This Monday, Penny wa ga Lebyane invited TV drama producer, creative producer and actress Portia Gumede to talk about an issue that many never discuss: Should a single mom date? Who should approve?
What became clear on the show was that every woman deserves to be loved and be happy in a relationship and the fact that you had a failed relationsgip shouldn't deter your hope in love. I will speak from the show's point of view of being a single mom though I'm a guy.
A single mom has to work for her child so she can provide the best she can for her child. Therefore, in her daily interactions she meets men, some players, some charming and handsome, some first timers and they all express interest in this lady.
But, she has a child! How does the guy take it or feel about this? Will he continue loving and dating her? If not, why? Isn't it guys who have children with women then leave them for someone with even more children?
Penny and Portia said that society is quick to forgive if a guy dates a lady who has no child but the guy does and perhaps even has two or three children. But enter the lady with two children, the guy no child at all, the guy's family and society will start disapproving and start all kind of talks. Eventually, whether we like it or not, what people say will at the end, affect our decisions. Why? Because, when people say something, you may at first not consider it but as it continues, you consider what they say. If this guy with no children and the lady with children love each other, why should people interfere?
Another scenario was that if the lady has a child and the guy doesn't, how does the woman balance her amicability with the father of her child without making the new boyfriend jealous. Will the boyfriend understand that the child must see his/her father? Will the child like this new guy? Will the new guy like this child? Will the father understand that he is now only a father to this child and not the child's parent? How will she slowly make the new guy and the child get along.
Portia said, how do you, as a single mom know you have met the right person who will get along with your child? She said look out for these: Does he understand that you cannot meet with him today because you have to attend your child's parents' school meeting? Will he ask how the meeting went? If the child calls you in the middle of the date and needs you at that point in time, does he offer to drive you home? Does he call to ask if the child is well? Portia said it's these kind of things that will make you know if he's the right one or not.
The expert invited said it's even more difficult if you both have children because the children will have to get along so you can have a great relationship.
Back on the society thing, if a lady without a child dates a single father, the father, family and society for that matter, will automatically expect the woman to play a motherly role to this child but if the situation is otherwise, expectations are different.
Why does society create this "unrealistic" situations? Why is it that heavy burdens are placed on women's shoulders when it comes to family and love? Why can't society stop its prejudice?
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