying,,,,, it happensd when you send at the same time 

check the space
Reply from: andi01 Friday, January 23, 2009 13:01 PM
Chomie !!!, masogana a mo ke ba ba botse bjang ; nna ke ikhweleditje le
leswa le lefresh. Ebile pipi ya gona e sale ka plastikini;
some one please translate.
Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 13:03 PM
? If she says she has given them to her friend, would you be satisfied with the answer? 
Tshepiso, this is a tough one, mina I wouldn't be satisfied with that answer, but atleast I would know that if she is messing around, well then atleast she is using protection.

As for the copying & pasting part, it's ok, we understand.
Reply from: dali Friday, January 23, 2009 13:06 PM
emily na kokwani wa yena va suka va vhakela maxaka ka thomo. loko va fika va fika va nyikiwa swakudya, hi xishangaan lavakulu va ranganga valangha xixevo hikuva ku dyeliwa endyelweni yinwe. hiloko emily o rhanga a teka xixevo kokwani vangase teka. 

loko se va famba va thlelela ekaya vahlangana na tindlela timbiri to hambana. emily a vutisa kokwani wa yena aku: " kokwani hi yihi ndlela yo ya ekaya". hiloko kokwana vaku ka emily: " endla leswi u nga endlisa swona na leka xixevo"



Reply from: Nonny Friday, January 23, 2009 13:11 PM
For ladies if u find them in his wallet what will you do?
Mina vele I don't believe in faithfulness, so I'd be glad that atleast it's not unsafe sex. Coz sex without a condom worries me more than cheating.

Any answer given would you accept and rest the matter? 
What if the response was: "Baby we live in a sick world and so I keep condoms with me, incase I get raped, then I can suggest that we use CD's. Now tonight I have two left instead of three, coz my girlfriend that I was shopping with met up with her man and needed a CD. Mina I love you and I am dissapointed that u don't trust me and the fact that u were checking my belongings behind my back makes me wonder that all these years that we've been together, what do we have if we don't have the basic foundation which is trust"

P.S - U have told ur story so well Tshepiso, I wish u had just created an article, coz bloggers would;ve helped u out. Most bloggers won't even see ur dilema coz they think it's all abt jokes in this blog.
Reply from: Serenity Friday, January 23, 2009 13:15 PM
emily na kokwani wa yena va suka va vhakela maxaka ka thomo. loko va fika va fika va nyikiwa swakudya, hi xishangaan lavakulu va ranganga valangha xixevo hikuva ku dyeliwa endyelweni yinwe. hiloko emily o rhanga a teka xixevo kokwani vangase teka.

loko se va famba va thlelela ekaya vahlangana na tindlela timbiri to hambana. emily a vutisa kokwani wa yena aku: " kokwani hi yihi ndlela yo ya ekaya". hiloko kokwana vaku ka emily: " endla leswi u nga endlisa swona na leka xixevo" 

A what?? 
didnt realise it was difficult to read Shangaan...i missed the entire joke:-(

Reply from: dali Friday, January 23, 2009 13:18 PM
that's shangaan at its bet Serenity u gotta love it. LOL

im out 

peace!
Reply from: dali Friday, January 23, 2009 13:21 PM
meant best
Reply from: Cande Friday, January 23, 2009 13:37 PM
some e-mail i got from a friend...

Why coloureds can't be terrorists: by MARK LOTTERING

- Ons is altyd laat. We would have missed all 4 flights.

- We talk loud and would bring attention to ourselves.

- Met free kos en cooldrink oppie plane, we'll sommer forget why we're there.

- We praat with our hands, so we'll continually be putting the weapons down.

- We would ALL want to fly the freaking plane, ending in a “moerse” fight with each other.

- We'll sommer argue and start a fight in the terminal before we even get on the plane & one of us is bound to say out loud: 'Gaan kak man! Dan hijack jy die foken plane alleen!!'

- Ons kannie 'n secret hou nie. We would have told everyone a week before doing it, telling them: 'Moet vir niemand se nie, ho!'

- We would have insisted that the plane fly past Strandfontein Pavillion.

- We would have all lined up to get our photograph taken by one of the hostages.

- When we enter the cockpit, we would have used the intercom system for a karaoke session, with one doos trying to sing 'I did it my way'.

- We would first rob every one of their Ray-Bans, cellphones and gold teeth, just before we crash the plane.

- Our whole freaking family plus neighbors would have been at the airport to see us off, crying their “bleddie” eyes out, and your mother saying to the white ou next to her: 'I'm so proud of him. It's the first time he's hijacking a plane!'

- We would have dressed like terrorists for our airport go-way clothes: balaclavas, jumpsuits, karate skoentjies, dark glasses, en 'n moerse attitude.

- Two of us would have forgotten our passports at home..

- Three of us would have overweight luggage.

- All of us would have luggage.

- We would have all wanted to watch the in-flight movie first.

- Before we went into action, we would have all queued up at the toilet to first gel our hair.

- We would have taken the plane for a joyride first, played the music at full blast and try to park the plane somewhere where the chicks could see us...
Reply from: kick-s Friday, January 23, 2009 13:38 PM
@ Tshepiso.
Mna i'd be sarcastic and say...'oh honey, in the spirit of shopping, could i kindly have the two leftover condoms in your wallet, am planning on going shopping tomorrow".
Reply from: ms.tebby Friday, January 23, 2009 13:43 PM
hayibo! sweetie my  dali, you gotta translate this....
Reply from: Pooky Friday, January 23, 2009 13:57 PM
copied from the same ingoje and pasted the same time...LOL

wow twice nogal...first with Andie's warranty expire joke and now with Nonny's national anthem joke....wow  amazing  hey LOL
Reply from: Pooky Friday, January 23, 2009 14:04 PM
P.S - U have told ur story so well Tshepiso, I wish u had just created an article, coz bloggers would;ve helped u out. Most bloggers won't even see ur dilema coz they think it's all abt jokes in this blog.

what a cowinkidink coz i received the exact same email from my friend a coupla weeks ago asking the same thing
Reply from: Jael Friday, January 23, 2009 14:23 PM
my ribs are cracked!!!! you guys made my afternooon a whole lot better!!!
Reply from: carino Friday, January 23, 2009 14:37 PM
If your wife/girl gets ready to go shopping. Whilst she is bathing, you decide to check in her purse how much she has taken for the shopping. Upon checking the amount, in another compartment of the purse, you find four unused condoms. You decide not to ask her about the condoms and let her go for her super shopping. On her return, she goes straight for bathing and you check again in her purse while she is bathing. You then find that there are two condoms remaining. What would you do? Would you ask her where the two have gone? If she says she hadn't had any, will you blame yourself for not asking her the first time you found them before leaving for the shopping? If she says she has given them to her friend, would you be satisfied with the answer? Any answer given would you accept and rest the matter? For ladies if u find them in his wallet what will you do?
Advice me please
 


There is NO WAY in heaven this could be Tshepiso's original work....too clean...
Reply from: Jael Friday, January 23, 2009 14:52 PM
Why coloureds can't be terrorists: by MARK LOTTERING
Cande u killed me!!!! - hayibo you guys..........
Reply from: ms.tebby Friday, January 23, 2009 14:55 PM

Jael, i doubt if you have any rib left now, they have been cracking everyday since, kwa kwa kwaaa! ....hi Jael  ***waving & giggling***

Reply from: TheLady Friday, January 23, 2009 14:58 PM
hahaha kick-s 'in the spirit of shopping'
Reply from: andi01 Friday, January 23, 2009 15:03 PM
@ Cande- and we'l have our "tannies" skenering "arg dis is niks, my nephew can hijack a plane all by himself, ek se vir julle.,
Reply from: Cande Friday, January 23, 2009 15:08 PM
LOL @ Andi
Reply from: babetm Friday, January 23, 2009 15:27 PM
linwe duvha nwana ori kha mudededzi wawe ari "khotsi anga vha ya la khandela"
mudededzi ari kha nwana "o vhavhona vha tshi kho u lila  khandela la hone naa?
nwana" hai ndi tou pfa vhusiku vha tshiri kha mme anga vhari ,kha tsime ri dola"

Reply from: Lex Friday, January 23, 2009 16:01 PM
LOL @ Carino
Reply from: cuz-cuz Friday, January 23, 2009 16:07 PM
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' 

Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'

Caller: 'They disappeared.'

Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller: 'Nothing.'

Operator: 'Nothing??'

Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'

Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'


Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'


Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'


Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'

Caller: 'No.'


Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'

Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark??'

Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller: 'I can't.'


Operator: 'No? Why not??'

Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator: 'A power........ A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'


Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Reply from: tshepiso Friday, January 23, 2009 16:19 PM
@ Carino 

Since I started blogging this morning I have never said a word of my own, I've just cut and paste from e-mails 
So, a o na le bothata ausi?

? If she says she has given them to her friend, would you be satisfied with the answer?
Tshepiso, this is a tough one, mina I wouldn't be satisfied with that answer, but atleast I would know that if she is messing around, well then atleast she is using protection
NONNY ,,, the problem is,,,,,,,, If you ask her about the condom that means you do not trust her, Again if you keep quiet you gonna suffer PHAKATHI
Reply from: Jael Friday, January 23, 2009 16:23 PM
hi ms.tebby *waving*

I am finished for teh day - am sure my work mates were wondering what on earth happened today!!!! kwakwakwkwkakwakwkakwkakwka

thanks for the enjoyable and bearable afternoon guys!!!!!!!!!!!!! my eyes are red from crying *sob*sob*
Reply from: Lushi Saturday, January 24, 2009 00:23 AM
 Athi is a 2yr old curious boy. He is always asking about all the nonsense(according to his 6 yr old brother Anda. 
One day 
Athi: What is this bhuti? 
Anda: Yindlebe
Athi:  Lena
Anada:   
Reply from: Lushi Saturday, January 24, 2009 00:31 AM
Athi is a 2yr old curious boy. He is always asking about all the nonsense(according to his 6 yr old brother Anda.
One day
Athi: What is this bhuti?
Anda: Yindlebe
Athi: Lena?
Anda: Yintamo
Athi:   Ezi? (Pointing at the arms)
Anda:  Hay voetsek man ngamasende lawo

Later that day his mother ask Athi to put a glass on the table. Athi responds:
Hayi mna andifiki kutheni ungathumi utata ngoba yena unamasende amade.
Reply from: Lushi Saturday, January 24, 2009 01:13 AM
A Pastor and his wife goes to church. On the way the pastor remembers that he had forgotten his handkechief (sp, I've never spelt this word right) on the line. So he calls the child to bring it. The child found it hanged together with the wife's panty. The child don't notice and take them both. Father also don't notice and put them in his pocket. After the service he is sweating and reach for the pocket. He take out the panty and without looking he lift it up, wipe his face and says:
Shoo ibimnandi into ibilapha!
Reply from: Pooky Monday, January 26, 2009 16:02 PM
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you badly need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better.
You reach your stop and as you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.
Reply from: dali Monday, January 26, 2009 16:10 PM

ROTFLMAO

Reply from: andi01 Monday, January 26, 2009 16:17 PM
@Lushi-Shoo ibimnandi into ibilapha!- priceless
Reply from: JuneRose Tuesday, January 27, 2009 17:09 PM

I had to share this joke. I respect our icons. it just a joke 

LYLO, this is really humorous *

Three men (Mandela, Jacob Zuma, Mbeki) were travelling in a plane and
their plane crashed in a remote island.

The king of the tribe told them that they could live if they pass a
trial.

The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get three pieces
fruits - the best they could get. So all three men went separate ways to
gather fruits.
Mbeki came back and said to the king I brought three apples.
The king then explained the trial to him. You have to shove the fruit up
your as* hole without any expression on your face or you'll be shot
dead.
The first apple went in, but on the second one he winced out in pain, so
he was killed.
Mandela arrived and showed the king three berries. When the king
explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be!
Easy 1......2.....and on the third berry he burst out in laughter and
was killed.
Mbeki and Mandela met in heaven. Mbeki asked, why did you laugh?
You
almost got away with it?
Mandela replied, I couldn't help it, I saw Jacob Zuma coming with 3
watermelons"

Reply from: Pooky Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:01 PM
kinda quiet today neh...okay let me spoil you with a good chukkle(curtersy of mail chain)


Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

Many folks DID hear this on Talk FM yesterday morning. The DJ plays a game where they award really good prizes. The game is called Mate Match.

The DJ calls someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked three random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification.

If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. This is what happened.
(see Part 2)

DJ: "Morning! This is Chris Tarrant on Talk FM.
Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married ?"

Brian: "Yes."

DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name?
First only please."

Brian: "Sarah."

DJ: "Is Sarah at work, Brian?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"

Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian...Question 2 - And how long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Whoo! You really want that trip, don't you mate? No one would ever have said that if this trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice, I work at Longbridge Rover."

DJ: "Okay...we'll try our best for you Bri ~ Final question.

Whereabouts did

you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?"

Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well...er er"

DJ: "This sounds pretty good, Brian. Where was it, in bed, the shower?"

Brian: "No Chris ~ it was on the kitchen table."

DJ: " Brilliant Well done ~ Okay folks, I'm gonna put Brian on hold, while we call up Brian's wife Sarah. You listen to this ~ back in a mo"

[Three minutes of commercials follow.]

DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?"

DJ: <ring, ring> "Hi, is that Sarah?"

Sarah: "Speaking"

DJ: "Morning Sarah, this is Chris Tarrant from Talk FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with your hubbie Brian. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose.

Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

DJ: " Now, I will ask you three questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World Sea World.
Free Golf ~ The whole shooting match.

Got that Sarah?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes ~ sounds great."

DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
Reply from: Pooky Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:04 PM
my joke got cut off
Reply from: BigMama Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:18 PM
Come on Pooky, finish the joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply from: Pooky Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:20 PM
okay i'll repaste
Reply from: Pooky Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:21 PM
Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

Many folks DID hear this on Talk FM yesterday morning. The DJ plays a game where they award really good prizes. The game is called Mate Match.

The DJ calls someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked three random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification.

If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. This is what happened.
(see Part 2)

DJ: "Morning! This is Chris Tarrant on Talk FM.
Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married ?"

Brian: "Yes."

DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name?
First only please."

Brian: "Sarah."

DJ: "Is Sarah at work, Brian?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"

Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian...Question 2 - And how long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Whoo! You really want that trip, don't you mate? No one would ever have said that if this trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice, I work at Longbridge Rover."

DJ: "Okay...we'll try our best for you Bri ~ Final question.

Whereabouts did

you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?"

Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well...er er"

DJ: "This sounds pretty good, Brian. Where was it, in bed, the shower?"

Brian: "No Chris ~ it was on the kitchen table."

DJ: " Brilliant Well done ~ Okay folks, I'm gonna put Brian on hold, while we call up Brian's wife Sarah. You listen to this ~ back in a mo"

[Three minutes of commercials follow.]

DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?"

DJ: <ring, ring> "Hi, is that Sarah?"

Sarah: "Speaking"

DJ: "Morning Sarah, this is Chris Tarrant from Talk FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with your hubbie Brian. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose.

Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

DJ: " Now, I will ask you three questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World Sea World.
Free Golf ~ The whole shooting match.

Got that Sarah?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes ~ sounds great."

DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Probably about 8 o'clock this morning."

Reply from: BigMama Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:25 PM
Is that it Pooky, or you still have to finish it?
Reply from: Pooky Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:27 PM
that's it Bigmama, that's the big finale LOL
Reply from: felfel Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:37 PM
The Genie


A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, 'Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be? The woman did not hesitate. She said, 'I want peace in the Middle East '. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony.

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, 'Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable.'
The woman thought for a minute and said, ' Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, loves me more than his booze, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man.'
The genie let out a SIGH, rolled his eyes and said, 'Let me see the f*cking map again.'

Reply from: felfel Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:38 PM
A fire alarm rang at 4 pm in a large office campus when almost all employees were present ( approx 5,000 people ).

As per past fire-drill practices, the entire office was quickly evacuated within 3 minutes, and all employees gathered outside the complex in designated areas waiting for further announcement.

Before long, the fire drill officer in-charge made the following broadcast over their loud-speakers system :

" My dear colleagues : With sincere regret, I have been asked to announce that for many of you, this will be your last evacuation drill with us. Due to the on-going recession and bad business climate, the company is laying off almost 50% of its staff. So when this announcement finishes, I ask all of you to move back into the building. And if your swipe-card does not work, then it means that you have been laid off, in which case you will not be allowed inside, and all your personal belongings will be couriered to you by tomorrow.

The company is using this innovative, never-before approach as we do not want to choke our email system with lay-off notices and farewell messages going by the thousands, and we also wish to avoid any fighting inside the office and the consequent security issues for all staff.

We hope you have had a rewarding career with us. Now please move back in… and good luck ! "



Reply from: Toxic Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:38 PM

LOL Pooky!

Reply from: Toxic Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:40 PM
And if your swipe-card does not work, then it means that you have been laid off, 

buahahahahahahaha!!!!
Reply from: Renegade Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:44 PM
Hau Pooky, you know it doens't end there. Finish the joke for the other children...
Reply from: Pooky Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:47 PM
LOL Renegade, the bum IS the big finale
Reply from: belz Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:55 PM
ROFLMAO felfel!!!!!!
Reply from: Toxic Tuesday, March 17, 2009 14:55 PM
ehheheehh Pooky, you should have said : AND THE HOST FAINTED.

That's how most SA jokes end!
Reply from: Pooky Tuesday, March 17, 2009 15:03 PM
...AND THE HOST FAINTED.... right after he announced the ad break



LOL  shu dankie Tox
Reply from: maud Monday, May 11, 2009 15:56 PM
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.

Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex," she said.

The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
Reply from: felfel Monday, May 11, 2009 16:05 PM
Little child's prayer:
Dear Lord, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in daddy's computer ...... Amen! 



Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their
faces. Along with them comes a police inspector to find out how they died.

"First body: Frenchman, 60. Died of heart failure while making love to his
mistress. Hence, the enormous smile, Inspector," says the Coroner.


"Second body: Scotsman, 25. Won a thousand pounds on the lottery.
Spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning. Hence the smile."

The Inspector asks, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the Coroner, "this is the most unusual one.

Sipho, a street sweeper from Soweto , 30. Struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

Thought he was having his picture taken."

Reply from: maud Monday, May 11, 2009 16:05 PM
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday, and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each
boy just shrugged and went to the two different parts of the building.

As each sat down, they read the first question.

"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."

At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued.

"For 95 points, tell me which tire it was"...
Reply from: dali Monday, May 11, 2009 16:13 PM
LMAO maud datz a gud 1!
Reply from: maud Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:19 AM
A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.
He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick
Reply from: maud Tuesday, June 02, 2009 14:17 PM
Church Requirements
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"

"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

Reply from: mstick Tuesday, June 02, 2009 14:29 PM


One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to
> kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a
> Little h**** with an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against

> The wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a b
> *** job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see
> us!" "Oh come on!
> Who's going to see us at this hour?" He asks grinning at her. "No,
> Please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody

> around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh
> please, please, I love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you
> too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?"
> "No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you..." Out of the blue, the light

> On the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas,
> Hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead

> And give him a b *** job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she
> can come down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to take
> his hand off the intercom!"

Reply from: Pooky Wednesday, June 03, 2009 14:00 PM
YEAH!!!!!! kwakukho omnye umzi ke ekwakuthukwa gqitha kuwo 
sebeyiqhelile.kwabona nje sebebizana ngeminqundu,omisunu ndibalani 
na!!!!!..
Hayike umama wakhona wacawa yena ngoku kule cawa yakhe 

kufuneke kuze umfundisi.........hayke weza ngenye imini......phambi 

kokuba ezile umama loo uye wayala abantwana ukuba bangathuki ngoba uyeza  umfundisi......kwavunyelwana ke.

Umama"yenzani into yokuphunga nina" wayenza ke lomntana .wayigalela kwi
coffee mugs wabeka nesosi wayisa.... 
hayke xa ebenikeza caba umfundisi
akayithathi isosi lee nanko ke umsila uphushuruka

........"kutheni  ungayithathi nje isosi?"

hay wena mntanam yiyeke ngoba ayo cup lee yi
cofee mug...."okaaay iyaku tshisa khehle unye itea lee umuncu nje"
yhoooo wothuka lamama waphendula 

"yewena msunwakho masende kayihlo
nditheni ngokuthuka mqundu...

wamangaliseka umfundisi nanko naye ephendula...... rha kuse kunyeni
kwalapha kulomzi THIXO WAM NDIXOLELE
NAWE NGEKE UNYAMEZELE UKUNYA ENDIKUKO..............
Reply from: blade Thursday, July 16, 2009 12:14 PM

During the begining of 1900 the was a fight between Zulus and Boers,Zulu were using spears as weapons of destruction while whites were using guns.Zulu warriors were tough and brave except two cowards Dlamini and Khumalo the only thing they did was to hide behind caves and watch.  AND ONE DAY

Dlamini " Khumalo hayi khona labafana bakithi abahlakaniphile, ababoni lenduku yamaBhunu iyabaqeda?"
Khumalo "ntsizwa yakithi masihlale la na thina singazishayisi ngamabhunu"
Dlamini "Bheka lelaBhunu liwise induku yalo "  bahamba ke bayothatha laGun iwiswe lelaBhulu.

Dlamini "khumalo phatha le nduku uyibambe la nala mina ngifuna ukubheka ukuthi lelitye(bullet) liphuma kuphi"
Khumalo "yebo"
Dlamini "dontsa la kancane malizophuma lelitye ngizokuthi yima, uyezwa?"
Khumalo "Yebo kodwa mfowethu lelitye lizikubulala"
dlamini "yeka uba ligwala la khipha lelitye wena"
Khumalo "liyeza?"
Dlamini "hayi phinda udontse kancane"
Khumalo "oho"
Dlamini 'yima kancane ingathi liyeza. atsho esondeza igun esweni kuba ufuna ukubona ukuthi ibullet iphuma kuphi Hayi Ntsizwa angiboni lutho mina phinda udontse."
uthe uKhumalo esadontsa yaphuma Intlavu yamshaya esweni uDlamini wafa.
Khumalo "bengishilo ukuthi lento iphuma la izokushaya bheka manje ufile"

Reply from: Gudthingz Monday, May 10, 2010 15:15 PM
A White Lawyer and a Xhosa guy are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The
White lawyer is thinking that Xhosas are so dumb that he could get one over on
them easy...

So the white lawyer asks if the Xhosa would like to play a fun game.

The Xhosa is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines
and tries to catch a few winks. The white lawyer persists, and says that the
game is really, really a lot of fun.

"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only
R 5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you R
500," the white lawyer says.

This catches the Xhosa's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees
to play the game.

The white lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth
to the Moon?'

The Xhosa doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a
five-rand coin, and hands it to the white lawyer.

Now, it's the Xhosa's turn. He asks the white lawyer, 'What goes up a hill
with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The white lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on
the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no
avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the
Xhosa guy and hands him R 500. The Xhosa pockets the R 500 and goes right
back to sleep.

The white lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Xhosa guy up
and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down
with four?'

The Xhosa reaches in his pocket, hands the white lawyer R 5 and goes back to
sleep.


Don't mess with Xhosas! LoL



Reply from: Gudthingz Monday, May 10, 2010 15:17 PM
The conversation between Nurse and
Sipho (Mental Patient)
Sipho: Heyi ndikhumbule ekhaya ngoku Nurse

Nurse: Hayi bo sowubakhumbulile na?
Sipho: Ewe tyhini ndikhumbule umntu wam.
Nurse: Kanti uyadyola nawe Sipho?
Sipho: Undithatha kanjani kanti Nurse, ewe ndiyadyola. undijongela phantsi tana.
Nurse: Uxolo Sipho bendingaqondanga uba ndizokwephula umphefumlo. Khawutsho ke bhuti ukhumbule ntoni ngomntu wakho?

Sipho: Xa siphuma ama out sibethwa ngumoya.
Nurse: Ukhumbule lo nto qha( uyahleka)
Sipho: Hayi naxa eye ekhaya( encuma)
Nurse: Nenzeni?
Sipho: Ndimse ekamereni yam.

Nurse: and then?

Sipho: Siphuzane. uyazi nawe
Nurse: Qhubeka
Sipho: Ndimkhulule i panty.

Nurse: and then?
Sipho: (ehleka kakhulu unkabi) Ndiyithathe ndiyithwale entloko. Ndibaleke nayo

andileqe.

Nurse: FUTSEKKK......UNGAPHINDI UNDIBALISELE IINDABA ZAKHO. KANTI AWUNA NGQONDO NYHANI KANTI. NXXXX.







Reply from: DILASKOVICH Saturday, July 17, 2010 08:28 AM
Bubba dies in a fire and his body is pretty badly burned. The morgue sends for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, to identify the body.Daryl arrives first, and when the mortician pulls back the sheet, Daryl says, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over."The mortician rolls him over, and Daryl says, "Nope, ain't Bubba."The mortician thinks this is strange. Then he brings Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer takes a look at the face and says, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."The mortician rolls him over and Gomer says, "No, it ain't Bubba."The mortician asks, "How can you tell?"Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two a**holes.""What? He had two a**holes?!" exclaims the mortician."Yup, every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two a**holes.'"
Reply from: titidi Saturday, July 17, 2010 11:18 AM
A child asked his mother; Mama uSecretary kukutya okunjani?

Why do you ask child, asked the mother.

Child: Ndive uTata exelel'uTanci ukuba utye uSecretary Friday & yho engesemnandi.

Ndingamtya nam Mama? Ngob'uthe uzakumphinda ngomso.

Andifuni amgqibe ndingekamtyi nam.* GPY*

Reply from: DILASKOVICH Sunday, July 18, 2010 05:15 AM
A guy buys his first motorcycle. The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting.A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house. Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break. After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word.Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her. Silence. Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table.Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance. The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket."OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
Reply from: Floh Sunday, July 18, 2010 09:15 AM
Joke yaka Jokovich ayisho khona.
Reply from: kautaemily Tuesday, August 17, 2010 14:18 PM
Sunday School Lesson Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and Janice fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, Janice didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!" ... the teacher fainted!
Reply from: moshiks Thursday, February 10, 2011 07:41 AM
Short Jabu and his parents moved from KZN to Limpopo, peter asks his friends: hands ka sepedi ke eng. Matome: ke marete Jabu. Jabu askd again: eyes ka sepedi ke eng! Maisela: ke dinnyana Jabu. Jabu went to school and his teacher asks him go phumula chalk board, eish bothata ba Jabu ke go se fihlille ko godimo are: Mistress marete aka ga a fihlelle, and mistress started to lough knowing gore ke matome le maisela. Mistress: Jabu look at me in the eyes, peter said u mean.....
Reply from: moshiks Thursday, February 10, 2011 07:41 AM
Short Jabu and his parents moved from KZN to Limpopo, peter asks his friends: hands ka sepedi ke eng. Matome: ke marete Jabu. Jabu askd again: eyes ka sepedi ke eng! Maisela: ke dinnyana Jabu. Jabu went to school and his teacher asks him go phumula chalk board, eish bothata ba Jabu ke go se fihlille ko godimo are: Mistress marete aka ga a fihlelle, and mistress started to lough knowing gore ke matome le maisela. Mistress: Jabu look at me in the eyes, peter said u mean.....
Reply from: mighty Bea Thursday, July 05, 2012 19:41 PM
 



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