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Debora Patta's Sex Addiction Story

Written by makisto from the blog Frankly Speaking on 28 Jul 2010
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It's a world not many are aware of. It is called living double lives. Sex therapists try to make sense of how punani addicts just simply can't get enough. Debora Patta is on the matter and documents sex addicts' confessions and acts of their sexual escapades. Nothing gets past Debora Patta, sex addicts have nowhere to hide and Makisto scrutinises the matter.

Ms Patta

Debora Patta takes a journey in the minds of sex addicts

Wikipedia defines sexual addiction as the phenomenon in which individuals report being unable to manage their sexual behaviour. Medicinet.com says the term "sexual addiction" is used to describe the behaviour of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict's thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships.

When I tuned in, the show had just started. There was a man called Frank* and he detailed how he would go out and sleep with women and even go as far as sleeping with prostitutes simply because he couldn't get enough. Watching porn sites at work was an integral part of his sexual activities. His wife described the shock she was in after learning of what her "loving" husband has been up to when he leaves the house and turns into his alter ego - the one who loves sex so much! For her, nothing could compare to the shock and perhaps even doubted herself worth as a woman. After engaging in his sexual escapdes, Frank would over-compensate by playing the role of a loving, caring and romantic husband. He would help her clean the house, buy her flowers, cards, surprise candle-lit romantic dinners and all the works. They were the envy of most couples who knew them and every woman who knew the couple would make a mention of Frank when their husbands aren't being romantic enough. Frank is now is a sexual therapy and for is "trying to limit his use of porn sites".
Award winning journalist

Debora Patta wins awards for exploring topics that many shy away from

In another sex addict's confession, Douglas*, he would sleep with over 1 000 women a year and he would never use any protection. He didn't care that his wife was carrying their child. He knew he was putting his life, wife and child's lives at high risk of contracting HIV but he couldn't help himself because he wanted it as it is and not covered in rubber. The wife saw sexting (sex sms'es) on his cell phone, confronted him, he denied it but she wanted to hear nothing but the truth as he at least owed her that much. Nothing could have prepared her for the shocking truth that was to follow. He revealed all and the poor wife was left flabbergasted. She was utterly furious that he risked her life and that of their child and now she wants out.
Sex message

Despite the government's messages on condoms, Douglas wants it bare

Sex therapists were interviewed and each gave us a look at what's going on inside the mind of a sex addict. Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalising and justifying their behaviour and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.

Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. Medicenet.com says a person with a sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict's relationships and interfering with his or her work and social life, a sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury.

No where to hide

Now sex addicts have nowhere to hide

Behaviours associated with sexual addiction include:

•Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
•Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
•Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
•Consistent use of pornography
•Unsafe sex
•Phone or computer sex (cybersex)
•Prostitution or use of prostitutes
•Exhibitionism
•Obsessive dating through personal ads
•Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking
•Sexual harassment

Exposing the sexual truth

No sex addict gets past Debora Patta

Sex therapists interviewed on 3rd Degree said: Generally, a person with a sex addiction gains little satisfaction from the sexual activity and forms no emotional bond with his or her sex partners. In addition, the problem of sex addiction often leads to feelings of guilt and shame.

Bloggers also do know of people who are sex addicts. Tizoz says: I know people who do these sorts of things but the sad thing is they are in denial and its sad that this sh*t is destroying them slowly.....

Tididi shares with fellow-bloggers about her (or his) situation: Tell me guys, if u addicted to sex are you having a problem??? Cause I can't get enough.....lol

Zah000 offers empathy: This is a sad reality, coz sexploiters feel like cr*p afterwards. You find that omunye has real underlying issues that they think they can cover up nge-s*x. So we can joke about it and even go as far as judging and labelling them, but at the end of the day, they and God are the only ones that really know the actual truth

*Not their real names

30 Comments

Green.arrow
28 Jul 2010 09:59

Dankie hle makisto..great recap.
I watched last night and i must say hearing the people confess and the people affected share their pain through this was very sad.
But i will come back waaay later to read comments.

tizoz
28 Jul 2010 10:37

Ha ha ha Makisto quoting me....

Yeah this stuff is a lil hectic thinkong about shagging a thousand punani's in 1 year! whew... hayi ustrong ubhuti!

Sad one was that Jane* chick who was so in love, pregnant and engaged only to find that the man is lying cheating bastard who didnt even use protection! WTFK!!! I mean if you have to go as far as asking someone to marry you and you know that you have a problem of sticking your pole everywhere the least you can do is cover that stupid pole! Sies man!

Anyhow Not judging anyone because I am no angel myself I might have completed my fingers a while back counting the number of conquests over the years, but a 1000 a year over 11 years is too much I dont care how much you love umdavazo.....

makisto
28 Jul 2010 10:46

Thank you GA, tell me about it tizoz. Maybe he was also over-compesating by letting the woman know he love her and wanted to prove it by marriage. Yaha ne. Though I watched the show, I still don't know what causes it and googling the causes bared no fruits.

Green.arrow
28 Jul 2010 11:06

Stealing a minute:

Another disturbing thing about the issue is that: Most of this people are victims of child sexual abuse or even sexual abuse in their adult lives. Otherwise, they have been exposed to sexual activities at a young age...think Kirk Frankling who was addicted to pornography. The therapist alluded to the cause and link effect of the two yesterday, and ill try to remember what the explanation was.
Atleast the guys who have come out to say they are addicts have not confessed to satisfying their desires with children...but i wouldnt put put it past them. And if thats was the case, the we are faced with a situation where the same cycle will keep repeating itself for ages.
Just highlighting this bit of information. This is sad man.

I remember the fisrt guy saying that...everytime he did id, he would say this is the last time and he'd even pray that God will remove the addiction or something, too sad man....i used to say the same prayer in high school when i couldnt keep my hands of chalks..eish....

I still think that this celebrities must stop using this as an excuse for their infidelities because some people really do suffer from this and their struggle is being trivialised.

makisto
28 Jul 2010 11:14

Valid points there GA, addiction in general is like that, You keep saying this is the last time I do it and you keep on going back for more and you can't help yourself. Lol @ you and chalks at high school. Lol @tzhavile but Khaphela wants it bare with his wife and because he wants children. Phela he must be 50 now. The clock is ticking. Can you imagine him in hix 60s and having his very 1st born? Besides, Khaphela isn't a sex addict hle.

tizoz
28 Jul 2010 11:20

@ MAkisto: Yaha ne. Though I watched the show, I still don't know what causes it and googling the causes bared no fruits.

Apparently this is caused mostly by how you were raised, if you grew up in a loveless, abusive environment you are more likely to seek gratification by a lot of self service or a lot of NSA fun, the problem that leads to addiction is when one ends up not getting satisfaction from Porn and skomoring then they turn to abomahosha and then strippers as well as all kinds of possible satisfaction they can get themselves into.

makisto
28 Jul 2010 11:33

tizoz that's scary now. Are they really not getting enough from those NSA fun aka one night stands skomoring?
But many people are raised in lots of difficult situations and they turn up fine. I think that's just psychologists looking for causes of everything humans do i.e My dad left mom and she raised us all by herself and as a result, I aim and I am everything that my father wasn't and I don't want to end up being like him because I hate his ways. Knowing what he did makes me determined not to allow my child grow up like I did where your father didn't care about you. Hence I'm dismissing the factor of it having to do with one's upbringing. I think it's all in the mind and somethings even the addicts don't have a clue of what causes it because they pray that they stop but they keep on going back for more skomoring with strangers.

zozoe
28 Jul 2010 11:34

JEE Bannna

mathata
28 Jul 2010 12:12

i did watchit for 10min it wasnt superb for me.....that juice as i expected wasnt there,

i will enjoyed if bitches cameout n tell how they enjoy our hubbys money.

it was good but i endup going to bed.

Sobza
28 Jul 2010 12:32

Hay'shem ngamahenyukazi amadoda lawa bondlala besondlula.

Green.arrow
28 Jul 2010 14:06

all am saying is mahlanya ana needs to be punished for such behaviours! Well Tzhavile, Thats one alternative. condemning people when they themselves are victims of circumstances does not always help...it aggrevates the situation. The other alternative is therapy...so that they canbe enlightened about what they are doing, why they are doing and how they can deal with it. Dr Phil says, you can not effectively deal with the things you havent recognised nor acknowledged.

Makisto...i dont know about you, but nna, for all the misfortunes i was dealt growing up, a father who left, mohlako....etc, i attribute ANYTHING good that came out of me to my mother's GREAT parenting efforts, o katane mmane shem, NOT ONLY THAT, I also credit the other people who also stepped in with other influences that my mother couldnt afford..at school, at church...random encounters with wise people etc...ALL those contributed to the any good thing about me today, i dont think i could have done it with my own power (sometimes i look back and i know i could very well have gone astray...but i was fortunate) .Thats my conviction. And its because of this that i belive that JUST because i was able to come out alryt INSPITE of those early misfortunes, it doesnt meant that everybody else could come out alryt, maybe those who did not make it were just "my highschool biology teacher's love and guidence" away from being getting on the right path and not being broken by their misfortunes, but sadly they ddnt go to my school? etc....Thats why I feel that ATLEAST for the sake of the underlying misfotunes for which most of this people (s*x addicts and what not) were victims, we should empathise. Ofcourse when crimes are commited, they should pay their debt, But untill the root course of the problem is recognised and acknowledged, prison alone may not help....therapy is essential, and I would go as far as empathising with them, but thats me and maybe id even give a little hug were necessary, im that weird....My point: untill we acknowledge the root causes the problem will not be solved, Society cant (and we need to) and neither will the people in question.

XGZGP
28 Jul 2010 14:51

i did watchit for 10min it wasnt superb for me.....that juice as i expected wasnt there,
@ Mathata , I expected more :(
I watched the e-news channel for 5min and went to bed.

How does someone end up sleeping with so many people in one night? it's really shocking. what saddens me is the fact that some of the "addicts' dont use protection. at this day and age??

AkaS
28 Jul 2010 15:07

Thanks Makisto but it wasn't a great show as there was a note stating that there would some sensitive stuff or pictures and sensitive viewers must becareful but nothing was sensitive there and the stories were same old stories nothing interesting and those counsellors or whatever nothing much help that they came up with so I felt asleep in the middle

Tididi shares with fellow-bloggers about her (or his) situation: Tell me guys, if u addicted to sex are you having a problem??? Cause I can't get enough.....lol Yes always there's a problem or unresolved issue that make someone to be like that is just that we take it out in different ways its either in food (when someone eats too much its not because (s)he likes but but instead of facing the problem he resolve it by eating too much or sometimes the person is not aware why is doing that), drinking too much is one of the reason and yes sex addicts. Its always said cause when all these happen you have someone to disclose and understand.

decoupage
28 Jul 2010 15:11

Just curious..... Why is this article called Debra's Sex Addiction Story? why not 3rd Degree instead. Because this title suggests that the story was about Debra.

makisto
28 Jul 2010 15:20

@decoupage That's called playing with semantics. The meaning at first side and the intro on homepage for that matter are very unclear and all is revealed when you read the story. This is a sex addiction story that belongs to Debora Patta, but you can only write like this if you are French. Ever seen on a poster: Isidingo star in ICU!? You immediately ask yourself which one. If you read the full title again, you will realise it is the story that belongs to Debora Patta. Anyway, it will make sense to Debora Patta since she's a journalist and knows all about tweaking. You do this to sell the story lol.

makisto
28 Jul 2010 15:22

Am glad you noticed shem.

makisto
28 Jul 2010 15:25

GA you are a darling wa tseba. Always ever understanding and you choose to understand people's situation rather than jufging them. That's very sweet hle bathong.

Segololo
28 Jul 2010 15:26

ooops! wrong blog... Sorry, Makisto, delete the last reply please

makisto
28 Jul 2010 15:29

lol @Sego, I think this adds fun to this blog or it's your way of inviting me to Big Brother blog. Either, it adds fun of having two TVSA pages open.

Segololo
28 Jul 2010 15:37

lol @ makisto

titidi
28 Jul 2010 15:55

Makisto and AkaS maar kodwa why u using myline.......*joking*

I will come back later ot tomorrow to read yo comments ,

makisto
28 Jul 2010 15:57

I was only quoting what bloggers said ((((((((lols and hides))))))))

blaqueboi
28 Jul 2010 16:03

@decoupage That's called playing with semantics.

lol, Sorry Makisto, I have to agree with Dec that the title is misleading. Semantics should never be confused with embellishments. Semantics are about interpretation and playing with semantics does not involve misleading info.

Yes Debra Patta is associated with the show so the usage of her name to get attention to the title is ok however the story has nothing to do with Debra. By that virtue it means the title is misleading.

Saying "Debra's Car In An Accident" and then saying the statement is semantic because the car belongs to etv is misleading. Now when you say "Isidingo Star In An Accident" then that's a totally different front. That hooks the reader without misleading him hence the question "which one?" is evoked in the reader's mind. "Debra's" marks ownership meaning the story is about Debra not the fact that Debra is only associated with the story.

Let's take the Oprah issue for instance. Her saying she grew up poor is not a lie so when someone finds out that by measure of conventional wealth and poverty equilibrium she lived "relatively normal" to anyone in those circumstances they can not call her a lie for saying the words. Now that's playing on semantics, which means her statement is open to interpretation. However when she gives specific incidents that have never happened to qualify that statement then that makes her statement a lie. Embellishing is a nicer way of lying. :)

In short what I am saying is that the story is not Debra's but 3rd Degree's as Deco puts it. Or even more realistic the story is the "subject's" i.e Frank and his women. Remember the golden rule of journalism: Do not become the story, tell the story. Lol, so in that sense Makisto, take Journalism out of this debate if you and Deco continue to debate your usage of Debra in the title.

blaqueboi
28 Jul 2010 16:09

By the way, I didnt watch the show.

Why is DSTV On Demand not logging 3rd Degree on it's list. Carte Blanche can't be more popular than 3rd Degree as etv probably has more viewers than Mnet. I thought the service was for popular shows and since 3rd Degree is also broadcast on eNews channel shouldn't be given the same platform as Carte Blanche?

Some of us don't have time to watch this show on it's normal slot so it would be nice to watch it anytime we want on DSTV On Demand.

blaqueboi
28 Jul 2010 16:10

By the way, I didn't watch the show.

Why is DSTV On Demand not logging 3rd Degree on its list. Carte Blanche can't be more popular than 3rd Degree as etv probably has more viewers than Mnet. I thought the service was for popular shows and since 3rd Degree is also broadcast on eNews channel shouldn't be given the same platform as Carte Blanche?

Some of us don't have time to watch this show on its normal slot so it would be nice to watch it anytime we want on DSTV On Demand.

makisto
29 Jul 2010 08:38

I hear you Blaque and the embellishment thingie. However, I disagree that the title is misleading. Yes I decorated the title as embellishment suggests however misleading info no, lol. If I said Debora talks about her sex addiction, it would have been very clear that Debora is the one addicted to sex because "about her" puts more emphasasis on stating that the story is about Debora and her sexual life. However, saying Dobra's sex addiction story, it is open to intepretation hence I mention semantics. Yes I am not the story as the is very clear in the text, (((((this may seem harsh, lemme hide)))) I only tell the story and did some research of my own to further enlighten bloggers on the subject matter.
According to the Oxford English dictionary, embellishment "is to make a story more interesting by adding details that are not always true." I don't see what is not true in the title. If you read the title again, you will see that the story is told by Debora Patta and passive voice is highly advised against when writing.

makisto
29 Jul 2010 08:44

Blaque I intend to get DSTV just for eNews channel and nothing else. But I will only go for the R230 one. Does this option have 3rd Degree extra coz if it doesn't I will not be getting the DS then?

GML
29 Jul 2010 08:58

There we go with the Queens language again!

zozoe
29 Jul 2010 10:22

There we go with the Queens language again! kwa kwa kwa kwaaaaaa!!!

khanyi
29 Jul 2010 20:53

@ makisto, the compact does have 3rd degree extra, I subscribe to it when I'm financially embarrassed.

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